How to not fall into Oneitis/obsession

[Kev07]

Have you ever looked at a girl, and instantly though "wow she's so hot!" then proceeded to keep thinking about what you will do, how you will get her to notice you, basically, getting oneitis for a girl you barely even know?

Chances are you have, and it never works out the way you want it to. Once you start obsessing over a girl, it's pretty much game over.

Obviously, ways to prevent this are to try to keep her out of your mind. Of course, that is MUCH easier said than done, and the point of this thread is not to try to get you to control your thoughts better, there are plenty of those threads already.

Here is what I have found to help me. I used to get obsessed over women, and during that obsession I told all my buddies and girl friends about this girl and what I should do and all that. This is a BAD Thing.

Although you might not be so good at controlling what jumps into your brainwaves, you CAN control what comes out of your mouth. Refrain from talking about your little crush to ANYBODY. Keep it to yourself. Not only will it help you stay away from oneitis, but there are many other benefits; like no worry of gossip, or bad information feeding into your head.

I hope this helps.

 

[Incog]

It definitely helps "contain" the Oneitis if you don't tell anybody about it. The more you advertise it, the more it will come up. Many guys feel the need to share their feelings with somebody (male or female) because they want encouragement or empathy. Don't. Keeping it to yourself will reduce pain and hopefully expedite the process of getting over her.

 

[i am me]

good advice man...also, i like to keep in mind that "im physically attracted to her" and thats it. im not emotionally attached and i could give a fuk less wut happens between me and her...as long as i put myself out there, thats all ima do

 

[insidious]

This is a very good point, and I think it falls into the broader context of behavior modification.

Totally been down that road. This is what I used to do:

Step 1: See or meet a girl I think is physically killer
Step 2: I assign a plethora of favorable traits which make
her perfect for me and me only
Step 3: I plan out a future for the 2 of us which
I know deep in my mind will probably never play out cause
I'm not gonna have the ballz to approach her
Step 4: I start raving about this Miss Right to
anyone who will listen to me!

I learned to stop myself @ step 1. I did not allow step 2 to happen,
and thus, the eventual chain of misery that led to
each successive step. It was hard man. It was literally
manipulating the way I thought, reacted, the way
I was molded to think....once I learned to break the pattern,
and did it enough times, I gradually became what I thought.
Now step 1 for me either has 2 outcomes:
1) I go for it and either get something or I don't, and in either
case I feel empowered enough to experience an awsome
boost in confidence.

2) I don't go for it but I don't think about her any more.

 

[Kev07]

You bring up an interesting point.

Yesterday my friend's girlfriend called me and started raving about if I liked her friend (I'm not so sure where she got that from, maybe I left it slip to someone or she just saw my behavior towards her at a party). She then started giving me all this bs about how her friend likes funny guys and how i would be perfect for her.

Strangely enough, this conversation with my friend's girlfriend made me lose interest in her friend.

But yeah, my two oneitises in life became my oneitises through the exact steps you listed insidious.

 

[joseph_went_south]

You can also learn to control your thoughts and emotions. Whatever you allow to enter your brain is by choice, whether that's focussing on one particular girl, or even the BELIEF SYSTEM you have that one woman can be so much better than all the other 3.5 billion women out there. Guys who have lots of women on their team simply do not allow that type of mindset to take root.

Now, I am not saying it is easy to change your thought patterns if you've gotten into bad habits.

When obsessive thoughts about a particular chick come into your head, the solution is not to say "I will not think about Nicole", because you are then actually thinking about Nicole! The solution is to simply think about and/or get busy with something else.

On a deeper level, you should examine your internal beliefs that would even allow you to put a woman you don't even know up on a pedestal like that.

Cheers,
Joseph

 

[nicenomore]

When ever I feel I am having oneitis fever, i go out and approach other chicks in college...i have a different oneitis every night .