How to handle rejection... or not?

[OnTheWayUp]

Hi people,

I've been dating around over the last few months looking to have fun, generally improve my skills with women and ultimately lose the v-card.

Got rejected by one girl today when I asked her out. I've told the story to a couple of friends of mine who are pretty good at pulling women, one of them thought I did the right thing, the other thought I was too harsh. See what you guys think.

Context: I've known this girl for about 2-3 months. She plays in a band I play in, and we see each other roughly once a week. We started talking properly about a month ago, which led to her inviting me back to hers one evening. I reciprocated about a week later. I didn't make a move other than the usual light kino/ play fighting: she's 18, very shy, about a 6-7 in looks and only towards Christmas did I feel that she felt she knew me enough to potentially make out with me/ escalate. It wouldn't surprise me at all if she's a virgin.

Yesterday, I remembered that this girl had seen a poster on my wall advertising a sport that we both like and had been like "oh, we should totally go to a game some time." Our local club's next match was today, so I shot her a text last night saying I was going and asking if she wanted to come.

This morning, she replied saying she was busy with classes at the time the game started. I went anyway with a (male) mate of mine. However, before doing so, given that I had taken her text as a form of rejection, I decided to be ironic and turn the rejection on her. As I had previously teased her for not going out enough before Christmas (she studies very hard), I was like "no wonder you hardly go out, you have classes till late every day!" I figured an interested girl would

a) have proposed in her initial reply that we go out a different day if she genuinely did have a class or
b) not liked the thought of me thinking that she doesn't go out enough, and asked me out in response to my second text.

What actually happened is that I got a fairly indignant response along the lines of "I didn't choose my timetable, just because you're free all the time..." Clearly I struck a chord.

But was this a good move, one that might make her ask me back to her room again another night if she is free? Or was it too harsh? Not massively fussed either way as there are plenty of other hot girls around in my town, but as all this is a learning experience, I'd like to make sure I respond to rejection in the right way in the future.

Cheers for reading.


OnTheWayUp

 

[shyguy32]

Well I think that you took a legitimate excuse that she had and took it personal. You should have just blown it off or said something like.

A. Lets look at your schedule and find a time we can go.
B. Dammit, stupid education...who needs it when theres fun to be had?
C. Awww Poor thing, I'll get you a tshirt...."this really hot guy I know went to the game and all I got was this lousy tshirt"

or something stupid like that, but I'm sure a million other things to say.

To me though, legitimate excuse of hers!!

Clearly....you need to step up the Kino also or you're going to fall in to the friend zone. Too many nights of no attempts to escalate is very bad.

 

[sinful]

I agree with shyguy32 100%.
I loved the third response (letter C), classic!

 

[btownbuck2012]

dude you're putting way too much thought into this one girl. She rejected you, that's it. MOVE ON. Look at how much energy you've put forward AFTER she rejected you. You've made a post about it, analyzed it to death, AND are wondering whether or not you've still got a chance. Forget about it man.

The reason I'm successful with girls is because I get rejected all the fvcking time. Let me repeat myself...THE REASON I'M SUCCESSFUL WITH GIRLS IS BECAUSE I GET REJECTED ALL THE TIME. I'm having sex with 3 girls right now But that's only because i got shot down by 30-40 of them as well. think about that

The worse thing you can do is think about and analyze this one girl any longer. Start chatting up new girls everyday and you'll realize that no matter how ugly, short, broke, etc you are there's always gonna be a couple girls out there who dig you

 

[OnTheWayUp]

dude you're putting way too much thought into this one girl. She rejected you, that's it. MOVE ON. Look at how much energy you've put forward AFTER she rejected you. You've made a post about it, analyzed it to death, AND are wondering whether or not you've still got a chance. Forget about it man.

The reason I'm successful with girls is because I get rejected all the fvcking time. Let me repeat myself...THE REASON I'M SUCCESSFUL WITH GIRLS IS BECAUSE I GET REJECTED ALL THE TIME. I'm having sex with 3 girls right now But that's only because i got shot down by 30-40 of them as well. think about that

The worse thing you can do is think about and analyze this one girl any longer. Start chatting up new girls everyday and you'll realize that no matter how ugly, short, broke, etc you are there's always gonna be a couple girls out there who dig you

Thanks for the reply mate, but I think you've slightly misunderstood me here. As an individual, I really couldn't care less about this girl. Actually, I already asked out another girl yesterday evening, hahahaha. I've been through the oneitis stage: it's brutal, I'm not going back there in a hurry. The point of this thread was to get an insight into how to handle rejection GENERALLY and see if it's possible to turn rejection around by taking it like a man.

