How to handle this situation

[TheBaconator]

So I just started talking to one of my ex's friends, not close friend anymore but once was, and she has recently gone through a breakup just like me. I think I made a big AFG move already by initating contact with her because we were both going through BU's, this was before I found this site. So anyway we talk online a bit and she seems friendly, little flirty, but when we are talking about the BUs she tells me that she thinks I will get back since we are so perfect for one another. I tell her that she couldn't be more wrong and continue to just chat it up with her.

Now i'm wondering what would be the best way to try to get a date with her without seeming needy or desperate, without her thinking im doing it to get back at my ex, and without her thinking she is scumbagging a friend.

 

[Lishy]

I think she is wary that you are not over your ex.

My advice is to remain as friends for a while and dont talk about your ex so much with her as that will make her think that you are not over her at all!

Are you really over your ex? If not then dont even consider dating until you are as all you will do is feel more conflicted in your own mind and you will hurt whoever you get with.

She is saying that to you to gauge how you really feel

Plus is she really over her ex too?

 

[Purple-Haze]

So I just started talking to one of my ex's friends, not close friend anymore but once was, and she has recently gone through a breakup just like me. I think I made a big AFG move already by initating contact with her because we were both going through BU's, this was before I found this site. So anyway we talk online a bit and she seems friendly, little flirty, but when we are talking about the BUs she tells me that she thinks I will get back since we are so perfect for one another. I tell her that she couldn't be more wrong and continue to just chat it up with her.

Now i'm wondering what would be the best way to try to get a date with her without seeming needy or desperate, without her thinking im doing it to get back at my ex, and without her thinking she is scumbagging a friend.

Out of curiousity, what makes you think that she wasn't testing you to see your response?

 

[TheBaconator]

I may not be 100% over the ex emotionally, but I know that it's over and i'm just focusing on moving on and meeting new women. But I did try to make it very clear to her that I am, and tried to make her feel better about her situation by talking up how we should be happy to be single and free. She said she still sees the ex which messes her up, but overall she said shes fed up with waiting on him while he strings her along.

To haze, you mean possibly teasing me about the whole being perfect together thing? I duno, she knows that I was with my ex for a very long time and we always did seem to be perfectly compatible up until the end.

 

[KarmaSutra]

You're both rebounding and bubbling in your loins for a new source of attention and affirmation. How best than with someone you know who is in the same predicament as you? Wrong. Completely wrong.

Lishy is right. You both need space and time to put those relationships behind you. Comfort each other, talk, eat, blather on about whatever but do not get in any sort of rebound commitment to each other.

Women and men handle breakups polar opposite. Men are more prone to finding a gauze pad to put over the heart wound. Women want the ambulance, the hospital, every Doctor with a 500 mile radius, thier friends, family and ,hell, even thier enemies to know that they're hurting.

It's about attention and validation and the amount of time to make your space a complete space.

 

[Purple-Haze]

I may not be 100% over the ex emotionally, but I know that it's over and i'm just focusing on moving on and meeting new women. But I did try to make it very clear to her that I am, and tried to make her feel better about her situation by talking up how we should be happy to be single and free. She said she still sees the ex which messes her up, but overall she said shes fed up with waiting on him while he strings her along.

To haze, you mean possibly teasing me about the whole being perfect together thing? I duno, she knows that I was with my ex for a very long time and we always did seem to be perfectly compatible up until the end.

No, not teasing you. Testing you. Sometimes a woman will say the exact opposite of what she means, i.e. "ohh, yeah that's cool you can go out with her" (her being a mutual friend), but what she really means is "let's see how you're going to respond fu@ker." This is obviously a simplified example, but get what I'm saying, right?

As Lishy said, you both are coming off of BUs...do you think it's a good idea to date this particular girl? Add to the mix the fact that she's friend with the ex. It may get messy. If you're alright with that, then go for it.

As for how to get her to go out with you. What is she like? What's her

 

[TheBaconator]

What's so bad about the rebound relationship? Honestly, i've been through the grieving stage and the only thing that bothers me to a degree is the lonliness. But i've dated other women after the BU and had a great time, and really am not looking for anything more then going out to have a good time. Also, i'm not pursuing this girl with any intention of getting at the ex, I've always had the hots for her but was just always in the LTR.

I guess the best would probably be to just stay friendly with her for a while. The only thing is I don't wanna get throw in the friendzone for good with her.

 

[TheBaconator]

No, not teasing you. Testing you. Sometimes a woman will say the exact opposite of what she means, i.e. "ohh, yeah that's cool you can go out with her" (her being a mutual friend), but what she really means is "let's see how you're going to respond fu@ker." This is obviously a simplified example, but get what I'm saying, right?

As Lishy said, you both are coming off of BUs...do you think it's a good idea to date this particular girl? Add to the mix the fact that she's friend with the ex. It may get messy. If you're alright with that, then go for it.

As for how to get her to go out with you. What is she like? What's her

Hmm, I guess it may have been testing but not sure.

As for what is she like shes a very upbeat type of girl, always laughing and seems happy. Likes to party and go clubbin. Don't really know much else yet.

