I can only talk properly with people that i feel are lower than me.

[The_Shnitz]

I have some kinda condition, if i have no real interest in getting to know a person i can talk to them easy enough because i feel they accept me...like nerds, i can talk to nerds, but cooler people and hot girls are not so easy to talk to, unless im drunk...whats my problem?

I am a nice guy, and i cant shake it off

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by The_Shnitz
I have some kinda condition, if i have no real interest in getting to know a person i can talk to them easy enough because i feel they accept me...like nerds, i can talk to nerds, but cooler people and hot girls are not so easy to talk to, unless im drunk...whats my problem?

I am a nice guy, and i cant shake it off

You put way too much effort into labeling people. When you do that you end up wasting time comparing yourself to the people you are around.

You need to work on your own self esteem so that you can get along with more people. Stop focusing on who they are and learn who YOU are and put forth an effort to expand yourself.

Consider this, what about women who can't stand talking to 'nice guys' because they feel that they are beneath them? Is it fair? No. Does it make them seem shallow? Yes.

 

[Rondavu]

Stop striving to interact condescendingly. People can surprise you. It's funny how we are all inclined to judge ourselves by our ideals; others, by their actions. You have to believe in people and their ability to be the best they can, even when they consistently don't. Once you start doing that, you'll have no one to talk down to, and be forced to admire everyone for what their potential is. You make a lot of friends this way.

 

[DJ_Dork]

I talk to all kinds of people, do the same. Just avoid those "I'm the greatest in the world" kinda people.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

My attitude is, "There is no one above me and there is no one beneath me!" Judge people solely on their character, words and actions!!

 

[Zircon]

"You need to work on your own self esteem so that you can get along with more people. Stop focusing on who they are and learn who YOU are and put forth an effort to expand yourself."

Very well. But how do you do that?

 

[Zircon]

Originally posted by PuertoRican_Lover
My attitude is, "There is no one above me and there is no one beneath me!" Judge people solely on their character, words and actions!!

so you judge em...and then you don't? hmmm...

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Of course I judge people - but I don't pre-judge without knowing them!! Thats called prejudice. What idiot would let a paedophile baby-sit for his child????

 

[Zircon]

yep you're right...misunderstood you. THe problem is (and it is a big problem for me) is that I have trouble reading people and their intentions. A few years ago I let everyone walk over me, and I got used to it. You lose your point of reference over what you allow someone and what you don't. Sounds stupid, but it really is like that.

Point is, with some ppl in my life I have drawn the line. They are born *******s and I don't want/need to associate with them. But somehow I find something inherently sad about that you know? THe fact that once you've made up your mind, that's it for life. Because once they have broken your trust, why should you ever believe them again?

 

[squirrels]

"Lower". "Higher". All in your head.

We all die the same as the next person.

You can't control other people, but you CAN control how you perceive them. Stop trying to be HIGHER or LOWER than people and just interact. In the end, we're all the same. If they're any kind of person, they understand this too.

 

[willtmail]

I find that I have the same issue as The_Shnitz. I think it's more that when I don't care, i.e. when I'm comfortable around ppl, I can talk to them better.

I think it's the same underlying cause that makes me attractive to girls I'm not attracted to (not necessarily cuz they're ugly - although that is the case sometimes, but for one reason or another). For example, not to get into a debate about the merits of ****y/funny here, but I find that when I'm not attracted to the girl (or when I have slotted myself higher than her in the way The_Shnitz does), I can do ****y/funny damn well. However, unfortunately, when I want to do it to a hottie, I can't.

Does anyone have any practical suggestions to help overcome this? The theory revolves around not placing her on a pedestal, etc., etc. but surely everyone has choked around a hottie. Any concrete advice?

Thanks

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

wiltmall - when you purposely try to be funny or impress someone just because their cute then your whole thinking changes and you try to do things differently because you don't want to mess up, and in your effort not to fail, you change your natural thinking that made you funny in the first place, and because of this you inevitably fail!

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Originally posted by The_Shnitz
I can only talk properly with people that i feel are lower than me.

Stand on a chair and you will be taller than everyone!!!! This should solve your problem.

 

[Befuddled]

i think this is a great thread. I find myself in the same situation as The_Shnitz, and it pisses me off.

It's just an observation of myself. i've noticed, i can talk easily to women when:
1. i 'feel' im on the same level as they are.
2. i 'THINK' there's no chance in hell i have a chance with her.
(common factor: no psychological/mental need to make an impression or score)

funny thing is, at the end of it all, i'm always sure i could have hooked up with them...and ppl around me say so as well. Unfortunately this realization comes a little too late. It's like im myself with these ppl, and just hanging out is cool.

But ive honestly been thinking about this problem lately, and i feel this is what keeps me from being as succesful as i should be with women.

It's probably a reflection on our own insecurities, but i think if i can overcome this hurdle,id be a lot happier.

Anyone with feedback/suggestions, please respond.

Cheers.

 

[balengar]

i think most have/have had this problem

i DEFINITELY HAVE IT, but am getting better.

i am so different in the situations, that I am a total chump (AFC) when around chicks i like, versus chicks that have boyfriends or chicks i dont like.

I must be pretty "pimp" when relaxed / around chicks i dont like, because half of my hookups have been with chicks that currently had boyfriends......weird.

oh well......recognize your weakness(es) and fix it.

 

[G_S]

Some of the coolest people I've ever met appeared to be the nerdiest the first time I met them.

People are like presents, you can't look at them and know what's under the paper.

The need to feel superior to people in order to interact with them is obviously an insecurity issue.

 

[Chemistry]

Well I can talk to HBs easily now... but what I STILL like to do is do some of my talkin indirectly just to set up that convo perfectly

I go a little OTT with some of my social things... so I'm jokin with friends I will bring the big guns out and make sure I incorporate everyone and have them rollin so that she notices me first... she is intrigued

Now it should be THAT much easier to talk to her... think about it she already has respect for you, she see's you're in effect the Alpha male of your group, and she wants to know what the fuss is about...

She's in your control now... with that knowledge you should be that much more confident in chattin to her...

If that doesn't work... grow some balls, lol... just try and think of yourself as a god... now I'm not stupid, I know that there are guys out there who are gonna be better lookin than me, funnier than me, richer than me and the rest... but if you think of yourself as low then you've already set a limit on what she'll think of you cos she will NEVER think of you more than you think of yourself...