How long does it take to get over a ltr

[DannykDJ]

This is a question strictly for those who have been in a committed exclusive relationship for at least a year.

How long did it take you to get over her? It has been 2 months now for me and I still think about her every non stop and even still cry alot (not ashamed of it at all) thinking about it. It has gotten much better over the last month, but no where near where I want it to be.

I have noticed something wonderful that happened to me as a result. I just don't care what anyone thinks of me anymore. After losing what I considered my most valuable possession I feel bulletproof even though i'm in pain right now. Right now I just have zero desire to date or even go out with any women, but I hope I still have this feeling when I get my fire back.

sorry if this sounds like a pity party thread. I have been talking to my friends for support and I don't want to push them away by relying on them too much for support

 

[TheEdgeOf]

It takes 2 months, 3 weeks, 4 days, 5 hours and 23 minutes.


Really dude, it's never the same for anyone. It just takes time.

 

[nubian-knight]

start talking to other girls. by the time u bang a couple new girls ur relationship will be in ur past

 

[Mavrick]

It takes as long as you decide it takes. Every bit of focus on the ltr is in your head. You will not get over it until you change the way in which you look at it.

You are going through the natural motions that are caused by losing someone, but they are caused by your focus. If she left you, you're really doing yourself an injustice. You are highly disrespecting yourself and stripping yourself of your dignity when you desire a woman who has left you and find no interest in you.

The best way to get over it is change your mindset. Focus on why it was not good for you. You have to know who you are and have desire for yourself. Then and only then will you know that she has made a bad decision and she's not the smartest woman you ever knew, and you want a smart woman. A woman that desires you.

Go find someone else. Your desire has been suppressed because you've allowed yourself to be hurt. She did not inflict pain on you, but you are inflicting pain on yourself. You have to take responsibility for what went wrong and the bad choices you've made. Once you do that, you will see it all as a learning experience. You will gain more knowledge this way.

Go find some hoes and have some fun for once. She let you go, and now you can allow yourself to have fun.

 

[DannykDJ]

I asked how long it took everyone here to do it because its been two months for me and it bothers me that it still has this effect on me.

As for the banging other girls, believe it or not right now i'm just so burned out on women that I have no desire for that at all. I just need lots of single, alone time to make myself better

My new motivation in the gym, school, and work is to make her regret that with every fiber in her body. Even If I never see her again.

Thank you for the thoughtful reply mavrick. I always look forward to your posts in every thread on this forum

 

[nubian-knight]

I asked how long it took everyone here to do it because its been two months for me and it bothers me that it still has this effect on me.

As for the banging other girls, believe it or not right now i'm just so burned out on women that I have no desire for that at all. I just need lots of single, alone time to make myself better

sitting alone thinking of better times is only gona keep u in ur current state. talk to other girls, get some action, chill with the boys and you will feel 10 fold better

 

[MooseGod]

It's been almost exactly a year, and I still think about her all the time...

Been with a few girls over this past year, but still...I'm not sure if you can ever stop thinking about "what if." Doesn't help that she came down with one of her friends last night and went out partying with me and my bud...

 

[DannykDJ]

sitting alone thinking of better times is only gona keep u in ur current state. talk to other girls, get some action, chill with the boys and you will feel 10 fold better

The problem with my friends is that I am now the only one of my friends who is single now. They are spending all of their time with their gf's. Funny thing is I see them doing the same things I did and investing everything in their relationships and neglecting everything else.

As for other girls, school is out now and I lost contact with all of the other girls over the past year to focus on my gf

So I have little contact with my friends and no other girls right now. I have limited social resources right now so I have just been working non stop and exercising, and renting movies

 

[Mavrick]

I asked how long it took everyone here to do it because its been two months for me and it bothers me that it still has this effect on me.

As for the banging other girls, believe it or not right now i'm just so burned out on women that I have no desire for that at all. I just need lots of single, alone time to make myself better

My new motivation in the gym, school, and work is to make her regret that with every fiber in her body. Even If I never see her again.

Thank you for the thoughtful reply mavrick. I always look forward to your posts in every thread on this forum

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being alone. It's the best time to find yourself once again. I've been where you are and there are so many different stages you go through before you're normal again. If you stay away from this girl, it won't take long, but if you keep her around, the feelings will linger as long as you allow them.

The things you, do like working out, school, and work should only be done for yourself and no one else. It's been written a few times on this forum that the best revenge is to live a fulfilled life without her.

Go completely dark to this woman for yourself, but keep in mind that you are doing to things. You are healing faster. You are making her wonder, and you will have the upper hand and control the frame if she comes back, but you have to stay dark (no contact). Remember the "no contact" or "staying dark" is for you alone. It's so you can heal faster.

Good luck, Bro.

 

[DannykDJ]

No contact seems like it's almost impossible sometimes. It drives me crazy that she just moved on almost over night. I know shes not seeing anyone right now, but it's just amazing how she seemed to forget about me so fast. It helps knowing that I could call her a thousand times but until she willingly calls me I'm just wasting my time

Funny thing is when I used to lurk I would read posts by guys who got burned and everyone would tell him to cut contact. Of course the guy never would and then he would get burned even more. I would sit in front of the computer thinking "That loser got what he deserved for not being stronger and taking everyones advice"

 

[Mavrick]

It's easy for her because she knows she has you. If she didn't it wouldn't be so so easy. So, with that said, no contact. That's it. It's about you, and not her. what's best for you? No her!

