How long to wait for sex...?

[Ronin I]

Situation -

This girl I've been seeing for about 3 weeks (I've known her for about 8 months but recently we have turned things up a notch to the point where we are almost an "item").

Anyway, she is very conservative when it comes to sex - she lost her virginity at 23, and has slept with 4 guys her whole life (she is 27 now) - she said that the last 3 guys she slept with it was "meaningless" sex and that she wants to be in a committed relationship and really care for the person before she has sex again.

Now neither one of us has come out and said that we want a relationship (basically I am waiting for her to bring it up - not just that she wants a relationship but that she wants a relationship with ME - which come to think of it is probably what she meant when we were laying in bed and she said she doesn't want to have sex without commitment - but I didn't want to just give in at that point and say yes, let's just have it be just me and you - maybe sometimes I take this challenge thing too far but even though I've known her for 8 months we have only been "sexual" with each other for 3 weeks and it just seemed too soon for me to committ).

So anyway here's my problem - we fool around and I get the occassional BJ, but I'm not getting laid. I think that I might be ready for a relationship with this girl but I am not exactly sure how to bring it up. Lastly I don't want it to seem like the only reason I want a relationship is so we can start fvcking.

Also, there's no guarantee that once we are an "item" that I'll be getting any. I fear that there may still be a period of time where she still "isn't ready" for sex. Then what? I'm 28 years old and limited to one woman that won't even give me sex

It's not like this girl is selfish mind you - we will fool around and she makes it a point to get me off with her mouth before we are done but when it comes to intercourse she has some serious walls up.

I am thnking that the next time I see her I am going to go out on a limb and tell her that I think it should just be me and her - and then take it from there.

I am hypersensitive to losing the "challenge" factor though. The last girl that asked me to committ - I said yes right away - two weeks later she was banging some other dude

 

[Big Pappy]

...there's no guarantee that once we are an "item" that I'll be getting any.

Man, there's never a guarantee. There's probably a small percentage of guys who get less action than you on their honeymoon.


Sex is, well, a wonderful gift. Nothing quite like it. I think you'll find that a lot of guys would love to be in your shoes. Some wouldn't be satisfied.

It would seem to me that if she waited until she's 23, and has been with 4 guys in the past 4 years, then she has a pretty healthy appreciation for sex.

But, Big Pappy! How can you say such a thing?

Our society today can get fixated on the numbers game. How many guys in a girls past is too many? That answer will be different for many people. Oddly enough, men can rut about at will and win words of praise and admiration from their peers. Not so for the lady.

If it weren't for the societal conditioning, fear of STD's and pregnancy and guys making themselves look foolish, she'd have had about 40 guys in the past four years. Maybe more. I have a friend of mine who's gone through at least 4 guys in the past six months. One guy even cheated on her and she took him back to the bed with the argument that she didn't want to have the notches on the bed post to go too high. (I'm sure it's because he was working it in properly, but you can see the point) Many times, a girl won't have sex because you're number 5 or number 10 or whatever.

In any event, I suspect that if she's looking after your needs in one shape or fashion, she'll continue to do that.

Intellectually, you might want to ask yourself how you would feel about not getting any intercourse from her. Would you still want to be exclusive?

Would you marry a girl just to have your way with her? Lots of men have done this. Some regret it, some do not.

Odds are, she'll do whatever you wish. If you care for her, respect her and have no other prospects, go ahead.

 

[drixsa]

most girls that done want sex or can live without it for very long periods of time never really enjoyed it.

so you can guess that her previous partners probably werent the best lovers.

also there is a good chance that being as conservative as she is, that somewhere in her head SEX=BAD.

id just have fun with this and make her want to have sex.

you should turn her on to a point where she is just dieing for sex.

and when she is ready to tear your clothes off, tell her you have to go

there will be no begging from you!

 

[JustDoItAlways]

Women's sex drives

There are high drive girls, midlin drive girls and low drive girls.

Sometimes a low drive girl will move up the spectrum somewhat when she is with someone that really turns her on. But once the infatuation stage is over, her drive goes back to her normal low.

Some women with high drive drop to a low gear after they have had a kid or after they get sick and tired of their husbands.

Most women's drives kick up a few notches in their early 30's when they mature enough to understand that there is nothing wrong with sex, it is good. But mostly the drive kicks up because off the "tick-tock" that mother nature builds into their hormones.

