How to bring a girl down gently...

[squirrels]

OK so I met up with this girl last night...I thought she was easy, since the first time we met we were grinding and making out all night in the middle of a bar. We went out and shot some pool, then rented a DVD and went back to her place. As soon as we got to the couch, we started at it.

We ended up making out most of the night...lots of heavy petting, kissing, and at one point I made it at least as far as licking her nipples...she kept saying "no we can't do this here" because her friend(s) were in the next room, but I could tell she was getting hot (she was creaming through her jeans) so I just took one step back, two steps forward.

Eventually, though, I hit a wall. She would NOT let me in her pants. Later that night she dropped that she's a virgin.

So much for the easy lay.

Anyway, the main reason I went after this one is because I thought she might be willing to get freaky, might be a good "f-buddy" on the side while I'm chasing other women.

She's not that attractive. Probably a 6. Cute smile, but there's some baby-fat there that she could stand to lose. I mean, I wouldn't tell anyone about banging her, but then if someone found out, I wouldnt' deny it either. She also doesn't really have an amazing personality either. She's nice enough, but she doesn't have all that much to say and it didnt' seem like we were clicking on that level.

My point is that I didn't mind spending time with her when I thought she was going to make a good f-buddy, but it's starting to become obvious that she wants a boyfriend and, quite honestly, she doesn't have the qualities that would make me want to make her into a "long-term project." So I want to kind of break her down into that friend zone and eventually close the romance-door.

But if I call her up and say, "Let's just be friends" after trying to get in her pants and failing, I feel like a real d!ck. I don't want her thinking, "Oh my God, all I'm good for to guys is sex". She really IS a nice girl and deserves a solid boyfriend. But I don't want that position.

So how do I bring her down gently?

This is actually one of those threads where advice from the women may be helpful, but I'm asking everyone. Thanks.

 

[jester123]

would she let you down gently??

Of course not!!! If you liked her and she did not feel the same way, she would not be gentle with you. She would dump you in a nanosecond. Then when your heart was ripped out from heartache and you where laying helplessly in the trenches, she would shoot you in the head again to double your misery.
I say this. Dont be an ass, but be firm and stand up for YOU!! It is ALL about you!!You are the most important person. Be honest and direct!!! And standbye your decision. Do not feel one ounce of guilt-they sure as hell dont.
Is she really that nice?? I say get to sleep with her if you want-who cares-if she agrees for that, then you did nothing wrong if thats all you want!

 

[squirrels]

Re: would she let you down gently??

Originally posted by jester123
Of course not!!! If you liked her and she did not feel the same way, she would not be gentle with you. She would dump you in a nanosecond. Then when your heart was ripped out from heartache and you where laying helplessly in the trenches, she would shoot you in the head again to double your misery.
I say this. Dont be an ass, but be firm and stand up for YOU!! It is ALL about you!!You are the most important person. Be honest and direct!!! And standbye your decision. Do not feel one ounce of guilt-they sure as hell dont.
Is she really that nice?? I say get to sleep with her if you want-who cares-if she agrees for that, then you did nothing wrong if thats all you want!

No she wouldn't...she'd give that "It's not you, it's me. Let's just be friends."

I AM going to be standing up for me. But I want to do it gently...just so she doesn't feel like a sex object. "You won't f!ck me, so I'm not talking to you any more" is just being too MUCH of an ass.

I don't feel guilty for the decision I've made, but I don't want to be an ass about it. She (and her friends) hang out at a lot of the same places I do. It's more about my reputation than anything.

I mean, I'm thinking something like, "I thought you just wanted to have fun, but it seems like you're looking for a boyfriend, and I'm not ready for a serious relationship right now." Something I can drop on her to explain that what we want is just not matching up.

 

[jester123]

if your lucky

squirrel said:
"No she wouldn't...she'd give that "It's not you, it's me. Let's just be friends."


