how to help an afc

[thefonz]

ok, i have this friend who i've considered my best friend since high school. He's always been really bad with women and the kind of guy that just sorta keeps things to himself......an AFC

About 2 years ago he worked with a girl who was infatuated with him but at first he wanted nothing to do with her. Eventually he caved in and they started f***ing on a regualar basis.....thats when she started wearing the pants.

I wouldn't have so much of a problem with this if it wasn't for the fact that they hang out with eacother ALL day and when we all hung out together she practically refused to acknowledge my presence, she clung to his arm like a lost little pathetic girl. When me or any of our friends attempted to talk to her she said maybe 2 words and went back and started talking to him.....rude as hell. Everytime i call him i can hear her giggling like a little brat or whispering into her ear.......btw, she ain't that hot HB5

she is ridiculously anti-social, has no friends and is attempting to draw him into this lifestyle of hanging out around the house, cooking dinner together every night, going sledding, and staying in and watching tv etc. HE IS 21 YEARS OLD!!!!! this is his first real girlfriend.

Probably the thing that bugs me the most is he refuses to admit or even acknowledge any of this is going on, he'll say things like, "Oh all girls are crazy, OH it'sher being a girl"(An AFC whose had one gf pretending he's an expert).....if i continue questioning him i see him get really uncomfortble about.....then i pound it into him somemore.....eventually he'll just shut down and stop talking to me wheni drill him hard enough (he has become very introverted). sometimes i'll glance into my rearview mirror and see her crying for no reason whatsoever, but as soon as she gets in his arms when we're out of the car SHE"S FINE AGAIN, laughing, giggling and all....i can't take this. He has no more ambitions.

I want some feedback because before she came around me and him could talk about anything....i'm thinking of ditching the both of them and wishing em a mediocre life together, any feedback?

 

[Kaine]

Ouch I feel for you man. It must be painful and fustrating to watch.

At least you guys are still hanging out. I've had friends TOTALLY disappear once they are in a "relationship". It's like an alien abduction, I wouldn't be suprised if its the girls shafting them in the a$$ with the strap on probe.

Unfortunately its gonna be as easy as asking a high class hooker for a student discount if you want to berate him into changing. He needs hear it from himself. Otherwise its like been lectured by mom, and he'll naturally resist.

Once he gets his heart broken or things turn majorly to slag, then maybe he will re-evaluate his choices and recognise there's a problem. I'm sure a lot of people here came from that angle and are now at least ready to accept a different paradigm of thinking.

I'd like to hear how anyone else would handle a situation like this.
Tough love? Just ignore the cow?.......

 

[-HPNOTIQ-]

F*ck em!

When he decides what he is doing is wrong...he'll find this site, IF he wants to. You've talked to him, you've given your advice...he's a man..he's got two nuts and a brain...let him use them how he wants. You'll just end up straining your friendship with him.

Find new friends..show him what he's missing out on..and maybe that'll turn him around.

Other than that, can't help anyone who doesn't really want it.

 

[wcknightjr]

Originally posted by Kaine
It's like an alien abduction, I wouldn't be suprised if its the girls shafting them in the a$$ with the strap on probe.

Dude that's an AWESOME visual!

 

[FunnyCide]

I think everyone here has been an AFC at some point and it's that fall as an AFC that brought us to think there must be a better way. I've tried to tell people about this site and they laugh at me and say "hah, you need advice on getting women!" while they watch me approach hot girl after hot girl at a club. Yet they still don't see my point...lead by example, and let him decide when he wants to stop being AFC and then lead him to the promised land.

 

[MetalFortress]

A tangent, but after all these years, anybody who STILL thinks that giving this site to someone to help them is a good idea... is an idiot. The best way to help an AFC in need is to have a talk with him about girls like you were his older brother or something - tell him how it's done, and show him how it's done. Only if they seem really receptive to the idea, like "oh I wonder if there's a website with advice", give the address out.

Sorry Fonz, I haven't enough experience with a situation such as yours to give that kind of advice - no super-AFC friends and such. Good luck though.

 

[napoleon]

EXPLAIN THIS? I know a guy that has a gf, and because of that he doesn't want to talk about other girls. For instance I see a perfect ass(10) and tell him would you hit this and he says - No, I have a girlfriend- WTF? I started fcking him in the head to tell me -I would fukk this girl.

 

[insomniac]

Looks like he might just have to learn for himself. When I was with my psycho ex, I wouldn't have listened to anything bad anyone would have to say about her...I couldn't see it. Talk about hell....she was so insecure and needy, always thinking I was checking out other girls, thinking I was gay (I'm checking out other women AND I'm gay?), I wasn't attracted to her, etc, etc. She'd get insecure in public or somewhere and end up clinging to my arm the rest of the night, and the most ridiculous was when she called me up at 3am one night because she had a dream that I was cheating on her! At the time I was so in love and just wanted to be "a man" and there for her. LOL!

Despite all that, I thought she was perfect at the time and wouldn't be told differently. I needed to experience the hell of that type of relationship to know never to get in another one like it again.

 

[Desdinova]

AFCs will only listen when they've just been kicked down and 5hit on. When they're "in love", their vision is clouded by their emotions. Just be there for him if and when this girl dumps his ass.

 

[Paintballguy]

You cant change someone, period. I have a very AFC friend I've tried to motivate with no success. If the person doesnt want to improve or change, they wont.

So you just have to be there for them until they want to change.

 

[Dukester]

Originally posted by Paintballguy
You cant change someone, period. I have a very AFC friend I've tried to motivate with no success. If the person doesnt want to improve or change, they wont.

So you just have to be there for them until they want to change.

exactly. you can NOT change someone if they do NOT want to change themselves.

i was like your friend once, but my ex was a 7. i owe it mostly to her for my AFC behavior, and even my DJ behavior. If not for her dragging me down to- what i call the lowest point in my life- i would never be where i am today. i would not be DJ

so just give your friend time. dont try to force n e thing on him if he isnt ready. luckily my best friend helped me through all taht sh!t, and helped me become DJ too. so he's lucky he has a friend that is willing to stick w/ him and help him thru this. '
dont give up on him just yet. he'll realize taht his life sux and want to change sooner or later (we hope sooner)