"Hypergamy" is WAY overblown on this board

[Dash Riprock]

I was initially going to post a reply to the "Do women care about what car you drive??" post but I read so much about "hypergamy" my thoughts warrant a separate post. So as you read, "car" also means expensive material possessions.

This is based on decades of dating experience. And women haven't changed much in 10,000 years or so.

A few things here:

1- Buying an "expensive" car is a BAD investment as are most luxury items. It will drop in value the second you drive it off the lot and continue to drop year after year. Like buying a mutual fund for $50,000 KNOWING it will be worth $25,000 in 3-4 years and continue to lose value, smart huh? Ironically, most people WITH money know this and drive a very moderate vehicle and live moderately too. See #2...

2- Read The Millionaire Next Door or at least the Wiki page for a BIG wake up call: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Millionaire_Next_Door. From the Wiki page: Their findings, that millionaires are disproportionately clustered in middle-class and blue collar neighborhoods and not in more affluent or white-collar communities, came as a surprise to the authors who anticipated the contrary. This still holds true, even more so, today in 2018.

3- Living moderately is the key to happiness in life because you're not so hell bent on keeping up with everyone and everything. Bank your $$, don't spend on things because they make you "look" better. Spend it on experiences; travel, classes, education, etc.

4- ANY woman who judges a man purely by his car is a bad choice for ANY type of relationship; STR, LTR, and certainly marriage. It's actually a good s*hit test for man if he comes across as a moderate earner and has DJ game: if she sticks around----> KEEPER. If your possessions are not good enough for her----> HUGE EJECT.

5) If I read about hypegamy one more time on SS I'm going to throw up. Does it exist? Yes. Do the majority of women abide by it? NO. Quit blaming hypergamy for all your dating failures!! It's like thinking you have pancreatic cancer every time you have a side ache. Most women (80+%) would MUCH RATHER HAVE A MAN THEY **EMOTIONALLY** CONNECT WITH AND RESPECT more so than new granite counter tops or a new tennis bracelet. YOU will get dumped FAR MORE for being a wussy, needy, insecure, lacking confidence, etc., basically a non-DJ, rather than not having enough $$ or not driving a f*ucking Lexus. Enough! The "other" 20% of trash women will never be happy because they will always need MORE S*HIT.

The happiest couples I know live moderately and have a GREAT connection. Read this over and over and over and DEPROGRAM yourself from all the hypergamy bulls*hit.

It depends on your definition of Hypergamy:

If you're defining hypergamy as having more $$, possessions, bigger house ,etc., then you're incorrect in thinking MOST women will dump you for this type of guy, IF you possess DJ game.

If your definition of hypergamy is related more to a man's level confidence and attitude and "way of the DJ," ok, then you are correct. Most women WILL dump you for this "DJ-esque" guy.

Good luck.

~Dash~

 

[sazc]

Hypergamy, the ego saving excuse

 

[sosousage]

why not have both?

YOU will get dumped FAR MORE for being a wussy, needy, insecure, lacking confidence, etc., basically a non-DJ

huh bro thats also hypergamy.

you think hypergamy is ONLY about money and status/education ?


hell nah. your body language, confidence, mind and personality are also part of hypergamy

 

[Dash Riprock]

why not have both?




huh bro thats also hypergamy.

you think hypergamy is ONLY about money and status/education ?


hell nah. your body language, confidence, mind and personality are also part of hypergamy

According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary:

Definition of hypergamy
plural: hypergamies
: marriage into an equal or higher caste or social group

As correctly defined, probably more related to $, class, social standing. Not DJ traits.

My point is "hypergamy" is over-used and mis-used and a main cop-out for failure this site. DJ proteges should be blaming themselves and/or their lack of DJ Game for their shortcomings in dating, not "hypergamy."

I'm far from perfect. I learned the (really) hard way too. BUT, I never once blamed some phantom blanket mindset. I made changes to my game and practiced A LOT, then, I got good. Now, I'm not flawless, but feel like Aaron Rodgers vs the Bears every time I talk to and hit on women.

 

[sosousage]

According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary:

Definition of hypergamy
plural: hypergamies
: marriage into an equal or higher caste or social group

As correctly defined, probably more related to $, class, social standing. Not DJ traits.

okay, so its not there.

 

[RichardTheFrog]

Money would beat that wannabe "alpha" gym rat/tattoo/beard nonsense any day.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Hypergamy as it's used here means women are always attempting to "trade up" in men. That love and committment doesn't exist.

 

[Dash Riprock]

Money would beat that wannabe "alpha" gym rat/tattoo/beard nonsense any day.

Agreed Frog Man. But the gym Neanderthal meathead probably doesn't have DJ skills.

Good to have you back, BTW.

 

[Dash Riprock]

Hypergamy as it's used here means women are always attempting to "trade up" in men. That love and committment doesn't exist.

Which may be true for a minority of women.

But the majority would not trade "solid emotional connection" for $.

