How to stop having feelings...

[Soyoushave]

Hey all!

First of, my story...

My ex came back to me, saying she couldn't be without me...doesn't want to forget me...
Only problem is, there's this other guy...

She wants to get to know each of us as friends, but she's telling me all the time (without me asking for it) that sooner or later, we will be together...

Ok...chill, I'm not sure if I ever want that...but this situation gives me the idea that there's always the attention of a girl...not more/not less...it just somehow gives me confidence...If I would meet another girl...then I would ofcourse go out with her...

Last we we even had sex (3 following days long)...and she said she was in love with me blabla...
So the other guy, to whom she talked monday, first told her that it wouldn't work between them, since she can't forget me...he later called her, that he would give her a chance, some time to forget me...she replied with I don't want to forget her...

Here's my dumbass move...she comes to me...and I'm talking for like 2 hours about how I think she should stop seeing him...or else I'd better leave her...and I say this not just once, but like a dozen times...so then she kisses me and we leave...got a message later, where she tells me that she would still like to see me tomorrow (which, by now...is today)

Today's the last time I see her for 2 weeks...she's going on holiday with a good friend (girl) of her (and one who knows about us...she'll might talk her into it)

Well..turns out to be a long story of NEXTTT! (I know)

But since this gives me confidence and stuff...I figured, ok...why not take this ride...
Only thing is...since yesterday..I'm afraid I might be getting deeper feelings for her again...I don't want that...all I want is screwing around a bit, without getting my feelings into it

So...is there any way to lose my feelings, but without not-seeing her?

Also, might there be any tips from your side on how to handle this?

Let me just say I don't want him to have her...that's main priority...you could even say I want to outplay him...I'm starting to see this like a game more and more...I'm even enjoying it...I'd also like to win her back.


If anyone else would've written this, I would've said NEXT!...but since I still typed this, you probably understand I wont go for that answer
And I am aware that she's flaky as hell, and this is no oneitis...

 

[NickBe]

Self castration.

You cant shut off your feelings.

 

[anointed]

The reason its next:

1) Youre relying on her for your confidence. You should have confidence from loving yourself. Its like your a 5 year old and shes the training wheels on your bike, you need to take them off.

2) You said this: "She wants to get to know each of us as friends, but she's telling me all the time that sooner or later, we will be together..."

Low interest in both of you. If it was high shed be all over your nuts INSTANTLY on your terms and the other guy would be gawwwn!

Dont listen to what girls say, watch waht they do. Most girls dont like to hurt people, they actually try to be sweet about things most of the time (bless em) but what shes really saying is "im an attention *****, i like the attention from 2 guys as opposed to 1 and i know its kinda wrong buti m gona keep letting it go on til either 1 guy seems more of a man than the other or 1 of them just goes away, then i MIGHT just go with the other one" -

Shes thinking this cos shes in control. How do i know shes in control? read the 2nd part... SHES telling YOU when ull be together.. You should be telling her..

The way you turn off your feelings is to fvck other, hotter girls. You'd never feel this way if you had girl B, C, D etc

If you have feelings its oneitis. Dont lie to yourself. If it wasnt oneitis you wouldnt post this.

 

[Soyoushave]

Damn1t...and the worst is, it's probably true too

Ok...I do know for a fact (have friends here and there) that she doesn't kiss that other guy...only me...don't ask how, I just know

Really do want to know...how am I going to be the man in her eyes?
Or let the other one give up (note: there were several occasions when he nearly gave up already...and that's without him even knowing we kiss and had sex last week...just for seeing she can't let me go makes him want to go...but then he comes back at her...)

I would like her to pick me (or ditch the other one)...and yeah, it's unhealthy (do notice: I am not turning my back for other girls...I am flirting now and then, and I'm planning to visit cafés more often from this week on)

 

[anointed]

Sounds like u want this chick for yourself and your ego has taken a blow because she wants the other guy in her life too (ie: youre not enough for her and shes bored)

Dunno if this will work exactly, but this is the idea of who you need to be around her from now on. Its the good old give a fvck attitude. SO if its a tecnique or headfvck trick your looking for try this.

Organize some kinda quick date if u can. coffee or something.

Next time you see her, up your clothing style, up your attitude. Goto the gym or do something thats just gona make your testorone be on fire, dress good, get a haircut, good sleep whatever. Youre trying to blow her away basically.

