How to move forward??

[jord889]

Within the last month, my love life has been in a whirl wind and I'm really confused of how to pursue my options. Let me start by painting the picture and describing the relationship...

A about 4-5 weeks ago I recently started talking to this cute girl. Everything was great! Talking lots, kissing the whole ordeal. I even surprised her at work once, and she was so excited to see me! I asked out to a date, take her to a fancy restaurant and she ordered a dress from victoria secret ( it was sexy!) so we had to wait until the dress came in and we had a free night. Everything was going great, I've meet her family including grandparents! Everything was going well.. I told her that I wasn't going to ask her out until after the date, which she light up with a big smile!

However, here's where things turned. A few days before our date, she made the comment that she likes the independent feeling of being single and she didn't want a label between us. No problem, it's just a label right? We went to dinner and it was great! The last few weeks however, she seems distant from me. When we hang out 1-on-1, its kisses and cuddles but if we are around anyone, she always makes the comments that we are 'just friends'. I really like this girl so it hurts when she says it. I want to move forward with her and be more than just 'friends' in her mind but she seems so distant now. I'm at a loss and don't know what to do...

To make things worse, or potentially answer some questions, I'm a senior in university while she's a sophmore. In 6 months I will be leaving the town to start my career and she still has 2-3 years of school left.

Is it possible that she is distancing herself from me to spare her feelings when I leave in 6 months? Or is there another weird reason?

I need some input.. I'm crazy about this girl and I want to understand how to move forward with our complicated relationship.

 

[betheman]

Within the last month, my love life has been in a whirl wind and I'm really confused of how to pursue my options. Let me start by painting the picture and describing the relationship...

A about 4-5 weeks ago I recently started talking to this cute girl. Everything was great! Talking lots, kissing the whole ordeal. I even surprised her at work once, and she was so excited to see me! I asked out to a date, take her to a fancy restaurant and she ordered a dress from victoria secret ( it was sexy!) so we had to wait until the dress came in and we had a free night. Everything was going great, I've meet her family including grandparents! Everything was going well.. I told her that I wasn't going to ask her out until after the date, which she light up with a big smile!

However, here's where things turned. A few days before our date, she made the comment that she likes the independent feeling of being single and she didn't want a label between us. No problem, it's just a label right? We went to dinner and it was great! The last few weeks however, she seems distant from me. When we hang out 1-on-1, its kisses and cuddles but if we are around anyone, she always makes the comments that we are 'just friends'. I really like this girl so it hurts when she says it. I want to move forward with her and be more than just 'friends' in her mind but she seems so distant now. I'm at a loss and don't know what to do...

To make things worse, or potentially answer some questions, I'm a senior in university while she's a sophmore. In 6 months I will be leaving the town to start my career and she still has 2-3 years of school left.

Is it possible that she is distancing herself from me to spare her feelings when I leave in 6 months? Or is there another weird reason?

I need some input.. I'm crazy about this girl and I want to understand how to move forward with our complicated relationship.

have you tried to f uck her?

 

[floydb25]

I've dealt with this exact same situation before. What happened was, we acted like a couple too soon, and she lost interest. Whenever a girl says she doesn't want labels, enjoys being single, is fine being by herself, etc, it means you are giving off too much of a relationship vibe, and her attraction is dropping. It's too much too soon. Otherwise, she wouldn't be saying this. She KNOWS you like her, and want a relationship - and its turning her OFF.

People don't back away or distance themselves out of fear. They do so because they're not attracted to the person. This is why people get rejected. They're not afraid of having feelings - they HAVE no feelings. Once the feelings are gone, so is their interest. That's when they become distant. They might make excuses, or justify to themselves why they're doing this, but the facts are facts. She's being distant and rejectful... That's all you need to know. Not the how or why.

This is why, she was super interested in the beginning - then later became distant. She's not afraid, confused, unsure, not ready, etc. She lost interest. She might not even see it that way herself, so she might be thinking she is afraid and doesn't like labels. Blah blah.

The public vs private issue is simple. She makes you feel special in private, but wants to keep her options open in public. It sounds like she is using you until something better comes along. Don't allow this. Don't give more when she gives less.

