HalfPUAHalfAFC
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Jul 10, 2012
- Messages
- 323
- Reaction score
- 62
My user name is HalfPUAHalfAFC. The reason is I do a lot of things well and I often blow it, even after a great opening and setting up a day2. Here's an example, maybe you can learn from it.
Two weeks ago I was at an outdoor music event in my town. Lot's of women, some younger (probably close to the ages of many guys on this board) and some older (closer to my age, 45). And some are very hot, even a few older ones.
I see one. Blonde, fit, good looking, etc., probably 30-40 and an HB8 for her age. I had previously practiced an opening in this environment, using it on a married woman I had no intent on hitting on. I just wanted to see how it worked and did this: "Excuse me, but I saw you standing there and couldn't help but notice you have an incredible sense of style." She blushed, thanked me, and said I made her week. I'm thinking this could be gold, though you have to in fact use it on someone you can tell has spent time cultivating a particular look. You are NOT lying in this instance. So, congruence and honesty are real here.
Well, I used a similar opening on the blonde: "Hi, sorry to bother you, but I couldn't help but notice how well you are put together. Nice style, unique looking. Impressive." She was stunned, thanked me. Me: "Well, someone should let you know, you've obviously worked on yourself. My name's is XXXX". She smiled, introduced herself and we parted. Creepiness factor=0.
I watched her from afar, saw her go for another drink, and then came up beside her. Me: "Hey XXXX, I need to go and meet my friends, but I'd kick myself if I didn't ask you out for some coffee." She's impressed, I pull out my phone, get her number, ring her phone so she has mine. We part.
In the next week we text to set up a coffee date, in the morning, given her schedule.
So, the good: confidence (cold opening), good eye contact, good opening (notice her effort on style), false time constraint (social proof... meeting friends) that means I won't be around to hover over her, etc. Texting was only to figure out logistics... no blowing up her phone.
Aaaaannnd then I blow it.....
We meet at 8am for coffee. This can really set one up for failure really. Hard to flirt, kino, get sexual, or anything like that in this setting. Anyway, I show up, looking sharp. Still, we have a decent conversation. I qualify her, try to slip in a little DHV here and there, and everything is light and positive. But....
Maybe a few too many interview type questions.
Only a few emotional spikes.
I offer to pay, since I asked her out ("you can pick up the bill next time").
So it's time to go. Walk out to her car. "We should go out and do something again" (no specific plan). She agrees but says her schedule is really tricky (lives out of town, only in town two days a week, has kids). "Just let me know when you have time open and we'll organize something" (no specific time. bad). She agrees.
Awkward side-hug, mainly initiated by my moves. Ouch.
(I know exactly what I should have done afterward, but all my confidence,frame control, and leading just went out the window the moment it was time to part, make plans, get a little physical, etc.)
Later that day I send the typical "nice to meet you text" and the next day I get one back..."nice to meet you too!!!!". Wow, FOUR WHOLE EXCLAMATION POINTS.... This puts me in over-analysis / optimist mode.
But I just had to screw with it, didn't I?? I had forgotten that when she's out of town she is often out of cell range.
So what do I do? Instead of just doing nothing and sticking with our agreement (i.e., she'll contact me with her available time to meet again), I send her a text a few days later (while she's out of town) saying, "Hey XXXX, lets meet for coffee against on Tuesday and we can plan further adventures from there." Problem? (1) Needy, (2) I forgot she's not likely to get it until she gets into town again (3) she gets into town again ON TUESDAY, so basically I'm asking her for a meet up in a way it will impossible for her to do. E.g., she gets to work, opens text, sees I asked her to coffee for the hour before she already started her shift.
I haven't heard from her (it's been about 4 days since I sent the text) and doubt I will.
And she was hot, available, smart, and fun. And at my age, these women do not stay single long.
I'm an idiot sometimes.
The problem fellas is that women of all ages these days will cut you out for the slightest freaking infraction. And the more demand the woman is out on the market, the more options she has and the more she's likely to turn her nose up at your slightest infraction. Yea, it stinks. That's why you gotta keep your game "tight". My example was a good instance of doing it right up to a point and then blowing yourself out.
I've got plenty of stories of doing things great and doing it really poorly.
