How to deal with a friend who doesn't respect you?

[Stephen89]

So last week he decided to come to my house over 1.15 hours bus ride away or even more from my house at 6pm in the night. (I live in England) which he didn't even call or text me to meet up beforehand, so it came to my shock when he called to say I'm coming.

A couple of days ago we agreed to meet and he lied about many things, he said he will defintely give my magazines back many times on the phone and when we met he said he'll give it next time (he obviously doesn't have them anymore). I gave him a few books some years ago and he says I never gave it him which I did. He also lied about what bus is on the way and said, "no it's not the number xy bus" when it was defintely the number "x,y" bus and it went past us four times and he said "no it's a different bus" even though it was the bus.

Today I've got some stuff to do and if I'm free I'll phone him on the phone.

Now without calling or texting me beforehand, at dark night and freezing cold temperatures, he decided to come to my house and visit me, yes in dark night and freezing cold temperatures, he's even texting me where he is walking to my housing estate.

What the hell, I'm clearly very busy and who wants to come out in this freezing cold weather at dark night?

He's saying I might as well come out since he's made the effort, although no one told him to and if it was him he'll come out.

I'm 27 and he's turning 29 in early march. We're both guys and I'm a straight man.
.

 

[dk1990S111]

So you think he might be gay or something?

 

[Chev.Chelios]

Are you a girl? Lol Niether hes gay or knows game lol Sounds like hes treating you like one of his hoes..

Tell him to fck off and spin more guy plates

 

[Stephen89]

So you think he might be gay or something?

Not really, I just find it very weird how this guy lives 90 minutes bus ride away and comes all the way to my house in the freezing cold weather dark at night to bother me when I'm very busy.

He did it last week and he's done it today.

 

[Stephen89]

Are you a girl? Lol Niether hes gay or knows game lol Sounds like hes treating you like one of his hoes..

Tell him to fck off and spin more guy plates

I'm a guy lol.

Thanks for the advice.

 

[Chev.Chelios]

Read robert glovers, no more mr nice guy

 

[Stephen89]

Thanks, I'll read that book.

I'm a busy man now and I've said many times I cannot come out late night in this cold weather because I don't want to anyway.

A normal man would have respected this, but this guy keeps telling me to come out to meet him because he's come all this way and he's near now (I never invited him and he never informed me, just comes here like that).

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Thanks, I'll read that book.

I'm a busy man now and I've said many times I cannot come out late night in this cold weather because I don't want to anyway.

A normal man would have respected this, but this guy keeps telling me to come out to meet him because he's come all this way and he's near now (I never invited him and he never informed me, just comes here like that).

He wants you to make all the effort. Just like a woman who doesn't respect your time.

 

[YawataNoKami]

If he doesn't respect you he isn't your friend.

 

[Stephen89]

He came once again, without agreeing to 6.45 pm in the night. I told him "I don't want to come out" and he just does not listen. After that for 15 minutes, he kept banging on my front door and window quite loud.

I ignored his calls on my telephone, unfortunately I left my phone in my car so I had to go outside and collect it where he was there.

I told him you might as well go home and he says "because he's come all the way" "I might as well chill out for an hour" where I just do not want to chill out.

I drive him back to bus stop and he goes to the chip shop and I just leave.

I text him on the phone I do not want to be friends with you due to his controlling, manipulative behaviour, the fact he feels he can mess me around and he's clearly not respecting my boundaries.

 

[backseatjuan]

So last week he decided to come to my house over 1.15 hours bus ride away or even more from my house at 6pm in the night. (I live in England) which he didn't even call or text me to meet up beforehand, so it came to my shock when he called to say I'm coming.

We do it in Russia often, come over without call. But it is really how you structure your relationship from the get go, and also depends on the person you friends with. Not a big deal. Try to enjoy it. If you don't like it, set boundaries.

A couple of days ago we agreed to meet and he lied about many things, he said he will defintely give my magazines back many times on the phone and when we met he said he'll give it next time (he obviously doesn't have them anymore). I gave him a few books some years ago and he says I never gave it him which I did. He also lied about what bus is on the way and said, "no it's not the number xy bus" when it was defintely the number "x,y" bus and it went past us four times and he said "no it's a different bus" even though it was the bus.

Magazines and books I don't man. Never someone give me a book, a magazine I'd throw out. Bus I can see with my own eyes.

Today I've got some stuff to do and if I'm free I'll phone him on the phone.

Why?

Now without calling or texting me beforehand, at dark night and freezing cold temperatures, he decided to come to my house and visit me, yes in dark night and freezing cold temperatures, he's even texting me where he is walking to my housing estate.

