how long to wait after breaking up..?

[Jin]

little dilema...

my g/f of 5 months just moved away for work reasons and just result of us leading our lives and they happened to seperate....

so anyway... we still email and what not and I'm visiting her in Jan or Feb so were trying to stay close...

about 4 months into our relationship she drops the "L" bomb... I reply I lover her as well....but not in a marriage sense... dn't ask...seperate issue...lol..

my question is... how do you draw the line between being respectful and waiting to get back in the game, to not letting other opportunities pass you buy...

I hooked up about 2 days after she left... and I feel kinda ashamed I didn't wait a little longer... but I don't lover her any less because of it... I just feel I'm more of a realist when it comes to relationships... shes gone..I'll see her again.... but I'm more worried what she'll think if she finds out...

or should I just be upfront about it and take it as it comes..

how long do you guys wait...?

any tips or suggestions you can help me with are greatly appreciated

Best,
Jin

 

[Walden]

Ten minutes is acceptable. I usually wait a half hour to be polite.
You broke up , who gives a §hit what she thinks?

 

[JohnJones]

If you're ready, then what's the worry?

 

[Jin]

yeah but thats the thing... we never broke up. We just spereated due to external forces et back beyond our control. If it were up to us we would still choose to be together.

I'm just worried that, if she finds out, what will she think of me if and when we get back together..

 

[squirrels]

If you feel terribly guilty about sleeping around behind her back while she's away, just call her up and tell her that you've met someone, or that it's just not going to work and it's nothing wrong with her...and MOVE ON.

If not, then just keep playing your game and keep her on hold so when she visits you can still hit it. Personally, I wouldn't do this, cuz I'd feel bad about cheating on her like that if you're that "official" with this girl, but hey, depends on what you value more.

 

[JohnJones]

There will be lots of contrary views on the subject of cheating here, but I can offer my view:

The fact that I have cheated in the past (even when things weren't that bad for me with my g/f) has caused me to have problems trusting women because I know what people are capable of.

It hurts when someone says they want to see other people, but that's better than being cheated on.

 

[Supaman]

Why not just tell her that you want to date her but not exclusively b/c of the circumstances......that way you can do whatever you want and when circumstances permit you can go back to being exclusive? That way you're not hiding anything and you still have her on the side.

 

[chlywly]

This is really personal, it depends on YOU.. There is no set time or limit, when you're ready to move on do so, even if its the next day. If you meant out of respect, then there is no time period, the only time you wait is the time it takes you to put the past behind yoruself

 

[NewMan]

Your two statements are conflicting:

how do you draw the line between being respectful and waiting to get back in the game, to not letting other opportunities pass you buy...

yeah but thats the thing... we never broke up. We just spereated due to external forces et back beyond our control. If it were up to us we would still choose to be together.

Figure it out.

 

[PRMoon]

Please there's no statue of limitations on h*es! as soon as she leaves a 50 mile facinity you're a free man and she should be aware of that fact. Sure you may have forged some puppy love relationship but lets be real, distance KILLS relationships. Unless you're in your mid 20s and have the funds, ability, and desire to maintain a distance relationship for a while till you figure out that you two are maddly in love (I don't think you even fit one of these requirements) and you're going to figure out a way to move in with one another, then breaking her heart is probaly the best thing for both of you. For you because your time on this planet is short and you don't have any to spare for stupid games and "oh I'll be back...I love you" B.S. she doesn't even know what love is. You need to spread yourself out and meet some other people which you already have, two days after she left, kudos to you for being smart! She needs to know that the level of love she thinks she's on with you is a figment of her imagination and she needs to get her life and such together before she tries to start looking for that gold ban. "Situations beyond our control?!" gimmie a break if there are things you can't over come then you two aren't in love and its your duty to bring her back to reality where you are. It's okay to keep nailing her and such but don't feel bad for being a guy and doing what's right.

 

[Jin]

alrighty then... time to clear some things up...

we are not currently dating...

due to external circumstances... she was moved to a different location to work... in the Bahamas... so we havnt broken up.. we just said.."Were both going different directions...lets live our lives and when we meet again in the future... we'll see if we can pick it up again.."

so... I have not cheated on her...but I do feel a little bad that I only waited two days... and I only feel bad because it would most likely hurt her if she found out I only waited two days.... I mean.... wouldn't you feel kinda slapped if your girl did that to you..?

I'm totaly with chlywly here... shes gone and I can deal with that.... I understand that I'll prob se her again.. and if not... a sad loss.... but nothing to stop my life for.

thanks for the words guys..

Best,

Jin

 

[CLOONEY]

you hooked up when you were drunk I gather? If you realise it or not, u probably did it out of an insecure thing. Becasue you are worried she might find another guy and you will be left alone, when she was such a great girl.

dont worry about it, she WONT find out, just dont tell her. She is probably off doing something with some guy in the bahamas, guys down there are petty aggressive towards woman! Just have heaps of fun with her when you see her, but if I were you I wouldnt hold my breath, get out there and live, you have the right to date other girls. This situation happened to me once also, did see her again but after that it was over. Eventually you guys have to sort something out in the long run, weather that be you moving to be with her or her moving to be with you. Becasue I was just like you and worried about "cheating" on her,I let the most amaizing girl go past, I still wish I had have kept her, she was one of the greatest girls I have ever met, but simply out of guilt I didnt become her "boyfriend".

Take it easy

 

[Jin]

no... I wasn't drinking...rarely do.... and it wasn't insecurity in the fact that I was worried about her finding another guy... I'm already worried about that..lol..jk...

no..it was more that I wanted someone to be with me in bed... when we were dating we slept together every night.... and I didn't want to come to an empty bed.... but I'm cool now...

I feel the same way about this girl as you do about that one chick you passed up... really awesome girl but can't be with her because of circumstances.

Live and learn...

Best,

Jin

 

[MVPlaya]

As long as it takes to find someone else...

 

[CLOONEY]

so you did only get with this girl out of an insecurity issue, dont worry insecurities are not bad, everyone has them.

ANd sorry I didnt think I made myself clear, the girl I let go was not the one that moved away, she was another one that I did not start a LTR with becasue I was still waiting to see the one that moved away (who was also great). But things in the Long distance relationship did not work out, and I always wondered what would have happened if I ended up dating the one I let go.

Get it?

In other words, dont let any girl you feel you like pass you by, because you are NOT quite seperated? The fact is that she is living her life and you are living yours, if she is not there with you, she is not yours and you are not hers, things most probably wont work out with her in the long term, so go out and date others,and dont just date them, if you like them GET seriously with them!

Take it easy

 

[high nrg]

yeah, theres no real time to wait. whenever you think you are ready.

your girl dropped the "L-bomb" in 4 months?

i got it in 3 weeks.

it scared the crap out of me.

o well

good luck

 

[Jin]

yeah cloony... I'm with ya'... but it still doesn't take away the pit in my stomach when I think about her...

no worries though...

yeah high nrg...that waht happens when you know how to make a girl scream in exctasy every night... they won't let go of your leg... lol..

Peace out kidz...

Jin