How wrong is it to be in love?

[(JJ)]

I know my title is gonna get some of you cynics all hot and bothered, but I'm curious.

Background: i've been dating this girl for almost a year. she's like really really cool. she's my equal intellectually (very rare for me lol), she's really pretty, she's pure (something i have a hang-up about, she's done stuff with me, but no one before me (THAT's evident by how little skill she had lol)), and she is so sweet; constantly bringing me little presents and writing me notes and things. we have a great time together every time we hang out. initially, i thought this was merely me being in the infatuation stage, but as the time goes on, i find myself caring about her more and more.

So my question is this... how wrong is it to actually fall in love love with one of my first real squeezes? my parents are high school sweethearts, and they've been married for like 20 years. HER parents are hs sweethearts, and they're still married. what do yall think? how much am i missing out by having this happen this early in my life? no flames i just wanna discuss

 

[f283000]

brother you need to stop worrying so much and just live in the moment. The chances of this turning into a marriage like your parents and grandparents are like getting struck by lightning. Don't put any pressure on yourself or else you are going to bring bad vibes into this.

Enjoy that you are in a good relationship early in life with a nice girl, something many people in this forum didn't get to have until they were a lot older, some still haven't had one, all part of life.

have fun, enjoy it while it lasts and don't think about what may happen but what is going on at the moment. Just do know that love makes you feel in heaven but when it ends you fall down to hell and you will feel worse than s___ for a while.

 

[(JJ)]

hey bud i appreciate the reply. i kinda wish i'd posted this in the discussion forum so it'd get more hits. (hint hint mods )

anyway. i get where you're coming from, but don't misunderstand. I'm not putting pressure on it, nor am I planning on it turning into a marriage like my parents'. having said that, i also was not planning on it lasting this long. i mean, don't get me wrong, I know this forum is full of cool guys. but it seems like the typical guest on sosuave is somewhat a misfit. someone who has had their heart sh*t all over. there are a few exceptions, but i think that the nature of the site brings that type person out of the woodwork. my upbringing has led me to believe that the nuclear family is what works best, with the girl and guy falling in love early on in life, and even saving virginity until the wedding night. i understand these views are slightly naive, but the complete 180 degree turnaround viewpoint that is offered here seems to be just as wrong sometimes.

please don't misinterpret this as a personal shot at any of you guys. i just really want to discuss this because my gf and i are getting to the point where college choices are going to be important and that kinda thing, which is putting a lot of pressure on me, and thoughts like this in my head. and this is a sort of strange thing to just talk about with my real life friends. so lets get to discussing guys!

 

[KontrollerX]

f283000 gave you a pretty good post for you to follow if this is your choice.

The only thing I can add to it is don't do something stupid like my cousin did and get a joint checking account with your girl.

You may reason you don't have any money now and it'd be an alright thing for you to both do together to signify your love and trust for eachother but its not.

Its a stupid move and if either one of you do begin working hard and accumulate any money either one of you (but it will most likely be her) can just go in and clean the joint checking account out without warning or anything if the other person randomly decides the relationship is over.

So yeah go ahead with your love idea if thats what you want.

Just don't be stupid about it.

Take things a day at a time, don't do a joint checking account, and don't put unreasonable expectations on yourself or the girl and maybe the relationship will go a long time or as long as you want it or maybe it will fizzle out and flop and drop like a dead fish.

Who knows?

You'll have a clear perspective for whatever happens at least.

So good luck dude.

 

[jeffthechef]

this site doesn't really tell you not to fall in love..it tells you not to fall in love before you're in a relationship...and don't become an afc one you're in one...perhaps there's a deeper level it tries to reach..but i'm not sure..and this level is a non-attached attachment...love is fine..but don't be attached to her..don't become obsessesed and have a "i can't live without you" mentality...realize that things changes...you might get married you might not..hell she could end it tomorrow..just realize nothing stays the same forever...good job though:rock:

 

[KidwithSocks]

As the posts above me, have fun, i've been in a few relationships myself, all i have to say is HAVE FUN, don't get too close, it's gonna hurt in the long run when you guys are over..

Trust me, it won't last forever. Even the most innocent could walk away in a snap to another mans arms, even If you were their first. But i'm sure you know that by now.

Don't worry about marriage at all btw.

