How red are these flags?

[Eco-J]

So, I was on a date last night which made me think whether the following two traits are red flags and, if so, how red. This is more in general and not specifically about this girl although both apply to her. Also this is really more for the 40-somethings out there, though of course always interested to hear about what any of you think.

1. Lies about her age. This was an on-line date (OKC) and more or less the first thing out of her mouth when she sits down is "I know my profile says I'm 37, but I'm really eight years older than that. I want to get that right out in the open up front and not be deceptive. I don't care about guys I'm dating knowing about my age, but I don't want my friends to find out."

Setting aside the nonsense about hiding it from her friends, what are your thoughts on her lying about her age. On the one hand, I can kind of understand it because if I'd known she was 45 I wouldn't have pursued her, but once seeing her in person she was still pretty fine. On the other I have a limited tolerance for lying. I don't lie about anything on my profile, because as a DJ I own my age and everything else about me - and fortunately that's plenty good enough to keep me busy.

2. Never been married. At some point do you think this becomes a red flag? Why has a hot girl never been married by 35-40-45? There was an article bouncing around Facebook about how never-married women get quizzed by men trying to find out what's wrong with them that they never got married and I've definitely done that in the past as well, but . . . it does leave you wondering.

As for 45 girl, kiss-close to end the night and she's been texting me today, so might be worth letting her into the plate rotation after all.

 

[Colossus]

Redder than red.

Mostly #2. I'm telling you man, if a woman is over 30 (especially past 35), good-looking, and never married....it is a safe bet she has ridiculous expectations and will be impossible to please. That, or she has some personality trait or behavioral tendency that makes her un-marryable.

Plus, lying about your age is weak sauce.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I think the online rule is that lying about your age is ok if you actually look the age you are saying you are.

You might find out a little more of her relationship history. I have known some women who have technically never been married, but lived with a guy for several years, and might as well have been.

 

[zekko]

I consider lies of any kind a red flag. But it's funny you bring it up since most guys on here seem to advocate lying about your age in order to get into a younger girl's pants.

"Never been married" is a pretty deep yellow. Women are getting married later these days than they used to, so it's not completely crazy. The best are probably taken early though.

 

[speed dawg]

My thoughts:

1. Lies about her age. This was an on-line date (OKC) and more or less the first thing out of her mouth when she sits down is "I know my profile says I'm 37, but I'm really eight years older than that. I want to get that right out in the open up front and not be deceptive. I don't care about guys I'm dating knowing about my age, but I don't want my friends to find out."

Setting aside the nonsense about hiding it from her friends, what are your thoughts on her lying about her age. On the one hand, I can kind of understand it because if I'd known she was 45 I wouldn't have pursued her, but once seeing her in person she was still pretty fine. On the other I have a limited tolerance for lying. I don't lie about anything on my profile, because as a DJ I own my age and everything else about me - and fortunately that's plenty good enough to keep me busy.

Not really a red flag in and of itself. It's sort of what you get when you do online dating. Personally, I have never done it, and I don't think I ever would unless I just wanted to f*ck. Seems to me like people who do online dating are hard-up (no offense). Seems like you did OK though if you kiss closed her.

2. Never been married. At some point do you think this becomes a red flag? Why has a hot girl never been married by 35-40-45? There was an article bouncing around Facebook about how never-married women get quizzed by men trying to find out what's wrong with them that they never got married and I've definitely done that in the past as well, but . . . it does leave you wondering.

I don't think this is a red flag either, at least no more than other single men or whoever. As you get older, you get more set in your ways, for whatever reasons, and it gets harder to get married. Now, if it's because she's a wh*re and f*cked the whole town and nobody wants her, that's a red flag. But just by itself, I don't think so. Need more information. She probably is a little bit weird to be 45 and never married, so you need to find out why.

 

[Eco-J]

Good points all around. I do think that lying about your age is "weak sauce," but reality is if you look good enough to pull it off, it's a forgivable offense. Now when they lie about their age (or use old pics) and can't pull it off . . . :trouble: cause you're just wasting my time.

The never been married thing is a flag -- doesn't disqualify her, but something to investigate because while there could be a perfectly good reason for it, it might also be because she's batsh*t crazy.

OLD is funny. I get sucked into it because I'm very busy and it makes it pretty damned easy to line up dates. Plus since I live in a big city, there's definitely some quality worth pursuing on-line. That said, because I'm busy and then fill my free-dating time with on-line dates, I don't pursue my in-person game as much and wind up with a lot of mediocre on-line first dates, which I would have screened out in advance if I had met them in person instead of on-line.

 

[Bokanovsky]

About as red as Charlie Sheen's eyes after a week-long coke binge. Certified pump 'n dump.

 

[The Duke]

1.If she truly wanted to get the age thing "out in the open and not be deceptive", she should have stated someting along those lines on her profile letting you know that the age listed is not her actual age. She WAS deceptive up until she secured the date. She lied to get her foot in the door with you. A person that does this is not comfortable with who they are. They will also lie about other things to get what they want.

