What you describe sounds like anxiety mixed in with a lack of confidence in yourself.
You've got to confront that first and foremost. Women make you anxious so go spend time amongst women. Submerge yourself in that uncomfortable feeling and with time it will go away. Look at the logistics side of it. Also, focus on building up your social life as best you can.
I'm interested in politics, philosophy, literature, video gaming. And boxing. All round, a pretty boring person. At least that's what it feels like, especially with women.
When I'm around men, I find it easy to joke with them. Chat to them. I feel unafraid to express myself and relax. When women come along.....I find myself getting tight in the chest, nervous (really nervous) awkward etc.
You likely aren't as 'boring' as you think, you are just filled with self doubt.
Most people are boring, most people are average.
Doesn't mean you shouldn't strive for more, but keep that in mind. However, those are things that generally don't appeal to women and those aren't 'fun' topics. Those are things you and I could chat about at length, but on a date with a woman I wouldn't start musing about Epictetus and the stoics. (unless she's into that as well)
Being carefree is the bit I struggle with. I was listening to the book of Pook and there was something in there about being like a little kid which got me thinking yeah, maybe I just need to be like a little kid and tease them play with them etc.
The point that Pook makes is to let go of the overthinking and remember being that kid on the playground who teased the girls and ran amuck.
That is the boyish carefree attitude that every man
should have had at some point in their youth. You've got to channel that feeling again and in that state you are also likely not outcome dependent.
Women on dates want to have fun. You don't need to mold yourself into some 'Suave' seducer who travelled the world over, has swiss bank accounts, fights bears for fun and drives a fleet of Bugatti's.
Don't put on any airs period. An expereinced women will sniff that out immediately and be turned off by it. You need to own yourself. That unbridled confidence in yourself and your actions is what will attract women.
On that note I already see a concerning mentality with:
TIA for any tips. I'm thinking picking up a musical instrument or something exotic that no-one else does would be a good idea.
Do things for you, not for women.
Pickup hobbies and hone your skills because you want to! I've been a musician my whole life and it was nothing more then a conversation starter until I grew up a bit, was looking good and playing out. That was after years and years of strict practice to where I was competent and sharing the stage with musicians with serious accolades. Even then, no one aside from musicians cares about those things and while talent is very attractive, if you are not very attractive it isn't great at getting you in the door. If you look good and play well publicly it's like a cheat code though...
I have thought about hookers.....somewhat scared about dipping my toes in. They're not all riddled with disease are they?
No. Try and fail first then reassess.
Keep your expectations realistic and know where you stack up. Get some on your own if you can. If you're alright looking try OLD, play the numbers game and see how you do.
Chatting with em might help you with that anxiety. As for dancing that is a big comfort zone smasher. I HATE dancing and was always told to do it
since again, musician. I tried it, had fun, made some friends and will try again when I have more time. You say you want to test your comfort zone, but then dismiss a recommendation from someone.
Don't do that. Instead take consideration of it, reflect on it and see if it's something you are willing to try. Be more open to things in general and you will be more interesting and fun as result.
Don't live on my own, unfortunately. No chance of having a free house anytime soon. My friends all have wives and kids (in their 30s) and they are pretty fun but quite unavailable.
Same, it hasn't stopped me in the slightest.
I used to use it as a crutch to not get out and meet people and date. Eventually I said **** it and just stopped caring. I'm seeing girls on a regular basis now and still at home.
Is it more challenging? Yes.
Do some girls consider it a redflag? I bet! So I vet for girls that have their own place and let them know I'm still at home from the getgo. It weeds em out real quick and keeps the ones with interest.
Another example of 'caring less' you should consider applying. That and a lot of people moved back home with their parents during covid. Most my buds in their mid 20s still live at home as well,
although we are all in the process or at least striving to move out soon. You should be too i'd surmise. It is unfortunate that a girl who lives at home expects a guy of the same age to be on his own. Pay it no mind and focus on yourself.
@Dr.Suave is on it. Stop overthinking and just do the things you want to do while simulatouesly building yourself up. You are priority number one and women should only be a nice little compliment to the life you are building. Also, when you are grinding away and doing your thing people notice... Just be 'game' aware and less outcome dependent.
I think Corey Wayne's book is up your alley. He's on the money with the 'fun' and being on your purpose stuff. It is vanilla, but it gets the point across.
