How to get her interest/attraction up again?

[Dave Paul]

Well met this girl 3 month's ago and talked alot, her interest level was raising up and she was like always texting me, and everything was going well.

Then i don't know what the **** happened and my deseperation came into the picture. I became clingy and always texting her, asking her to reply back soon and when ever the time she don't text me back, i texted her asking what's wrong.

You get the situation? So even after all the deseperation and clingyness, thing's still kept going awesome for 1 week but then i saw her getting distant. I stopped my deseperative behaviour and tried to fix it.

But the problem that i did was i kept on asking her what is wrong? What's bothering her and why she don't talk the way she used to do, and she kept giving me answer's that It's just that I'm over-thinking and nothing is wrong at all.

Now current situation:

She flake's almost all the times. She is very much distant, don't text me at all and it's always me texting her. When she talk's, she show lack of interest as only I keep telling stuff and she's like "Oh i see" "Hmm" and etc and rarely talk about something (Before she used to write hell long texts). And most of the time she say's "Gotta go bye" very early. That's how texting is going.

When i meet her, she leave very soon and talk's in monotone, and also doesn't share's something good with me.

I know there are plenty of other girl's on this planet and i can get myself someone who's worth giving some *little* value

But it'll be very exciting and great if i can somehow spark her interest level back up again like it was before. Have anyone else been in the same situtation and then successfully grab her interest back again?

Few friend's advised that I should just ignore her, and not text her again and soon as she realize that she finally ****ed me away, she'll be back chasing me.

I also thought about just not talking to her (until she text herself) but the problem here is, we can only ignore the one who talk's but it's next to impossible to ignore someone who's already ignoring us, it may she don't care about it. What do you guy's think? Not texting her all of a sudden will help ?

We mostly used to do late light texting but now she say's that she sleep very early (Which i think is a lie, how can someone change routine all of a sudden and at the same time she's showing lack of interest).

The problem which i think is that I've had become so much clingy and my all the time texts and call's annoyed her.

I've learnt alot from this lesson and also read some part's of the dj bible, but the question is about this girl, if i do the same thing that she is doing to me, will she react? Will she text me on her own? As we know attraction is not logical, so once she felt the old attraction again, she won't care about how emotional and clingy i was in the past, she'll just feel attracted if i correct those thing's now, what you guy's say?

Please advice me any fix of the situation and also explain it's logic please.

Your help will be greatly appreciated

 

[DonJuanabe]

Do not contact her at all, ever, for the next 18 months. Then give it a shot.

 

[Renegade357]

You rushed into rejection. It's counter intuitive but learn to go slow with women even when they make it seem like it's okay to go fast.

 

[Dave Paul]

Do not contact her at all, ever, for the next 18 months. Then give it a shot.

18 months? That's too long time dude.

You rushed into rejection. It's counter intuitive but learn to go slow with women even when they make it seem like it's okay to go fast.

Yeah well learnt this, but as u can see my situation, is it worth to have any hope's of getting her attraction back? If i start to ignore her, and do not contact her now unless she do it. Would it make her react or so?

 

[JoeMarron]

Texting her every 5 seconds sure as hell isn't gonna help. This is pretty much done. Move on and maybe one day you might have another chance with her. For now pretend she never existed.

 

[DonJuanabe]

Why is it too long? Because you are needy? Because you pine for her? Her emotional mindset is that you are pathetic and she isn't interested. Period. Contacting her will do one of two things: 1) nothing - if you're lucky; 2) annoy her - which is more likely the case. Your presence cannot change her emotional mindset - only your absence and her negative experiences with other guys. Only after her emotions for you are back to neutral do you have a chance, and that takes TIME, more time than you'd like it to be, but it doesn't matter what you would like, it only matters how she feels.

More important than this particular woman, you need to learn how to maintain control over your emotions and what is and is not proper behavior and mindset with women.

 

[Renegade357]

The guy who said 18 months was not kidding. That's how long minimum it takes to MAYBE get a reset and that's IF you do everything right. I've done this a few times and I can tell you it's amusing but nowhere near worth the effort. Move on dude.

Once a woman's interest level drops under a certain point there is nothing you can do within the next 18 months. Sorry.

 

[Dave Paul]

I see, but i hear on google, people saying they ignorred the girl for few week's and once she sense that she could have lost you -- she begins to react.

Any more advices.

 

[Renegade357]

I see, but i hear on google, people saying they ignorred the girl for few week's and once she sense that she could have lost you -- she begins to react.

Any more advices.

Yeah, that's if you haven't already run things into the ground. You're supposed to be aware and sense things this early then back off. I think it's too late in your situation.

 

[Plutoman]

If, when she had started getting distant, you had backed off - a few weeks would be fine.

Instead, you've just dug your ditch. To get out, it'll take time.

Simple answer: meet other women. There's a lot of them.

 

[lamobatsman]

the question i have here is why she suddenly lost interest?? after she was into the texting and long written texts? why she suddnely got distant?bThat wasnt his fault

 

[Purefilth]

the question i have here is why she suddenly lost interest?? after she was into the texting and long written texts? why she suddnely got distant?bThat wasnt his fault

She loved the attention to start with, but it got old. OP offered her no challenge, she knows she has him.
plus the clingy, needy messages.... eugh

No challenge =No interest
No challenge =No interest
No challenge =No interest
No challenge =No interest



Get it?

 

[Dave Paul]

Her interest lowed because of my ****'en smothering. So there's really not any chance of getting any reaction fast from her if i just disappear and stop texting?

I'm already NC until she text.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Aw, poor guy... you've only had 4 post on here, so I'm going to tell you what I've told everyone else in countless threads, and which you have shown proof of in your own...

Texting KILLS Relationships.

Re-read that, burn it into your memory, and never do it again.

Real talk: your countless texting to her, while not the sole factor in her interest being lowered, played a great part in it. And here's why:

1. IT SHOWED YOU WERE TOO AVAILABLE
2. SOME OF YOUR TEXT PROBABLY CAME ACROSS AS PATHETIC AND NEEDY
3. YOUR PATHETIC AND NEEDY TEXT WERE DOCUMENTED FOR HER TO BE ABLE TO READ OVER AND OVER AGAIN - THUS, YOUR OWN WORDS WERE ABLE TO CONVINCE HER OF HOW LAME YOU WERE BECOMING
4. YOU TOLD HER SO MUCH OVER TEXT, SHE DIDN'T HAVE A NEED TO SEE YOU BECAUSE EVERYTHING YOU'D SAY IN PERSON YOU'VE ALREADY MESSAGED HER
5.TEXTING HER THAT MUCH ALSO LET HER BELIEVE YOU HAVE NO OTHER OPTIONS; GIRLS WANT TO BELIEVE THEIR MAN IS WANTED BY OTHER CHICKS, BUT SENDING CONSTANT MESSAGES MADE HER THINK OTHER GIRLS MAY NOT DESIRE YOU

I could go on all day... but the point is, you shouldn't have text her that much. You should have spoon-fed yourself to this chick during the first 3 months so that she could spend the time away from you building up her interest in you by wondering just how much you like her. You took all the guess work out of it, though, and now she's bored; you look needy, so now she's wondering just how much you worship her; and, she heard from you too much, and can't imagine you'd have anything else interesting to say.

Texting KILLS relationships.

At this point, she may come back at some point, but it's really hard for a girl to take you back because she'll always be waiting for the version of you that she dumped to come roaring back. I'd say start looking for new girls, and when you find one, only use the phone to set up dates. All the stuff you want to message a chick should be reserved for the date, and you shouldn't be getting all chatty Cathy with them between dates.

Hope this helps!

 

[VladPatton]

As I was scrolling I was thinking how is that Harry's TKR line isn't here? Then, voila! Here it was lol.

Dude, stop with the phone, man. You didn't just kill this attraction. You dragged it, hung it, quartered it, stuck it in a guillotine and cremated it.

Once a girl's interest drops, your relationship is over, stop trying to ignite it again, it's over.

I'm gonna let Sargeant Hartman tell it best:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LwMIAwrIeuY&feature=youtu.be#t=14s

 

[lamobatsman]

She loved the attention to start with, but it got old. OP offered her no challenge, she knows she has him.
plus the clingy, needy messages.... eugh

No challenge =No interest
No challenge =No interest
No challenge =No interest
No challenge =No interest



Get it?

This is also for Harry.

Now if u do recall my post and my thread with the situation i had with my girl.
Now if a girl is writing you all the time every day, then after a few weeks like in this case IL drops. What is the reason? Cos this guy looks like no different to mine.
Also the girl i was chatting to did the same needy and clingy ****. She was very much like this at te beginning. If i ddint reply she would say are you busy or why u not reply back. she did this all the time. But when i did it it looks clingy and desparate?

I dont know how you can blame Dave because if a girl is riting to me every day and has high IL tehn suddenly not so high, of course he is going to wonder what is going on? Anyhow if the girl reli liked him she wudnt have stopepd texting him

 

[Purefilth]

This is also for Harry.

Now if u do recall my post and my thread with the situation i had with my girl.
Now if a girl is writing you all the time every day, then after a few weeks like in this case IL drops. What is the reason? Cos this guy looks like no different to mine.
Also the girl i was chatting to did the same needy and clingy ****. She was very much like this at te beginning. If i ddint reply she would say are you busy or why u not reply back. she did this all the time. But when i did it it looks clingy and desparate?

I dont know how you can blame Dave because if a girl is riting to me every day and has high IL tehn suddenly not so high, of course he is going to wonder what is going on? Anyhow if the girl reli liked him she wudnt have stopepd texting him

Link it and ill have a look - I stand by my answer here though.

