Originally posted by Pimpster
My girlfriend and I have been together for 4 months. She's becoming a big ***** lately .... Its more of rude comments than anything.
This could be a couple of things.
It could be that her good behavior is going and you're seeing the real person underneath. This was stated above.
It could be that she is seeing what kind of bad behavior she can get away with and whether you've balls enough to handle her--in effect, like a child, they want you to take control and set the rules. I know a lot of young guys are not used to asserting themselves and defining how others should treat them. If you, like I was once, are quiet and don't say much (because you expect decent behavior as a base-line behavior)--she'll see this as non-responsive behavior from you and will push for a reaction--she'll force you to define the limits so that she'll get to see what you think and feel about the relationship and her. The worst thing you can do is not react and let the behavior continue--she'll continue to lose IL and respect for you.
Or it could be that she's found someone else but hasn't quite "landed" him yet. Or she wants out and doesn't want to take the blame for it. So she starts being bytchy and picking fights in prep for her saying "you know, it's just not working out, LJBF..."
I'm not going to leave her, but i feel she should know that i'm mad.
You need to think this part through. I suppose you have already. I'm not saying you should consider next'ing her at every provocation, but I'd suggest you be a bit more flexible on this point. If this bytchiness continues as is, will you still hang around??? If this bytchiness is really who she is, will you stay with someone like that? If she gets the sense that you are here and have no other options, she may not take seriously anything you do to get her back into line.
If you do know you can and will leave (yes--that you can next her next week if you have to, even if that means chucking her out the door and going without a GF for a long time) she will pick up on it and listen to what you say. If she get's the sense you have few other options and will stay with her, she will get that you're desperate and won't really have to listen to you.
On the other hand, i feel i should be a DJ and not be effected by her words. Even though i am. That i should just make it seem like it didn't effect me....
It isn't that you shouldn't be affected by her words, it's that you will not be all that affected when you see past the histrionics and see what her behavior is and where it's coming from. You're doing the right thing by stepping back and seeing what it means. As for when she pulls crap in the moment, you can easily bring attention to the inappropriateness of her behavior by saying "Excuse me?" in such way that says "Oh no no no! You DID NOT just tell me to..."--as in, what you just did is unacceptable and I will NOT take it. She has one chance to correct it or you tell her where she can get off, or you just get up and leave. One thing manipulative people (that includes bytchy people) understand is you leaving--some wise man said that.
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