I've been trying to do this for a while. Before, in my nice guy-and-proud-of-it days, I would get attached to a woman. The whole I'll die if I don't get her to be mine mindset. I have moved on a bit from that, but it is still there, lurking in my mind. This caused me to somehow associate thoughts of her with thoughts of places or things. I was with this girl from Chicago. She liked the Cubs. Now, I can barely think of Chicago, Cubs, Bears, Hawks, North Side, South Side, anything to do w Chicago without thinking of her and having ugly feelings come back. This is currently screwing with me right now, for example. I'm trying to go with an old friend of mine to a large state school in my state. A girl I was/am/had an afc, nice guy situation with goes there. I can barely think of going there without thinking of her. Is there some way to fight this problem? I believe happiness comes from within, well, if I keep linking happy things (college) with unhappy thoughts/things (failing because of my betaism), that isn't good, to say the least.
How to disassociate thoughts/feelings
- Thread starter kingofstl
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WhatdoyoumeanAIDS
Don Juan
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i don't think you can unlink thoughts. That is just the way our brains are wired; we associate things and make sense of our world by doing this.
While you'll always have feelings to an extent, and be reminded of her through these triggers, you can control your reaction to those thoughts. It's all a matter of what you place emphasis on, and try not to fight what can't be fought. Don't stress so much.
"The more you try and erase me,
The more, the more,
that I appear"
While you'll always have feelings to an extent, and be reminded of her through these triggers, you can control your reaction to those thoughts. It's all a matter of what you place emphasis on, and try not to fight what can't be fought. Don't stress so much.
"The more you try and erase me,
The more, the more,
that I appear"
as you think, you shall become - pook -
believe it or not a lot of people are having this kind of problem. Some people, like me, are really pragmatic, my brain, is controlling everything, including my feeling, therefore it is not hard for me to change my mindset and such. I used to be that kind of afc that you described above, but since I came to pook and worked to change myself, I just... change... But I do understand it is not that easy for some people.
I think you will need some kind of practice? Like you like the girl, but everytime you think too much of her (ur afc inside you screaming), slap yourself and just think about something else. I believe your life is fun as it is without this girl? if not, it has to be, because she will get attracted to you if you are having fun in life. The center of the universe is not her.
just don't focus on the girl. focus on being the man, that would get the girl. Read the 15 steps by pook, that's my salvation. You don't need to read the entire DJ bible, this 15 steps is the core of all for me.
believe it or not a lot of people are having this kind of problem. Some people, like me, are really pragmatic, my brain, is controlling everything, including my feeling, therefore it is not hard for me to change my mindset and such. I used to be that kind of afc that you described above, but since I came to pook and worked to change myself, I just... change... But I do understand it is not that easy for some people.
I think you will need some kind of practice? Like you like the girl, but everytime you think too much of her (ur afc inside you screaming), slap yourself and just think about something else. I believe your life is fun as it is without this girl? if not, it has to be, because she will get attracted to you if you are having fun in life. The center of the universe is not her.
just don't focus on the girl. focus on being the man, that would get the girl. Read the 15 steps by pook, that's my salvation. You don't need to read the entire DJ bible, this 15 steps is the core of all for me.
Myrrdin
Don Juan
Oh yeah. Been there. Here's how I managed it.
Every time that feeling of dread came to me because I was reminded of something that hurt about my exes (be it a club, coffee shop, first time we kissed, song etc) I turned it around by twisting the emotion to melancholy. Now there's no more hurting/anger/dread. Just slight melancholy of past memories. When you get that feeling again, tell yourself "It was beautiful. I will remember it with warmth.". Don't antagonize the memories. Embrace them. They are a part of you now, no matter what you do.
Every time that feeling of dread came to me because I was reminded of something that hurt about my exes (be it a club, coffee shop, first time we kissed, song etc) I turned it around by twisting the emotion to melancholy. Now there's no more hurting/anger/dread. Just slight melancholy of past memories. When you get that feeling again, tell yourself "It was beautiful. I will remember it with warmth.". Don't antagonize the memories. Embrace them. They are a part of you now, no matter what you do.
