How to ask if its "LBJF" or not

[Stormblade]

I met this girl I while back, we keep in touch on a sporadic basis. I've known her for a year and I'm attracted to her physically and mentally. I asked her out to coffee, we talked about relationships and what she wanted from them. I was all C & F. Then we had a really deep convo which I cut short. We said goodbye and I took off in my car. I didn't hug or kiss or even touch her during the entire 2 hours. I would like to ask her out I believe she finds me attractive. I feel we may be freinds though. She's leaving for a 3 week vacation overseas soon and theres no other girls im interested in... Its too late to see her in person again but I think we had a really good time. How do I go about asking her out. I think we're beyond the asking for a date point. Do I tell her I'd like to be more than freinds? Do I let her go on vacation and talk to her when she gets back? Do I just ask for a date? How should I approach this?

 

[alonzo]

I've been in this similiar situation before actually twice and I am 0-2. I dont know your freindship level with this girl but if it is to high I would say you chances are low. On the other hand, if you are not afraid to lose the friendship or fear being rejected than ask.
Also, if your goal is to just have sex with her instead of a LTR
dont ask because there are other ways of getting there. Read some of SexPdx post and a few others that is my suggestion.

 

[Azariah]

Patience, patience, patience.

<voice of experience>Of course, patience is very hard to come by when there is only one girl who captures your attention and time is pressuring you.</voice>

Now, I know I'm not the master DJ, but I'd like to think I've learned a few things while I've been here. If there's no chance of seeing her again before she leaves, don't even try it. Don't even think about it! Don't call her before she goes. Her interest level has already been established (whatever it is). If she's sufficiently interested in you, she'll think about you from time to time. Spend the next three weeks finding other girls who catch your fancy. That will help eliminate your desire and ultimately make you more attractive to her. If you need inspiration, go rent the movie "The Tao of Steve" (and of course, review the DJ Bible)

Give her a call and ask her out on a date a few days after she gets back. Then you'll know if it's an "LJBF" situation or not.

Happy DJing!

 

[Stormblade]

I like your ideas, but we just seemed to click. Our ideas about love are very unique and ours actually click together. I can wait if its the best choice. Wouldn't asking her out after she returns be kinda AFC though. I was thinking of calling sunday night she leaves tuesday. It would be 3 days past when I last saw her. I'd say something along the lines of I had a good time and I really like our conversation, would you like to go see if we can be more than friends.

 

[strong like bull]

usually, it is best to NOT ask whether youre LJBF or not. be confident, c&f, laid back, smooth or whatever your style is. have a great time then take the initiative. the goal is for HER to ask YOU whether youre dating, exclusive, soul mates, etc.

let her go on her little trip. do not come into contact with her until she gets back. if she calls YOU, even better. once she returns, set up a get together. what i like to do is have the girl over for drinks, at my place. i have a very comfortable couch, a big screen tv and a dvd player. ive just begun dating but i will say this: so far ive had 3 girls over for "drinks" and all 3 ended up with a makeout session with the invitation for more.

i like it because it slices through the bull****. girls tend to say one thing, yet feel another. having them on the couch, with a drink, sitting next to eachother.. in a dimmed room, watching a movie.. its a very intimate situation. be laid back, comfortable and let the vibes flow. for me... wed be drinking and watching whatever. very comfortable. id be c&f, but very relaxed.. after a while wed seem to just get closer and closer. then one hand touches the other... eyes meet.. and its that easy.

some girls enjoy being at "home" more than others; that is to say, some girls youd be better off taking on an action date than sitting at home watchinga movie. the objective is to put yourselves in an intimate situation together and go for a kiss close. regardless of whether its on your couch, on a mountain after going hiking... REGARDLESS. THAT is how you show your true interest, and guage hers: the kiss. dont ASK if youd make a good couple or if shed like to take it to the next level. make an intimate situation and give her the most passionate kiss shes ever had. then let HER want to ask YOU if it can go further.

dont profess your undying love for her. let her wonder about how you feel. you take action. she makes thoughts. make the plans, put the moves down. let her do the wondering.

if you havent already, i recommend reading the DJ Bible. theres some basics thatd help you out, such as staying away from the friends zone, remaining a mystery, etc. and just as important as reading the dj bible, id recommend reading every one of Pook's posts. he beautifully describes what it means to be a man.

have fun

 

[FlyGuy]

Usually its a weak move to ask her. If she isn't leaving until Tuesday that still leaves time to go out again unless she's already made plans. The best way to find out if you are in LJBF territory is to ask her out again and then try to step things up to a more physical level. Call her up and after a few minutes of basic convo (see if she has plans already) ask her if she wants to go bowling (or try some miniature golf, or go to the amusement park, museum, wherever). If she already has plans then try again when she gets back. If she keeps turning you down then next her. If she goes out with you keep doing kino, eye contact, a little ****y&Funny, just be fun and then if you get the buying signals do the kiss test.

 

[FlyGuy]

THAT is how you show your true interest, and guage hers: the kiss.

exactly

 

[Stormblade]

I cant get intimate or physical with her. She has very old school morals and values and she just doesnt do things like that. I could try but I think that would be a worse move than confessing my undying love for her.

 

[FlyGuy]

What, you can't even KISS her???

 

[Stormblade]

I really can't. Shes extremely old fashioned in that sense. I really respect that. I have never really been interested in sex. I had a rough childhood and getting sex was never a problem, it was getting someone to love me that was. I'm an idealist in some ways and I really respect her ideals and I would not ruin or try to push them. Eventually once we got closer or had something established I would love to go for it. She's so traditional every guy she dates has to meet her parents first and its way too much for a lot of guys. I like her though, its irrational, its illogical and im doing the DJ thing very well and I know she likes me physically. She likes to take things slowly though, her exes have all been close freinds of hers. Its just I feel impatient waiting and I dont think its wise for me to keep waiting without letting her know my intentions.

 

[FlyGuy]

This is a special case then... so I guess if you think she's that old fashioned enough go ahead and talk to her about it.

 

[strong like bull]

yeah, but be careful. it could very well be a case of... she has never met a real man who turns her on. while joe shmoe is taking it slow with her, a john wayne or clint eastwood type of guy may sweep her off her feet and **** her brains out. BEFORE meeting her parents!

regardless, you can see the situation better than we can. just dont cheat yourself. dont use the morals as an excuse to take it slow or ask her permission to date.

as always, enjoy yourself and have fun.

 

[Starman]

this chap is doomed

 

[Azariah]

I've got to second that one, bull. Years ago, I became quite physical involved with a normal reserved Mormon girl. Even after I AFC'ed it up, she still remembered those moments and saught me out years later.

Of course, he could already be doomed as well.

 

[Stormblade]

I'd have to say shes like me in alot of ways. I don't forgive and I find it hard to trust but I was damaged by life...she on the other hand wasnt. My window of sweeping her off her feet passed after the first few times I met her. Should I take this patiently? Should I say something before or after she leaves? Should I just be DJ about it? As far as the doomed thing I think I am one of the last few men at the age of 22 who could pull off being attractive to her physically while respecting her stance on sex. Who knows, I might be wrong...But if she wouldnt go out with me I cant see her ever keeping a better looking guy, maybe an ugly guy with personality who has little experience with women. I think shes the best overall product she could ever have. But she has a brights future and she doesnt seem in any rush. I guess theres only one way to find out.