How to get over the idea that women don't want me to approach them?

[Deicide]

I have a confidence problem when it comes to approaching women. I always feel like they don't want men approaching them during the daytime, and I guess I got this idea of "only pervs and psychos hit on women during that time", which isn't true. I'm still nervous at night time, but I'm much more comfortable because I feel like if they're in a bar or club, they're game for being approached. I don't feel guilt for approaching taken, engaged, or married women in night time environments. But I feel bad for doing it in the daytime, and there could be repercussions for doing it in a small town setting(getting threatened, assaulted, bad reputation among all, etc...). So if I see two attractive women during the daytime together, I'm thinking "Her friend probably won't like me, and they'll just walk away" or "Why would some stranger give me a number after a minute of talking?". Because I've had so many women walk away from me during Day Game, it's my expected response. At night time, the best bars and clubs are an hour away, so it costs me $ to do it. And I've never pulled doing it, so I'm starting to think it's a waste of money.
Ironically, I want a stable of women to bang. My mind won't let me accept it though due to societal and confidence bs. I want quality women instead of emotional wreck women that I get through social circle. When I meet people through friends, I'm so confident on a social scale. But when it comes to attracting women and all that, I'm not.
My relationship game is very good though. I know when to push and pull and not care.
I really want to get over my fear of approaching. I've been doing it for a year or so, and I haven't gotten much progress at all. I have no idea how to not be insecure or confident. I'm actually terrible at pushing myself to do things, but when I have people pushing me, I shine.

 

[r0cky]

You have to approach DESPITE the fear. The fear will always stay there with you. The unconscious fear of other males coming after and killing you for trying to take their woman is actually a natural instinct.

Next time you see a girl you want to approach, take notice of the excuse that comes into your head, and then dismiss by saying to yoursef "thats just my mind trying to make it seem (whatever its making it seem)".

For example if your mind comes up with the following excuse
"she'll see that I'm trying to pick her up, and I'm gonna look like a creep and its gonna be weird", then, without being mad or frustrated that your mind is making up these excuses, think "thats just my mind making the approach seem weird".

This works for me like a charm to disconnect the fearful thought from controlling me, and even tho the fear comes back sometimes, it is easily bypassed again.

Also watch this vid:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wXWflJS2TkE&feature=player_embedded#at=14

 

[cablecow15]

^^ good vid , I think I may watch that tomorrow before I go out

 

[JohnChops]

Cool video, pretty much it says just talk to girls that are less attractive first to build momentum. I like the idea

 

[MisterD]

My bread and butter is social circle game, but if you're going to cold approach look at it from this mindset:

You're playing with house money.

When you started your day, you didn't know that hot chick walking down the street. If you don't approach her, it stays that way. Your life doesn't change for the worse. However, if you DO approach her, you may have the chance to sleep with her.

Don't approach: your life is as you left it, no positive or negative change
Approach: possibility for a positive change

There are no negative results because if she turns you down, for whatever reason, your life is as you left it. It's not like you got rejected so now you need to pay a fee, or give up your most prized possession. Nothing is taken from you if you get turned down. It's a win only situation.

Fortune favors the bold.

All Time Home run leader for the Yankees: Babe Ruth
All Time Strike out leader for the Yankees: Babe Ruth

can't hit a home run if you don't swing

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

A lot of people think the idea of a man is to go in without fear regardless of circumstances. That men who pull women can do it any time of day and with any woman. Horsesh1t.

You need to learn how to read body language. People in general, especially women tell you a lot more about how they are feeling with their bodies than with their words. Is she sitting with her arms crossed? Is she positioned at a window table angled towards the window with her back to the entrance? Does she seem preoccupied with her cell phone? Does she make regular eye contact with anyone? Etc, etc etc. You need to learn how to read these clues.

For example, there was this cute girl at an office nearby where I used to work (she worked for a different company). I used to see her riding the elevator at lunch and often, I was with a colleague and her in the same elevator. First off, most people feel awkward in an elevator. But I read her body language carefully. She ALWAYS had her back to the crowd. She even angled her body towards the corner of the elevator. She had her eyes on her blackberry 100% of the time. These are all alarm bells that say "STAY AWAY". I never made a remote attempt to talk to her, because I knew it was a losing battle.

My colleague got ****y. I was not there, but he proudly said that he chatted her up in the elevator like he was some master PUA and that she in fact was not a ***** as she appeared to be. Like his suave moves changed her. Well of course she's going to talk back. SHE'S STUCK IN AN ELEVATOR WITH HIM. She doesn't have a choice. Ignoring him would make things even more awkward.

Guess what? From then on, I noticed that she started taking the stairs (we we only 2 floors up).