Then when you meet up mention that you met some other girl the other day, make it up if you have to, but be casual and dont go into details. Say you bumped into a girl u met in highschool mention how hot she is. Dont go into detail just say "im gonna meet her to catch up day after tommorow" -

Tell this chick ur gona go on the date because youve realised that all this drama between u and her (and the other guy) ISNT you, you dont wait around for girls usually and that uve always had the mentality of "theres plenty more fish in the sea who are ready to be caught" and that u dont compete with other guys for one girl. Say, that to be honest, its messed you up a bit and put you out of character for the past few weeks. Youve been putting her on a pedestal above you and now uve noticed how dumb it is. Say youre never usually like this and never usually involved in drama. Then just be like "Yea... so anyway whats the cake like here" - change the subject totally.. Its like you drop this bomb and you change the subject which says "SO thats the way it is.. and yea.. im not longer caring about the situation.. i now want some cake"

It DOES sound like your qualifying yourself but you need to say this in a casual "Happy about ur new date" way. In your new clothes, attitude, haircut you need to be acting like your life is SOOOOO fvckin good right now. Then to seal the confusion/attraction in her you say "Oh i have to go now" - maybe after 30 mins, and split.. and dont talk to her until she contacts you, which will most likely be a test, in which case you continue with ur mindset.. So its semi-qualifying/honesty mixed in with the change subject move and the making-it-a-quick-date-then-ejecting move to confuse/attract her.

It might work if your good at mindfvcking girls and your inner game is pretty tight, and she REALLY thinks shes gona lose you. Its important that IF it does work you dont let her have you so easily, and if it doesnt then who cares. You dont really need this girl.

Also dont believe she aint fvckin the other guy so easily. Its not like shed tell u if she was. At this point all you can assume really is she likes this attention from both of u.

 

[blueguy]

Self castration.

You cant shut off your feelings.

So I'm assuming you've castrated yourself?

 

[Soyoushave]

Ok

Update

Today we went for a picknick/and get to know eachother...just talking etc...it was actually pretty good...

Then, when we stopped talking, and went lying in the sun...we started touching eachother (a little kino) and before I knew, we were making out in the park

So that's cooll..

Afterwards she says...you bring up lust ( I was hoping it was more than lust)
So we end up talking (again)...and she says, today was really great, just being friends...I still feel something for you...but she told me that she felt different with the other guy, and that his chances were bigger (since we already had a relationship..and he's all new...not that she said it in those words, but i could make that up from her)...
So I decided, fine, your loss...I said bye (she's going on vacation tomorrow evening, and tomorrow she's busy all day)
I went home...

And received a text message...

Hey, I'm sorry for what I said, what we did wasn't just because of lust, I didn't just do it without a reason!...I'm sorry we had to part this way, see you when I get back. Friends...

So being a dumbass, I replied...so we're still going to see eachother and get to know eachother...
To which se replied: Yeah...I guess

So there you have it...I atleast intend to keep seeing her, as this pisses the other guy of like hell:box:
And sooner or later he might give up...

So I will take the advice of changing my appearance Also, I went to see this movie @ my place with this group of guys and 1 girl...So I told her (indirectly) and she kept asking me what we did, and I didn't tell her, I didn't confirm nor deny it, and I noticed she didn't like it...should I take from this that she's not over me or something...

 

[bigjohnson]

Move on. She's a manipulating b1tch and you're her latest chew toy. Make her a FB if you can.

 

[Soyoushave]

Move on. She's a manipulating b1tch and you're her latest chew toy. Make her a FB if you can.

Consider it done

I just want to rub it in that guys face that he can't have her...and maybe just MAYBE...get back with her for full romance.,..but main priority is getting him outta the way (without violence if possible)

 

[NickBe]

So I'm assuming you've castrated yourself?

I never had any to start with, but if you do you cant just stop them.

 

[Charm]

I never had any to start with, but if you do you cant just stop them.

If you don't have them now, you certainly won't miss not having them even if you did!

 

[bigjohnson]

Consider it done

Good, but I have to tell you that it worries me when you say things like "I was hoping it was more than lust" at this point in the relationship. You need to make sure your head is on straight or she's gonna eat your face.

 

[Soyoushave]

Good, but I have to tell you that it worries me when you say things like "I was hoping it was more than lust" at this point in the relationship. You need to make sure your head is on straight or she's gonna eat your face.

Well, if she'd do it for more than just lust (like she did, she told me later) that would mean she's not over me...and making it harder to detach from me (and to attach to him)]

EDIT:

some side info...

3 weeks back, we had this long talk, about her wanting to get to know both of us and wanted to give us both a chance...so I called the other guy (how dumb can you be) so we have spoken to eachother and seeing the other with her is less vague...also he asked what happened with us (did we have sex ands ****)...I didn't reply to that...now he changed my words...she got all upset and though I had to let her go...it was over, I had my shot blabla...
So I was like...fine...goodbye.
Then she calls me a few days later (she sent me a text that same day about her still wanting to be friends with me)...asking if I'd like to meet sometime...another couple of days later we got texting again, having phonesex...then those 3 days of sex came...then she told me she wanted to give me a chance...then she spoke with him...the rest you know...

