How should I deal with guys hitting on girl?

[OC Speedball]

I am on the verge of being in a relationship right now. First time in my life I have gotten this far emotionally with a girl, so I am a total newbie in the area of relationships. I don't really want to be exclusive with her; but at the same time I want to try out the girlfriend thing.

Background: Met girl on a street cold approach. She is a good looking asian. The second time we hung out she told me that she gets hit on a lot...she wasn't lying. Every time we're out in public people say things to her as we walk by. All the damn time. I've heard that this is pretty common if you're with a cute or good looking girl, but this is my first time experiencing it firsthand.

Last night I was with her and we went to some classy club to see one of her favorite DJ's. As we were walking only two blocks to the club she got, "Nice." "Lucky Man," and "Forget him baby, come with me." I didn't react to any of them, because it honestly didn't bug me. I kinda like it because it's like having arm candy. And also, I don't get jealous. I know she likes me, and I'm not worried that she's going to ditch me for some guy catcalling her.

We got to the club, got in line, and met up with three of her other friends, who were all goodlooking. We were waiting for like 10 minutes and then a bouncer came over and asked her friends, "Who's in your group?" Her friends pointed to us, the bouncer looked at us, and then said, "Ok, come with me." And he took us to the front of the line. We went inside, we all sat down and then some ripped 250 lb. guy came over and sat down next to me and started talking to me. He was super chill and friendly. He talked to me for about 20 seconds and then asked, "Is this your girl?" I said, "No, she's just my friend." He then looked at her and said, "You are the most gorgeous girl in this club." She thanked him and laughed, and the guy continued to talk with us. Before he left he gave her a hug and kissed her on the cheek.

I didn't even see the cheek kiss, and I really didn't care, but my girl went off on me a little. She said, "WHY did you let him do that to me? You're supposed to protect me from guys like that." I explained to her that I'm not married to her and that he didn't mean any harm; he was just being friendly. She brought it up two more times and said half-jokingly, "Now I probably have a disease or something."

So guys, help me out here. Did I handle the situation the right way? Was she testing me? How should I react when guys catcall her or hit on her? Should I keep being unreactive or what?

 

[NewAndImproved]

Why did you tell the dude you were friends when that's your girl?

 

[youngmack]

Why did you tell the dude you were friends when that's your girl?

He said hes on the VERGE of getting into a relationship with her. So officially shes not his girl yet.

 

[zekko]

I've been out with girls like this, it really does boggle the mind all the attention they get.

Generally speaking, it's the girl's job to deflect the interest of guys coming on to her. Girls like this get hit on all the time, so they're very practiced at it. Sometimes a guy might start getting physical with her over her objections (usually some drunk dude), and that's the point where I as the man have had to step in.

Just keep in mind that women like this have a lot options, and they will probably take one of them at some point.

 

[sinnerman]

if they're just complimenting then you need not react but just be happy that everyone is admiring the "ferrari" you're driving.

However, with the guy at club you should have said that the girl is with you. By saying you're friends you sent out the message that you're in the "friendzone"

And there are situations when you see some random dude talking with your girl and at times like that I think you should go full on Hiroshima & Nagasaki on him. And by this I mean you should grab your girl and give her a really passionate kiss atleast for 30 seconds to a minute. I guarantee your girl will be amazed and the dude will lose any hope of gaming your girl any further.

 

[AAAgent]

i had a girl like this. HB9 and constantly had guys hitting on her orbiting her. I did exactly what you did. I once went to a party with her. Her and I were sitting down on the couch and then 3 guys came over and they asked us who we were, it was a law school party. After they introduced themselves they just all focused in on her. I was polite at first but they just hovered there for a good 3 minutes and she didn't do anything, so i got up and just went out for a smoke. I came back and chilled for a bit till they were done. She kept asking me why i left her alone, i just said i thought she was busy and i didn't want to interrupt.

My opinion, these types of girls get their ego's stroked enough, they don't need me to do it. I'm not the type that does that either.

You handled it perfectly and it was a sh1ttest which you passed.

Don't react to catcalls or any provocation. Just do you. You only step in when your girl asks or seems like she needs help. It will be apparent as in she will tell the guy to seriously go away, pushes him, etc.

