I have a very similar problem to yours, actually.
This is somewhat a self reflective piece, which I wrote for myself and just saved on my computer, but I though I'd share it,maybe you will find something useful.
For last three or so years, I have not had a long term relationship, with my overall view on women declining and only recently I've fond a nice enough girl that I though "Hey, you know what, this one is different! She's smart, she's beautiful, she's friendly and good with kids and pets and butterflies and unicorns and *blaaaargh, emotional vomit*"
Yes, needless to say, it was infatuation.
The dreaded oneitis, the curse of every average man!
I went on a couple of dates, and by the end of the second one, when heading home, I had this huge AFC rush, this huge need to do write poetry and sing songs to her and tell her I want to date her and.. well, you know how it goes. What I did was, I vocalized my attraction, thus killing it in her. I made something that was supposed to be fun and light into something awkward and heavy.
So I cut all the contact with her, and had a lot of time to think about all this. See, I enjoy analyzing and solving complex problems, breaking them down and simplifying everything into manageable chunks that can be easily taken care of. So I analyzed and analyzed.
No, not what she said, or what she did, or what she probably thought when X happened. (Well, okay, I may have done some of it).
I analyzed and looked into myself and why it was such way, why did I believe she is *perfect*, why I would randomly think about her smile in the middle of the day, or how we both could go somewhere, or what should I say to her next time I see her. All these thoughts that you read about and think "Ha, such an AFC, boy, what is he thinking?".
And it was, the more I though, the more clear and simple it became. It was not her, not the girl, but my idea of what I saw in her, and my emotional investment in her that her in my mind.
Pook, I believe, once wrote about how every man is wired to have this picture of one woman, the one for his whole life, somewhere in his mind. And so did I - I realized that the girl I invested so much of my emotions was actually that painting, a weird coping mechanism of mine.
People say spin more plates. I didn't like this idea, and what I'd do was, in retrospect, so stupid. I would find a girl that I could become infatuated with, but one I could never reach. For example, this girl I mentioned: we were in a different country for last couple years, and only recently have I returned and could meet up with her. So I while I was away, I could go on dates and bang lots of other girls, without any worries of infatuation, since I already had *that* girl which I'd get one day, in my mind, the perfect one, and everything else was just a way to get experience and so on.
Don't ever do this. If this sounds familiar, you're in trouble. See, it works, but it works only for awhile. It's like they put saw dust into carburetors in cars when selling to make them run smooth, or something (I'm not a mechanic, I don't know the details). It's a fake solution, something that appears to alleviate symptoms, but not fix the underlying issue.
I'm not even sure if it has to be a concrete girl in ones mind, if following such path, since by the end of the road, it's not the girl, it's the *idea* of what one thinks of the girl, of all the emotions and thoughts invested in her, and things you *would* both do, that you become infatuated with.
See, I analyzed a lot. I found so many flaws in this girl, I found so many reasons why I should not be infatuated with her. Logically, I had no business spending any time on that girl at all, however, I could just not stop myself from giving her a little thought here or there every day, and that little annoying voice that would whisper "ooooh, maybe we can still get together if I ride into town on a giant velociraptor armed with a machine gun and save her from an army of zombies, she'd jump into my arms!" *bleeurgh*
Agonizing about something that was not there, foolish me! But it was me that placed her upon that pedestal, it was me who decided that there *is* some perfect girl, and that she will do it.
Don't think that there is that perfect girl. If you catch yourself thinking that one day you will find an awesome girl, and start imagining what she will be like, what you both will do, what you will say to her... stop. Stop it, stop it while you can, because as long as you wait for something, as long as you buy in into that "perfect girl" idea, you lose every time you find a girl that has even slight similarity to your idea. And then, once you realize, it will take so long, so much effort to jump out of this vicious cycle of obsessing, it will make life painful, it will interfere with hobbies and work and every other thing you built over time!
Knowing what you want is great. Obsessing over it, in this case, is not.
There's no princess that needs to be saved, there's no perfect girl waiting around the corner, there's no perfect girl at all.
There's just girl, that you may one day decide is awesome enough to be with you. But you don't know what she's like yet, and don't try to think about it. Just live, and as it was written so much, the women will come.