 

[(JJ)]

yall are beasts. i like these replies. basically, im getting "enjoy it but stay grounded." which i completely understand. i've just got this media programmed brain in my head telling me to get married and be afc and blah blah blah and it leaves me not exactly sure what to follow. but this advice is sounding good keep it coming. lol at kontroller because, yea, that does sound like a pretty dumb idea. luckily her parents are loaded, so she doesnt exactly have too much of a need to cling to me for monetary reasons.

i really like your post jeff. it says a lot without saying too much. know what i mean? and it's interesting, i was expecting a lot more people like dongorgon to show up and be like "wtf kid?!" lol but i guess there are some sweethearts like me in the room lol

 

[CapedCrusader08]

You had better appreciate it you little bastard. Do you know how many guys are struggling and have been struggling to get just that? To overcome all the b.s. And you want to go and jeopordize it?!!?

 

[bigjohnson]

I love each and every one of my plates and ex-plates in her own individual way. Love is not the issue, the concept of forced or coerced exclusivity is the issue.

 

[Relationship-Buddy]

There is nothing wrong with being in love; being blinded by love is a different story.


Good Luck!

 

[Darth]

"How wrong is it to be in love?"

It's not. Actually it's really good.

 

[Smack]

Nothing wrong with being in love. But you're both very young so just take it day by day and don't plan for the future.

 

[SinJester]

Nothing wrong with it, the problem is that most people can't tell what love is. Most guys in high school and even a lot of older guys mistake attraction and lust for love. Obsession and infatuation is not love. Don't think too far ahead, if you are enjoying it then it's good.

 

[mrjoe815]

it's not wrong at all
it comes at different points in everybody's lives
you were just lucky enough to have it come early

it's not like you're married to the girl
so you can still experience life as fully as you want
you just don't need to sleep around, haha

cherish it though...
a lot of us have thought we found true love, and we were wrong
hold on to it as long as you can

 

[Columbia]

To be honest, it's late and I haven't read anything apart from the original post, so apologies if I'm repeating stuff.

JJ, I was in a very similar situation to you a couple of years ago. First real long term girlfriend, and I was very smitten by her.

I definitely loved her, but if you're anything like me you'll begin to want to experience new pastures at some point. I did, and although ending it sucked at the time (especially as I had no immediate girl I knew I could run off to), it was probably amongst my wiser moves.

What I'm saying is, do what comes to you. Right now, you probably love this girl and that's fine, but if there comes a time where you know it would be best to end it (and that time will almost definitely come) then that's okay too.

 

[MisterMcGee]

Just be smart. Don't be an idiot and think it IS going to end at any moment, just don't think this is the last relationship of your life.

 

[The Forms]

\I know this forum is full of cool guys. but it seems like the typical guest on sosuave is somewhat a misfit. someone who has had their heart sh*t all over.

Truth be told you're the misfit because you haven't gone through that yet. It's a pretty necessary part of being a guy. Every guy has to get his heart absolutely broken into a million peices in order to interact with women who've had their hearts broken too. It's a very useful experience. It's the only way to gain the empathy you need to relate and understand why girls do the things they do.

I say go ahead and fall as deeply and as embarrassingly in love with this girl as you can stomach. Feel for this girl in ways that you know will make you ashamed of feeling once it's all over. Jump in, balls deep, and love her really, really hard. Because this is the only innocent love you'll ever get. The only one that's ignorant of how bad it all can feel, and untainted by the effect the fear of that pain will have on later relationships. You won't get a do over, after this girl. She's that first, free taste the drug dealer gives you. Since you're about to be hooked for life, you might as well savor that first high, and get as much enjoyment out of it as you can.

From here, one of two things will happen either A) it'll miraculously work out and you two will have a blissful relationship for a long time, or B) your heart will end up so broken that it'll be months before you can even seriously entertain the idea of letting any girl ever mean something to you again.

So, assuming it'll all turn south, why not make it count? After this long of being with her, don't short change either of you. Be in the moment and feel as much as you can, even though you know all of that will turn to pain later. You're in deep enough that no matter how much or how little you invest right now it's going to hurt REALLY bad when it's over.

 

[Black suit]

Just be careful about not letting yourself get too attached.

Let what happen, happen, but don't settle for anything either.

 

[Black suit]

Because this is the only innocent love you'll ever get.

Absolutely true.

It'll never even close next time. You'd have seen so much, you won't be able love someone like your first time again.

But, first times, are almost guranteed to fail.