 

[Down Low]

Women go to bars to make themselves available for sex with random pr1cks. Men go to bars to find slvts to pump and dump. Couples go to bars because they're in "open relationships" (read: hate each other and openly flaunt that they're cheating on each other because they want to branch swing/find new plates).

If you want any future with a woman, don't take her to hookup venues. Treat her like an old married woman who's breast feeding, pregnant, and has had extremely high interest level all along.

 

[PDubb75]

Women go to bars to make themselves available for sex with random pr1cks. Men go to bars to find slvts to pump and dump. Couples go to bars because they're in "open relationships" (read: hate each other and openly flaunt that they're cheating on each other because they want to branch swing/find new plates).

If you want any future with a woman, don't take her to hookup venues. Treat her like an old married woman who's breast feeding, pregnant, and has had extremely high interest level all along.

And that will also make her leave him for someone who actually knows how to have fun. How is he supposed to keep her interested by treating her like that? This guy is 22 and not even officially with this girl.

OP, Generally I would say it's best to not react when a guy hits on the girl. Use it as a way to judge her interest in you. Watch how she handles it, how she deflects it. If she tries to stop him and he keeps persisting, that's when you should interfere.

But in this situation, you came with that girl, and your intent was to leave with that girl. For any purpose that is his business, you guys are together. It puts you in a sh!tty position, because at this point of your relationship you don't know how she feels about you claiming her as "your girl". But as long as you want it to turn into a relationship, I think it's better to assume it to be the case when a guy asks you that.

 

[CrashOverRide]

Women go to bars to make themselves available for sex with random pr1cks. Men go to bars to find slvts to pump and dump. Couples go to bars because they're in "open relationships" (read: hate each other and openly flaunt that they're cheating on each other because they want to branch swing/find new plates).

If you want any future with a woman, don't take her to hookup venues. Treat her like an old married woman who's breast feeding, pregnant, and has had extremely high interest level all along.

Seriously.... I mean why bring sand to the beach?

 

[Down Low]

And that will also make her leave him for someone who actually knows how to have fun. How is he supposed to keep her interested by treating her like that?

What would you do if you had a breast feeding, pregnant wife of several years? How would you keep her interest level high? By taking her to bars and forcing her to endure being hit on by random pr1cks while you watch passively, and then forcing her to see you try to pick up other women?

This guy is 22 and not even officially with this girl.

The second she bends over in front of you, and biologically selects you for mating, is when she becomes yours. Nothing else matters. You need to get the juvenile, high school bvll sh1t out of your head about other people determining your actions.

 

[PDubb75]

What would you do if you had a breast feeding, pregnant wife of several years? How would you keep her interest level high? By taking her to bars and forcing her to endure being hit on by random pr1cks while you watch passively, and then forcing her to see you try to pick up other women?

The fact that you think your breastfeeding wife of several years, and an early 20's plate should be treated the same way to increase IL makes me think I shouldn't even waste my time talking about this.

No, I wouldn't take my breastfeeding wife to a bar full of drunk *******s. Yes, I would go to bars with the 20 year old I'm currently seeing.

My breastfeeding wife would probably love a nice weekly day at a pancake house and a walk with the kids in the park. The 20 year old I'm seeing will never answer my calls again if that's what I kept suggesting.

The second she bends over in front of you, and biologically selects you for mating, is when she becomes yours. Nothing else matters. You need to get the juvenile, high school bvll sh1t out of your head about other people determining your actions.

To be completely honest... I have no idea what this even means, or what you are even trying to say by that.

 

[Down Low]

EDIT: You said they weren't an "official" couple as if some third parties "officiate" the matter.



You could look up "lordosis." If you're giving advice on this sort of message board, you should have had lots of experience with it already.

And just what exactly makes you think that a breastfeeding, pregnant wife of some years couldn't be 22? Lots of women in the world marry in their mid teens. It's the developed countries that produce the misnamed "feminists" who won't act like women.

 

[Masculinity]

You handled it perfectly and it was a sh1ttest which you passed.

Don't react to catcalls or any provocation. Just do you. You only step in when your girl asks or seems like she needs help. It will be apparent as in she will tell the guy to seriously go away, pushes him, etc.

