How to deal with GF telling other guys she loves them/ flirting with other guys

[getready]

Ok so here's the deal. My girlfriend of 8 or 9 months has guy friends. Not a huge deal, but sometimes she flirts with them infront of me. Now I have DJ'ed this relationship right, always took the lead, took control, and, as she has mentioned lately, am the only one who isn't too intimidated by her to tell her "no", and so I really have no worry that she would lose interest or cheat. Also, she knows that I could have another girl if I wanted and would beg me to stay if I told her I was going to leave.

I am just wondering how to act when she flirts with guys right infront of me. These guys are all my friends. She has even said "I love you" to one or two of these guys in front of me. The worst is one of my friends, who used to be my best friend a year or two ago, and is now her best guy friend. They talk all the time about feelings or watever (this guys kinda an emotional beta), and text each other more than she and I do (my fault I'm not really a texter and she has accepted this).

The way I have dealt with this for our relationship so far is not let it effect me and told her that she can be friends with whoever she wants. Its just lately her relationships with my guy friends especially my old best friend has started to get under my skin. Do I confront her or keep up the unnefected attitude?

 

[st_99]

I think, like anything else, you just need to approach this rationally
and decide what exactly you're willing to put up with and how much
this really bothers you.

So

A) This really bugs you and you need to let her know and mean it. Meaning
you can't see yourself with someone like this long term and if she doesn't
stop at some point you'll walk.

B) You accept that this girl just has a quirky, friendly personality and you
are totally secure and do not mind and completely accept her.

C) You're not really sure so say nothing and give it some more time to
see how you feel down the road in a few months.

Thats all. Trust yourself in whatever you decide and don't second guess
yourself. What if i did this, or that, or... no, just make a decision and live with it.

 

[Pierce]

Tell me. Do you want to marry a girl like this?

If not why limit yourself to just her and her bullsh!t. Why get mad every time she does this (Which seems to be quite often).

I say let her know wassup and how this irks you. If she can't sacrifice it then she needs to be nexted.

 

[Kailex]

Not a huge deal, but sometimes she flirts with them infront of me.

Now I have DJ'ed this relationship right

Are you sure?

If you would have "DJ'ed this relationship right", you wouldn't have been worrying about this.

In my ex-LTR, my ex would "flirt" with guys but that's just the way she was with people. In all honesty, she worried more about me than I did about her. And it had more to do with the fact that I could probably just drop and leave her at any time and people knew that we were together so they were never serious about it.

Out of all the people she seemed to "like" the most, it was my best friend... they got along together wonderfully but I knew that he'd never betray me like that... and if he did or she did... I'd be single in a second and without a best friend.

I never cared too much about anything like that.

If she's being WAY too flirty though, then I think it's time you start being flirty with her friends or looking for more plates or friends.

 

[MurdocNiccals]

Put it in context, is she saying it like "I love you" seriously, or "Hahaha I love you xD" or in the gay friend kind of way?

Tbf you won't change her, if that's what she's like, that's what she's like, **** her then what the **** more do you have to care about? Once you've ****ed a girl, there's no longer any need to keep them around, if they do something you don't like or whatever, who gives a **** after you've had sex? Let her go off with the other guys, it no longer matters.

 

[PapiChulo]

*Attention wh*re alert* as already pointed out. This one is gonna be everyons girlfriend and no ones girlfriend at the same time.


There is freaking difference between friendly and seductive! She probably screwed some other guy already.

I would throw her a*s to the curb before you get hurt. Make it clear that you will walk if it doesnt stop.

 

[pipe007]

too many red flags bro... its her character, she is built as a flirt, an attention wh0re.

nothing you can do to change that so

1) accept it and keep going even if it hurts

2) try to make her change, which will make her resent you.

3) keep her as a Fuk buddy and start finding a more quality girl.

 

[Alle_Gory]

She's a hardcore slut and good at hiding her activities or an attention *****. Enjoy her for what she is, but she shouldn't be your girlfriend.

 

[WhatdoyoumeanAIDS]

too many red flags bro... its her character, she is built as a flirt, an attention wh0re.

nothing you can do to change that so

1) accept it and keep going even if it hurts

2) try to make her change, which will make her resent you.

