How to attract the chinese waitress

[Padajuan]

Hey guys, I'm gonna try to sum up the gist of my situation because I don't
want this to be a novel.

The target:

Cute, tall (for asians), 24 yr old chinese waitress who's only been in the
U.S. for about 1 year (still has some broken english). Going to summer
college and working 8 hour shifts all week. I don't think she gets to have
much fun, but I don't know for sure. Lives with her sister, her sister's husband, and her nephew.

The situation:

She started showing interest in me about 2 months ago. She'd been there for
at least 3 months before I really took notice. I didn't pay attention to her until I saw she was interested. I had always been relaxed and even sat with
my arms open, elbows hung over the back of my booth because I'd been eating at this restaurant for years.I started showing up by myself every Monday night just before closing (because I knew I'd have her all to myself).

Signs she was interested:

-Asking me buying questions like: "what do you do?" "where do you work?"
-"Do you have any women where you work?" (that was the big one to me) The answer was basically a "no, not many at all" (programming doesn't attract too many ladies)
-Told me her chinese name (not the adopted american one she goes by) and told me she prefers I call her that (very intimate I thought).
-She paused and didn't answer me directly when I asked about her boyfriend (a long distance relationship). A female friend of mine told me this was a good sign as she didn't want me to know so I'd persue her.

I wasn't able to do anything ****y/funny (didn't really know how, still don't
for the most part) tried to keep the conversation about what she liked to do
and how school was going. I think I came off as lame and showing up by
myself made it look like I had no friends (I do have friends, they're just lame because they don't like to go out and do anything).

When it started to go down hill:

I came in one night and greeted her in chinese. She seemed thrilled that I
knew how to say "hello" in chinese to her asking how did I know it? I told
her I looked it up.

I asked her how her weekend was she told me "nothing special" that she just
slept all weekend. I told her she needed to get out and have some fun.
As she had responded so well to me earlier I figured this would be a good
time to ask her out.

So I asked her if she liked sushi, trying to lead her into coming with me to
this great sushi place I know (where there are cute asian waitresses and they
know me there). She told me she didn't like fish. Tried to convince her I
stayed away from the fish too and ate only shrimp and crab.

So when I finally did pose the question it came out lame like, "I'd love to
take you out to dinner sometime."

She turned away and to the side and got quiet.

Then she said something about "I'm very busy lately" (but she had told me
earlier she "slept" all weekend). Now she is moving and for some reason has
to arrange for her nephew to get into another school. But if she had high
interest I don't see her turning me down.

Sensing this was female B.S. I told her "it's ok to say 'no'. I won't be
offended" as I was afraid I'd scared her. I think I came off as a wuss at
this moment. Things were awkward after that and I left with my tail between
my legs (I was visibly disappointed).

It was 2 weeks until I went back again.

My last attempt was 3 weeks ago. I've been keeping my distance lest I make it worse (trying to make the changes I need to).

I tried learning how to order an iced tea in chinese (and practiced it for
like a week, my tones were off). She was cold this time only showing passing
curiosity by asking how I learned it offering the options of "from a friend
or on the internet", I answered "internet" which probably made it look like I
had no friends.

I have always been honest with her (although now I wish I hadn't).

I tried talking to her about how her 4th of July was she just gave me a brief
answer "I don't celebrate it" and didn't really ask any questions. I went in and was suffering from "the Don Juan Kiss of Death" (I felt all frozen up and I think my face was visibly red). I was fine until I got interested.

What I'm currently doing to improve:

I'm reading/listening/watching David DeAngelo's stuff right now trying to learn what I should do (I've got 2 of his e-books, a seminar on DVD, and CDs of "dating gurus").

The question:

If I am to possibly turn this around, how would I go about doing it?

Please don't tell me to "next" her or give up and forget about her. I just
want to know, if it is at all possible, what will I have to do?

Planning:

I think my best bet is to "attract" her instead of pursuing her.

Plans I've come up with:

-keep going in and totally ignore her (now you can't have me)
-take a date to the restaurant on a night I know she's working (show social
proof)
-tell her "it wouldn't have worked anyway" in a ****y/funny way (engage her
but say "you can't have me")
-try to infiltrate her social group (if any) and be her "friend" (I know this
has the possibility of being stuck in the friend category). I don't like
this plan myself. But if I could show her social proof and maybe us get to
know each other better (she was interested initially) maybe things could turn
around.

I'm not sure if ANY of these will work. David D usually says "take what you
think you should do, and do the opposite and that's usually what works."

