How to close the deal with a college classmate?

[Enigma412]

Such threads will probably proliferate as we approach the conclusion of the winter semester in colleges across the country...

Here is my particular story. I am essentially still an AFC who discovered this site. There is a HB8 I would like to ask out and I have only two weeks and three class meetings to accomplish this (the last meeting is the final exam and she is late to class virtually every single day). I have build some rapport with her, added mystery, but have acted like she doesn't exist for the past few weeks, believing that suddenly ignoring her would drive her crazy and increase her interest level greatly and set me up nicely for going in for the kill at the very end of the semester. I plan on talking to her on Tuesday and then returning to my previous pattern of ignoring her on Thursday. This will have her thinking of me all weekend and on Monday. After the last meeting before the final, on Tuesday, I will ask her out. Friends, what is the best way to successfully do this? Should I simply declare that I am interested in her and would like to go see a movie with her sometime or something along those lines or try something more original and unorthodox? Although we have some rapport, we are still largely strangers.

 

[Grey Fox]

You have some rapport but you are still strangers, thats the best place to start. You simply ask her out now, the sooner the better, and you have a good shot. I'll explain why:

Guys that wait to long to ask end up just being friends. Plus some guys just get to impatient and try to force themselves to wait. This impatience shines through and the girl knows something is up. At that point the game is up. Not to mention that you are playing the "vanishing act" way to early. She hardly knows you, so how hard is she going to miss you?

Here is what you do, don't wait to the last class. Ask her out next time you see her for lunch or something, since she has to study for upcoming exams. Just catch lunch, ask questions about her, share and opinion or two and don't be afraid to have differences about whatever with her. I wouldn't sweat it, she'll say yes, if you ask her and do it confidently.

-Grey Fox

 

[Enigma412]

You make valid points. What would be better, asking her to a study date or an actual date? The former would be "low-risk" and the latter is a logistical problem with finals coming up. Thereafter, I will be going home for winter break and then to Washington, D.C. for two weeks in Januaury and I will probably not have a chance to go on a real date with her until the last week of January. Given all this I would prefer to ask her out after I return but I probably won't see her again if I wait until then so that isn't an option.

Your lunch idea would suit me perfectly but unforunately I have a class after our common class. If it is the best idea, though, I am certainly willing to ditch that class, one in which I am doing very well in.

Not to mention that you are playing the "vanishing act" way to early. She hardly knows you, so how hard is she going to miss you?

You are right. The reason I did this was because my interest in her was not very high at the beginning. She wasn't even #1 on my "list" in that class. The only reason I even talked to her in the first place is because we happened to finish an exam at the same time and I talked to her afterwards. She has, for whatever reason, grown on me during the past few weeks and has brought me to this point. I probably have confused her greatly and that seems to have driven up her interest level but it also may have made her angry or caused her to "next" me. Still, things look fairly good right now.

 

[SheepSter]

In your case you should walk up too her look her straight in the eyes and ask her out. Don't hide your intensions. Your in college how lame is it to ask a girl you barely know for a "study" date. She'll probably think your as boring as hell, since I noticed this girl comes late to class every time, and has more on her mind than school. Your pattern of ignoring is simply stupid. Believe me if she is a HB8 she has got more guys who want to date her, and won't be thinking of the mystery ignoring dude all weekend. More chance she will be fukking some other guys brains out. Being a mystery/challenge doesn't mean ignoring. You should get casual rapport with her and pull some C+F, not answering her questions directly, flirt with other girls so she can see it, use some push and pull. Get the picture, stop ignoring.

One other thing to minimize the chance of you not seeing her and not being able to ask her out. You should have asked her number the first time you talked. This does all the right things for you if you're confident. Because looking at what you wrote she could just see you as another guy from class instead of that fine man she wants to tear all clothes off. And don't go to the movie, be original, bodypainting is great fun .

 

[blue17]

ask her out as soon as you can....your time is dwindeling. Trust me the exact same thing happened w/ me. it took me a while to get attached to this chick and i decided to end up waiting till the last day. I couldn't find the right time to ask her, and things never worked out. I hate myself for waiting that long.

 

[trump _tight21]

yea i know what your're going through. i was ignoring this one chick because i thought the guy she was hanging around was her boyfriend but turns out its her brother. i found that out from my boy who i just found out likes her too and wants to get with her. so i fukked that up.

 

[Scought]

If you go up to a girl and say, hey lets grab lunch, do you think she knows thats a 'date'? Just a question.

College is different in that regard. Its like you meet in class, and go do something but it could just be hangin out instead of 'dates.'
In the quote 'real world' you most likely rarely see the girl(s) you are after, therefore when you get together its a 'date.'

The lines are blurred in college cause you run into ppl more frequently. So, when you ask for a date or ask someone out, do you include the words date, or do you jsut suggest doing something.
I recently met up with a girl for coffee. I just was in it to see if she is cool enough to hang out more. To her it may have been a date, I have no idea.

Just trying to bring up questions. what is all your take on 'dates' and what that means.

 

[Enigma412]

In your case you should walk up too her look her straight in the eyes and ask her out. Don't hide your intensions.

This leads me to why I chose this screen name. I am extremely confident and am willing to speak in front of large crowds and express my views. In fact, I relish doing that. I can talk one-on-one with a "10" as if I am a general talking to a private. However, when it comes to things related to dating, I run out of courage. I am very risk-averse and fearful of making a mistake. Hence, I am reluctant to directly ask her.

Should I ask her out initially or just ask her for her number and then call for a date 3 days later?

Your pattern of ignoring is simply stupid.

I finally realized that,

if she is a HB8

I don't know if most people would consider that. Her body certainly isn't. She has an exotic-looking face, although her last name is Smith, and that is what I like about her. She is probably a 6 in the minds of most. How often are 6's asked out?

You should have asked her number the first time you talked. This does all the right things for you if you're confident.

You are right. I don't know what I was thinking at that time.

Trust me the exact same thing happened w/ me. it took me a while to get attached to this chick and i decided to end up waiting till the last day. I couldn't find the right time to ask her, and things never worked out. I hate myself for waiting that long.

Fear of that is forcing my RAFC self to take a chance. I have nothing to lose and will hate myself if I don't act.

Just trying to bring up questions. what is all your take on 'dates' and what that means.

Interesting questions but a RAFC is not qualified to answer.

 

[Enigma412]

Okay, tomorrow is showtime. One final question: what is the best way to ask her out? I am talking in terms of the words used, not the context in which to do it. Should I merely ask for the number and then call 3 days later or directly ask for a date?

Thanks in advance to the true DJ's here.

 

[Mr. Delicious]

Good luck tomorrow. I see alot of people using the assume the sale approach. Basically the idea is when you assume she will say yes she is more likely to say yes. Say something like, "why dont you give me your number and we will go out sometime" I have tried it a couple of times and it worked both times.

 

[wjh]

Mac and Cheese is good.

Oh, and good luck

 

[Enigma412]

Very good point. Should I ask if she is single, though? On the one hand, doing so would weaken the "assume the sale" factor (which is a strategy that I generally believe in) but on the other hand by not doing so she may think that I think she is too unattractive to have a boyfriend.

 

[Mr. Delicious]

I never have been a big fan of asking if they're single because I feel like I am in middle school again. However, some guys like this approach. Just look at the current post about 100 cold approaches on here by Pugsley. Everytime he is approaching he is asking if the girl is single. If you dont ask if she is single I dont think that will cause her to think she is unattractive especially if you are asking for her number to go out sometime. If anything she will probably be at least flattered by it even if she rejects you

 

[ScrewIt]

sounds like a situation im in. This 7 is in one of my classes this semester. i actually had class with her hte semester before this, so thats how we know each other. but even then, i barely talked to her and said hi or bye or helped her with problems she had. Was she interested in me back then? i dont know.

Our class meets 2x this semester. so sometimes when i see her i kino her. tease her and make her laugh. and there are some days where id ont even talk to her at all. I never really was interested in her. Until all of a sudden a week 1/2 ago, she asked me what country i was from (what race i am basically). i played around the subject and didnt answer. then i told her at the end of class and told me to make her some good food (or treat her out to some at least). Once again i played around and didnt answer a yes or no. Then again another day, she asks me when she's gonna get that meal from me...(another invitation to ask her out). I just simply say "we'll see". put my arm around to her shoulder and say "good night".

Anyways i've wasted too much time, it's been almost 2 weeks. and im pretty sure im gonna ask her out for food tomorrow. although i have minimal interest in her, it doesnt hurt to see where we can take this. She knows nothing about me as a person or what i do outside of school, so there is much room for mystery, and i've already built a good rapport with her through kino and things that make her laugh.

This has worked for me, and apparently what you're doing is similar (if not completely) to what i did. so i'd say IF she is the least interested in you, she usually greets you (if you didnt). If she doesnt, she may just be shy. i'd say ask her out and go for it. If it worked for me, this situation should turn out well for you.

since you guys are still somehwat strangers, i'd say go out for coffee or food (restuarant). dont declare you're interested in her, it'll show wussdom. just have a good time. With that much rapport, it'll be almost like hanging out.

