How to handle approach invites?

[SargeMaximus]

Hey guys, just got back from the store. This used to happen to me a lot and today it happened so I’m kind of excited.

Anyhow I was at the self checkout and I saw an attractive (to me) woman pushing her cart towards the exit. I gave her a good long up and down gaze, really drinking her in with my eyes. Then I sighed and went back to checking out.

a few minutes later I was done and when I went to the exit, that girl was there! Pretending to be interested in something.

as I approached she turned around and walked towards the exit completely blocking my
Path. She slowed down and as we went to the sliding doors, I noticed she checked the reflection. When I was able to pass her I did so but man how obvious can you get?

problem is I don’t want to talk to her for a conversation. If it was a dating app I’d just say “hey trouble” and see how she responds then go into sex talk or setting logistics to bang right away.
So irl there is a huge disconnect for me and I don’t talk to people just to be social because I’d rather burn my hand on a stove repeatedly.

Any how, wanted to share. Hoping someone has a congruent solution I haven’t thought of

 

[BackInTheGame78]

If you aren't willing to be social then you might as well stop with this nonsense. Human interactions are a thing. Either accept that as a price of doing business or choose not to do business.

Or come off looking like a socially inept weirdo.
Your choice.

You are asking the equivalent of how to go swimming in the water without getting wet. You can't. Either go swimming and accept getting wet or don't and stay dry. Can't do both.

The reason why you or anyone hasn't come up with a solution is because there isn't one. You are creating a problem of your own making that cannot be solved and honestly is a ridiculous constraint to have in the first place that makes virtually no logical sense based on what you want to happen.

 

[SargeMaximus]

If you aren't willing to be social then you might as well stop with this nonsense. Human interactions are a thing. Either accept that as a price of doing business or choose not to do business.

Or come off looking like a socially inept weirdo.
Your choice.

You are asking the equivalent of how to go swimming in the water without getting wet. You can't. Either go swimming and accept getting wet or don't and stay dry. Can't do both.

The reason why you or anyone hasn't come up with a solution is because there isn't one. You are creating a problem of your own making that cannot be solved and honestly is a ridiculous constraint to have in the first place that makes virtually no logical sense based on what you want to happen.

I don’t accept that. You’re familiar with the phrase “there’s more than one way to skin a cat”? Yeah, so there’s not just one way to be social. It isn’t: be like every other extrovert or nothing.

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

problem is I don’t want to talk to her for a conversation.

"I want to have sex with a woman but I don't want to have to start a conversation with her"

Get a sex doll.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I don’t accept that. You’re familiar with the phrase “there’s more than one way to skin a cat”? Yeah, so there’s not just one way to be social. It isn’t: be like every other extrovert or nothing.

OK, let me know how that works for you. You sound like you are special.

 

[Michael Chief]

I don’t accept that. You’re familiar with the phrase “there’s more than one way to skin a cat”? Yeah, so there’s not just one way to be social. It isn’t: be like every other extrovert or nothing.

What you described in your OP isn't introversion; it's straight up social anxiety. I'm an introvert and I still approached a lot, though not as regularly as a lot of extroverts might.

You saw a woman you found attractive, she gave you approach invitations, and you intentionally avoided interacting with her. That ain't right.

Don't use introversion as an excuse to never do approaches, especially when she's making it so, so easy for you. Think of it like this: the dance has already begun. She saw you checking her out. It's like the conversation already started, just without words. Transitioning to actually using words after that is like wading just a little further out into the pool.

You may also benefit from systematic desensitization training with a therapist trained in CBT.

 

[SargeMaximus]

What you described in your OP isn't introversion; it's straight up social anxiety. I'm an introvert and I still approached a lot, though not as regularly as a lot of extroverts might.

You saw a woman you found attractive, she gave you approach invitations, and you intentionally avoided interacting with her. That ain't right.

Don't use introversion as an excuse to never do approaches, especially when she's making it so, so easy for you. Think of it like this: the dance has already begun. She saw you checking her out. It's like the conversation already started, just without words. Transitioning to actually using words after that is like wading just a little further out into the pool.

