How soon to call him?

[DreamyChick]

Hey Don Juans. Long time huh?

Well I am back once again seeking advice.

This week I reconnected with a guy from HS, but I knew him growing up bc he was on my bus route. Anyway, he and I ended up talking and discovered that we both have a similar major though slightly different (computers). So as the conversation moves along he tells me we should hang out and volunteers his number. So I also offered mine. At the end of the conversation he again tells me to just call him when I want to hang out.

So how soon should I call him? I was thinking I should wait a week bc I already promised another guy friend of mine that I would go to a movie with him. It was supposed to be this week but I wound up doing something else. So I feel bad and want to make it up to him

 

[Azariah]

There are no hard and fast rules about when to call. As it has been said around these parts before, the reason for the rule of "waiting to call" is fight off the AFC urges to be clingy and needy. This is great advice for both men and women, because every mentally healthy person will rapidly grow weary of someone who supplicates to their every whim.

So, when should you call? When you feel like it and when you have the time.

Don't call him 30 minutes later and 10 times a day, every day. You'll be fine.

 

[DreamyChick]

Thanks Azariah!

Okay I've noticed a lot of guys on here have pulled the we should hang out card...and turns out they have interest in getting it on with a girl. My question is how can I better determine if hanging out with the opposite sex has the potential for this?

 

[SLIKKER_THAN_AVG]

Hey Dreamy welcome back.


Is this that axe murderer guy? If so..run the other way

 

[DreamyChick]

Originally posted by SLIKKER_THAN_AVG
Hey Dreamy welcome back.


Is this that axe murderer guy? If so..run the other way

HA HA Good to see you too Slik LOL No I dumped that guy FINALLY. This guy seems less weird. But we shall see.

 

[Azariah]

Ah. You're in luck. I have a few more minutes for the dispensing of advice before I have to leave the computer.

I don't know the details of the situation, but most guys don't run around giving out their number to women towards whom they have very low interest. They're content just seeing them again whenever that happens to occur. A female "friend" (with potential of something else when she comes back to this state in a couple months) made a comment about not wanting to sleep with her male friends. I laughed. She timidly responded, "Doesn't that work both ways?" I clued her in on a little secret: Most of her male friends got into that situation because they wanted to sleep with her, but were too nice to even hint at it. She was shocked and amazed.

But I digress (and am running out of time).

Most boys who aren't on the path of the DJ are, quite simply, dense. Subtle hints aren't going to work to your advantage. So I suggest applying the same litmus test that we use. Go out with him. Have fun. At some point, go for a kiss. Then you'll have your answer. Hopefully that'll give him the confidence to take the reigns from there.

Ganbatte!

 

[princelydeeds]

Call him as soon as you get a chance. You don't have to play the wait and call game with men. If it was me you could have called me as soon as you got off the bus and I woulda been feeling you. Guys tend to be more straight forward. Be honest and tell him how much you enjoyed his company. Just be honest but don't wait carpe diem.

 

[drixsa]

Originally posted by DreamyChick
Thanks Azariah!

Okay I've noticed a lot of guys on here have pulled the we should hang out card...and turns out they have interest in getting it on with a girl. My question is how can I better determine if hanging out with the opposite sex has the potential for this?

if i know the girl some i find it better to hang out with her 1st to see how we fit together best

if things go well then ill take it to the next level and make plans with her

but it is also nice b/c when you just hang out there isnt any pressure and hookin up can be a lot easier to come across

 

[DreamyChick]

Originally posted by princelydeeds
Call him as soon as you get a chance. You don't have to play the wait and call game with men. If it was me you could have called me as soon as you got off the bus and I woulda been feeling you. Guys tend to be more straight forward. Be honest and tell him how much you enjoyed his company. Just be honest but don't wait carpe diem.

That makes sense also, but I just don't want to push it. Seeing as how we've communicated twice this week already by instant message.

Right now we'd probably be hanging out as 'friends' to see how it goes. What was funny is that a girl (with my name also)that I was friends had a thing for him, but he couldn't stand her. Yet to my surprise he said he always liked me and considered me a friend. He even reminded me that we used to talk in class back then. Which was probably 5 years ago or so. So we're not super close friends or anything like that.

Either way it would be good to go out and have some fun with him.

 

[princelydeeds]

you cannot possibly push it with a guy. we arent made like that. Pushing it would be I want to maryy you, have your babies, and die in your arms. Anything short of that is cool. Trust me

 

[Azariah]

I'd have to disagree. The rules of challenge and scarcity go both ways. I've been involved with a number of girls who "queered the deal" by calling me every day or IM'ing me at every opportunity. I won't speak for all guys, but it's a sure-fire way to drop my interest level.

Dreamy, I wouldn't worry about this point though in your current situation. I don't think you're in danger of smothering this guy.

 

[princelydeeds]

theres a difference between smothering someone you've already been with and a some new chick you just met calling you too soon. To most guys calling too much means you're ugly and I dont really wanna talk to you. Come on are you really telling me that a true hottie can call you too soon?

 

[Mr. Mystery]

DreamyChick,

I have given my number to women that I had no romantic interest in. Some girls are just cool and some would make good business partners.

This guy could be interested in hanging out with an old friend or he could be thinking more along the romantic way. Hard for us to tell, you should be able to tell and if not subtly push the romantic thing yourself.

But you CAN suffocate a guy. Call whenever you feel like it, just don't act desperate or clingy. Warning: if he's interested in you romantically, and you call soon, he will think that you are interested.

Good luck.

Mr. Mystery

 

[JohnJones]

I think that inevitably, the greater the supply of attention from the girl, the less pressed one will be about her (regardless of her attractiveness, unless you are in awe of her). I agree that that is not the same as saying the deal could be blown by too much attention.

 

[DreamyChick]

Thanks for the advice guys. Even though I'd like to call him as soon as this weekend, my gut is telling me to wait a week because as I mentioned earlier I made plans with another guy friend to see a movie with him but had to cancel, so I told him I'd call him this weekend, and see if we could go then or some other time next week.

Meanwhile, since I haven't seen this other guy in about 3 years, I think it'd be better to hold off just a few days so I don't come off too anxious.

 

[DreamyChick]

Okay so when I do call him should I casually bring up seeing if he wants to hang out or should I let him lead the convo in that direction?

 

[DreamyChick]

Help??

I guess I don't have to wait to call him.
He just text messaged me on my cell. Weird. He said he was drunk, and wanted to know what I was doing. LMAO Sad!! Just sad.
Help guys what should I do?

Thanks Dreamy

 

[SamePendo]

Its ALL in the mindset

Originally posted by DreamyChick
Either way it would be good to go out and have some fun with him.

Thats why I like you MenstruaticChick. D )



Now, drunk? I personally dont have a very...good view on people who are used to get drunk. But it all depends on how you see people getting drunk etc, if its ok with your values.
Keep the ¨it would be good to go out and have some fun with him.¨ attitude, and things will be ok. Its all in the mindset.





In summer 2003, comes the amazing new writings by Sampendo.