I’m a woman looking for advice from men. Was I too forward with him?

[Browneyes741]

No way to say for sure, we can only speculate. Here's an idea: he requested video-call to tell you that's inappropriate discussion considering he has a GF, you refused it and he may have taken it as you wasting his time and leading him on with texts.


The fact you were fantasizing about him while you were with you ex...that doesn't speak good of you, so he probably lost respect for you. In this case, why would he feel flattered by a compliment coming from a woman he doesn't respect and probably doesn't find attractive either.

I fantasized while being with my ex because I didn’t felt desired. My ex wouldn’t touch me or kiss me while having sex. I expressed my concerns of not feeling desired to my ex but he never changed. I was miserable back then. I don’t know if he lost respect but I’m only human.

 

[Browneyes741]

Just about any man would be flattered if a woman told him she found him attractive and fantasized about him; regardless if he was attracted to her or not.

Sounds like dude is maladroit and simply does not know how to relate to women. His focus on the why seems like a cope. His anger is absurd, of course I don’t know him and if you know his gf or not. He may think it’s a loyalty test. Ya just never know.

The thing is, I don’t know if I lost his friendship now because of this. Should I just forget about him? Now it feels like I might bother him and prefer to leave him alone. Do you think what I told him was that bad?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

IMHO, men and women cannot "be friends" if one is attracted to the other.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Should I just forget about him? Do you think what I told him was that bad?

Yes. You are a tease. Put out or leave him alone.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

I just wanted to let him know I think he’s hot. He has many qualities I always looked for in a man. I’m usually not too flirty with men but with him I wanted to try it and not have regrets

But why flirt with him if there is no tangible end goal? Like @Dr.Suave so eloquently said: Either put out or leave him alone. As of right now, in his eyes and every man's eye here, you are a tease seeking validation.

PS: Forget about genuine platonic friendships between men and women. 99% of the time one or the other has some level of physical attraction. A genuine friendship between men and women is not realistic, it's going to be conditional. And quite frankly, detrimental for you in your case.

 

[The Duke]

If you want the truth, Judge a woman by her actions, not what she says. This is another example.

Ole brown eye was down to fuhk since day one, and turned on by the fact he had a new girl. Biatches breed more biatches, they always go into heat when they see you with another. She took a shot and got rejected. Her failsafe to protect her ego was "ohh it was just a fantasy". No girl likes being rejected in any form. Everybody knows that.

If we could only hear his side of the story.

You can bet this chic was faking orgasms with her ex and rubbing one out to her secret Romeo. No decent girl would have hit up her secret Romeo knowing he had a chic already.

 

[Fruitbat]

He didn’t kiss me or touch me while having sex. No foreplay. No oral. He didn’t care about pleasing me.

this makes a lot of men feel better I am sure

I was expecting some complicated shyt but if the dude just climbed on and humped, he is indeed terrible in bed.

The guy you are infatuated with is either a weak man who doesn’t understand courtship ritual (and based on your previous partner, perhaps you have found another one like your ex. Try and work out what is attracting you to guys who don’t know how to interact with women. Perhaps your father or brothers were similar, introverted perhaps? Poor communicators? These are just guesses.

the other possibility is, and just brace yourself for this because it’s going to hurt. Is that he doesn’t want you.

When you initiate and get rejected, it hurts. You are should searching for what you did wrong. Welcome to the world of male experience. This is 90% of dating for us.

So let us give you the correct advice we would give a brother in need. As others have said, move on as quickly as you can. That’s all you can do. And work on yourself.

the longer this stays in your mind the more you won’t leave it alone and it will eat you alive.

This is why I came here and 10 years on I’m married with a kid, and happy.

don’t get stuck in this whatever you do. It’s the black pit of death and cold and it consumes souls. Climb out sister.

 

[Browneyes741]

this makes a lot of men feel better I am sure

I was expecting some complicated shyt but if the dude just climbed on and humped, he is indeed terrible in bed.