 

[RichardTheFrog]

Agreed Frog Man. But the gym Neanderthal meathead probably doesn't have DJ skills.

Good to have you back, BTW.

What exactly are "DJ skills" in your opinion? If you could sum it up without taking too much of your time?

 

[zekko]

Buying an "expensive" car is a BAD investment as are most luxury items.

Good post. We're not far apart in age, so it's no surprise we agree on your points. And I also read The Millionaire Next Door. I also appreciate a more practical vehicle at my age, although I'll admit when I was younger I went through that phase and had a few muscle cars. Now, someone like Jay Leno, who has a passion for old cars, and has more money than he knows what to do with, that's his big hobby and I can see it. He can afford a garage and to keep people on staff to maintain, fix, and restore his cars. So if cars are your passion, that's cool.

I also agree that hypergamy is oversold. Generally, yeah we all want to get the best mate we can get. But a woman is just as likely to dump a guy because she's grown bored with him IMO, than it is because she wants to move up to something better.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Which may be true for a minority of women.

But the majority would not trade "solid emotional connection" for $.

I think hypergamy is true in dating and club life.

 

[Dash Riprock]

What exactly are "DJ skills" in your opinion? If you could sum it up without taking too much of your time?

Main components:

Confidence + (self) Control + (being a) Challenge + Abundance Mindset + IDGAF Attitude = DJ Mindset

 

[R.U.G.]

@Dash Riprock Hypergamy does exist. Yes, a lot has to do with a persons internal well being. However, if you think a woman would not attempt to improve their life or living situation, you are kidding yourself. Where as men, they are usually content when things appear to be going well in life for themselves.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

@Dash Riprock Hypergamy does exist. Yes, a lot has to do with a persons internal well being. However, if you think a woman would not attempt to improve their life or living situation, you are kidding yourself. Where as men, they are usually content when things appear to be going well in life for themselves.

Yea but if her man gives her a good life she's going to jump ship cause another has more money?

 

[Dash Riprock]

@Dash Riprock Hypergamy does exist. Yes, a lot has to do with a persons internal well being. However, if you think a woman would not attempt to improve their life or living situation, you are kidding yourself. Where as men, they are usually content when things appear to be going well in life for themselves.

Agreed, but only if the emotional connection is no longer there. A woman (most) will not automatically jump to another man just because he has a better car, house, $$, whatever. She will weigh what she's leaving behind, her opportunity cost. If the connection with the current man is minimal or worse, yes, then she'll most likely jump. But because women are largely driven by their need to connect and relate, most who have a solid connection with their current man will not jump based on $. Men don't get this. How many times have we read on SS, "I don't know why she left, what I did, etc., etc." It's because she lost attraction and her IL dropped based on what the man was doing or not doing, NOT because someone flashy in a Corvette and Rolex stole her away.

THAT's my point.

 

[R.U.G.]

Yea but if her man gives her a good life she's going to jump ship cause another has more money?

If she's not happy, then yes. Women get unhappy with themselves, and then blame the person closest to them, their significant other. Dr. Jordan Peterson did a lecture on this not too long ago.

 

[R.U.G.]

Agreed, but only if the emotional connection is no longer there. A woman (most) will not automatically jump to another man just because he has a better car, house, $$, whatever. She will weigh what she's leaving behind, her opportunity cost. If the connection with the current man is minimal or worse, yes, then she'll most likely jump. But because women are largely driven by their need to connect and relate, most who have a solid connection with their current man will not jump based on $. Men don't get this. How many times have we read on SS, "I don't know why she left, what I did, etc., etc." It's because she lost attraction and her IL dropped based on what the man was doing or not doing, NOT because someone flashy in a Corvette and Rolex stole her away.

THAT's my point.

Most plan their transition over time. However, some men do get abreast of the situation and act first. Thus, throws her transition out of whack. Women, traditionally, do not make a major move until they have their replacement or backup in place first. Connection or not, a woman can fake the connection with the significant other until her transition is setup so she can jump ship accordingly. I've seen it happen dozens of times to friends and family. It's unfortunate as it doesn't usually get to the root of the woman's problem; herself. Thus, she jumps from relationship to relationship. Now, if it is the man who's the issue, and he doesn't look inside himself and fix or get help for himself, then he will also continue to repeat his mistakes.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

If she's not happy, then yes. Women get unhappy with themselves, and then blame the person closest to them, their significant other. Dr. Jordan Peterson did a lecture on this not too long ago.

Why do they have an issue of being unable to take responsibility for their issues?

 

[R.U.G.]

Why do they have an issue of being unable to take responsibility for their issues?

Men and women rarely take responsibility for their actions. It's never their fault. It's a nature vs nurture argument. Probably due to the fact their their parents didn't want them to suffer or have issues in life, so they protected them from the hard world and responsibility. However, over time, people need to take care of themselves. When they enter the real world without the protections from their parents. Thus, they start blaming others since they've never had to take responsibility for themselves and their actions. Not gender specific.