Tell him you are busy right now. Tell him you have guests over, some other time.

What the hell, I'm clearly very busy and who wants to come out in this freezing cold weather at dark night?

Tell him girl is coming over, and ask him to leave or to come some other time.

He's saying I might as well come out since he's made the effort, although no one told him to and if it was him he'll come out.

Why does it bug you though? Can you perhaps make him bring some booze over at least some beer and you cook some stuff, so you two can get wasted at least.

I would take my buddy and hit some london streets, picks some chicks up, perhaps a start youtube project and get paid.


What do you two do when you two are together?

 

[Stephen89]

We do it in Russia often, come over without call. But it is really how you structure your relationship from the get go, and also depends on the person you friends with. Not a big deal. Try to enjoy it. If you don't like it, set boundaries.



Magazines and books I don't man. Never someone give me a book, a magazine I'd throw out. Bus I can see with my own eyes.



Why?



Tell him you are busy right now. Tell him you have guests over, some other time.



Tell him girl is coming over, and ask him to leave or to come some other time.



Why does it bug you though? Can you perhaps make him bring some booze over at least some beer and you cook some stuff, so you two can get wasted at least.

I would take my buddy and hit some london streets, picks some chicks up, perhaps a start youtube project and get paid.


What do you two do when you two are together?

Thanks for the reply.

He's actually done this 3 times in the last 2 weeks, come all the way from his house to my house without any agreement to meeting up and I was busy out of the two times, I told him and he just doesn't respect it, he doesn't care if I'm busy. Over here in England, who wants to meet up at 7pm just walking, driving around for 2 hours in pitch black in the cold? I'm looking for junior/graduate level programmer, developer jobs and completing my degree part time and setting up a web dev business on the side, so I'm quite busy.

He doesn't drink, so the bar, drink option is a no no.

Yesterday, I clearly don't him I'm not going to come out and he kept persisting and persisting banging my front door and window hard. He doesn't value my time, I could have an assignment to complete and he'll waste my time.

What we do? The last 4 times (including yesterday) in the last 3 weeks we just drive down, we had McDonalds and that's it. He does this on the weekdays. Back in the day, we used to go to the cinema and even then he'll manipulate me into staying an extra 30 minutes. We went to a far place in England twice and he deliberately made me miss the train twice that was due and he purposefully manipulated me into staying at extra 90 minutes so when I go back to the city centre, the train was cancelled and he never helped me. I didn't know what to do so he left me on my own 12.30am by myself I told him what to do and he got fed up saying go down there talking very angrily to me and then he just left me. Some of the taxi's said they are not going that far to my house however one taxi fortunately decided to take me home.

He clearly oversteps my boundaries, lies and messes me around like the above paragraph. He obviously a controlling guy.

I text him saying I'll still be friends, however, I've set my boundaries with him.

 

[backseatjuan]

Easy!

Either tell him to fvck off and be done, or do same sh1t he does. When hanging out be sure you are not fvcking up yourself on bus, train, or taxi.

Another thing, know difference between friend and acquaintance, and brother. Friend will hide your ass if you commit murder, acquaintance will say fvck off brother I'm not down with it, brother will take murder on himself. Ask him, if police was after you for murder, what he would do?

Let this be a lesson. I don't want to say 'learn to filter people', because this person could be a good guy for you. But let this be a lesson for you, learn to choose people.


P.S. Only if you knew the difference between friend, acquaintance and brother I would tell you something particular. But it appears you throw them all in friend bunch, thus nothing particular in my answer. If friend, keep him, if acquaintance depart, and brother you always keep because friendship between brothers is holly.

 

[GoodOne123]

Cmon man! Common sense should tell you IF YOU LEND SOMEONE SOMETHING AND THEY DONT GIVE IT BACK, DONT LEND THEM ANYTHING ELSE IN THE FUTURE.

Not to mention he probably proved himself to be untrustworthy way before the book and magazine incidents, you were just too naive to notice.

Lieing about petty things like a damn bus further proves his untrustworthiness and shadyness.

He visited you that day because he had jack all to do and fancied a day out, at your expense. It could have been something else, but the point is HE CHOSE TO COME AT A TIME WHEN IT WAS CONVIENIENT FOR HIM, HE DIDNT GIVE A SHIIT ABOUT IF IT WAS CONVIENIENT FOR YOU.

That behaviour is enabled by you. Say to him to only come to your house at a time when only you are free, otherwise you won't come out. Show that your really pissed at what he did before, and you're serious. You need to have a backbone in life, especially friends since they tend to take advantage of you the most.

 

[Chev.Chelios]

Stupid useless book

dont post if youre going to act like a faggot thanks