3) keep her as a Fuk buddy and start finding a more quality girl.

this man speaks the truth. you can't change her, you can only try to control her which will not work and make you look worse.

So, since there's no perfect solution, do one of the above and don't look back.

 

[pipe007]

4) Hard NEXT her, if you are too weak to see her as a fuk buddy; it will only
hurt your feelings if you keep her around as friends with benefits (she will
flirt and date others)

 

[getready]

Are you sure?

If you would have "DJ'ed this relationship right", you wouldn't have been worrying about this.

In my ex-LTR, my ex would "flirt" with guys but that's just the way she was with people. In all honesty, she worried more about me than I did about her. And it had more to do with the fact that I could probably just drop and leave her at any time and people knew that we were together so they were never serious about it.

Out of all the people she seemed to "like" the most, it was my best friend... they got along together wonderfully but I knew that he'd never betray me like that... and if he did or she did... I'd be single in a second and without a best friend.

I never cared too much about anything like that.

If she's being WAY too flirty though, then I think it's time you start being flirty with her friends or looking for more plates or friends.

This is a very similar situation to mine- except for the fact that this guy isn't my best friend anymore and I don't really trust him. I do trust the girl though, even if she is an AW. She wouldn't cheat on me. I know people always say this and it turns out they were just blind, but really I'm 98% sure she would not do this. I can have other girls and she knows this. We took a break this summer when she moved back home (my idea), and I hooked with a couple of girls while she hooked up with noone and sorta had her heart broken.

I am just going to subtly confront her. If it backfires so be it. I wont be devastated to lose this girl, I just feel a little hurt when she's so close to my friends.

 

[Jblitz59]

Guy Friend: cutie lol how u been?
HB 6.5: lol ive been pretty good. how have you been?
Guy Friend: iv been alright ^^ just been busy with life stuff, lol
HB 6.5: lol yea same here
ME: jenny boom boom, you are pretty flirty tsk tsk..

Nip the disrespect in the butt before it grows into something like her having sex in front of you with me . jk bro

seriously though, I don't take that cuz I know its disrespect from my girl.

loveshogun put it excellently when responding to a girl who lets other men grope her:

Do you really want to be with the kind of girl that is THAT mentally cruel?

What is she thinking to herself when she acts that way?

Ooh, I know, who gives a sh*t what she's thinking? She's being a vindictive, cruel harpy!

If I took a sh*t on your carpet, even if I had the best godd*mn reason in the world (there's a 99 percent chance that I DON'T), would you just let me carry on and continue leaving dumps on your floor? Would you try to convince yourself "oh, he's just testing my patience. I have to pass the test"?

No. You would kick me the f*ck out of your house. At least I hope you would.

It doesn't matter what the girl's reasons are. If she's being destructive, she needs to go. And for you, there's a difference between keeping your cool, and keeping your cool to the point of stupidity.

Anytime I feel like a girl sh*t tests me more than once, I leave. I tell her "peace" and move on. There are plenty of women who don't pull that kinda drama.

Because MY sh*t test is whether a girl feels the need to sh*t test people.

F*ck HER tests. YOUR test in life is how steadfastly you can remain loyal to yourself.

YOU first, others later. Anyone who demands that you put their goals and priorities ahead of yourself and your own is the definition of weak and selfish, and you should ignore any of their comments that attempt to paint you in such a light.

Go out and get what you want. It sure as hell isn't a vindictive, sh*t testing woman.

good luck to you, i hope you act in a manly way. (not this talking crap)

 

[PapiChulo]

That last response speaks for itself.

 

[Ease]

As always guys are going overboard.

Nip it in the bud the first time it comes up. 95% non-reaction is better than any reaction, however this is the 5%. If your long term girlfriend of 8 or 9 months flirts with a guy in front of you for reaction, you need to do something asap. ASAP because if you wait too long it's obvious how much it bothers you and that you have been discussing it online for too long, showing her the herb you are being.

How you call it out is the hard part, and that's what makes game.

No girl is perfect, every girl loves attention, some girls are flirtier than others, the flirtier girls are harder to tie down. Solid facts everyone already knows, AW isn't always a dealbreaker: depending on the man.