Seriously, I've dealt with the EXACT same thing before. I became a doormat, made up excuses for her, gave more and more.... As soon as she found someone better - I was gone. What I didn't realize was, I was already giving too much, which caused this behavior. Giving more just made it worse. She also used guilt trips and so on to get me to keep going back until she found the BBD. Teasing me with potential. It was horrible. Still remember it like yesterday.

A good rule to follow is to make sure everything is, and remains mutual. If she pulls away - don't push harder. Don't assume, believe, excuse, or justify anything. Focus on the facts.

 

[Maximummax]

floyd said it.
Jumping into relationship too soon will fade the attraction.

 

[Iceberg]

Within the last month, my love life has been in a whirl wind and I'm really confused of how to pursue my options. Let me start by painting the picture and describing the relationship...

A about 4-5 weeks ago I recently started talking to this cute girl. Everything was great! Talking lots, kissing the whole ordeal. I even surprised her at work once, and she was so excited to see me! I asked out to a date, take her to a fancy restaurant and she ordered a dress from victoria secret ( it was sexy!) so we had to wait until the dress came in and we had a free night. Everything was going great, I've meet her family including grandparents! Everything was going well.. I told her that I wasn't going to ask her out until after the date, which she light up with a big smile!

Okay, buddy. Red light.

You've been seeing her for a f**king month.

You have this Disney idea of what dating is. Kissing and cuddling. Meeting the family. Dinner dates....This woman is not your wife. She's not even your girlfriend of 7 or 8 months. She's some girl you've dated for a few weeks.

Your problem is that you're taking this too seriously. I can smell the loneliness and desperation on you.

Is it possible that she is distancing herself from me to spare her feelings when I leave in 6 months? Or is there another weird reason?

It's possible. But the more logical reason is, she's just not THAT into you.

I can already tell that you're not having sex with her. So it's a non-sexual relationship between a clingy, desperate guy and a girl who's only halfway into it.

I need some input.. I'm crazy about this girl and I want to understand how to move forward with our complicated relationship.

You move forward by accepting reality like a grown man. It's NOT a relationship. It might be after a few months...but right now, you're just two people who occasionally make out. I made out with girls when I was 12. In order to move things forward, you have to escalate sexually. It's what adults do. If you've tried, and she's denied you sexually, then you already have your answer about how she thinks about you.

 

[Desdinova]

Floyd and Iceberg hit the nail on the head.

I told her that I wasn't going to ask her out until after the date, which she light up with a big smile!

However, here's where things turned. A few days before our date, she made the comment that she likes the independent feeling of being single and she didn't want a label between us.

One thing I'd like to add is, NEVER use the following words when you're interested in a woman: Date, Girlfriend, Boyfriend, Relationship, Marriage. Also, do NOT compliment her until you've actually established a relationship with her.

You must develop the relationship before you call it one. You must establish the fact that you're dating before you call it a date. The best thing you can do is fvck her which lets her know that you're not in this for friendship.

I need some input.. I'm crazy about this girl and I want to understand how to move forward with our complicated relationship.

If your "relationship" is complicated before you've established it as a relationship, it's not going to get any better.

There are a lot of things you need to learn about women. Do yourself a favor... scroll down to the bottom of the page, click on the DJ Bible link, and spend a few days reading.

As for the girl, ditch her. She's not interested in you sexually and will never be as long as you remain clueless about the dating world.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

She sounds like me. "I don't do labels" = I'm going to be single while you are in hopes of us being exclusive.

You have not f*cked this girl and you probably never will because you seem like a trick. Restaurants...... going to her work... Meeting her family. You have a lot to learn.

 

[Maximummax]

I have noticed this thing lately with girls
they want guys to meet their parents/grand parents quickly, Don't know why

 

[jord889]

Thanks to the ones that provided decent feedback, i appreciate it. and for those u think its a clingy non-sexual thing.. your wrong! having sex a week after we meet and be doing it since! lol I'm not a hit-it quit-it thing, cus i feel something for this girl sorry i'm not an ******* who does that...

 

[MirrorOfTheSoul]

jord889,

Your issue with this girl is minor compared to your outlook on dating.

You need to start playing the field hard buddy. Stop with this "special girl" clap trap. Your investing all your time and energy into her at the expense of experiences with many other women. This is the LOSERS mentality in any endeavor. You cannot win with this outlook. Sure you can get what you want in the short-term through brute force, but in the long-term, you will get decimated and you will find all that time and effort was for nothing.

Take these words to heart young man.