Kaziel
New Member
K I dont know where to start but ill try to construct something that might enlighten u guys as to my pathetic situation.
K, I am a 23 year old good looking, very insecure virgin.
The last girl I was with, and god I dont like regretting past mistakes and I should just move on already dumped my ass because I was not risky enough with her...screw that, she was my first girl, and I never had the guts to kiss her nor make any mentions of a relationship, even though she was very interested and also very confused as to why I still hadnt done anything yet. Needless to say, she wanted us to stay friends and I was shattered and realized f course that I should have put the moves on her....I was 18 back then.
I should mention that during high school I was kind of a geek, braces, glasses, zits, unfit, the whol shabang. Then I got lenses, removed my braces, worked out big time. I was kind of changed, but that was only in the outside. I was still, and still am anyways, a wimp at heart.
Anyways, Im not gonna start saying all the chances I've had of getting laid or finally knowing what love is, I never got the chance to experience first hand how bad and how great relationships can be first hand. My friends would tell me how relationshiips are just complications, and Id just observe their relationships with their gfs.
Time went by, and I although I was still rocking a great look, I got into the videogame scene a bit too much. As a matter of fact, I was kind of obsessed, going to the acrades non stop, missing classes just to hone my skills. I got very good, made new friends (albeit geeky like me) and it eventually got me kicked out of college as I lost focus.
What also pisses me off is when i see a girl whom i was not attracted towards, who wanted me, and next thing u know, she gets a guy, and I end up wanting her....this has happened too many times, and I feel its like a slap in the face, a msg telling me how picky and stupid I can get.
But I mean, if im picky and only want a beautiful girl, I feel rather shallow.
Anyways, last year I was studying elsewhere, living in res at the university I was attending. It was a whole different life, and I made out with chicks here and there, but no sex. Nope, girls would get drunk and I could have easily taken advantage of them , but Im not that kind of guy....yet what kind of guy am I. A freakin goody boy? Girls always end up wanting to be friends with me....I know this has been addressed here, but another problem arises, and this completely devasted me.
while I was on res, these new "friends" I had were chill i guess, but they found oddly weird that while they were all getting some and macking chicks left and right, I wasnt doing ****, even though I had better looks than them. No confidence though. Why? Well it doesn help ahving a small ****. And it gets worse, I was taking a leak once, and this new" friend someway somehow got a glimpse at my ****, and chuckled and I just prentended nothing happened.
The following day, another dude, managed to get pic of me while I was peeing and exposed it unto Direct conect to the whole university hub, saying who I was. It was the most miserable of my life, and I had never felt so low....this girl who wanted me stopped talking to me completely, even as i tried to approach her she completely shut me out. and i wasnt even attracted to her, just desperate for some kind of compassion.
Other friends of mine who did not live on res and had not heard about the incident organized a party one time, and I went telling myself I cant isolate myself from everything and just smoke up and drink and think I should off myself cause I have a small wang. That same night, I managed to pick up this drunken chick ( I was drunk too) and she really wanted me to come over at her place, but circumstances were unabling me to do so. And I was also dumb enough to forget not to ****ING invite her at my res.
Anyways, life went on, school finished, and I came back to my city, to my true friends. But they were so disappointed that I hadnt ****ed a chick yet, and as time went by, someof them found me to be too pessmistic and party pooping our encounters.
Some of them drifted away, and rarely call me, and some of them are still by my side. But I never got the guts to tell any of them what happened on res.
I just want to have a positive outlook on life again.
I decided to re-try again, but im just to insecure about what would happen if im with a girl now? I know im gonna be lame in bed, I prob wont even last a minute, the girl will get no pleasure at all.
One of my best friend told me I have to find myself, and to like myself, and then ull be able to instore confidence, but i cant..... I give up to quickly. I have a dreams of paying for a sluts services, **** her, and then just off myself. But I cant , I know im not a complete lost cause, im just a pathetic loser is all.
K, I am a 23 year old good looking, very insecure virgin.
The last girl I was with, and god I dont like regretting past mistakes and I should just move on already dumped my ass because I was not risky enough with her...screw that, she was my first girl, and I never had the guts to kiss her nor make any mentions of a relationship, even though she was very interested and also very confused as to why I still hadnt done anything yet. Needless to say, she wanted us to stay friends and I was shattered and realized f course that I should have put the moves on her....I was 18 back then.
I should mention that during high school I was kind of a geek, braces, glasses, zits, unfit, the whol shabang. Then I got lenses, removed my braces, worked out big time. I was kind of changed, but that was only in the outside. I was still, and still am anyways, a wimp at heart.
Anyways, Im not gonna start saying all the chances I've had of getting laid or finally knowing what love is, I never got the chance to experience first hand how bad and how great relationships can be first hand. My friends would tell me how relationshiips are just complications, and Id just observe their relationships with their gfs.
Time went by, and I although I was still rocking a great look, I got into the videogame scene a bit too much. As a matter of fact, I was kind of obsessed, going to the acrades non stop, missing classes just to hone my skills. I got very good, made new friends (albeit geeky like me) and it eventually got me kicked out of college as I lost focus.
What also pisses me off is when i see a girl whom i was not attracted towards, who wanted me, and next thing u know, she gets a guy, and I end up wanting her....this has happened too many times, and I feel its like a slap in the face, a msg telling me how picky and stupid I can get.
But I mean, if im picky and only want a beautiful girl, I feel rather shallow.
Anyways, last year I was studying elsewhere, living in res at the university I was attending. It was a whole different life, and I made out with chicks here and there, but no sex. Nope, girls would get drunk and I could have easily taken advantage of them , but Im not that kind of guy....yet what kind of guy am I. A freakin goody boy? Girls always end up wanting to be friends with me....I know this has been addressed here, but another problem arises, and this completely devasted me.
while I was on res, these new "friends" I had were chill i guess, but they found oddly weird that while they were all getting some and macking chicks left and right, I wasnt doing ****, even though I had better looks than them. No confidence though. Why? Well it doesn help ahving a small ****. And it gets worse, I was taking a leak once, and this new" friend someway somehow got a glimpse at my ****, and chuckled and I just prentended nothing happened.
The following day, another dude, managed to get pic of me while I was peeing and exposed it unto Direct conect to the whole university hub, saying who I was. It was the most miserable of my life, and I had never felt so low....this girl who wanted me stopped talking to me completely, even as i tried to approach her she completely shut me out. and i wasnt even attracted to her, just desperate for some kind of compassion.
Other friends of mine who did not live on res and had not heard about the incident organized a party one time, and I went telling myself I cant isolate myself from everything and just smoke up and drink and think I should off myself cause I have a small wang. That same night, I managed to pick up this drunken chick ( I was drunk too) and she really wanted me to come over at her place, but circumstances were unabling me to do so. And I was also dumb enough to forget not to ****ING invite her at my res.
Anyways, life went on, school finished, and I came back to my city, to my true friends. But they were so disappointed that I hadnt ****ed a chick yet, and as time went by, someof them found me to be too pessmistic and party pooping our encounters.
Some of them drifted away, and rarely call me, and some of them are still by my side. But I never got the guts to tell any of them what happened on res.
I just want to have a positive outlook on life again.
I decided to re-try again, but im just to insecure about what would happen if im with a girl now? I know im gonna be lame in bed, I prob wont even last a minute, the girl will get no pleasure at all.
One of my best friend told me I have to find myself, and to like myself, and then ull be able to instore confidence, but i cant..... I give up to quickly. I have a dreams of paying for a sluts services, **** her, and then just off myself. But I cant , I know im not a complete lost cause, im just a pathetic loser is all.