So lesson learned? Read body language. The only people who will tell you that you can pick up any girl no matter what are the ones who hold PUA seminars and charge you $1000. They have a vested interest in getting you to believe that horsesh1t. Reality is, you CAN'T pick up any girl because not all girls are receptive to being "picked up". Yes I know there are all sorts of sports analogies people use like "you miss 100% of the shots you don't take"....but approaching women should not be a game of brute force. You don't need to approach 100% of women that you are interested in. My counter to those sports type quotes is that yes, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take, but the ones who score the most don't always take the most shots.

Does a lion pick the gazelle that is staring right back at it or does it try to sneak up on an unsuspecting gazelle? Use body language to your advantage to pick targets out from the sure failures.

Good hunting fellas.

 

[cablecow15]

A lot of people think the idea of a man is to go in without fear regardless of circumstances. That men who pull women can do it any time of day and with any woman. Horsesh1t.

You need to learn how to read body language. People in general, especially women tell you a lot more about how they are feeling with their bodies than with their words. Is she sitting with her arms crossed? Is she positioned at a window table angled towards the window with her back to the entrance? Does she seem preoccupied with her cell phone? Does she make regular eye contact with anyone? Etc, etc etc. You need to learn how to read these clues.

For example, there was this cute girl at an office nearby where I used to work (she worked for a different company). I used to see her riding the elevator at lunch and often, I was with a colleague and her in the same elevator. First off, most people feel awkward in an elevator. But I read her body language carefully. She ALWAYS had her back to the crowd. She even angled her body towards the corner of the elevator. She had her eyes on her blackberry 100% of the time. These are all alarm bells that say "STAY AWAY". I never made a remote attempt to talk to her, because I knew it was a losing battle.

My colleague got ****y. I was not there, but he proudly said that he chatted her up in the elevator like he was some master PUA and that she in fact was not a ***** as she appeared to be. Like his suave moves changed her. Well of course she's going to talk back. SHE'S STUCK IN AN ELEVATOR WITH HIM. She doesn't have a choice. Ignoring him would make things even more awkward.

Guess what? From then on, I noticed that she started taking the stairs (we we only 2 floors up).

So lesson learned? Read body language. The only people who will tell you that you can pick up any girl no matter what are the ones who hold PUA seminars and charge you $1000. They have a vested interest in getting you to believe that horsesh1t. Reality is, you CAN'T pick up any girl because not all girls are receptive to being "picked up". Yes I know there are all sorts of sports analogies people use like "you miss 100% of the shots you don't take"....but approaching women should not be a game of brute force. You don't need to approach 100% of women that you are interested in. My counter to those sports type quotes is that yes, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take, but the ones who score the most don't always take the most shots.

Does a lion pick the gazelle that is staring right back at it or does it try to sneak up on an unsuspecting gazelle? Use body language to your advantage to pick targets out from the sure failures.

Good hunting fellas.

Very good post , love your translation of the sports reference too .

 

[coochieman]

A lot of people think the idea of a man is to go in without fear regardless of circumstances. That men who pull women can do it any time of day and with any woman. Horsesh1t.

You need to learn how to read body language. People in general, especially women tell you a lot more about how they are feeling with their bodies than with their words. Is she sitting with her arms crossed? Is she positioned at a window table angled towards the window with her back to the entrance? Does she seem preoccupied with her cell phone? Does she make regular eye contact with anyone? Etc, etc etc. You need to learn how to read these clues.

For example, there was this cute girl at an office nearby where I used to work (she worked for a different company). I used to see her riding the elevator at lunch and often, I was with a colleague and her in the same elevator. First off, most people feel awkward in an elevator. But I read her body language carefully. She ALWAYS had her back to the crowd. She even angled her body towards the corner of the elevator. She had her eyes on her blackberry 100% of the time. These are all alarm bells that say "STAY AWAY". I never made a remote attempt to talk to her, because I knew it was a losing battle.

My colleague got ****y. I was not there, but he proudly said that he chatted her up in the elevator like he was some master PUA and that she in fact was not a ***** as she appeared to be. Like his suave moves changed her. Well of course she's going to talk back. SHE'S STUCK IN AN ELEVATOR WITH HIM. She doesn't have a choice. Ignoring him would make things even more awkward.

Guess what? From then on, I noticed that she started taking the stairs (we we only 2 floors up).

So lesson learned? Read body language. The only people who will tell you that you can pick up any girl no matter what are the ones who hold PUA seminars and charge you $1000. They have a vested interest in getting you to believe that horsesh1t. Reality is, you CAN'T pick up any girl because not all girls are receptive to being "picked up". Yes I know there are all sorts of sports analogies people use like "you miss 100% of the shots you don't take"....but approaching women should not be a game of brute force. You don't need to approach 100% of women that you are interested in. My counter to those sports type quotes is that yes, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take, but the ones who score the most don't always take the most shots.