 

[nubian-knight]

yea sometimes i feel like im neglecting other things with my current gf. but then i realise nothing lasts forever, gotta keep options open for when sh1t goes bad so its always nice to keep casual contact wit some girls incase things dont work out

 

[DannykDJ]

The major reason it hit me so hard is how she went on an on about how much she loved me and then out of no where she says she doesn't think she loves me anymore. I understand I hurt her with what I said but it's as if she just lied to me for months. If a business company that you invested a massive amount of time, money, and emotion in lied to you like that you would sue them for everything they had.

 

[dannyegg4575]

go watch "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" It'll cheer you up.

 

[ready123]

the more times you go through the emotion, the thicker your skin gets. First time is always the worst

Worst part about it is that you feel that you never really knew the girl you were with. eventually, given some distance and a proactive desire to move on, you're able to put it all in perspective

 

[DannykDJ]

the more times you go through the emotion, the thicker your skin gets. First time is always the worst

Worst part about it is that you feel that you never really knew the girl you were with. eventually, given some distance and a proactive desire to move on, you're able to put it all in perspective

This is so true. When someone will look you in the eyes and tell you they love you and then just out of no where have a lol jk attitude about it makes you wonder what else they lied about. I keep switching back between intense sadness from missing her and intense anger because I feel so betrayed by her.

I know I will be a better person after this, but the next time someone says they love me they will not like the response they get from me.

I am starting to believe that only men are capable of truly loving their partner, and women can only strongly like their partner

 

[I.A.F.Y.B.]

How long does it take to get over a LTR? As long as you sit around b!tching. go out and meet girls, focus on you, and do things to take your mind off it. Yeah, it will suck and hurt. But, Its how you will handle it.

 

[j-flex]

Danny, i have been in the same situation before. it was the worst feeling i have ever felt.

check out what happened to me, i went out with this chick for a year, then we went to the same college and we put All of our classes together. at the second week of class she dumped me. i was so devastated, it was my first gf and lasted a year, also i was a mayor AFC.

I dont have a dad, so i didnt know what to do, everybody would tell me to keep "fighting for her" and other afcs moves, including my mom. i didnt know what to do! I was going crazy. until i searched on the net and i found a similar forum to sosuave.

they helped me a lot, and so much i learned. i started working out, doing new things, just so the biotch could see me better and want to get back. i was suffering so much because i had to see her with all those guys hitting on her in front of me, even though i didnt talked to her.

the semester ended, and i was so relieved i didnt have to see that hoe ever again, i tried to go after several girls and all i got was rejection. but i said **** it, so i started improving myself everyday, i would do something new, something scary.

after 9 months i was still down, then i went to the beach with my family and i met a beautiful girl, she made my heart pound, she was perfect, and guess what?, she liked me back!!!!, it was the greatest feeling in the world. i just kissed her, but i was so happy i couldnt sleep that night.

after that i felt like the king of the world, a year passed and suddenly, the pain was gone!!, school started again and i felt so good, new body, new mentality etc, and i said to myself, i wont have a gf again, then a week after that i saw a cute girl i already knew but didnt talked to her, she was just a friend of a friend.

well i went to talk to her, and now she is my gf to this day. its been 1.5 yrs. and she is waay better than my ex, she is an HB7.5, and my ex is a hb3

A year after my breakup ,people told me of all the girls that liked me, but because i was feeling sorry for myself i didnt see it.

Now i feel very good, excellent, i havent seen my exgf since she dropped outa college, but i will gladly thank her, because she did me a favor, if it wasnt for her, i wouldnt be the man i am today.

that will happen to you, i have faith in you bro, hang on. just dont go back, and cut all contact, including delete and block her msn.

pm me if you want more help, or amazing stories that happened to me.

 

[dannyegg4575]

There's no set time like everyone says. Time is basically meaningless. do you not feel it was just yesterday that you graduated from elementary school? or doesn't feel like it was yesterday when it was christmas? time means little. Seriously. Time is however and whenever you feel is the right time to move on.

Screw your need for an outcome and just let it go. "be like water my friend, be like water." -bruce lee

 

[MacAvoy]

Like everyone said it depends, but not on all the factors listed, it all depends on YOU. How long YOU choose it to take. It took me 4 years to get over my oneitis.

I tried taking this advice:

Perscription: Get another woman!

I used to hate hearing that advice from mates when I got dumped from LTR's, it's like "I don't want another woman! I just want her back.".
You see you miss your girl because she gave you things and now there gone, when you find another girl she will SLOWLY fill the void =].

However it didn't do me any good, all it did was leave a trail of broken hearts. I slept with more than the magically 10 women that everyone says it takes to get over a women. But if your mind doesn't want to move on, you never will until you make the choice. You have to make the choice to move on and make it happen.

I eventually got involved in another LTR and I threw it away because of my oneitis. The girl I threw away was probably twice as good as my oneitis but the oneitis owned my heart.

Don't let this happen to you. However I think your on the right track, from the tone of your posts, I can see your on the right track. Your not sitting there pining how great she was. You are however bitter, however that bitterness should help you get over her.

However don't let that bitterness over take you and make you think that NO women can love. There are many great women out there and there is nothing better than being in love. However we are in a different time and age that our grandparents and even our parents, gone are the times of the majority of people having one life long partner. So why waste your energy fighting it, make the most of it, enjoy multiple loving relationships over your lifetime.

But before you do that, you need to deal with your feelings with your ex. You need to put them to rest. Maybe try doing a mock funeral, take her possessions and bury them or burn them, but do so in a way thats positve, cherishing the memories that you had but saying goodbye at the same time. Kind of like celebrating a person's life when they die, celebrate your relationship but realize that ITS DEAD and will never be again, you can't bring back the dead.

Thats just one idea, I'm not saying you have to do that, but find a way to put your feelings for her to rest so that you can move on with your life. Its important to grieve, if you don't grieve, you won't move on, and it will hold you back in other areas of life.