 

[Enigma412]

First, I'd like to thank all the DJ's who gave me advice. I truly appreciate it. I talked to her after class but surprisingly she seemed to be unreceptive to me. For instance, she kept walking toward her car instead of stopping to finish our discussion. Hence, I ejected. I am curious as to why you think she did this. She did laugh a few times and showed some curiousity but simply didn't have a willingness to go out of her way to finish the conversation. I want to know for future reference, not because I seek to try with her again. I am NEXT'ing here. There are plenty of fish in the sea and I am not willing to play any sort of games or go the extra mile to pursue one woman.

 

[Frank Zappa]

Man... I was on the same boat as you... I couldn't close in class because I dunno... class is just so stiff sometimes. Today was my last final this semester and I talked with a friend outside of class and waited for this chick to come out... She gave me positive signs and I # closed her in the parking lot. Shoot man... Normally waiting until the end is just bad news waiting to happen, but I really got lucky this time. ~Zappa

 

[ScrewIt]

I wouldnt next her so fast, girls sometimes act aloof even though they may be interested. it's a way of showing theyre not desperate, although they may be on the inside, they wont show it.

The girl i was talkinga bout does this sometimes. she may walk pass me and i walk pass her but not say anything. and act like i dont see her she dont see me.

GO for the # close or date setup if you really want to know. Hell u've got nothing to lose, cause once the semester endsl, you wont see her anymore.

BUT if she is going to say YES to a # close, and you ended up not even asking her, you'll be regretting it as you might not see her again.

 

[Enigma412]

You are right. I reached the same conclusion after cooling off and thinking about what happened. I simply have nothing to lose and she did show some signs of interest during that conversation and in the past. To NEXT her simply because she didn't stop to talk would be irrational. It was raining and she might have assumed that I would follow her to her car or she may have done that because she was nervous--she certainly seemed nervous at first. She didn't respond to my greeting (probably due to shock that I had A) gone out of my way to talk to her and B) that I was talking to her after quite a while) and seemed confused, surprised about my initial comment and then ignored my follow-up, neg-hit. She finally seemed to settle in after I joked about my hair. When I said "later" she did not respond. I only looked at her for a fraction of a second (I was dejected at that point). Her lack of a response, though, suggests dissapointment or frustration with me for not asking her out. In retrospect, perhaps she may have very high interest. There is only one way to find out.

She was absent today, our first day of class since then. I intended to ask her out today. Is there any possibility that she was absent because of me, for instance because she feared that she would have to make a commitment (such as asking me out) or was hurt by me not asking her out. Her attendance record is fairly solid. She will miss a few days but not often.

I have two more chances, including the day of the final exam, and will, to quote John F. Kennedy, bear any burden and pay any price to ask her out.

ScrewIt, did you ask her out? What did she say?

i'd say go out for coffee or food (restuarant). dont


declare you're interested in her

Logistics are a major problem now. I will not see her again until Tuesday. After our class I have a final exam so I will not be able to do anything with her immediately after class. I have an evening class as well on Tuesday. On Wednesday I will not be free until 7:30. We have a final in our mutual class on Thursday. I could ask her to study with me for it or wait until Thursday. I will be free on Thursday after that class and so will she. We could do anything for the day. What would you recommend? Would you still recommend coffee? I would like to do something before going home and then to Washington. It would be very odd and a bad start if I she agrees to date me but we don't actually date for another 5 weeks.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Quit hesitating and be a man and do your duty!!!! Tell her "I'm the guy who has been admiring you all semester but was too afraid to approach you and ask you out for a romantic encounter - do you want to celebrate and have a drink/dinner after our exams?"

Do IT and do IT now!!! Quit procrastinating!

 

[ScrewIt]

Enigma do it before the semester ends.

and a little update on what happened on my end...
i dragged this 2 weeks on from the day she showed genuine interest in me. since i had minimal interest in her and wanted to test my abilities, i decided what the heck.
w/o hesitation i asked her out for food for saturday in the elevator.
well apparently i happened to fail her **** test. and she made up some excuse about an internship interview on that day. there's 1 more week of classes left. I will continue being the way i was.

just ask and dont hold back, no matter how hard u may screw up, in the end, you just gotta do this for yourself. No more excuses, just think of a good day YOU arent busy and have a get together with her.