Does a lion pick the gazelle that is staring right back at it or does it try to sneak up on an unsuspecting gazelle? Use body language to your advantage to pick targets out from the sure failures.

Good hunting fellas.

Very true. But not completely. Here's why:

Reality is NOT mathematics. There's no one definite answer or solution to things in real life. Events, actions and reactions are flexible. It would be funny to conclude that every woman out there facing away, sitting with her arms/legs crossed or seeming only interested in her phone is absolutely unapproachable. NOT every girl who speaks "come and get me" BL or seems initially interested in you would end up with legs open for you.

Again, Reality is NOT mathematics.

What is true is that body language is the best indicator or interest meter we've got any time, any day.

Here's the thing. if ever you know you are truly conscious or concerned about the results of your approach for reasons best known to you, then use body language as a favorable filter.

If not,[say you are in a park somewhere, or in strange lands, somewhere with zero risks, somewhere nobody knows about your nasty chick-boning history or you happen not to just give a fvck that day] then APPROACH! Everything else should be second to the fact you have to APPROACH.

Know what you stand to gain balanced with what you have to lose. And most of the time, THERE'S NOTHING TO LOSE!

Afraid? Yeah, we understand. Still approach. Good thing is, you'd get better with time and practice.

Get used to rejection. Wanna be a DJ right? Nothing comes easy. That's the price we pay. And pvssy surplus is the success we enjoy.

Mrs. Elevator-Blackberry started taking the stairs. So? Who cares? It didn't take a dollar out his wallet, did it? Does she/It affect his smile, mood, personality or carriage?

"Losing battle"? Dude, what makes an approach a "battle" in the first place? What's with so much emphasis on an approach?

No sugar-coating or sweet talking:Every shot not taken is a shot missed. Final. Whether it was worth not taking it or not is your business. Approaching is no sport, there's no furious coach on the sideline watching you missing 70% of your chances, there's no academy graduate eager to replace you.

Who cares how many shots you take? All that matters is the amount of babes ringing your phone, wanting to get a night with you rather than how many you approach during the day.

Many times I've said this: if a dude somehow kills his fear of APPROACHING and ESCALATING completely, he'd bed so many babes. And until you observe him relate to girls, you'd think soo-soo highly of him before you realize the only thing he has working for him is the numbers of chances he takes.

Rejection is normal, just don't succumb to it. 3 billion women worldwide, maximum of 100 years to live. Wake up.

 

[cablecow15]

I think TillTheEndOfTime is saying that if you aim for the pick ups that you will more than likely achieve , your confidence and mood will increase a lot faster than simply hitting on everything that moves

shots destined to fail hurt your confidence more than not taking them

the key of course if being able to tell real signs of disinterest , and the signs you will make up for yourself

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

I think TillTheEndOfTime is saying that if you aim for the pick ups that you will more than likely achieve , your confidence and mood will increase a lot faster than simply hitting on everything that moves

shots destined to fail hurt your confidence more than not taking them

the key of course if being able to tell real signs of disinterest , and the signs you will make up for yourself

You got part of it! There is no point in killing your confidence by approaching girls that are giving you the "STAY AWAY" signs. That is, unless you like getting rejected.

The second part is that you are wasting time! While you are fighting a losing battle with a girl that has her b1tch shields up in full force, that HB8 that just walked by? SHE WAS INTO YOU MAN. And you missed it.

That is why reading body language to sift through the girls who obviously don't want to be approached can help you overall.

 

[MisterD]

TilTheEndOfTime,

while I agree with what you're saying; if i got it right, the OP is talking about approach anxiety. Getting anxious to approach women in general, regardless of whether they're giving IOI's or not. Some men won't approach even if the girl seems interested becuase of fear of getting shot down.

If that's the case, if that's what this thread is dealing with, you have to convince yourself to take the shot. You don't lose anything by taking a shot.

The main idea here is getting the courage to approach random women. Whether they're giving you hints or not is different and I agree, you need to use a sniper rifle not a machine gun. But to get over approach anxiety in general, you have to remember, if you approach and get rejected, hey, life is unchanged. If you approach and are successful, hey, you just added a new hottie to your life.

 

[Mike32ct]

I prefer to screen my targets using my gut instinct before approaching. My best nights were when I did one or two approaches only. The problem is, the right type of woman for me is rare when I go out. So sometimes I have to go on a PUA "suiside misssion" by approaching lots of females I have little chance with.