Your girl is easy to classify as LOW DRIVE. You and her can rationalize it all you want in terms of waiting for the right guy bla bla bla.

Bottom line says otherwise.

You can wait till she's in early 30's when her drive will finally kick in but for now, her drive is just stuck in LOW GEAR.

On blow-jobs and low drive. Low drive girls either hate giving BJs totally (some won't even do them) or they use BJs to put you off from doing the real deal.

You can wait it out for awhile to see just how low her's really is. She may just kick up to twice a week for a bit, but my guess is that your sex life with her will never be satisfying.

 

[Ronin I]

OK guys - thanks for the replies so far -

a couple things I forgot to mention -

1) She told me that she actually enjoys giving BJs (and is actually pretty good at -)

2) She said she has had sex maybe 20 times total in her life (but again the last 3 guys she was with she really didn't feel anything for - she also says that they were all selfish in the sack and only cared about satisfying themselves - I on the other hand am very giving in bed - I don't mind spending time on foreplay, pleasing a woman in various ways, etc)

3) She has never had an orgasm

 

[C-Damage]

If shes realy never had an orgasm then give her one. It aint that hard pal, be gentle to start off, rub her c-l-i-t in slow circles using her wetness - whisper hot stuff in her ear while you do this (helps to be lying behind her - better angles, shes not face to face with you so doesnt need to worry about how she looks/you looking at her). Go slow, build up, and befor you know it POW.

The whole 'never had an orgasm' thing is utterly ridiculas, i realy dont get chicks - even when they know how to do it for themselves many claim that they just dont, idiots . Anyway,, if you give her, her first she'l love it. Once she has one she'l be atleast willing get more, in more ways.

Note : If shes never had one she wont realy know what to expect or how to act...so you need to 'do her' like you 'do yourself' - you understand how orgasmic pleasure works/feels, even if its not exactly the same the principals still apply, use your own experience to understand what shes feeling at a whatever point. Keep going until she forces you to stop once shes there - theres nothing worse that either partner bailing rite in the middle of the moment cos they think its all over or something stupid.

To be honist tho i think this kind of information is freely avalable all over the net, you just have to LOOOOOK for it. #

The 'relationship' BS is just that, if your having s-ex especialy exclusivly then your in a 'relationship' of sorts anyway - all that stuff is a relationship, the relationship line doesnt realy have an answer, its a defense mechanism, but if shes dropping lines like that on you tghen i'd say your in there. Go out dancing or something with her, DJ the whole place up, give her a few drinks while keeping her on her toes (dont just sit around with her) then make your move once shes comming after you. Take her home...make her c-um, and she'l be happy.

IN THE END THO : you should be able to work this **** out for yourself - how old are you man - you only gonna live once!

C-Damage

 

[Ronin I]

Originally posted by C-Damage
If shes realy never had an orgasm then give her one. It aint that hard pal

Depends on the girl - if she hasn't had one before there's a REASON for that.

 

[shyguy]

waiting

im in the same shoes,but with a virgin. she has never had sex before and i took her out like 5 times already. she always says "im waiting for someone i can see myself in the future with". not marriage then what is it? girls are weird man with this ****. I think your in a good place, becuase she already had sex, so she isnt a virgin and isnt afraid to have sex. I think if you give the okay that you will be exclusive, youll be in like flint, i guarentee it.

 

[dietzcoi]

Justdoit is dead on here... listen to him

This is not the girl for you. DO not get saddled with her!

I had one like this shortly after my divorce. I got rid of her quick... she had all kinds of mental issues, I can tell you.

You are wasting time, although good BJs may make it all worth it!!

Dietzcoi

 

[NewMan]

I agree.

This girl sounds like she has some issue or two.

Never had the big O?
Likes sex but doesn't want to do it with you?
Like giving BJ's.....


Sounds like she's a control freak thats not able to let go and relax and be pleasured.....

I think this girl will give you nothing but frustration in the future. Sex is going to be an issue in some form for you.

I would not be exclusive with her just to get laid.

In fact, your way to much into this relationship than you should be.

You sound pretty much exclusive with her and your not even banging boots.

You need to step back and take a look at the whole picture.

Why take on a chick that has issues, when you can get one that does not.

I'd start dating other chicks, be the challenge for this girl and don't give into the relationship to easily.... if she's not putting out, then you shouldn't be exclusive period.