This was the first thing that came to my mind when I found the thread ^

Sometimes a guy might start getting physical with her over her objections (usually some drunk dude), and that's the point where I as the man have had to step in.

This ^ If she needs you, it will be obvious. However, there are situations where she won't be able to tell you verbally that she needs help. This is why it is important to talk to your girl and have a signal for when she needs help or being "rescued." Girls use these signals all the time; why do you think a friend comes over at the right place at the right time when the girl you're talking starts getting quiet/awkward? Yes sir.

You should have said that the girl is with you. By saying you're friends you sent out the message that you're in the "friendzone."

I could see a guy misunderstanding your words & thinking you're giving him the green light. I have gone up to girls and asked in front of the guy with her "is this your boyfriend?" and when she says no I get right to gaming her.

And there are situations when you see some random dude talking with your girl and at times like that I think you should go full on Hiroshima & Nagasaki on him. And by this I mean you should grab your girl and give her a really passionate kiss atleast for 30 seconds to a minute.

This is good advice. Attractive women have orbiters around most of the time. You can't act a fool and lose your cool because that shows insecurity. Yet, sitting there is just as AFC as being insecure. Keep your cool and let the orbiters think they have a chance and before they know it, BAM! Plant a make out session on the girl. I actually did this with a girl I had just met. Don't meant to highjack your thread, OP. For the rest of you, here it is: thread

On another note, one way I like to handle cat calls is acting as if the guys are gay and they are hitting on me One time a guy in a moving car said "dauuum" as my ex and I were walking down the street. I raised my eye brows, shook my head and said "It's amazing how forward gay men are nowadays." She instantly cracked up, said "well, you ARE cute" and then started making out with me. She initiated sex a few minutes after that

OP, I know you pretty well to say that you have emotions invested in this girl. There is nothing wrong with that. It is just a slightly awkward time because she isn't just your friend, but she's not your girlfriend yet. You owe no explanations to other random guys. Just say "she's with me, bro" and give them a pat on the shoulder/back. AMOG these dudes and do not fear.

 

[cordoncordon]

I am on the verge of being in a relationship right now. First time in my life I have gotten this far emotionally with a girl, so I am a total newbie in the area of relationships. I don't really want to be exclusive with her; but at the same time I want to try out the girlfriend thing.

Background: Met girl on a street cold approach. She is a good looking asian. The second time we hung out she told me that she gets hit on a lot...she wasn't lying. Every time we're out in public people say things to her as we walk by. All the damn time. I've heard that this is pretty common if you're with a cute or good looking girl, but this is my first time experiencing it firsthand.

Last night I was with her and we went to some classy club to see one of her favorite DJ's. As we were walking only two blocks to the club she got, "Nice." "Lucky Man," and "Forget him baby, come with me." I didn't react to any of them, because it honestly didn't bug me. I kinda like it because it's like having arm candy. And also, I don't get jealous. I know she likes me, and I'm not worried that she's going to ditch me for some guy catcalling her.

We got to the club, got in line, and met up with three of her other friends, who were all goodlooking. We were waiting for like 10 minutes and then a bouncer came over and asked her friends, "Who's in your group?" Her friends pointed to us, the bouncer looked at us, and then said, "Ok, come with me." And he took us to the front of the line. We went inside, we all sat down and then some ripped 250 lb. guy came over and sat down next to me and started talking to me. He was super chill and friendly. He talked to me for about 20 seconds and then asked, "Is this your girl?" I said, "No, she's just my friend." He then looked at her and said, "You are the most gorgeous girl in this club." She thanked him and laughed, and the guy continued to talk with us. Before he left he gave her a hug and kissed her on the cheek.

I didn't even see the cheek kiss, and I really didn't care, but my girl went off on me a little. She said, "WHY did you let him do that to me? You're supposed to protect me from guys like that." I explained to her that I'm not married to her and that he didn't mean any harm; he was just being friendly. She brought it up two more times and said half-jokingly, "Now I probably have a disease or something."

So guys, help me out here. Did I handle the situation the right way? Was she testing me? How should I react when guys catcall her or hit on her? Should I keep being unreactive or what?