Her excuse doesn't even make sense.

2. As far as not being married.........there are so many red flags there. Career woman, she's so crazy no guy wanted to take that on, no guy was good enough, she dated a lot of losers, she liked cahk too much, etc.

I'd put her in the "good times only" girl category. This is not something to fall in love with.

 

[MOTU]

You might find out a little more of her relationship history. I have known some women who have technically never been married, but lived with a guy for several years, and might as well have been.

That's a good point. I know people like that too, who have been together for years but never married. Even to the point of having kids or owning a home together.

Maybe it's more common when the woman has as much or more to lose as the man does by a marriage then divorce? I have some sorta friends where the wife has a PHD in Chemical Engineering and makes a sh!t ton of money while hubby drinks and bounces between jobs. I have heard her say she should have never married him - that way she could keep the house when she is finally fed up with him.

So maybe instead of a red flag, it's a sign you have found a woman who is financially secure and has made wise relationship decisions.
Or, she could be a self centered narcissistic b!tch who thinks Her sh!t doesn't stink and no one is good enough for her, and is well on her way to being a crazy cat lady.

I think you need to fvck her a few times to find out.

 

[dasein]

I'm more tolerant of the never been married one than the age lie one. There are lots of female professionals out there who do the career track into the low 30s and then find the pickins just as slim as men do. I'd rather one had been picky than have a failed marriage in the past.

Age lie of that magnitude is huge red flag IMO. That's the one that signals unrealistic expectations that she has the same SMV as younger women, just has to lie about it.

 

[highSpeed]

Colussus, they are all hard to please. It seems as if every woman wants the stars and the moon, even if she is average looking or worse. I read an article somewhere within the last few years that 1 in 4 women have some type of emotional problem, I think its higher.

 

[Knight's Cross]

1. An age Lie....is deception. So let me get this straight... Before she even met you she lied about her age. See to me that's referred to as Bait and Switch. Sort of like a fat chick that uses old photo's pre-fat to secure the date. Then shows up expecting you to buy it.
2. Never married and 45? WTF? I expect everyone to have baggage, and by that age I'd say if she's never had a serious LTR then she's got issues.

I wouldn't toss someone out for #2, but I would toss her out for #1. Regardless of how she looks. Even as a pump and dump I'd say no. Why? Because if you pursue, you are in her frame. You bought the BS. If you just smash it and leave, then you're just another jacka$$ in her self illusion world. You in her eyes become the, "real men can't handle a real woman" guy.
No let this one grow old with cat's I say...

KC

 

[jimmy18]

China called. They want their red flags back.

 

[GS750]

Lied about the age. Lies to her friends. Never married at 45. If those aren't red flags then I don't know what is. But...every situation is different just as every person is different. So, date her for a bit. If she shows any signs of crazy then you split.

 

[vinkoch]

She's a liar. Quit making excuses. Here's some food for thought - how do you know she has never been married? In a few dates or few years maybe she'll come clean on that one too. Well i didnt want you to think.......blah blah.

Being credible is probably the most important attribute in a person you choose to interact with. I had a girlfriend who lied more and more as the relationship progressed. It started with something simple. Then she lied to other people about things and told me about it as if I'm supposed to understand why. Then her story about past relationship problems changed. It got to the point where i kept asking her to explain the change in a story and call her out on lying to people and i couldn't figure out if she was lying to me when questionable things happened. This is why it didn't work out with us. She said she couldn't be with me because i didnt trust her. Well no shlt, i said, you lie.

If she hasn't been married then so what. Even if she had been married you'd think that was a red flag too. Be fair on that issue and get to know her story more...if you want to overlook her being a liar.

 

[Zunder]

If she is only to be a 'plate rotation' and she is vaguely bangable, which at age 45 might be a stretch, then who or more importantly WHY do you give a fvck about these two lil lies? Just bang her like you do any other plate -- you're not going to get invested, so what the fvck.

 

[Induced Drag]

I know several women who are MDs. They finish their residencies in their early to mid 30s and find the dating pool as shallow as most of us. There are a few understandable reasons she's never been married. Just don't forget one of those could be she's nuts. Lying about her age; yeah that's a flag and it goes against her but most women start shaving off years as they approach their 30s. I get the feeling you'd like to see what happens with this woman. If you choose to proceed just do so with those red flags in mind. Gather more information about her and go from there.

 

[LiveFreeX]

Your first problem is you are meeting women on OKstupid. Don't date women over 25, I have a friend in his mid 40's back home that only dates 18 to 20 y/o girls, you can guarantee they have never been married.

 

[VladPatton]

About this shade of red:
http://www.pepperell.com/Images/Cert_Icons/ColorSwatch_NeonRed_220x220.jpg

Go for younger women, this is a bonafide liar/nutjob and will give you problems.

 

[zekko]

I still think it's funny that guys here advocate lying about your age, but if a woman does it then it's a red flag. Pick one or the other, gentlemen, don't be hypocrites.