If you are lucky-she might do that-most women wont even do the friends thing-they will say that they have friends, and have no time to make new ones.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Squirrels - you label her as a 'nice' girl and she claims to be a 'virgin' - yet she is grinding and making out with you in a bar in a public domain for all to see and then you are icking her titty and panties are wet with her g/f's in the next room! Sorry dude virgins don't act like this, expecially if she don't even know you and on the first date!!!!!! ! She is a ho and treat her with the respect of one! You owe her no apologies for her disrespecting herself!

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

You are assuming that she wants a b/f - just because she says she is a virgin. She was grinding on you and let you suck het tits on the first date - and now you are running away thinking you are not getting any action. Huh? You got more on one date than most guys get in 5 dates!

 

[squirrels]

I'm saying "nice girl" as a generic "she's a good person" type of statement, not to imply that she's a "good girl." She at least says she is, though. I believe she's a frustrated virgin...she wants to be f**king like all her friends, but she doesn't want to be thought of as someone's slut. Most women ARE like that.

If I dated her a few more times I could probably get in her pants, but as I said, I just don't know if I want to put in the effort. She's not a terribly great catch (although just thinking about her boobies...) Maybe I'll just let it fall by the wayside, make myself scarce, and call her up if I feel like taking another crack at it one night. That way I can just busy myself with other stuff and not have to worry about messy breaks or any other relationship-type bull.

I'm not one-itising or anything...I've got another girl coming over this Saturday, in fact. I guess I'll just let this one sit for a week or two and see how I feel...then give her at least a "courtesy call."

That's not ignorant, is it? (that's the main thing, I don't want any group of people I have a good chance of running into again thinking I'm an ignorant pr!ck)

I never thought I'd be on this side of things...usually it's the girl thinking, "I don't really like him, but I don't want to hurt his feelings". LOL

 

[InLawsHateMe]

Kiss her gently, and stick your hands down the front of their pants, gently rub the cl*toris, but be very gentle, i is very sensitive........ not sure if this is the right answer for this thread.... I just read the subject line.....

 

[jbbrain]

inlaws:

Squirrels: What do you really owe this chick?

All you should really do is be honest with this girl. Tell her exactly what you told us (less the fact that u think shes a 6)
Tell her you're not interested in a relationship if and only if she really brings it up (I forget if she has)..if she doesn't, and you're just ASSUMING she wouldnt put out without needing an imminent relationship, forget all your prior assumptions and just ASSUME she wants a great lay by a fun guy.

 

[myfriendblu]

Re: would she let you down gently??

Originally posted by jester123
Of course not!!! If you liked her and she did not feel the same way, she would not be gentle with you. She would dump you in a nanosecond. Then when your heart was ripped out from heartache and you where laying helplessly in the trenches, she would shoot you in the head again to double your misery.
I say this. Dont be an ass, but be firm and stand up for YOU!! It is ALL about you!!You are the most important person. Be honest and direct!!! And standbye your decision. Do not feel one ounce of guilt-they sure as hell dont.
Is she really that nice?? I say get to sleep with her if you want-who cares-if she agrees for that, then you did nothing wrong if thats all you want!

Couldn't have said it better myself. bang this chik, then drop kick her threw the uprights baby!

 

[SilverSpring1]

From my experience, my girl pals who were virgins were alot freakier than my non-virgin friends. Some virgin girls think that they can get away with acting freaky and engaging in a lot of sexual behavior because they are virgins, and therefore, will always be "purer" and more "respected" than women who are non-virgins. For instance, one virgin girl pal went around giving guys head but claimed that she was a good girl because she was a virgin. Please! Another virgin friend habitually strided guys' legs and rubbed her vaginal area against it in the middle of the dance floor. That's slutty. But she would make comments to me like, "I like your pink sweater but it doesn't look good on you becuase pink is an innocent color... and you're not innocent," because I wasn't a virgin (this was in college).

In conclusion, many girls feel that they can get away with promiscuous behavior because they are virgins, so don't worry about hurting her feelings. Just tell her the truth...she seemed easy because she was a slut. Slutty behavior is SLUTTY behavior regardless of whether you're a virgin or not. Or you can ask her directly if she's looking for a boyfriend, and if she says yes, just tell her you just came out of a relationship and that you want to keep things casual because you're not ready to dive into another relationship at this time.