How to approach her?

[Die Hard]

First a pic of the subject: http://img37.imageshack.us/img37/2618/babeea.jpg

Okay, here's the story: like 2 months ago I was in a clothing store and one of the girls working there tried to help me find some clothes. There was huge chemistry between us the whole time but eventually I went home without making a move. Haven't been to this store after that day but decided to go there today, just for her . She was there again... Not sure if she recognized me but when she spotted me and said hello, she did look straight into my eyes for just a while longer than one would normally do, and also with a nice smile on her face. But hey, people who work in clothing stores do that to every customer... Later on, while I was checking out some clothes, she came asking if she could help. So I asked for something and she went searching for it. While doing this, she acted kinda insecure "Oh...uhmm...they're not lying here...maybe there over there...ahum...oh...maybe here..." then asking her colleague if they still had the shirts in the storage. She seemed to be embarrased that she couldn't find them. Is she just a shy, insecure girl (she's really hot by the way!!) or was she behaving like that because of me? Anyway, she found them and let me try one.

When I was there before, she was getting me somee clothes from the other side of the store at one point and I decided to walk towards her. She was faced away from me and when she turned around, she hadn't expected me to be right in front of her, so she was startled (but in a good way, she enjoyed it)). I then did some kino on her arm and told her sorry for startling her. So today, when I was trying the shirt, I brought it up "Hey, are you the girl I startled some while ago?" She replied "Uh, I dunno?" but when I gave some details she started to remember. I changed back to my own clothes and we continued a little smalltalk while I was in the changing room and she standing outside. At that point, I was really pushing myself to ask her number once I got out of the changing room...but I chickened out when the moment came. I was nervous AS HELL! So we went to the counter, I paid for the shirt and we said goodbye. Some flashy guy works there (a typical 'hunk'), he was standing beside her at the counter so I passed the opportunity to ask her number at that moment as well, not wanting to take the risk of being rejected while he was standing with us.

So...... I dunno. The huge chemistry we had the first time wasn't there today but still the way she looked at me when she first saw me and her insecure behaviour while searching around for the shirt count for something. I could go back there again and force myself to ask her number, just ****ING DO IT, MAN!! But I hate that store, there are never many customers in there and it's very quiet (unlike most stores where they play loud music). Her colleagues are always in the vicinity and can see and hear everything happening.... I know I'm making excuses BUT......... there's an alternative.

Her first name was on the receipt so I went looking for her at a popular social network website and found her. Thus, I have the option of sending her a message through that website. Which is kind of a chicken move (It shows I don't have the balls to make a move in real life). Then again, if she likes me, her response will be positive anyway, right?

So my question is: Shall I send a message or force myself to take the more difficult route? And if I send a message, what should it say? Hope you guys can give me some good advice...

 

[vitor]

Don't take this wrong way but women who work in the service industry are going to flirt and treat you great to get you to spend money. You know this already so there may be chemistry there may not be.

I am more of a direct person myself but for the sake of this why not email her and ask her out. Do not try to be her friend or add her to the buddy list. Just say Hi this is tim from the store the other day, lets go out for drinks on Thursday night. The worst case scenario she thinks you are creepy and you go shopping somewhere else. Shopping somewhere else is inevitable because eventully you will get bored with her and will not want to see her anymore..

 

[Die Hard]

I don't take it the wrong way . I'm having doubts about her behaviour of today but when I say there was huge chemistry between us at the first encounter, I'm not exaggerating. Not some..not a little..but HUGE chemistry.

About the content of a message..would you really keep it that simple? Basically just "Hi, it's me, do you wanna go out sometime?" It sounds so business-like, wouldn't you make a compliment or a joke or say something else besides the main message?? Something to spice it up, something to seduce her, something to catch her attention and make her really eager to go out with me?

 

[Die Hard]

No more advice needed, I just sent her a message:

"Thanks for finding me the longsleeve shirts... Just tell me when you have the time, then I'll buy you a drink . See ya!"

 

[Andy_Dufresne]

Her first name was on the receipt so I went looking for her at a popular social network website and found her. Thus, I have the option of sending her a message through that website. Which is kind of a chicken move (It shows I don't have the balls to make a move in real life). Then again, if she likes me, her response will be positive anyway, right?

If you do the above, in her eyes you will be a stalking nut job. Just telling you like it is.

Get back in that store, try to isolate her..."Hey, hope you don't mind me being forward her, but are you single?"

 

[Unbridled_Phoenix]

Too late.

Let the awkwardness commence.

 

[window]

beta move...

 

[window]

strongest move would have been to ask her if she's single at the counter in front of the other guy and if so then ask her for her digits...

 

[squirrels]

Too late.

Let the awkwardness commence.

Indeed.

He is now officially a "MySpace stalker".

 

[Die Hard]

I know it's a beta move! I admit it: I chose the easy way out coz I am too nervous to do the direct approach... I have no excuse, just that I'm only 2 weeks underway from entering the path to become a DJ...

Ah well, if you guys are right and she does feel like this is sort of a stalker move, then at least I have learned my lesson. You know what? If this move really turns out that disastrous, I'll NEVER allow myself to walk away from the direct approach again. Next time I feel that hesitation on the spot, I'll remember this experience and kick my own butt towards the girl and make that direct approach.

But let's see what happens first...I'll let you guys know as soon as I get a response.


EDIT: Bwaaghh, I'm suddenly infuriated with myself! Not even about the possibility of her rejecting me ("NEXT!!") but with my own chicken sh*t behaviour! Even if she reacts in a positive way and wants to f*ck me tonight, I've still acted like a P*SSY and hate myself for that. I went to the store with only one objective, TO GET HER NUMBER. I failed! I didn't have the guts! So no matter what the outcome of this internet move is, I'm still a loser. Gotta keep my own thread title in mind: "AFC NO MORE!" I'm going to the gym right now and work my @ss off..after that I'm going to work and flirt my @ss off with the chick I spoke about in my other thread :box:

 

[Die Hard]

Well, she responded...

"it's part of my job! You're welcome "

Although she stays polite, she simply ignores my proposal to buy her a drink. So I guess I should totally forget this one, right? Or does any of you experienced DJ's think there's still some "last trick" I should try before giving this up? Could it be possible that she wants to test my resolve, that she wants me to put some more effort into pursuing her before she agrees to go out with me?

Actually, I think I should write her off and leave it as it is, but I'm curious if all of you agree with me. The thing is, there was lots of chemistry between us the first time we met. And I'm 100% sure that was genuine, it was not just her trying to please me as a customer... So does any of you think I should still keep a small opening with her and try to win her over? Perhaps send a neutral message back, acting like her ignoring my proposal doesn't mean **** to me? If I say nothing back at all, I kinda cut her off but if I at least say something back (obviously with a big air of nonchalance), there's still an opening for her to get back at me..

Your thoughts, gentlemen?

 

[wanderlust420]

"on To The Next One"

 

[katatonia]

LOL I'm surprised she even responded. Let this one go dude.

 

[squirrels]

Well, she responded...

"it's part of my job! You're welcome "

Although she stays polite, she simply ignores my proposal to buy her a drink. So I guess I should totally forget this one, right? Or does any of you experienced DJ's think there's still some "last trick" I should try before giving this up? Could it be possible that she wants to test my resolve, that she wants me to put some more effort into pursuing her before she agrees to go out with me?

Actually, I think I should write her off and leave it as it is, but I'm curious if all of you agree with me. The thing is, there was lots of chemistry between us the first time we met. And I'm 100% sure that was genuine, it was not just her trying to please me as a customer... So does any of you think I should still keep a small opening with her and try to win her over? Perhaps send a neutral message back, acting like her ignoring my proposal doesn't mean **** to me? If I say nothing back at all, I kinda cut her off but if I at least say something back (obviously with a big air of nonchalance), there's still an opening for her to get back at me..

Your thoughts, gentlemen?

Dude, your message was as non-committal as your actions in-person. F*CK the longsleeve shirts. If you were gonna say anything, you should've just told her the truth...you get shy around pretty girls and you were kicking yourself for not asking for her number in the store...if you're interested in hanging out, send it to me.

