I actually went on a date

[Santos]

I've met two or three girls after my oneitis, nothing happend but I've learned a lot about myself and dating in general while I've been away from this board. I've also been chiseling away my shyness (takes ages). This is my first date actually, although I have been out with two girls in the past, but they were already my girlfriends.


The date:

Well me and my friends went to a club with this girl (she's 17 by the way) about 3 weeks ago. She got my number from a friend, we made plans to go out again, but they fell through. So I get a text message from her yesterday and we start chatting. I say we should go for coffee and we're set. It was in the morning and not the greatest place to go, but I'm happy I actually went on a date. Besides, if she likes me she'll come out with me, right?

She is seeing someone though, for 11 months now. I knew she had a boyfriend when I asked her out. She didn't seem to hesitate at all. And she does complain about him a little, but it's hard to tell what she's thinking (who cares though, right? ).

Anyway we went for coffee and talked for about 2 hours. I take her home and she invites me inside. We talk for another 2 hours and then I gracefully make my exit. It was great though as we do have a lot in common and she's really intelligent and into the same things as me. I even said to myself before the date I should try keep the date an hour long, but the time just flew by.

Things I did wrong:
- Asked her out over a text message.
- Date probably went on too long. (4 hours!)

Things I did right:
- Had great conversation, listened more than I talked. No akward silences.
- If she was *****ing about her boyfriend, I let her carry on. Other wise I changed the subject.
- I was very relaxed and friendly.


I do like this girl, but I know the boyfriend can be a problem. I want to just take it slow, go out with her now and again, but still see other people. She even told her boyfriend that she was going out with me and they got in an argument, but he forgave her.

And her best friend texted her twice during the date to find out how it "went", but we were still on the date.

What do you all think about the situation? I know how girls can sometimes stay with a boyfriend just to be with someone. I think there's some interest here, but not enough yet (frist date!) to get her to be my "girlfriend".

Well, should we go out again next week? She said she'd like to do it again.

Thanks guys!
Santos

 

[OddTech]

Bravo, good job. Looks like you're getting confidence and overcoming your shyness. As for your "future date," you make the call. Remember, you're the MAN. Go whenever you feel like it. Most people on the board will suggest a week, like you said. I say you do it whenever you have time, which could be longer than that.

 

[silverdog]

wow! thats great to hear nice to read positve posts for a change.

 

[sAxyguy83]

I'd just avoid getting too attached to this girl - if she's dating you w/o breaking up w/ her bf, she's not the type to trust w/ your emotions. If you just want a fling, go for it (unless the bf is twice your size w/ an anger management problem...)

 

[IDMeansNothing]

It is interesting that her best friend "interrupted" twice while you were out, to see how it was going.

This means that she did tell her friend that she was going out with you (IL)... AND ... that she will be forced to give the date serious thought (reinforcement) when she finally hooks up with her friend, who will want to know all about the 4 hours.

If she still wants to go out, your in.

 

[Drex]

This sounds more like a LJBF kind of deal. You were on a 4-hour long first date where the girl *****ed about her troubles with her boyfriend AND you didnt even get a kiss out of her? Sounds like you were her emotional punching bag; a 3rd party that she could vent to.

 

[bludb0i]

try to hit on her and see if she will let you if not i would move on because she might jus want you as a friend

 

[Master of the Universe]

Santos,

First of all, CONGRATULATIONS on your first date!

Just to comment on what you did right and wrong - you only did one thing wrong, and it wasn't that you got the date by text messaging (it got the job accomplished, though most guys would suggest the phone for that purpose) and that the date was 4 hours (that's the average length of my dates).

The only thing you did wrong was not escalate things physically, especially when you were back in her place. She set up the environment for you - but you still have to lead.

On the next date, at the very least go for a kiss - more if you feel comfortable doing so. If she kisses you back, then game on - escalate things further physcally. If she acts outraged, then drop her - she was just wasting your time. And if she's a bit hesistant, back off slightly and continue escalating things physically, taking two steps forward and one step backwards until things are heavy.

But most of all - have FUN!

Again, congratulations.

MotU

 

[Jay26]

I don't know dude, sounds almost like your in LJBF's territory to me.

Try something next time and see where you stand, but it's looks kinda very shakey atm IMO. All the same, congrats on these first steps!

 

[Santos]

I think you guys are right about being in LJBF territory, and that I should try to make things more physical. In fact I was planning on inviting her to come to my house to watch a video, and on making some moves if I had the opportunity on the date yesterday, it's just I was hesitant because of the boyfriend.