So basically I feel like I'm the one who keeps asking for "give it another shot"...but she also keeps asking me to keep seeing eachother and get to know eachother blabla...

Man...she is soo flaky...and you know...since we broke up...she has lost friends and she acts as if she's someone else...really is a shame...

Ow...and I hear you guys talking about she wants the attention of 2..but I'm wondering...is she really that smart to pull this all off? Or is it something that just happens naturally or something?

One thing I know for sure is that if she and that guy would ever come together...it wont last long (I mean, with such a base...knowing that the girl he may get involved with keeps kissing/flirting with me...which she will do)

I give myself a big chance to get back with her before the end of the year...IDK how tho...IDK if it's healthy

 

[Soyoushave]

edit

 

[SoldMySoul]

Move on. She's a manipulating b1tch and you're her latest chew toy. Make her a FB if you can.

easier said than done. I DO NOT AGREE with this advice, sorry. IT will just get HIM sucked back into her game and get hurt. He can try it if he thinks he is strong enough. BUT once I ever had strong feelingS about a past love and FB started back, I WAS ALL MESSED UP AGAIN. Unless you can hit it and quit it w/o problems, I strongly advise not doing this.

 

[Soyoushave]

easier said than done. I DO NOT AGREE with this advice, sorry. IT will just get HIM sucked back into her game and get hurt. He can try it if he thinks he is strong enough. BUT once I ever had strong feelingS about a past love and FB started back, I WAS ALL MESSED UP AGAIN. Unless you can hit it and quit it w/o problems, I strongly advise not doing this.

Yeah..that's what I ment...when we had sex last week, it was emotionless, good ol' making love...
but this week I'm starting to feel it coming up a little (hence this topic)

I do wonder though...does making love to her increase my chances?

I wish there was a way so that that other guy would hear what we did
He was thinking of quiting on her just because we saw eachother...now imagine her hearing us kissing and 'stuff'

But there's no wai he's going to find that out.

 

[cordoncordon]

Would you just stop talking to this girl all together. Please? She is playing you both like a fiddle. Imagine if you had two girls doing this to you, calling each other up asking about you, begging to be with you, groveling at your feet. Why would you ever want to give that up? IF and I say IF you want a relationship with this girl, STOP all CONTACT! Be the MAN! Make her miss you. Then and only then could you have any kind of chance here AND keep your dignity.

 

[Soyoushave]

Would you just stop talking to this girl all together. Please? She is playing you both like a fiddle. Imagine if you had two girls doing this to you, calling each other up asking about you, begging to be with you, groveling at your feet. Why would you ever want to give that up? IF and I say IF you want a relationship with this girl, STOP all CONTACT! Be the MAN! Make her miss you. Then and only then could you have any kind of chance here AND keep your dignity.

yeah...and it's exactly this thing that I do know, but can't understand...it's so contradictionary to everything you think you should do, I think:

if I'd just ignore her...she will be going with/to that guy...and it's easier to forget me...

 

[cordoncordon]

Maybe so, maybe not. Absence can also make the heart grow fonder. Give her the gift of missing you, because right now her ego is being fully stroked by you two chumps kissing her azz. If she is really wanting to be with you, she will make that clear soon enough. Though for the life of me I don't understand why you are wanting to be with someone who is not 100% with you, and is toying with your emotions like she is. Doesn't sound like anyone I would want to be with.

 

[Soyoushave]

Maybe so, maybe not. Absence can also make the heart grow fonder. Give her the gift of missing you, because right now her ego is being fully stroked by you two chumps kissing her azz. If she is really wanting to be with you, she will make that clear soon enough. Though for the life of me I don't understand why you are wanting to be with someone who is not 100% with you, and is toying with your emotions like she is. Doesn't sound like anyone I would want to be with.

I wanted back the old her...the one that I had a relationship with for 4 months...

I just talked to her...she asked if I could come (to say goodbye for vacation) ...and she told me she couldn't do this anymore...I was being too large of a part in her life, and just pretending nothing happened, without problemtalk etc...just getting to know eachother all over again...
It wouldn't work...because I felt too much love for her, and she still had a weakness for me...

Maybe after holiday we would meet again...but first she wanted to work on herself and her future...

So...she made the decision of not getting back together?
It's all to vague...I'll just get on with my life and we'll see...

I do think she's vague tho...one moment she wants me....now she doesn't want me...whoa...this did sound like a final decision...

I just can't stand her having another guy ...without me having another girl...and yeah, I could go into a bar and DJ one...but he's actually in love with her and ****...so this sucks...