You may also benefit from systematic desensitization training with a therapist trained in CBT.

I approached hundreds of women when I first started pua. I’m tired of reiterating this.

Im not anti social (I did door to door sales for over 7 years) I just don’t like the typical way people suggest. It isn’t congruent with me and comes off as fake so I would get blown off anyways

OK, let me know how that works for you. You sound like you are special.

well I do get laid somehow. I find it odd you aren’t open to different ideas. I’m not anti social just anti THAT style of social if that makes sense

 

[Ricky]

We all have instances like this. We see someone attractive and we hesitate to talk to her. Alot of times its just fear or not knowing what to say.

having a default thing to say could be helpful. At the grocery commenting about something in her cart would be natural.

it is tough to work in these situations where you may want to close quickly and people are around. Dont beat yourself up about it

 

[SW15]

The more difficult part for me is actually getting good invitations to approach. If I get good approach invitations, I do not have difficulty making approaches.

 

[Michael Chief]

I just don’t like the typical way people suggest. It isn’t congruent with me and comes off as fake

OK I can feel ya there.

It sounds like texting a girl "Hey trouble" after you match, then moving straight into sexualization depending on her response is congruent with your style and what you're looking for. Why not do that in real life approaches? You can project a flirty vibe in what you say initially and ramp it up if she reciprocates. I can see this working very well in those situations where you get approach invitations.

 

[SargeMaximus]

OK I can feel ya there.

It sounds like texting a girl "Hey trouble" after you match, then moving straight into sexualization depending on her response is congruent with your style and what you're looking for. Why not do that in real life approaches? You can project a flirty vibe in what you say initially and ramp it up if she reciprocates. I can see this working very well in those situations where you get approach invitations.

I’ve thought of that tbh. But how? Literally say “hey trouble”? How to recover if she isn’t receptive?

 

[Michael Chief]

I’ve thought of that tbh. But how? Literally say “hey trouble”? How to recover if she isn’t receptive?

Try it out! I might try out "Hey trouble" too. Sounds fun.

It shouldn't really matter what the initial words are. Projecting sexual state (à la Gunwitch Method) while you say whatever opener should produce the same or similar effect.

After that, she's going to reciprocate that vibe, react negatively, or something in between (like 60 Years of Challenge's whole green, red, yellow light concept). You can just walk away from red lights, no harm no foul. You can work with green lights easily by doing what you already do. Yellow lights just take some more game if you want to pursue them, or just walk away if you can't be bothered. Up to you.

It just sounds like direct game is your thing.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I approached hundreds of women when I first started pua. I’m tired of reiterating this.

Im not anti social (I did door to door sales for over 7 years) I just don’t like the typical way people suggest. It isn’t congruent with me and comes off as fake so I would get blown off anyways

well I do get laid somehow. I find it odd you aren’t open to different ideas. I’m not anti social just anti THAT style of social if that makes sense

I'm always open to new ideas but again, you want to go swimming in the water without getting wet. That's not going to happen. There are limits to everything, putting in zero effort, being anti-social and having no sort of convo in a SOCIAL environment is never going to work unless she is so hot for you that she basically does all the work for you, which is highly unlikely in that sort of environment.

Maybe in a nightclub or bar setting on very rare occasions, if you are super hot, then OK, I could see it. In the scenario you are describing? No way. Context matters.

Again, I literally witnessed an Eastern European dude that was a friend of a friend out with us one night that was model level good looking, and he took a girl out back behind the dumpster and fvcked the sh!t out of her and then her friend literally walked up to him and said "When is it my turn?" about 15 minutes after they got back inside
and he took her by the hand and fvcked her behind the same dumpster.

That's what you seem to want, but you have neither the looks NOR the environment to make that work with the scenario you are giving.

 

[SargeMaximus]

Try it out! I might try out "Hey trouble" too. Sounds fun.

