How to deal with ULTIMATE temptation...

[otr4]

I used to post on sosuave all the time a little over 6 years ago. I’ve come a long way with women, and have learned a lot over the years. The following is my current situation.

I work at a bank and for the past few years this hot, beautiful girl started regularly coming into the bank and I have progressively got to know her pretty well. At this point in time, she exclusively comes to ONLY see me for help and even waits for me. Let me tell you, this is THE girl I fantasize about. She is my ideal hottie--20 years old, perfect tight little body, super cool and funny. Of all the girls in the world I could possibly fantasize about, she is ALWAYS the one I go to. I have super high standards for cuteness and I live in a major city and see beautiful girls all the time, but this girl is my absolute ideal. We usually talk for a while and crack each other up and then she goes.

The thing is, I’m in a committed relationship of over six years with my current girlfriend. I love her, sex is still good, I’m still attracted to her, we live together and we get along very well. I could never cheat on her or hurt her in any way. SO, I’ve never made a move on this girl who comes into my work. I have simply just played it all off in my mind as a casual, friendly encounter that happens every now and then. Also, this girl is 10 years younger than me, so in the end, this girl has really just been a fantasy, and that is it.

But last week, this girl comes into my work and everything changes. I tell her I won’t be working at the bank anymore because I got a new job (which is true). I also tell her it might be the last time we ever see each other. She kind of looks at me for a second and says that it can’t be the last time and asks for a piece of paper and writes down her phone number. She somehow knows I’m in a relationship (I never told her) and says something cryptic like, “I know how this looks. I know you have a girlfriend” and then gives me the paper with her number where, in BOLD letters is also written, “DON’T FORGET TO PUT ME IN YOUR PHONE!”
She then proceeds to leave and tells me to call her.
THEN, she comes back a few days later, knowing it is going to be the last day of my job and is laughing with me and took my picture with her phone and asked me to give her a hug goodbye and kept saying how sad she is I was leaving and how she is going to come to my new work and find me. She also mentions that she had not correctly known the spelling of my last name and then writes it down on a piece of paper and says she is going to find me on Facebook and, based on the conversation, she has already been searching for me… UN-BELIEVEABLE!!

I was in shock. This is my dream girl and I would never have expected her to act like this towards me. Like I’ve said, she has just been a fantasy, but these two encounters made my wildest fantasies all of a sudden REAL. I used be just AWFUL with women and was depressed for years, and to now have a girl like this obsessed with ME is unreal.

I would love to just have sex with this girl, but I could never hurt my girlfriend, so it is just a lame situation.

SO, my question after all of this is, how do you guys in relationships deal with temptation? I have never been so faced with something like this is my life.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

I would love to just have sex with this girl, but I could never hurt my girlfriend, so it is just a lame situation.

SO, my question after all of this is, how do you guys in relationships deal with temptation? I have never been so faced with something like this is my life.

On the one hand, if you have sex with her, your feelings for her will change dramatically, and will likely destroy your 6 year relationship over what might be a fling. For all you know, she may be in the same situations. All you know about her, and you about her are your few minute encounters in the bank. Who knows what she's really like after you get to know her. You may find that you can't stand her. You may end up ruining a good relationship (which is hard to find these days) over a self induced hallucination of what you think is a fantasy in broad daylight. Your perception of her is largely from your own imagination, rather than the way she really is.

On the other hand, if you don't do ANYTHING, for the rest of your life you'll be worried about the one that got away.

One way to potentially handle this (and would require nerves and will of iron) would be to date her a couple of times, DON'T HAVE SEX, and purposely find things to disqualify her over, so you diminish the power of your self created fantasy (which could potentially ruin your current relationship anyways.)

However, if you date her a couple of times, and find out that she really is all that, it may be time to move on.

Worst case scenario is you date her, your gf finds out, you lose her, it doesn't work out with the new girl, and your left with nothing.

I was on the other end of this situation. i was the fantasy guy, we did have sex, I was the guy she had always dreamed of, but she was in an 8 year relationship that was headed for marriage. She realized that we weren't likely to end up there, and bit the bullet and told me no more, despite how much she enjoyed our time together.

I understood, and let her go, despite how painful it was.

Doubt about what could have been will destroy you, and your relationship. Anytime you fight with your gf from now on, you run the risk of regretting not taking the opportunity.

