How to proceed...

[TheMonkeyKing]

GF has invited me to the same event as some guy that I am 99% sure she used to see. She doesn't realise that I know about their past.

Obviously I understand why she's done this - for the attention, for the ego boost of having us both in the same room, blah blah blah, playing one off on the other while she probably flirts away with a fourth party.

It's not really an event I particularly want to attend, and least of all now. I know I could handle myself fine, and I am in no way threatened by this guy. She has just royally f*cked me off by doing it and I am 99.9% decided that I'm not going...

I guess all I need is confirmation that I shouldn't attend.....

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

She invited him....

 

[SHChamp]

Why would you not attend this event if you are not threatened by him?

I say this is the perfect opportunity to show your own worth and value as a man, and at the same time a chance to see if your GF is going to handle this situation right.

Don't see this as a situation where she is going to test you, or use you for an ego boost, but instead see it as a way for you to see if she is worth being with and if she treats you with respect.

'Don't give her the remote control to your emotions.' sounds about right in this case. Show her you are unfazed by all of this, and if she does something that YOU find disrespectful, that should tell you enough. Withdraw your attention then and have fun with all the other HB's at the event.

 

[MOTU]

^^^This^^^
And, huge red-flag to me. What is she doing inviting an ex to an event? What kind of event is it and what is her role in the event? And how old are both of you?

 

[Donaldinho]

I wouldn't go and then NC her.
She's already disrespected you by HER inviting her ex. If she wanted to "show you off" to the ex, that means she's not completely over him and trying to make him jealous.
You already said it's an event you weren't interested in, even before she invited the ex, so it's a no brainer. Instead go out and find more plates.
You don't have to prove anything to her.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Why would you not attend this event if you are not threatened by him?

I say this is the perfect opportunity to show your own worth and value as a man, and at the same time a chance to see if your GF is going to handle this situation right.

Don't see this as a situation where she is going to test you, or use you for an ego boost, but instead see it as a way for you to see if she is worth being with and if she treats you with respect.

'Don't give her the remote control to your emotions.' sounds about right in this case. Show her you are unfazed by all of this, and if she does something that YOU find disrespectful, that should tell you enough. Withdraw your attention then and have fun with all the other HB's at the event.

This is good advice. I suppose I might go and test the waters a bit further.

I know I can go an maintain frame. I can even go talk to her ex. It's the fact that she invited him yet otherwise doesn't appear to have anything to do with him.

@MOTU

It's a drama performance (she's a trainee actress - another massive red flag I appreciate), so plenty of attention-seeking going on already! She's 24, I'm 31. Can't really be bothered to go and mingle with the theatrical crowd anyway.

Personality-wise, she's great, when she's not playing up for the crowd, when we're on our own.

But then I kind of agree with Donaldinho. That's the way I kind of look at it.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

I think SHChamp has given you great advice but I'd go with what Donaldinho wrote. If she was just another plate, I'd say go, you don't have much to lose, have fun, maybe you can pick up another plate or two while you're there, but you said this is your girlfriend - of how long? So, you're her rebound? Are you cool with being second fiddle (at best)? If things are getting serious between you two and you've now picked up on this, I'd be mulling ending the relationship altogether. Personally, making a girlfriend out of a woman longing for an ex is something I hope to never experience again.

 

[MOTU]

Watch out TMK... the fact she invited him means:
1) she still talks to him
2) she still cares what he thinks
and the fact he is going means
1) he still wants to fvck her and thinks she might let him

Personally, I don't believe in being "friends" with exes. To me it signals "unfinished business".

 

[GS750]

Watch out TMK... the fact she invited him means:
1) she still talks to him
2) she still cares what he thinks
and the fact he is going means
1) he still wants to fvck her and thinks she might let him

Personally, I don't believe in being "friends" with exes. To me it signals "unfinished business".

Possibly using you to make another guy jealous or to prove something? That's lame and reeks of immaturity and insecurity on her part.

 

[GS750]

Yea...notice I never said "don't go". Go and handle it. But the whole "ex still in the picture" thing raises and eyebrow.

 

[Married Buried]

Here's an idea instead of asking us why don't you ask your girlfriend why in the hell she invited an ex? Is everyone afraid of confronting women these days?

I would simply say "hey didn't you go out with that guy why in the **** did you invite him"

Depending on her answer THEN you go NC. How are you going to go NC without even finding out what is going on. Maybe she didn't ever bang him then you will look like a fool.

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

I would 100% NOT go.

I understand why she's done this - for the attention, for the ego boost of having us both in the same room, blah blah blah, playing one off on the other while she probably flirts away with a fourth party.

I think you're correct here, and the fact she hasn't told you about him (while inviting you to this thing) IS a red flag.

If you know for sure that they had a relationship, I wouldn't call her out on it. If anything, wait till the last minute, if she doesn't reveal a little back ground on their relationship, then flake. Tell her: "Have fun, I can't make it." Then go NC for the rest of the night.

 

[stevo]

Not sure if the event happened already. . .

First, you didn't find out she invited him by snooping around, did you?

Second, for a minute look at it from the eyes of the other dude. I'm in contact with a girl I used to know, she has a boyfriend but she invited me to an event. I have nothing to lose so I might as well go hoping for the best.

What would be the best for him? You do not show up.

If you do not show up the possibility of connecting with your girl (emotionally or sexually) increases, he'll be the acting companion for the night.

I'm not a fan for specifically communicating boundaries but in this case if one was put in place, it would make the decision clearer.

Would I go? I get burned regardless, the question then would be how much burn do I want to tolerate.

If you play along as a pony in her game, you go show yourself off for the world to see while you're on super alert that increases the chance she'll pull a similar ish again and You'd also be confirming her mindset of being a "mastermind"

If you do not go, it's a wuss move more like you backed out of a competition.



I'd go and I'd introduce myself to the guy (without including i'm her boyfriend) and if he's a regular fella, you too should get along just fine.

If your girl is very uncomfortable, instantly demote her to a plate. She's not over the dude

If your girl acts very natural showing no red signs, remind her punani who's boss when you get home.



Edit: Fcuk her thoroughly before she leaves the house day of the event, might be her last dikcing.

 

[Bingo-Player]

Tmk – regardless of who this guy is , this event sounds boring and lame

You seem like a guy that has better things to be doing aside from chasing princess around her acting class

She quite clearly loves drama by choosing it as a career , do not become involved in it

By standing firm and refusing to go you will have drawn a line in the sand which me thinks may serve you well in months to come with this chick

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Quick update and thanks

Firstly thanks to you guys for the input. Invaluable as usual.

UPDATE:

I did not attend the event. I went to the pub with my mate instead. As far as I can tell, the ex didn't show either; but I didn't ask. Think bringing such issues up demonstrates insecurity, when really I should be concerned only with my own actions.

Instead, I went along and met the GF later and had a little heart to heart about what we both want out of it. Turns out I have probably been gaming a bit too hard and she starts losing interest quite quickly if I am unavailable for too long. She kind of admitted that she plays hard to get if she thinks I am. I didn't make any such admission in return, but I think she gets it anyway.

I suppose I am just in the transition between being single and starting a new relationship and am learning to deal with whatever becomes as result.

I have laid down a couple of caveats; one, I want to be the ONLY BF, and two, if she's unhappy then she should say so. She has said she expects the same of me. I don't necessarily expect her to adhere to either, but I am however now savvy enough to recognise what behaviours indicate her discontent and whatever else.

All the same I continue on my path of self improvement, which to be fair, I have let slide lately, and I let my relationship compliment my life rather than consuming it.