I know I can show her a good time and bring some fun into her life, I think
we BOTH could benefit, but that is a LOGICAL argument and won't win her.

I'm afraid once the normal semester of her college starts, she's going to get
a bf (I think she's trying to attract one) and I'll be without a chance.

Please, any help you can offer would be GREATLY appreciated.

 

[619joe]

I say that the whole you trying to learn the chinese words was a wicked idea at first,just maybe you might have overused it with her.BUT that doesnt really justify why shes goin colder on you now.Please dont ever practise saying a foreign phrase for 1 week just for ONE girl.No no no.

Where I think you could have gone wrong?Your conversations could have been a factor.I mean if you just ask bland questions about school and "4th of July",thats sorta what a regular customer would have asked,do you agree?I mean sure you went in for the kill and didnt succeed but you might have not built up on it enough."I hear chinese girls are really fun to be with but I havent explored that enough yet" < That sort of frame of convo should have you leading to better success.Get HER to prove why you even want to ask her out.

I sorta dragged on a bit but now on to your question.How to bounce back from this?Well you can ignore going there again,but how is that gonna attract her when you eventually come back?Shes gonna bring back to her memory the last encounter you guys had and her emotional state from then could come back.

I would say go for the social status route like your kinda planning.When you see her,just be happy.Act as if you havent seen her for a really long time,say how busy youve been and what not and restart the process.

Also when she asked you questions at the start,you seemed to answer all them straight up.Goof around for a bit dont give her every answer right away and if she asks you if theres girls around,you DLV'd a bit by saying theres barely any.Who cares about honesty at this time you coulda said "well theres a few here n there".

 

[DonGorgon]

I tried this same thing some months back and the girl was flirty then turned cold as soon as i showed interest... it was soo odd

 

[ARrocket]

Bring a date, AND do the C&F thing.

 

[Nighthawk]

I'll answer because I got with my asian waitress (at that time) gf in similar circumstances. I think you blew it by learning the chinese (too desperate, even though it was a nice idea) and not sparking her flame with any c&f. Also she's maybe into her LDR (out of guilt as much as anything) or someone else is courting her, and you weren't Prize enough to make her want to jump branches. Or this is a test, and you pass it by losing interest.

Advice? Leave her alone for a few weeks and see if it makes any difference. Try and have her see you with some hot chick if possible. Make her worry she let a good catch go by.

 

[Padajuan]

Thanks for the replys guys! Yeah I thought learning a little chinese was a great idea too, REALLY hard language though because of the tones, I think japanese would have been easier!

I was worried from what I keep reading/hearing from David D and some other articles that basically "once you lose her interest, it's over FOREVER!!!"

Which I don't believe in entirely because there are stories you hear of guys getting turned down initially by the girl they were interested in and then years later when he had his act together he got her to marry him. So I'm figuring if I can get my act together and show up maybe things could be different.

What do you guys think about this?

There's a waitress at a sushi place I frequent who's made it a point to memorize my name (which shows a little interest at least). I hadn't seen her for like 3 months and she still remembered it when I saw her recently (she also let me know when she works so I can come in and see her).

My plan is to ask her out and take her to this chinese place.
Its funny because this is the sushi place I tried to bring the chinese waitress to!

So instead of taking the chinese waitress to the sushi place, I'm bringing one of the sushi waitresses to the chinese one.

 

[ready123]

you nerds with yellow fever are funny

 

[Prodigy746]

Dood you seem like a loner... IF you always go to a restourant by yourself and try to ask a girl out it would be pretty hard to pick her up IMO. You are showing no social proof which is a big plus when attracting women. Another thing you need to show is confidence, when you asked her out and it didnt come out right, it probobly dindt sound confident. I had that problem too at bigenning, i would be talking fine until it got to the point where i would ask for her phone number. I would get so nervous and it just wouldnt come out right so i practiced out loud saying "You seem like a cool girl let me get your number" in my room. It felt weird as hell because it seemed like i was losing my mind and talking to my self but after 100-200 times of saying it, it started coming out great, i noticed the difference and it felt natural.


Also why dont you go for the phone number instead of asking her out right away. Try that approach, while you are talking and when you feel like conversation is going great say " Wow you seem like a cool girl let me get your number and ill give you a call sometime". One big thing though , Do not say "Can i get your number" never ask just tell. After you get the number call her up start the conversation than say wow I heard about this great Mexican restaurant , i want you to come with me, how does Saturday sound".

 

[OzyBoy]

Offer them a free meal. That will get any of them interested. :crackup: