how to get back get back in the game?

[speakeasy]

I recently turned 30 and find myself in a rut that has last over a year now. I've never been very successful with women though I've had my chances here and there. I've been told I'm a decent looking guy, women will often say "cute" I think I'm at least average. I'm smart, well-adjusted, have a decent paying job, drive a decent car, wear fashionable clothes, blah blah. My point is, I'm a pretty normal well-rounded guy in all areas of life, except for the female arena.

Most of my friends are now in relationships or married, I pretty much have no one to go out to clubs and bars with to meet girls as I did in the past, none of my friends knows anyone they can set me up with.

I boiled the problem down to this...My entire life is structured in such a way that I'm not in many situations where I can meet young, available women. At this age, it becomes harder as you're not in school, many of your friends are now married(no wingmen).

I don't know if any of you guys have been in this situation and been able to turn things around for the better. I really need to get this problem handled and I don't know where to start.Any advice on steps I can take to change my life in this arena?


ps - I plan on giving the online dating sites a chance again. I've not had much success with it in the past, but what the hell I'll try again.

 

[tmpgstx]

Dating sites suck. I'm in the same prediciment and have been for awhile. The girlz i hear consider me very good looking but am having a hard time meeting the available ones that aren't mentally fvcked up.

Friends have all moved away and were nerds anyway ..lol. My job is a dead-end for women as it is being a computer programmer/engineer. Family has no connections, just married and married friends.

My only resource now is the gym, though i must say am getting some very nice feedback from the ones i'm strongly attracted, one in particular.

 

[jonwon]

I can totally relate to all this stuff.

I got involved in a LTR and my friends drifted away, most are now married or so caught up in other things, my schedule is no longer suited to there schedule.

But I managed to find a few friends and am trying to build friends from there friends and friends from there friends.

Thing is I know where I went wrong, I found a good friend then it was usually me and him and a few others grouping, when you drift apart there is no one to fall back on since the pool is so shallow.

No I am focusing on building that friend base, talking to friends of friends and taking as many opportunities as I can to get on a friend lvl by putting myself out there.

You must have 1 friend who has friends, well take the opportunity to talk to the friends and get to know them, what they like what there social patterns are and make is seem you like the same stuff, not I a geeky way ofc but in a cool guy way, like hey maybe we can hang out and pull chicks is always a great guy opener since it is a universal male language.

If you have no mates go to places like the gym e.t.c get familiar with the regulars, then start conversations when you feel comfortable ask them on tips and teqniques take it from there. Join martial arts classes or other male stuff, enrol in a football club or club Football teams, guys at work ask them to go out for a few beers, they maybe as friend less as you are!

Guys are pathetic at making friends there is this macho barrier that we don’t drop ever, girls on the other hand can make friends very easily.

Online dating I don’t like it cant make it work for me and tbh I don’t think it is the place for rounded ppl to go, seems to be full of ego trip ppl or girls who are fine but still have a taboo on online dating guys, since it is still preserved as kind-a sad so your social proof is already at a bottom.

Guys I know that make online dating work put in a hell of a lot of effort in msn/text/chatting before initial meet ups.

 

[Desdinova]

Most of my friends are now in relationships or married, I pretty much have no one to go out to clubs and bars with to meet girls as I did in the past,

This is an excuse. Why do you need friends to attend a club with? Why can't you go by yourself? Because it's not "cool" to go places by yourself?

You don't need a babysitter to go out and have a good time.

none of my friends knows anyone they can set me up with.

You're relying on other people too much. Start relying on yourself to make connections with other people. Nobody else is going to do it for you, so you have to do it yourself.

My entire life is structured in such a way that I'm not in many situations where I can meet young, available women.

List your REAL barriers, and we'll help you work around them.

At this age, it becomes harder as you're not in school, many of your friends are now married(no wingmen).

A wingman isn't a necessity to meet women. Being forced into a social gathering (school) isn't necessary to meet women. Since you are no longer required by law to attend a social setting, you need to find your own. Bars, clubs, toastmasters, local interest groups and concerts are all places you can attend to meet new people.

Any advice on steps I can take to change my life in this arena?

Read the DJ bible, take in knowledge, and put the knowledge to work in the real world.

I plan on giving the online dating sites a chance again.

Online dating is useless if you don't have any social skills. If you don't build your social skills, your success (or lack of) will be the same when you meet a woman outside the virtual chat room.

 

[Vulpine]

speakeasy, I am in the same situation. First and foremost, ditch the negative attitude for something a little sportier. You aren't in a bad position. Look around.

Read my field report/journal.
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=100718

You have to sarge everyone if you are starting from scratch: chicks, dudes, bartenders, gas station attendants, the barista at the coffee shop, the people next door... chat up everyone. Why? First of all, it's fun to just talk to people, and the face-time is valuable. Second, you will get introduced to people THROUGH people. Neighbors, for example, will introduce you to their friends when you bump into them in the hallway. "Hey Vulpine! Have you met this HB?" "Not yet, Hi, I'm Vulpine." "Hey, you should come up later for a ****tail if you aren't busy." "You know what? I did have plans, but I'll stop up beforehand and visit." "Great, see you later!"
And third, you develop your social skills and take on a friendly/outgoing demeanor.

Go out alone. It sounds hard, but go out, get a ****tail and start talking to the person next to you. While you're doing that, scan the area for some friendly looking folks to talk to next. Sometimes the person you talk to will introduce you to friends, sometimes you'll pick up some EC's - there's your cue! Wrap up your convo and move to the next set. If you work it right, should you fail a set, you can head back to another one and pick up another conversation. People don't have a problem talking with strangers... provided they are friendly, funny, positive, etc. If you run around all bummed-out, then people are going to give you the brush!

I have people introducing themselves to ME now just because they see me around and see I'm a friendly guy. "Hey, my name's Mike." "Hey, howya doin? Vulpine." "Yeah, I see you around. We've never met, so I thought I'd introduce myself." "So, where have you seen me?" (Starts conversation)

Stay away from the online garbage, that stuff is toxic and is good for nothing more than picking up scummers or entertainment.

As much as this seems like poor advice, sometimes it's wise to pick up a "slump breaker". You can pick up a FB anywhere, if you lower your standards a bit. If you have a plate spinning, then the ball is rolling and your confidence changes - even if the FB is only a 5 or 6. Then, you can start targeting the 7's, 8's, and above with little to be nervous about: you have a steady piece that you can call up anytime. Good luck guy.

 

[speakeasy]

Just a comment, I'm noticing that everyone is hard on the online thing, but one of my two best friends met a wonderful woman on match who he is now married to. So while it may not be the thing for everyone, there are people who have done quite well using the online services.