Definitely try to make eye contact first though. If her eyes go up, she's basically rolling her eyes at you. You have no chance. Eject immediately. If she looks horizontally, she's unsure. If she looks down, that's submission which is great. Cablecow, you can read more about this in the Leil Lowdnes book you are getting.

Back to the OP. I think you want us to tell you that women want to be approached (during the day or whenever) to make you feel better. I would love to do that, but I can't because it's not really true.

Most women you encounter really DON'T want to be approached, unless you are some elite guy (to them) whether it's model looks, status, money, etc.

So where does it leave guys (like me) who aren't in that category? We gotta approach anyway. Try to check eye contact or body language first, but sometimes you just have to roll the dice and try.

I'll use a business analogy. Do businesses want to be bothered by job candidates that aren't "elite" ? No, they don't want to be bothered. But if you really need a job, but aren't the ideal candidate, you gotta say screw it and try
anyway.

While I rarely take advice from females, I asked something very similar to the OPs question to a HB9 once. She told me, "Men need sex. A predatorr shouldn't be afraid of his preyy."

(I misspell on purpose to make my posts less searchable on the outside.)

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

TilTheEndOfTime,

while I agree with what you're saying; if i got it right, the OP is talking about approach anxiety. Getting anxious to approach women in general, regardless of whether they're giving IOI's or not. Some men won't approach even if the girl seems interested becuase of fear of getting shot down.

If that's the case, if that's what this thread is dealing with, you have to convince yourself to take the shot. You don't lose anything by taking a shot.

The main idea here is getting the courage to approach random women. Whether they're giving you hints or not is different and I agree, you need to use a sniper rifle not a machine gun. But to get over approach anxiety in general, you have to remember, if you approach and get rejected, hey, life is unchanged. If you approach and are successful, hey, you just added a new hottie to your life.

True. But I am saying one of the first steps is learning to read body language. At least when you have an idea that she's open to being approached, it will help lessen your anxiety. It gives you one less worry on your mind. Of course actually making the approach is the next hurdle.

I think everyone has approach anxiety. I had it bad before. What helped me is reading body language. That gave me confidence, because I could almost always pick out the friendly girls from the b1tches just based on their body language alone.

Reading body language takes some of the guess work out of the approach and helps build confidence. I believe it is more efficient and productive than approaching every single girl you think that you might like to get over your fear of rejection like some people suggest. I understand their philosophy, but why knock your head through a piece of dry wall when you can use a sledge hammer? Body language is a tool. Use it. That's all I'm saying.

 

[r0cky]

OMG. You guys stop avoiding rejection!

You will never become a steel hard player if you dont FACE your fears.

Go out there and get rejected. F U C K that. Go break your feeble confidence.
Confidence is like a muscle after its broken it comes back stronger.

Some of you are such PU55IES.

Beleive me, I say this with all due respect, I wanna see you guys succeed, it'll make for a better world.

But for God's sakes quit being scared of unfriendly women!!

 

[Packers2010]

My bread and butter is social circle game, but if you're going to cold approach look at it from this mindset:

You're playing with house money.

When you started your day, you didn't know that hot chick walking down the street. If you don't approach her, it stays that way. Your life doesn't change for the worse. However, if you DO approach her, you may have the chance to sleep with her.

Don't approach: your life is as you left it, no positive or negative change
Approach: possibility for a positive change

There are no negative results because if she turns you down, for whatever reason, your life is as you left it. It's not like you got rejected so now you need to pay a fee, or give up your most prized possession. Nothing is taken from you if you get turned down. It's a win only situation.

so what your doing is seeing her relative hand strength?

( yes, i used to be addicted to poker. quite since 8/11/11 )

 

[coochieman]

God bless you, r0cky!
They just don't get it, do they ?

Face your fears! How many times do you want DJs, PUAs and such to tell that REJECTION IS PART OF THE GAME! You've seen this countless times and you don't still want to assimilate and incorporate it ?!

'Cos a woman isn't friendly towards you doesn't necessarily make her a b*tch, it simply means she is most likely not interested in you... that's all. Face it, and don't sugarcoat it or care.

Honestly, if you were certain to be approached by women everyday, would you be receptive to every bloody woman that came knocking? You would come up with quickfire methods to evade those you seem "not up to par".

Its their way of scanning and filtering. We do the same, the issue is we "approach" those who pass our initial filtering and in most cases this initial filtering is based on only appearance, individual taste and preferences. [Do we approach HB2s, 3s & 4s in hopes of wanting something serious? Do we even approach them at all? LOL. This doesn't mean we're not "good people", simply means we are not just interested yet.]

Like I said before.... approach always. The exception is only when you have a very reasonable reason not to.