Well first of all we have to have a pic of the girl...cmon man.

Was this at Club Sutra in Costa Mesa by chance?

Since you are not bf/gf, you handled it ok. You probably could have said something like "we came here together, and we are leaving together" with a smile on your face. Now, if she was your gf? Yeah you could be more aggressive. I am dating an Asian girl as well. Pic below. And she gets looked at ALLLLL the time.

In fact we were just talking about this the other day. We went to the Yardhouse in Pasadena and we were walking around the entire bar looking for a place to sit. I was walking in front of her. We loop around and at the end she says "you didn't see all those guys giving me looks"? I said no haha. I did, but I was kinda playing with her. These guys though tend to never ever hit on her in front of me. One, because I am 6 feet tall and 200 pounds and I work out a ton, and two because whenever we walk around, more times than not we are holding hands or she has her arm around mine. So she gets the looks, but the guys are never ballsy enough to come up to her with me there.

So question for you OP and this is not an insult. Are you a smaller guy? Manlet? 170 pounds or less? I for the life of me cannot imagine some guy saying those things (that they said to you, Nice." "Lucky Man," and "Forget him baby,) to my gf when I am with her.

Pics of gf......

http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/715/rose77.jpg/

http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/204/rosehalloween.jpg/

http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/207/roseflower.jpg/

 

[OC Speedball]

Ok, let me add some more stuff for clarification.

This girl claims that her and her friends used to get free rides in limos to clubs with promoters. They would get all paid vacations to Vegas with VIP tables and all that BS. She has pictures backstage with big name bands, and her friend was engaged to the singer of one of these bands. She got to see Avicii and A-Trak for free once just because some bouncer saw them walking by and pulled them into the club for free. Blah, blah, blah. I believe her, because her and her friends are hot.

But what she said after she told me this was that she now hates clubs and she hates how superficial they are. She said (in almost her exact words), "I was young and I took advantage of it. I wanted to have fun. But it gets old fast, and now I realize how people go to these clubs just to take pictures and post them on facebook to try to move up some imaginary social ladder." I told her that I would have done the same thing if I was in her shoes. Free drinks and free concerts? Hell yeah. When we walked into the club we were holding hands. When we were in the club we were holding hands and making out. She never left my side and she kept saying how she wanted to leave but that the only reason she was there was because she wanted to see the DJ. We did leave early.

So most people would say judge a girl by her actions. Well, her actions speak volumes. I was at her house before we went out and she kept bringing me food and kept asking me if I wanted more water. She even brought more icecubes for my water when it melted. When I got a stomach ache after eating two spicy pizzas and a soda at a pizza parlor after we left the club she got super concerned and rubbed my tummy and back. When I dropped her off at home she took me inside and made me coffee...and another one for the road so that I wouldn't fall asleep.

What I'm saying is, this girl DOES like me. She pretty much is my girlfriend, I just haven't endowed her with the title yet. I called her a "friend" because I haven't made her my girlfriend yet and I wanted to display to her that I'm not going to care or get all flustered when some guy tries to hit on her. I am the first guy she has taken home to her parents since 2010 (her parents confirmed this), so I'm not concerned about her walking off at all. Oh, and I did have sex with her.

 

[OC Speedball]

Well first of all we have to have a pic of the girl...cmon man.

Was this at Club Sutra in Costa Mesa by chance?

Hahaha, no it was not Sutra, but I definitely know what Sutra is! I have been there a couple times myself. Great club for hotties, but expensive!

I am 6' 2" and 160 lbs. I am skinny, but cut and I have a six pack.

Let me think about posting pics... And your girlfriend is gorgeous (no offense intended)

 

[cordoncordon]

Hahaha, no it was not Sutra, but I definitely know what Sutra is! I have been there a couple times myself. Great club for hotties, but expensive!

I am 6' 2" and 160 lbs. I am skinny, but cut and I have a six pack.

Let me think about posting pics...

Yeah Ive been to Sutra too. I like it. Thought that might be it because its a fairly upscale club, in the OC, known for having great guest Dj's, and its loaded with Asians.