 

[rushing dude 123]

Agreed, i am going have to go with these guys on this one, i think they have said all that needs to be said. Don't expect this problem to go on it's own because to be honest i am near enough 100% sure she is getting some sort of kick out of it, you have to take action. Whatever action that may be, if its talking to her or just leaving it is totally up to you.

I can just imagine how this must feel like to you and i am sure she knows that too and i don't really know why she has a girlfriend is doing this to you. I actually had a friend like this, the girl use to flirt non-stop with any guy around her (even myself) and everytime he had to make some sort of C&F comment (looked like a lot of work everyday for him). Well anyway he did this for 10 years and finally after all that they broke up, guess what happened? few days later she started dating one of his good mates. Why they are still friends i don't know. Basically morale of the story is if you don't stand your ground, people will just walk over you.

 

[tafakna]

The way I have dealt with this for our relationship so far is not let it effect me and told her that she can be friends with whoever she wants. Its just lately her relationships with my guy friends especially my old best friend has started to get under my skin. Do I confront her or keep up the unnefected attitude?

Taking a different view, let me be straight forward. It sound a lot like you're in denial about this whole situation.

I think you like the girl a lot more than the 'don't really care what happens' message.

The funny thing about humans, is that's perfectly possible to be sexually attracted to someone, while feeling a deeper conection to someone else.

That really sounds like it might be the case here. In your effort to DJ her you might have neglected her need to have a true companion, and she's addressing the void by befriending your former best friend.

I think there are real merits do the DJ guide, but there're pitfalls as well. When people tell you to next her, is because they know you will get in trouble.

But the whole situation is very much avoidable, using a few well-known psychological concepts...

 

[getready]

Taking a different view, let me be straight forward. It sound a lot like you're in denial about this whole situation.

I think you like the girl a lot more than the 'don't really care what happens' message.

The funny thing about humans, is that's perfectly possible to be sexually attracted to someone, while feeling a deeper conection to someone else.

That really sounds like it might be the case here. In your effort to DJ her you might have neglected her need to have a true companion, and she's addressing the void by befriending your former best friend.

I think there are real merits do the DJ guide, but there're pitfalls as well. When people tell you to next her, is because they know you will get in trouble.

But the whole situation is very much avoidable, using a few well-known psychological concepts...

This is something that I have thought of, that me being fairly cold on occasion has pushed her to seek an emotional connection with my friend. Ill see how it goes from now on, maybe trying to steer her in the right direction. TBH I'm pretty sure I'm not in denial. I did really like this girl but it has sort of died down for me. I still want to be with her for the time being though. Could you explain the well-known psychological concepts?

 

[Scars]

Attack it with humor, but make it sarcastic and stern.

"Stop flirting you two."

I used this once with my current girlfriend when she was getting too friendly with my buddy. It left them both feeling extremely awkward. Never had to worry about it again.

Attack it at the first sign.

-Scars

 

[tafakna]

This is something that I have thought of, that me being fairly cold on occasion has pushed her to seek an emotional connection with my friend. I did really like this girl but it has sort of died down for me. I still want to be with her for the time being though. Could you explain the well-known psychological concepts?

In a lot of aspects the tatic employed here is a one trick pony: you act hard to get and if it doesn't work you next the girl.

The problem is that in real life we usually want a special target, so the hit on 100 girls to get a few random don't work so well.

Emotional connection doesn't mean going AFC, it simply means addressing her need for someone that understands her. Listen reflectively, let her speak what is important for her (classical Dale Carnegie), don't criticize or judge her too much.

You have to remain unpredictable and respected, but don't neglect her need to have someone to talk to.

You have to do what your former best friend is doing, without becoming a loser. Talk to her, make her feel like you can read her thoughts, but keep her in doubt. Cut conversations short, act aloof.

If you can make her feel like you're both a good companion as well as good lover, and at the same time show you're not always available or you won't take any disrespect, you're set for life.

You said you have many options, so find a girl to be friend's with (don't make it appear you're getting back at your girlfriend though)... shake her confidence, make her wonder if you're losing interest... and at the same time be a better listener/companion...

I'd start from there...