 

[OnTheWayUp]

Well I think that you took a legitimate excuse that she had and took it personal. You should have just blown it off or said something like.

A. Lets look at your schedule and find a time we can go.
B. Dammit, stupid education...who needs it when theres fun to be had?
C. Awww Poor thing, I'll get you a tshirt...."this really hot guy I know went to the game and all I got was this lousy tshirt"

or something stupid like that, but I'm sure a million other things to say.

To me though, legitimate excuse of hers!!

Clearly....you need to step up the Kino also or you're going to fall in to the friend zone. Too many nights of no attempts to escalate is very bad.

Thanks for the reply man, and thanks to sinful for seconding it. You guys pretty much said exactly what one of my two DJ friends at uni said: ie I lowered my value by sounded pissed off and taking it personal.

My question to you guys though is this: is my reply really that harsh? I mean, I could have said far harsher things! For example, I could have replied "Screw you, I'm never talking to you again," or something along those lines. It's a bit of an extreme example, but hopefully you get my point. My reply was just an (albeit ironic) observation about this particular girl's personality.

On the kino issue, I'm progressing as fast as I can. As I said in my OP, this girl is shy- possibly a virgin even. I've hung out with her alone twice, both times we play-fighted, I brushed imaginary bits of food of her face, etc etc. I tried touching her hand a bit the second time we hung out, but she pulled away. Further escalation at such an early stage would have been futile, of that much I am certain.

On the subject of the replies you guys suggest, I've got to be honest, I'm not a fan of A, sounds very AFC or "I like you so much that I will do anything to see you on your terms at a time to suit you" to me. I don't find B or C especially funny either. My friend who didn't like my reply actually didn't think I should have bothered replying at all. He said that if a girl says something he doesn't like, he never replies, because any attention from him is a positive thing for the girl, and having rejected him, the girl is undeserving. What do you guys think of that?

 

[shyguy32]

Well everyone uses "game" a little bit different I guess, but I don't see the problem in working around someones schedule to hang out with them.

Maybe I'm wrong, but finding out when both of your schedules match up isnt' being AFCish IMO!

See to me I play different "games" with different chicks, some you have to be a little more alpha and some you have to be less alpha! Your actions...how you talk to them, how you treat them, how much kino to use and how little to use is going to depend on the woman. So if all that stuff can change from woman to woman so can your need to control the situation at all times. I'm not saying don't be in control, I'm saying sometimes compromise is needed in certain situations and bending on the scheduling of a date is needed sometimes.

What if you said lets meet at 7 and she said I can't meet til 8? You're bending to HER desires....so should you just say "forget it we'll do it another night"?

Different women, different rules.....you use certain skills to attract them and get the number which usually are the same skills for most women, but your interaction with each woman is going to vary and you need to feel each one out to figure out how to act/react to them.

These are my opinions and I'm sure you're going to find people who will disagree....your choice on how to do things. I'm just offering advice.

 

[OnTheWayUp]

See to me I play different "games" with different chicks, some you have to be a little more alpha and some you have to be less alpha! Your actions...how you talk to them, how you treat them, how much kino to use and how little to use is going to depend on the woman.

I think this is a point that isn't stated enough on SS. A lot of people here have a tendency to view things in such black and white terms:


"Kino escalate and go for the make out on the first date, or you're screwed!"
"Always be aloof, no matter what!"
"Always call rather than text!"


Statements like these often contain a good deal of truth as general guidelines, but they need to be moderated to suit the context and the individuals in question. In my case, I feel that my ironic quip might have worked better on a more experienced girl, who might have taken the hint and rescheduled then and there. In hindsight, I think that the softer approach along the lines of "when are you free, let's find another time" would have worked better. Applying general DJ principles to specific situations is something I will work on on the next girl I ask out.

It remains to be seen whether the girl the OP was written about is still interested. I'm seeing her in band practice this evening. I'm intrigued to see if she'll treat me any differently.

Any other perspectives on the OP are welcome.

 

[OnTheWayUp]

For those who've been following the thread, you might be interested to know that I met up with this girl at band yesterday, and she treated me as if nothing had changed. Looks like I was overanalysing after all, hahahaha.

In other related news, a different girl rejected me yesterday. This time I'm trying the "ignore it" tactic. 3 more dates next week to look forward to.