To that end, I'd recommend meeting her a few times and purposely find reasons to sour your desire for her, man up and make (and stick to) a decision, although that would be very dangerous.

Don't discuss this with your gf. This is something you must face alone. Once you decide what to do, stick to it, and don't look back.

 

[drak_ool]

I'd recommend meeting her a few times

But... isn't that EXACTLY what women do? Isn't that branch swinging? So we go on and on bashing women on these boards, calling their dirty games for what they are, etc. and then... we do the same?

I'm in a committed relationship yet I've had sex outside of it twice (you could blame it on the long distance factor at the time and also on the fact that we didnt' have a hard "exclusivity" talk) so you could question my morals.

However I always draw the line between the emotional and the physical. If I can't see my girl for a few months, I'm getting increasingly horny and things work out with a hot girl I would be tempted to nail her. But if I find myself becoming attached to a girl emotionally, then I would simply break up with my girl and resume my single life.

This isn't about this girl replacing your gf. It's simply about the fact that if you can become so emotionally attached to another girl that you start to fantasize about her on more than just a physical level, it must mean you're not THAT attached to your gf, right?

What i'm trying to say is that you shouldn't view your situation as a choice b/w which girl to date, as Toyuu is suggesting. Instead you should really question if a relationship is right for you at this point if you can develop such feelings for another girl you barely know?

 

[JerryFl08]

drak ool does bring up a good point... if you truly enjoyed the company with your gf then you wouldn't be fantasizing about the girl you met

i havn't been in your situation before but i do agree with

Instead you should really question if a relationship is right for you at this point if you can develop such feelings for another girl you barely know?

 

[Trader]

I was in shock. This is my dream girl and I would never have expected her to act like this towards me. Like I’ve said, she has just been a fantasy, but these two encounters made my wildest fantasies all of a sudden REAL. I used be just AWFUL with women and was depressed for years, and to now have a girl like this obsessed with ME is unreal.

I would love to just have sex with this girl, but I could never hurt my girlfriend, so it is just a lame situation.

Now you know how girls feel when they meet a dreamy guy while they are in a committed relationship.

SO, my question after all of this is, how do you guys in relationships deal with temptation? I have never been so faced with something like this is my life.

Let's just say that whatever you decide, your true colors will come out. This is when it really counts, are you a man, or just a little boy?

Later on, when you follow up on this thread - whatever you decide, don't bother explaining your rationale in words.

Your action will have spoken loudly enough.

 

[Alle_Gory]

if you truly enjoyed the company with your gf then you wouldn't be fantasizing about the girl you met

Maybe, or maybe he's not trying enough with the girlfriend. If she's such a bore then do something about it. You're the goddamn man in the relationship!

If that doesn't work, then its dumpsville baby.

 

[Black Dog]

Post

I completely back this post up..you're in a tough situation and I think you need to face it!!

I'm curious otr4, is this bank girl younger than you?

 

[Zarky]

But... isn't that EXACTLY what women do? Isn't that branch swinging? So we go on and on bashing women on these boards, calling their dirty games for what they are, etc. and then... we do the same?

Ummm.... only the losers here "bash" women and "call them dirty names" for multi-dating. I've been dating a chick for 7 years and another for 2 years. And another for 3 months. Only stop multi-dating when you're married, IF you ever get married.

But all that isn't the interesting part of this story. The interesting part is that, because you didn't make any moves on her, she KNEW that you had a girlfriend and that made her even more interested. Women attract women. MM calls this "pre-selection." And this is why I always say that "game" is merely pretending that you have tons of hotties in your life; if you really do have tons of hotties in your life then you automatically have game.

 

[Uberguy]

The thing is, I’m in a committed relationship of over six years with my current girlfriend.

Why on Earth are you in a committed relationship with someone who ISN'T your dream girl?

 

[BritBoy]

This bothers me - 'She somehow knows I’m in a relationship (I never told her) and says something cryptic like, “I know how this looks. I know you have a girlfriend”'

I know you lot will think I'm paranoid but what if it's a set up? What if his girlfriend actually knows the 'dream girl'?

You have been with your gf for 6 years, have you had any commitment related conversations recently?

Women use dirty tricks all the time I wouldn't be surprised...

 

[Cry For Love]

He who hesitates, masturbates

Remember, girls like men who are in demand by many women, when your gf senses that you havent been with other women, she will see you as weak and will dump you. There only is one option in this situation, folks.