OK at 6'2" and 160, you seriously need to bulk up man. I mean that is skinnnnyy. No wonder you have these guys saying these things in front of you. Bulk up to 200 or so like myself and that will all stop.

Go on a bigtime Deadlift, squat, Bench press lifting program and start EATING. At least 4000 calories a day and 250 grams of protein.

And come with the pics man! You saw my gf.

 

[Trump]

I am on the verge of being in a relationship right now. First time in my life I have gotten this far emotionally with a girl, so I am a total newbie in the area of relationships. I don't really want to be exclusive with her; but at the same time I want to try out the girlfriend thing.

Background: Met girl on a street cold approach. She is a good looking asian. The second time we hung out she told me that she gets hit on a lot...she wasn't lying. Every time we're out in public people say things to her as we walk by. All the damn time. I've heard that this is pretty common if you're with a cute or good looking girl, but this is my first time experiencing it firsthand.

Last night I was with her and we went to some classy club to see one of her favorite DJ's. As we were walking only two blocks to the club she got, "Nice." "Lucky Man," and "Forget him baby, come with me." I didn't react to any of them, because it honestly didn't bug me. I kinda like it because it's like having arm candy. And also, I don't get jealous. I know she likes me, and I'm not worried that she's going to ditch me for some guy catcalling her.

We got to the club, got in line, and met up with three of her other friends, who were all goodlooking. We were waiting for like 10 minutes and then a bouncer came over and asked her friends, "Who's in your group?" Her friends pointed to us, the bouncer looked at us, and then said, "Ok, come with me." And he took us to the front of the line. We went inside, we all sat down and then some ripped 250 lb. guy came over and sat down next to me and started talking to me. He was super chill and friendly. He talked to me for about 20 seconds and then asked, "Is this your girl?" I said, "No, she's just my friend." He then looked at her and said, "You are the most gorgeous girl in this club." She thanked him and laughed, and the guy continued to talk with us. Before he left he gave her a hug and kissed her on the cheek.

I didn't even see the cheek kiss, and I really didn't care, but my girl went off on me a little. She said, "WHY did you let him do that to me? You're supposed to protect me from guys like that." I explained to her that I'm not married to her and that he didn't mean any harm; he was just being friendly. She brought it up two more times and said half-jokingly, "Now I probably have a disease or something."

So guys, help me out here. Did I handle the situation the right way? Was she testing me?

Bro you don't need anyone's help, that was perfect, esp since she brought it up two more times to you.

Slight red flag when she says "guys hit on me a lot". That's more of a "I love my ego stroked so watch out" thing rather than "lets build a solid relationship" thing.

 

[OC Speedball]

OK at 6'2" and 160, you seriously need to bulk up man. I mean that is skinnnnyy. No wonder you have these guys saying these things in front of you. Bulk up to 200 or so like myself and that will all stop.

Go on a bigtime Deadlift, squat, Bench press lifting program and start EATING. At least 4000 calories a day and 250 grams of protein.

And come with the pics man! You saw my gf.

Ok, here you go. I cropped myself out (we both had limes in our mouths, lol)

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v323/mattstank/DSC_1198.jpg


It's very hard for me to bulk up. I have been lifting since I was 14, but back then I was doing lightweight and high rep. Very, very hard for me to gain. I eat a good amount and take ON casein protein at night, and ON Whey pre and post workout. I don't take creatine or any supplements (which would help). I'm going easy on deads cause I had an injury. I'm squating and going heavy as phuck on shoulders and bench though.

 

[cordoncordon]

Ok, here you go. I cropped myself out (we both had limes in our mouths, lol)

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v323/mattstank/DSC_1198.jpg


It's very hard for me to bulk up. I have been lifting since I was 14, but back then I was doing lightweight and high rep. Very, very hard for me to gain. I eat a good amount and take ON casein protein at night, and ON Whey pre and post workout. I don't take creatine or any supplements (which would help). I'm going easy on deads cause I had an injury. I'm squating and going heavy as phuck on shoulders and bench.

Nice and thanks! Is she Cambodian or from Vietnam? She has that look.

Well, eat more than haha! Because at 6'2" you should be at least 185, at least. Have you ever visited the bodybuilding.com forums for pointers?