Alright, confession time; I purposely held back from posting anything on this thread after telling TAIYUU to follow up this topic in a new thread. I did so because I wanted to see what everyone's initial response would be. I'll admit there's been some good stuff posted here, but it's mostly what I've come to expect. I should also add that I think it's encouraging to finally see a few responses that aren't locked into this unconscious identifying with what women expect men to look for in women in order to get a shot at their intimacy. Physicality (and the maintaining of it) is in no way "shallow" or "superficial" and I'm glad to see guys unafraid to come to terms about this.
To start off, TAIYUU, forget about looking for individual traits, characteristics and qualities (*shudder*) of women and think about yourself for a bit. Who are you? What are you about? What will you become in your ideal future? You asked me about this in another thread and you wanted be to presume you were 21 instead of 41. That's tough to do, because you aren't the same person at 41 as 21. Never let anyone convince you that your personality is always static. People change, regularly. Whether gradually or as a result of some traumatic event, you are not the same person you were even 2 years ago, much less 20.
I'm of the opinion that at 21, the last thing on a Man's mind ought to be marriage, to say the least of monogamy of any kind. There's too much to do, too many opportunities to explore, too much need for personal freedoms to grow and mature effectively that the responsibilities, accountabilities and liabilities that monogamy or marriage will limit you from. Even in the best of relationships, the requisites of time and effort will only retard a Man's personal growth. Add children to this, planned or unplanned, and you can see where this leads.
If you want a good healthy relationship in the future, have the courage now to be self-concerned. Some (mostly women) will call this selfish, so be it. Self-concern at an early stage sets the course for your ability to be the best YOU you can be in the future, and thus give you the experience, maturity and discernment to be able to separate a woman you may want to spend the rest of your life with from one you just want to spend the night with.
I could go on and elaborate more on the lists of attributes a woman should possess that others have outlined here, but I think that the prime element Men need to consider is themselves first. Most guys spend half their lives trying to figure out what it is that women want in order to achieve their rewarded intimacy instead of trying to figure out what a woman should do to measure up to warrant the reward of his (presumed) life long provision of security. Too many men don't think realistically in the long term in this respect and they find themselves in damaging LTRs or marriages, divorced and/or with children looking up questioningly to them as a fallout of not having put themselves as the PRIZE first. For all the selfishness a woman will accuse such a man of, it's far more selfish to expect children to bear the brunt of either parent's irresponsibility and lack of maturity - especially when it's voluntary.
So, how do you choose a woman? You stop thinking of it in terms of choice. That's not to say you don't choose a woman, but it is to say don't become fixated on that choice. This makes you necessitous and puts you into the position of qualifying for a woman. You have to know what you're about. Personally, I've had sex with many women and I know what I'm about in this respect. When I decided to marry Mrs. Tomassi I had already established in my subconscious that if I were to marry any one woman she would have to be beautiful enough and maintain it enough to keep me loyal. I've cheated on many women in the past because of exactly this. I know me, I've seen me do it before. She met and still meets this requirement for me and now that we've matured together and have a life and daughter invested in our marriage I could never stray.
This is just one example, and it's an easy one, but there are many other facets that fall under the same idea. You will NEVER find an ideal mate, there will always be something less than ideal, but the wisdom comes from knowing what you can or cannot cope with by knowing yourself first.
Keeping a woman is very simple, you simply let her go. Nothing is genuine that isn't freely given. You lover should never be a prisoner. If you want genuine, real, unsolicited, unnegotiated, desire she has to want to be with you. I go into this in the
Desire Dynamic thread. You cannot coerce loyalty. You cannot force fidelity. You have to be the Man she chooses to be with and hold her genuine desire and respect. This is how you keep a woman - you constantly stay on top of your game.