The guy you are infatuated with is either a weak man who doesn’t understand courtship ritual (and based on your previous partner, perhaps you have found another one like your ex. Try and work out what is attracting you to guys who don’t know how to interact with women. Perhaps your father or brothers were similar, introverted perhaps? Poor communicators? These are just guesses.

the other possibility is, and just brace yourself for this because it’s going to hurt. Is that he doesn’t want you.

When you initiate and get rejected, it hurts. You are should searching for what you did wrong. Welcome to the world of male experience. This is 90% of dating for us.

So let us give you the correct advice we would give a brother in need. As others have said, move on as quickly as you can. That’s all you can do. And work on yourself.

the longer this stays in your mind the more you won’t leave it alone and it will eat you alive.

This is why I came here and 10 years on I’m married with a kid, and happy.

don’t get stuck in this whatever you do. It’s the black pit of death and cold and it consumes souls. Climb out sister.

I really feel like he is indeed similar to my ex. He seems like a prude. Ok, I admit I did bad at confessing that to him since he has a girlfriend but I really thought he was different, like more open minded and that I could talk to him about anything but I guess I was wrong.

 

[Browneyes741]

I really feel like he is indeed similar to my ex. He seems like a prude. Ok, I admit I did bad at confessing that to him since he has a girlfriend but I really thought he was different, like more open minded and that I could talk to him about anything but I guess I was wrong.

I also wanted to add that he’s spiritual so maybe he doesn’t like certain things and wants to be righteous all the time.

 

[Fruitbat]

I also wanted to add that he’s spiritual so maybe he doesn’t like certain things and wants to be righteous all the time.

Bear in mind, in the same way women can’t tell men how to attract them (90% of their advice to men is terrible), we might not be the best positioned to help you.

i don’t know if such forums exist for women, but there might be ones who can help you find happiness. There are female red pill threads on Reddit.

im not telling you to leave. I’m just saying, we aren’t the experts in attracting men.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Bear in mind, in the same way women can’t tell men how to attract them (90% of their advice to men is terrible), we might not be the best positioned to help you.

i don’t know if such forums exist for women, but there might be ones who can help you find happiness. There are female red pill threads on Reddit.

im not telling you to leave. I’m just saying, we aren’t the experts in attracting men.

The guy lives far away and is in an exclusive relationship. This juice is not worth the squeeze.

 

[Atom Smasher]

OP, you have a morality problem. No wonder why he’s completely turned off. You apparently have no problem destroying his relationship. That’s pretty low.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I also wanted to add that he’s spiritual so maybe he doesn’t like certain things and wants to be righteous all the time.

So...if that's the case why would you think he would be good in bed? Those types of guys are usually into terrible boring missionary sex because it's "evil" to want to feel good. High chance he is probably worse than the guy you told him was bad in bed.

 

[Barrister]

OP, you're the woman that makes these suggestions/promises, the guy dumps his GF, you get together, and you get bored of him once you have him after about a month and dump him. Thus making the whole exercise pointless.

Regardless of what you may read on here, at 35, as long as you are an attractive female you have endless opportunities to find men. Do your friend a favor and stop tempting him and go find another man who isn't currently hitched.

 

[jaymbrs]

Stop playing games.

He got mad because you wasted his time. You dangled sex in front of him to get your free validation. You robbed this man of time. Time is precious to men that are actually worth something.

Leave him alone. If you actually wanted to fvck him, you should have been more direct about it and allowed it to happen.

This and only this. Next.
If you like a guy for more than sex, don't use sex to lure him, then pullback. That's just being a ****tease.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Calm down folks. I'm pretty sure the OP is not a woman. The trolls are out in full force lately.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Calm down folks. I'm pretty sure the OP is not a woman. The trolls are out in full force lately.

Probably. It’s fun to see where it goes though.

 

[2Rocky]

Assuming OP is NOT a troll....