Being on both sides of that fence really helps when I read good game posts and chodey/AFC behaviors and laments. Gotta keep brushing up, remembering what works and avoiding the screw ups. It's a process and you do not "arrive" one day and henceforth it is always a piece of cake. Constant work, struggle, and learning and improving.
Two weeks ago I was at an outdoor music event in my town. Lot's of women, some younger (probably close to the ages of many guys on this board) and some older (closer to my age, 45). And some are very hot, even a few older ones.
I see one. Blonde, fit, good looking, etc., probably 30-40 and an HB8 for her age. I had previously practiced an opening in this environment, using it on a married woman I had no intent on hitting on. I just wanted to see how it worked and did this: "Excuse me, but I saw you standing there and couldn't help but notice you have an incredible sense of style." She blushed, thanked me, and said I made her week. I'm thinking this could be gold, though you have to in fact use it on someone you can tell has spent time cultivating a particular look. You are NOT lying in this instance. So, congruence and honesty are real here.
Well, I used a similar opening on the blonde: "Hi, sorry to bother you, but I couldn't help but notice how well you are put together. Nice style, unique looking. Impressive." She was stunned, thanked me. Me: "Well, someone should let you know, you've obviously worked on yourself. My name's is XXXX". She smiled, introduced herself and we parted. Creepiness factor=0.
I watched her from afar, saw her go for another drink, and then came up beside her. Me: "Hey XXXX, I need to go and meet my friends, but I'd kick myself if I didn't ask you out for some coffee." She's impressed, I pull out my phone, get her number, ring her phone so she has mine. We part.
In the next week we text to set up a coffee date, in the morning, given her schedule.
So, the good: confidence (cold opening), good eye contact, good opening (notice her effort on style), false time constraint (social proof... meeting friends) that means I won't be around to hover over her, etc. Texting was only to figure out logistics... no blowing up her phone.
Aaaaannnd then I blow it.....
We meet at 8am for coffee. This can really set one up for failure really. Hard to flirt, kino, get sexual, or anything like that in this setting. Anyway, I show up, looking sharp. Still, we have a decent conversation. I qualify her, try to slip in a little DHV here and there, and everything is light and positive. But....
Maybe a few too many interview type questions.
Only a few emotional spikes.
I offer to pay, since I asked her out ("you can pick up the bill next time").
So it's time to go. Walk out to her car. "We should go out and do something again" (no specific plan). She agrees but says her schedule is really tricky (lives out of town, only in town two days a week, has kids). "Just let me know when you have time open and we'll organize something" (no specific time. bad). She agrees.
Awkward side-hug, mainly initiated by my moves. Ouch.
(I know exactly what I should have done afterward, but all my confidence,frame control, and leading just went out the window the moment it was time to part, make plans, get a little physical, etc.)
Later that day I send the typical "nice to meet you text" and the next day I get one back..."nice to meet you too!!!!". Wow, FOUR WHOLE EXCLAMATION POINTS.... This puts me in over-analysis / optimist mode.
But I just had to screw with it, didn't I?? I had forgotten that when she's out of town she is often out of cell range.
So what do I do? Instead of just doing nothing and sticking with our agreement (i.e., she'll contact me with her available time to meet again), I send her a text a few days later (while she's out of town) saying, "Hey XXXX, lets meet for coffee against on Tuesday and we can plan further adventures from there." Problem? (1) Needy, (2) I forgot she's not likely to get it until she gets into town again (3) she gets into town again ON TUESDAY, so basically I'm asking her for a meet up in a way it will impossible for her to do. E.g., she gets to work, opens text, sees I asked her to coffee for the hour before she already started her shift.
I haven't heard from her (it's been about 4 days since I sent the text) and doubt I will.
And she was hot, available, smart, and fun. And at my age, these women do not stay single long.
I'm an idiot sometimes.
The problem fellas is that women of all ages these days will cut you out for the slightest freaking infraction. And the more demand the woman is out on the market, the more options she has and the more she's likely to turn her nose up at your slightest infraction. Yea, it stinks. That's why you gotta keep your game "tight". My example was a good instance of doing it right up to a point and then blowing yourself out.
I've got plenty of stories of doing things great and doing it really poorly.
Being on both sides of that fence really helps when I read good game posts and chodey/AFC behaviors and laments. Gotta keep brushing up, remembering what works and avoiding the screw ups. It's a process and you do not "arrive" one day and henceforth it is always a piece of cake. Constant work, struggle, and learning and improving.