how to frame a boring social life

[poohead]

imagine you are an rafc, just starting down the dj path - you are a good looking guy with a lot of things to offer - good career, family, education, own your own home, many interests. the problem: in order to get to this good place in your life, you have had to work extra hard on your career for the past few years, you enrolled in graduate school on top of your regular full time job for another few years and for a long time most of your free time was taken up by studying or working overtime. on top of that, for the past five years you were in a LTR, an unhealthy codependent one in which the two of you relied on each other for all your emotional support -- your friends from college quickly dwindled, fell away, moved, lost touch, got married and had kids. add to this your natural personality tendency to be more reserved and intellectual.

you are now single and are trying to get back in the game. the problem: you have very few friends compared to most people. you have a few work friendships you hang out with once in a great while, but mostly just hang out at work. you have a couple of buddies you hang out with - they are nice guys, but they are mainly afc guys who are happily clueless and have no interest in joining you on the path. They will go to bars with you sometimes, but they will not make you look better or be a proper wingman for you. They don't particularly make you look cool either. You don't have any female friends. You could go out at least a couple of times a week if you wanted to, but about half the time you decide to stay home and work on your hobbies.

how do you frame this seemingly work-and-career obsessed, minimal socializing, lifestyle with someone you are dating? women want a fun guy that has an exciting social life, with lots of friends - you want this too, but it is something you develop over time and unfortunately that's not your current state of affairs. they will eventually catch on how you really are, despite all your attempts to paint yourself as a playboy. how would you frame this, and avoid coming off as a boring nerdy workaholic?

 

[disfunktional]

Hi mate,

Sounds like a similar situation to mine. I have a group of friends that I have known for years however I am moving away from them soon to a city where I know very few people. The mindset I am in about this is to concentrate on increasing my social circle once I get there by making new friends. Picking up women is not going to be my priority as I need to be comfortable with my own life first. I can only suggest to try and get out as much as possible and meet people. Can you meet people through your interests? Or try to pursue new interests where you can meet new people.

Take it easy.

 

[three12]

they will eventually catch on how you really are, despite all your attempts to paint yourself as a playboy. how would you frame this, and avoid coming off as a boring nerdy workaholic?

Poohead,

assuming you are the guy in the story, you're doing great in life. Do NOT stick yourself to the first girl who shows interest because you deserve a wicked girl.

Its actually quite easy to become a playboy poohead. So long as you've got a couple of big balls.

When you go out, meet girls. Put in 5 days holiday at work. Set that week aside for going out. Only go for SOLID number closes. Really SOLID. Girls who you may or may not have interest in. You should be able to get 3 solid number closes a night, even with little skill. Doing this for 6 nights, you've now got 18 options. lets allow for a 60% flake rate (Very high in my opinion) and you still have 6 options.

Theres 7 days in a week. 6 options. I think you'll have too many options to fit into your week. Making you SEEM like a playboy. Although you might not be getting laid, you can weasel your way into going out with these girls and her friends. You'll be entering as "A great guy!" and she will probably have some hot friends. You can branch off anywhere.

Take charge of your sexuality the same way you have your wallet.

three12.

 

[Tha Realnezz]

I tell people like that to sign up for some courses at there local colleges.There's a crazy amount of women around there and some guys your own age to connect up with.


Going to clubs by yourself isn't really smart unless you're very attractive.

 

[Jackman]

Poohead, what major city do you live in or close to and how old are you?

 

[Slique]

Do Yoga, Pilates, or join the gym. That'll increase ur circle of friends, perhaps win you a wingman, or score you a date even.

Best way to frame your social life is picking the best thing about it, and blowing it up like its the best thing that has ever happened to you.

When i did a degree in fine arts, i painted this gigantic canvas of what i called "Vietnam" and in it were blood, guts, bullets, flying limbs, and an american soldier with a gas mask on. But I failed that assessment cuz it was not what the client was looking for. I asked a friend what was wrong with it. It had enough detail to convey what i was saying. Even the title says it all. That's when he told me to cut out a frame in a piece of A4 paper and look at my painting through this little frame. I got the exact same result.. except now there was enough said in a tiny bit of detail - blood in a river.

The Renaissance artists were all about subtracting to their art... not adding. Less is more. Find that piece of your life that you find amazing, share it with passion to your date, and they too will be impressed by your passion in life.

Are you an architect? Tell her about how you laugh at the building across the street cuz the architect had a phallic obsession.
Perhaps a dancer? Tell her how much life comes into your soul when you let your body move to the beat.

You get the picture?

Make the best of what you got, and believe in it. Mate, she will admire you for it... no doubt.

 

[Permission]

How about cold approaches?

 

[Dead Sexington]

I have to say I'm in a position with some parallels to yours, but I am younger.

I'm very much an intellectual and while my social skills are good I find myself becoming more and more reserved the more/longer I study. I know I'll be very successful financially with a good degree (Law/Commerce likely) in a few years times but I just find it difficult to find time to get out and meet people here and now.

It sounds like I'm making excuses and the truth is that I am.

Slique, your suggestion regarding talking about what you know is a good one, but I know better than to ramble about math, science etc.

(sorry poohead, this thread is[/i] about you )