What you did was put the guy in an untenable position. You basically told him that you were a threat to his relationship. When he wanted to assess if your attention and intention was worth it through a video chat, you shut him down. You didn't give him a chance to process this new development. Of course he is going to get mad. It's like telling your neighbor he can buy your house but not telling him the price.

What you did was be a tease. You didn't fully commit to your desire.

I had a similar situation with a High School crush. 25 years later she tells me that she was going to ask me if we could "try and make something work" between us when I told her I'd become engaged . But she never did. Instead 20 years later she's divorced and losing her house with her family in shambles. I couldn't shut her out soon enough.

 

[Browneyes741]

OP, you have a morality problem. No wonder why he’s completely turned off. You apparently have no problem destroying his relationship. That’s pretty low.

Did I mention that I wanted to sleep with him or even get with him? I just shared a fantasy with him. Also, he’s the one who started this friendship with me. When we met, he was the one who started talking to me and trying to get to know me, with a girlfriend and everything!! He was messaging me before I shared my fantasy and didn’t stop me while I flirted.

Assuming OP is NOT a troll....

What you did was put the guy in an untenable position. You basically told him that you were a threat to his relationship. When he wanted to assess if your attention and intention was worth it through a video chat, you shut him down. You didn't give him a chance to process this new development. Of course he is going to get mad. It's like telling your neighbor he can buy your house but not telling him the price.

What you did was be a tease. You didn't fully commit to your desire.

I had a similar situation with a High School crush. 25 years later she tells me that she was going to ask me if we could "try and make something work" between us when I told her I'd become engaged . But she never did. Instead 20 years later she's divorced and losing her house with her family in shambles. I couldn't shut her out soon enough.

I get what you’re saying. I swear it wasn’t like that. Since he started messaging me, I felt like I had to be honest and tell him that I desired him in the past because honestly I couldn’t stop flirting with him so it was tempting. When he asked to video chat, I honestly wasn’t ready but since he started to get mad, I told him to please be patient. That someday maybe we could video chat. Then he started getting more mad and just shut me down. If he thinks I was playing, oh well… what can I do? And what was the rush anyway? Couldn’t he wait a little?
everyone here says I don’t have morals but he’s also the one who initiated talking to me and sending me messages. With a girlfriend and everything!

 

[Gamisch]

Did I mention that I wanted to sleep with him or even get with him? I just shared a fantasy with him. Also, he’s the one who started this friendship with me. When we met, he was the one who started talking to me and trying to get to know me, with a girlfriend and everything!! He was messaging me before I shared my fantasy and didn’t stop me while I flirted.

I get what you’re saying. I swear it wasn’t like that. Since he started messaging me, I felt like I had to be honest and tell him that I desired him in the past because honestly I couldn’t stop flirting with him so it was tempting. When he asked to video chat, I honestly wasn’t ready but since he started to get mad, I told him to please be patient. That someday maybe we could video chat. Then he started getting more mad and just shut me down. If he thinks I was playing, oh well… what can I do? And what was the rush anyway? Couldn’t he wait a little?
everyone here says I don’t have morals but he’s also the one who initiated talking to me and sending me messages. With a girlfriend and everything!

This might be a woman...10 members explained ( man's-plained) why he got mad about the video call, yet (s)he makes another post purely from her own POV, not understanding what happened .

So he "starts the friendship" , so it's his fault ? You morally judge him for talking with you, yet you didn't stop him. Imo he's been correct all the way through by not escalating the situation.

And why the hurry? Why the patient is a better question. We men like to solve problems asap.He already felt like you were playing the typical woman's games. Asking for his undivided attention, and yet when he gives it you pull back without giving a clear time and date to talk about it. Not much different from being purposely unclear and being a tease. If he would post about you,I would tell him to RUN from you. You are toxic and willing to ruin his current LTR. Huge red flag. As other said as soon as he gives in to your advances you'll lose interest and dump him.

There's plenty of advice giving for you to form a decent opinion about the situation. Do we need to chew the food for you too now? Amazing how hypocritical women can be.