 

[fan27]

Eat her out and give her an Orgasm. Sounds like she just needs some positive sexual experiences.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

she screwd 4 guys in 4 years and she is conservative???? huh??
3 were meaningles?? huh" she gives u bj's but not intercourse because she is not ready?? Huh??? she iis a wh@re and u r a wh@remonger - u both r already an item - what more of a relationship do u want??? fool!!

 

[Jake Steed]

A lot of you guys are missing the real issue here. This isn't about sex. Well, it is for YOU, Ronin, but for her, this is about

1. Achieving what all women long for--validation within a relationship.

and

2. To be able to have sex while avoiding the social labels, i.e., "slut". Hence her desire for a committed relationship, because after all, what person would call a woman a slut if she's banging her comitted boyfriend?

"she said she doesn't want to have sex without commitment"--Ronin

Direct translation--"I propose a trade, Ronin. Sex for committment. How's that sound?"

The important thing for you to do here is to weigh the pros and cons of this woman and decide if it's WORTH it for you to be committed to her. What do YOU want? Do you WANT monogamy? Or do you really just want to have sex and the monogamy thing with this girl is just a side-effect you are willing to endure in order to get sex? Kind of like having anchovies put on your favorite pizza. You hate the taste of them but you are willing to stomach it because you are hungry for that pizza.

About her--frankly, I think you'd be jumping to conclusions to assume she doesn't like sex. In fact, she might LOVE sex. The main thing wrong with her is her MENTAL image of sex. She obviously has a hang up about it. Hangups over sex = pain in the ass for you. You are going to have to jump through the 9 rings of fire in order to get this woman to spread her legs. If you really like her, and you actually WANT the monogamy, then it will be worth all the hard work she is going to put you through. At the end of it all, you get, what, to be monogamous with her? Newsflash! That's to HER benefit, not yours. For me to personally commit to monogamy, the girl has to be of an exceptional calibre. And I mean her personality, how laid back she is, if she's funny, giving, etc., AS WELL AS really hot and a REALLY good fvck.

I think that there are two red flags regarding this woman and how fun I can predict she will be for you in the long term.

1. She waited so long to have sex. To me, this means she has really big hangups. Remember, YOU are going to be the one who has to deal with these hangups and their many incarnations when you make her your gf.

2. She says her last boyfriends were "meaningless sex". Then why did she choose them?? So she was willing to spread her legs to any old Joe in the past, but for YOU, she makes wait and wait and wait?? So what does that say about how she views you? If Tom Cruise were to ask her out, she'd spread her a$$ cheaks on the first date and offer him anal. Guaranteed. It's all about whether she views you as having enough status to outweigh the social brainwashing she's had about sex. In my opinion, her saying what she did about her exes and how she makes you wait is a big red flag.

"I am hypersensitive to losing the "challenge" factor though. The last girl that asked me to committ - I said yes right away - two weeks later she was banging some other dude"--Ronin

That's good that you are cautious! You should be. Monogamy is to HER advantage. She NEEDS it to protect her public image. On the other hand, you can fvck and run. That's why she's holding out--to make the perceived value of her puzzy rise (in your mind), so you will be willing to give her the relationship to get the sex. You need to decide for yourself if it's worth it. To me, it looks like you already have.

Jake

 

[tiburon]

SHE IS PUULING YOUR LEG

THIS WOMAN WOULD FVCK BRADD PITT THE NEXT TIME SHE HAD A CHANCE , WITH OUT FEELINGS FOR HIME EITHER> SNAP OUT OF IT..GET A BETTER WOMAN>


Tiburon

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

jake

what r u talking about she has hangups about sex - she is giving blow jobs!!! probably to other dudes too - she wants a committment u say - what committment did she get b 4 she was sucking his penis - that is more degrading than having sex - this is bizarre - she is a wh@re - treat her like one - she is trying to control dudes through her vagina that is y she had sex with four guys only 20 times - they probably kicked her to the curb because she would only give it up under her terms - hos want to control men and see how weak they can make them - dont b a chump and let her dictate.

 

[drZaius09]

Here's an easy solution: agree to the whole "commitment" thing, bang her, then tell her you changed your mind. The risk of course is that it'll be a one time deal, but if you do her good enough she might just come back for more anyway.

She's obviously f*cking with your head here, so go ahead and f*ck with hers.

 

[THA REALNESS]

"Lost virginity at 23"-********
"18 or younger".English



"I have been with only 4 guys"
That's almost double digits in reality.