It shouldn't really matter what the initial words are. Projecting sexual state (à la Gunwitch Method) while you say whatever opener should produce the same or similar effect.

After that, she's going to reciprocate that vibe, react negatively, or something in between (like 60 Years of Challenge's whole green, red, yellow light concept). You can just walk away from red lights, no harm no foul. You can work with green lights easily by doing what you already do. Yellow lights just take some more game if you want to pursue them, or just walk away if you can't be bothered. Up to you.

It just sounds like direct game is your thing.

Yeah direct game is my thing. I don’t like to aimlessly chat. I will give it a try and see how things go. Problem is I won’t know what to do if she reacts positively because you can’t exactly do sexual talk in a grocery store

I'm always open to new ideas but again, you want to go swimming in the water without getting wet. That's not going to happen. There are limits to everything, putting in zero effort, being anti-social and having no sort of convo in a SOCIAL environment is never going to work unless she is so hot for you that she basically does all the work for you, which is virtually never going to happen.

Well I’m gonna try what me and Michael Chief were talking about. Hardly no effort

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Yeah direct game is my thing. I don’t like to aimlessly chat. I will give it a try and see how things go. Problem is I won’t know what to do if she reacts positively because you can’t exactly do sexual talk in a grocery store



Well I’m gonna try what me and Michael Chief were talking about. Hardly no effort

Here is the thing with direct game tho that most people don't understand in this environment. It works for some people because they have EXCEPTIONAL social skills and understand all the nuances and granular details involved in those type of interactions, how to read people and how to portray themselves a certain way that maximizes their success. Based on what you have said you assuredly do not have those skills. At least not in person.

Approaching like that in this environment with a person who is afraid of interacting socially is going to be an unmitigated disaster, IMO.

For this to work you have to be far above average socially, not well below average and using it as a way to hide from being social.

 

[SargeMaximus]

Here is the thing with direct game tho that most people don't understand in this environment. It works for some people because they have EXCEPTIONAL social skills and understand all the nuances and granular details involved in those type of interactions, how to read people and how to portray themselves a certain way that maximizes their success. Based on what you have said you assuredly do not have those skills. At least not in person.

Approaching like that in this environment with a person who is afraid of interacting socially is going to be an unmitigated disaster, IMO.

For this to work you have to be far above average socially, not well below average and using it as a way to hide from being social.

How about you let me worry about my limitations and you can support me or ignore me? I did direct game during sales. It’s the only way it worked. I NEVER did the chat and build rapport thing. Anyway it’s a step in the right direction. Either way I’ll have to calibrate as I go. Being defeatist isn’t the answer.

 

[RazorRambo24]

Sarge man, with respect, 90% of your posts come off as a defeated man who has like little testosterone or motivation in life.

I feel like some of what you say, either you're just imaging things in your head or you actually are an attractive and desirable man to women. But for some reason your perosnality screams defeated .. like a broken man.. who just goes around ... "sighing" after oggling a woman down.. thats just weird.

I have no idea what you went through in life to make you like this, whether a bad divorce, or a woman you loved cheating on you, or losing a major job or w.e it was.. But sht man, do you not notice your own attitude?

----- BUt to answer your question, you can never know until you try man. You keep passing up situations where you feel theres an opportunity.

and--- to play devils advocate, I get it man-- alot of people have trouble with approach, you're not alone--- but whats different in you is what I mentioned above.. you just seem defeated/lacking confidence. I mean you even mentioned having alot of experience in Pickup and Sales and stuff, so id ont see what the issue is besides lack of inner game (self esteem/self confidence/motivation)

 

[NealIRC]

Looks to me this woman missed out on approaching you. Her loss.

 

[SargeMaximus]

Looks to me this woman missed out on approaching you. Her loss.

This is the way

 

[Michael Chief]

Problem is I won’t know what to do if she reacts positively because you can’t exactly do sexual talk in a grocery store

"The pickup artist is the exception to the rule."

I think that was Neil Strauss.