 

[TruthSeeker]

I guess the best would probably be to just stay friendly with her for a while. The only thing is I don't wanna get throw in the friendzone for good with her.

I was in her shoes once and it took me a while to let him know that I was interested in dating him. First, I had to make sure I got over my ex completely (which gave him time to get over his) and next, of course to be sure that I was good enough for him to move on with.

 

[MacAvoy]

Out of curiousity, what makes you think that she wasn't testing you to see your response?

I agree with Purple that she was likely testing you. Lishy was also right about your mental states. But your both young and not likely to marry her so why not just start dating her now. Call her up and ask her, that way you don't spend the next 2 weeks thinking about her (thereby building up the attraction 100 fold in your mind), fantasizing about her. Cuz if you do that, thats the road to AFC'ville.

Call her up and ask her out, if she says no, find a new target & repeat.

 

[TheBaconator]

I agree with Purple that she was likely testing you. Lishy was also right about your mental states. But your both young and not likely to marry her so why not just start dating her now. Call her up and ask her, that way you don't spend the next 2 weeks thinking about her (thereby building up the attraction 100 fold in your mind), fantasizing about her. Cuz if you do that, thats the road to AFC'ville.

Call her up and ask her out, if she says no, find a new target & repeat.

Well I would do that but no number, only spoke online thus far. And I won't be thinking about her and fantasizing daily. After the ex I've seen a few women and haven't put too much thought into any when not with them or talking to them. I keep busy.

Also, in what way do you think it was a test? To simply see if I was over the ex?

 

[Purple-Haze]

Well I would do that but no number, only spoke online thus far. And I won't be thinking about her and fantasizing daily. After the ex I've seen a few women and haven't put too much thought into any when not with them or talking to them. I keep busy.

Also, in what way do you think it was a test? To simply see if I was over the ex?

Yes, to see how you'd react to the question. To see if she has anything to compete with IF she is interested (which is, at this point, is an assumption).

Bottom line is that you won't really know either way till you come right out and ask her.

 

[MacAvoy]

Like Purple said, she wanted your reaction and to see how strong your feelings for your ex are. If she gauged your feelings for your ex were too strong, she's going to bail on you. However its a sign of interest in you, but its also a sign that she's scared herself and is hesitant and she'll always be cautious with you.

 

[Purple-Haze]

Also remember that she may not even want to get involved with you if you are her friend's ex. Some women (and men) have personal codes by which they live...and dating the ex of a good friend is a no-no to some.

You should try to figure out if she's the type.

 

[TheBaconator]

Also remember that she may not even want to get involved with you if you are her friend's ex. Some women (and men) have personal codes by which they live...and dating the ex of a good friend is a no-no to some.

You should try to figure out if she's the type.

I'm really not sure about this. I'm thinking she might be, and if so is there any good lines I can use to make her not feel like she is dogging a friend. My ex basically fell out of love with me, so personally I don't think she has any right to be jealous of whom I decided to date. Now if this girl does bring up the friend issue should I just say something along those lines or just give it up?

 

[Purple-Haze]

I'm really not sure about this. I'm thinking she might be, and if so is there any good lines I can use to make her not feel like she is dogging a friend. My ex basically fell out of love with me, so personally I don't think she has any right to be jealous of whom I decided to date. Now if this girl does bring up the friend issue should I just say something along those lines or just give it up?

Me personally, I think the friend is fair game (if your ex left you). It'd be a different story if you broke up with her.

I can tell you that as a woman, if I feel strongly for someone (i.e. there is a LOT of attraction), I'd probably go ahead with it (after talking it over with the friend in question, sort of getting her A-OK). But not all women think like this (or will admit to it).

You may have to fish for the answer a bit. How long has it been since you broke up with ur ex and her with hers?

 

[JackPrescott]

I think she is wary that you are not over your ex.

My advice is to remain as friends for a while and dont talk about your ex so much with her as that will make her think that you are not over her at all!

Are you really over your ex? If not then dont even consider dating until you are as all you will do is feel more conflicted in your own mind and you will hurt whoever you get with.

She is saying that to you to gauge how you really feel

Plus is she really over her ex too?

Oh God, advice from one of the heifers at LS. No thanks, she is striving to preserve the vaginas of her fellow "sisters" from all mankind, so that all women will eventually turn lesbo, as is her dream.

DATE away, dont worry about being over her or not. If this bittch wants to sleep with you it wont matter, and if she doesnt, she is a flaky assed LJBF leech.

 

[TheBaconator]

Me personally, I think the friend is fair game (if your ex left you). It'd be a different story if you broke up with her.

I can tell you that as a woman, if I feel strongly for someone (i.e. there is a LOT of attraction), I'd probably go ahead with it (after talking it over with the friend in question, sort of getting her A-OK). But not all women think like this (or will admit to it).

You may have to fish for the answer a bit. How long has it been since you broke up with ur ex and her with hers?

I wouldn't want her to bring it up to my ex cuz im pretty sure she would block anything just to spite me. As for how long we've been single, both around 3 months.