Likely someone else came along who wasnt clingy and sappy and didnt scare her off with hoards of daily essay length texts.

If she's "why you no answer me"ing then thats good. you have the little hamster spinning away, you were busy, whatever - you can do a quick "busy right now, talk later" message at your convenience.

"why you no answer me" is better than
"eugh needy clingy - NEXT" alongside
"3 months - all talk no action - NEXT"
Boy got nexted through too much text(girltalk)and not enough action(man stuff).
you get me?

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Now if a girl is writing you all the time every day, then after a few weeks like in this case IL drops. What is the reason? Cos this guy looks like no different to mine.

You're not recapping his story correctly. Here's what he said:

Well met this girl 3 month's ago and talked alot, her interest level was raising up and she was like always texting me, and everything was going well. Then i don't know what the **** happened and my deseperation came into the picture. I became clingy and always texting her, asking her to reply back soon and when ever the time she don't text me back, i texted her asking what's wrong.

See the part in bold? That's where he went wrong - she didn't stop texting him until HE started texting HER too much and came across as desperate and needy.

Real talk: in a relationship, there are just some things that girls can get away with that us guys shouldn't do. Women can call, text, message us all day and it not bug us because, to us, it shows interest. However, men can NOT do the same thing to a woman - it comes across as non-masculine, being needy, un-trusting (i.e. always texting her asking what she's doing and/or who she's with) clingy... the list goes on and on.

Also the girl i was chatting to did the same needy and clingy ****. She was very much like this at the beginning. If i didn't reply she would say are you busy or why u not reply back. she did this all the time. But when i did it it looks clingy and desperate?

The problem is, you're trying to relate to a woman as if she thinks like a guy. Real talk, there needs to be a book called "Think Like a Woman, Act Like a Man," 'cause the way you and Dave are reacting to these girls when they allegedly complain about something is all wrong.

In your situation: if a girl is saying stuff like "why didn't you reply back" or asking if you're busy, it means she has high interest. However, your response to these comments shouldn't be to change your behavior and start writing back/contacting her more, but to keep doing the EXACT same thing you've been doing so that her interest remains high. All the girl is saying is that she's frustrated because, when you don't contact her back, she doesn't know what you're doing. And she's DYING to know, but since you're being a challenge and a mystery at times she can't quite figure you out. And you don't WANT a girl to ever figure you out COMPLETELY because once she does, the fun is over for her - she knows everything about you, becomes BORED of you, and starts looking for someone else.

I'm telling you - STAY OFF THE PHONE AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. Use it to set up date times and places, and that's it. At the very least, do this until the girl is your girlfriend, and even then, keep texting/calls/messaging/etc. to a minimum. Always strive to have more face-to-face time with a chick, and leave the things you'd talk about in a message for your dates so you'll actually have stuff to talk about when you meet up. Hope this helps!

 

[Purefilth]

You're not recapping his story correctly. Here's what he said:

See the part in bold? That's where he went wrong - she didn't stop texting him until HE started texting HER too much and came across as desperate and needy.

Real talk: in a relationship, there are just some things that girls can get away with that us guys shouldn't do. Women can call, text, message us all day and it not bug us because, to us, it shows interest. However, men can NOT do the same thing to a woman - it comes across as non-masculine, being needy, un-trusting (i.e. always texting her asking what she's doing and/or who she's with) clingy... the list goes on and on.

The problem is, you're trying to relate to a woman as if she thinks like a guy. Real talk, there needs to be a book called "Think Like a Woman, Act Like a Man," 'cause the way you and Dave are reacting to these girls when they allegedly complain about something is all wrong.

In your situation: if a girl is saying stuff like "why didn't you reply back" or asking if you're busy, it means she has high interest. However, your response to these comments shouldn't be to change your behavior and start writing back/contacting her more, but to keep doing the EXACT same thing you've been doing so that her interest remains high. All the girl is saying is that she's frustrated because, when you don't contact her back, she doesn't know what you're doing. And she's DYING to know, but since you're being a challenge and a mystery at times she can't quite figure you out. And you don't WANT a girl to ever figure you out COMPLETELY because once she does, the fun is over for her - she knows everything about you, becomes BORED of you, and starts looking for someone else.

I'm telling you - STAY OFF THE PHONE AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. Use it to set up date times and places, and that's it. At the very least, do this until the girl is your girlfriend, and even then, keep texting/calls/messaging/etc. to a minimum. Always strive to have more face-to-face time with a chick, and leave the things you'd talk about in a message for your dates so you'll actually have stuff to talk about when you meet up. Hope this helps!

you explain things much better than me - have some rep

 

[Dave Paul]

Update: I didn't contacted her whole day today, and she texted herself!

We talked for about 1 hour, and her behaviour seemed little better then before ( might be just my own guess )

As before she stopped doing all talks on her own and it was only me bringing up all the topic's but today she had at least few thing's to say.

Her behaviour was a little better (fun) then before.

Just better as compared to the past, not good enough though.