Instead you "asked her out" in a way that you weren't REALLY "asking her out". Dancing around talking about shirts...you and her BOTH know you dont' give two f*cks about those shirts and that's NOT why you stalked her down on MySpace. You were scared to ask her out THEN and you're scared to do it NOW. You didn't even MAKE a proposal...you didn't say, "Let's hang out", you said "let me know when you have the time", meaning you were pushing it off indefinitely into the future.

Another neutral message just digs the hole deeper so your wheels spin more freely. The thing is, if you get traction at this point, you're going to shoot forward and wreck all kinds of sh!t. (don't you love when people carry metaphors like this??)

You f*cked up the minute you decided you were going to punk out and use MySpace for stalking instead of getting her number there.

Anything else you do at this point is last-ditch/desperation and ought to be treated as such. What I mean by that is you should be accepting right about now that things are 99.99% likely to be ruined between you and this girl at this point. Do what you want, but I'd be thinking about the next girl already.

 

[Vader]

Great post, nice to read some did this now what or even opps. I vote for should have asked for her number straight up, first time. Could have asked her about her boyfriend, then go from there. Some silly question, does your boyfriend get a discount.

The myspace was interesting. Nice you got a response. More direct, or don't go for it. Why not try again? She may never talk to you again or you get blocked (but only one more try)

One of these days I'm leaving the county and asking every girl that will look at me out. HAHAHA With my luck they would all give me a number. Then back home, get out of here you creap.

 

[Die Hard]

Thanks for all the replies, much appreciated! I'll go with the majority's opinion, which confirms my own: Forget about her. Actually, the chick from my work is keeping my mind busy a lot more so I really couldn't care less about the store-chick.

This was my first move on a girl since the day I decided to cure from being AFC and it was my first fail. I'll embrace it and learn from it... NEXT!! :rockon:

 

[jophil28]

The thing is, there was lots of chemistry between us the first time we met. And I'm 100% sure that was genuine, it was not just her trying to please me as a customer

If that were genuine IL, then that moment was the perfect time to ask her out - her fire was burning and her emotions were at their highest.

Two months later the fire has gone out and she had trouble even remembering you as the guy who lit her up.

I think that you missed the moment .

 

[Jitterbug]

I must admit I wasn't patient enough to read your huge blocks of text, but the fact they exist shows that you are committing the #1 mistake that all recovering AFCs make: analysis paralysis. You wrote all of that & did so much thinking just for one or two girls?

Guys who are learning PUA or DJ stuff can get stuck in that for years and never get anywhere. They're behaving like women: overthinking the smallest things and never taking any action.

You'd be better off sticking to the KISS principle: Keep It Simple, Stupid. Have a simple Game Plan like: talk to girl, tease/compliment girl (rinse-repeat till comfort is achieved), get number, hang out, make a move. Don't let your own emotions or PUA/DJ information overload lead you, and let yourself fvck up, it's no big deal.

 

[Die Hard]

Thanks, Jitterbug. That's exactly the kind of advice I need!! I guess I already know what you just explained but it's difficult to stay conscious of it and keep realizing it. I really need this kind of slap in the face to keep me awake, so to speak. Thanks a lot!

Jophil, I think that's right. If I had made a confident approach two months ago, at that first encounter, I'm sure it would've worked out fine. She really was swept of her feet by me that day, I'm not kidding! Now, I show up two months later with a very weak approach, so her attittude is very different. You know, last Monday when I walked in there and we first looked at each other, I could definitely see the enthusiasm in her eyes again and I'm sure she instanly knew who I was. I think I already blew it at that moment... I was nervous and couldn't act normal. I had walked out of my home, straight towards that store, with the sole intention to make an approach on her. From the moment I put on my coat and closed the door behind me, I was focused on where I was going and what I was going to do. Once I entered the store and she looked me in the eys, I sort of overcompensated: I tried to appear as if I was absolutely not in the store for her, so when she lokked at me enthusiastically, I looked back with sort of a "what are you looking at?" stare. The moment I did that, I realized it was wrong so I quickly tried to adjust and look interested at her...and so my whole behaviour was unauthentic and weird, which gave me away. I really think I lost her at that moment already and everything after it doesn't even matter.

 

[bam bam]

where did my post go? what happened to it?