Checkmate12
Don Juan
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2013
- Messages
- 94
- Reaction score
- 8
So when we all initially became students of the game, no doubt one of our very first lessons was "have confidence, be the prize, don't pedestalize." And this was likely a disappointing answer. I know it was for me. I wanted a tangible step-by-step breakdown of what I had to do land the girl. I didn't want a concept, I didn't have time for "inner game." I quickly came to learn that I didn't have time not to fix my inner game.
As I've experienced many failures and many successes in perfecting my inner game over the last couple years, I can say with conviction that the way you view yourself is the single most important key in picking up and keeping women. Your mindset is king. It makes your actions irrelevant. Ralph Waldo Emerson said "every action is measured by the depth of the sentiment from which it proceeds." Basically, what you do is insignificant so long as you do it like a boss. Don't get me wrong, your actions are important but a woman can spot a beta mimicking an alpha from a mile away. Funny thing is that an alpha can get away with doing beta things from time to time because he still exudes that supreme confidence while doing them.
Think for a second. Have you ever known a guy who said or did whatever he felt like but it didn't seem to matter, he picked up women regardless? Some might attribute this to his looks, but I'd be willing to bet it goes deeper. I'd be willing to bet that he had perfected an attitude of moderate indifference to all women because he was so confident in himself and the things in life that he was after, that he gained the respect and attraction of women by default. "He's not focused on me and he's not succumbing to my every whim so he must be of inherently higher value" is likely the subconscious feeling women had towards him. The problem is that the attitude and demeanor this man had can't be faked, though many men fail to realize this so the only 'game' they ever really master is charades. And even if the façade is successful initially, it is impossible to maintain with a mind chock full of insecurities just waiting to slip out of in the form of a statement, question, text, action, or even facial expression.
One of my first questions when attempting to learn game was "how do I shift my paradigm to 'Im the prize, and she's lucky to have me.'"?
Firstly: What goes into your mind and what you allow to stay there determines what comes out in the form of speech and action.
Every morning that I wake up I make it my mission to have so much fun living life and being so busy working towards my goals that I don't have time to worry about what my girlfriend thinks of me. I remember that while she will probably not always be there, my goals and God will remain.
I love country music but I've stopped listening to the sappy love songs or any music where the main theme is essentially pedestalizing a woman. I don't watch the 'awesome proposal' videos friends post on facebook. I've stopped watching television shows in which the central plot is a man busting his balls to get a woman. And even when I do stop for a second to spectate, I just laugh and shake my head at the lies our culture and society now deem as truth. :crackup: Every time I'm with my girlfriend and she is looking particularly beautiful and those chump thoughts start to creep in saying "wow, look how great she looks, I cant believe I managed to land her, hope I can keep her arou.... STOP!!." I immediately kick those garbage thoughts out of my head because I know the more I entertain that kind of thinking, the deeper it will be engrained into my psychological pathways, and will eventually manifest themselves in my actions. I especially DO NOT ENTERTAIN ANY FUTURE THOUGHTS REGARDING WOMEN, because when I do that I am taken out of the moment and I become a chump always trying to make it to the next level and cease to be the guy who is a blast because he is content with living in the now and having fun. Hint: women are attracted to the latter.
Secondly: Results=confidence.
Even the smallest, almost unnoticeable results can cause a dramatic spike in confidence. How good does it feel when after some time of hard work you have added an inch to your biceps, you got that dollar raise at work from diligent working, you passed that calculus test after hours of grueling study, you cleaned up the car and put a fresh coat of wax on it, you finally finished that book about WWII and are feeling more intelligent already, or you got a fresh haircut and a new pair of shoes? Answer: It feel freaking fantastic. And the cool thing is, it's not always even just the accomplishments that trigger that release of dopamine and oxytocin into our blood streams, making us feel like champs. Even simply pursuing our goals, short or long term, with a vigor can make us feel like a new man because now we have purpose and we're farther along in the attainment of our goals than we were yesterday. On top of that, it takes our mind off of what the females are thinking about us because we don't need their approval or validation, we already know we're the stuff.
I can bet that the majority of the SUCCESSFUL dj's on this site have become successful because they have already been lucky enough to experience this revelation. Your confidence will start to soar, you will realize that you are the prize to be attained, and most importantly you won't give a crap whether you get/keep so&so girl because you have realized what a boss you are, once you STOP POISOINING YOUR MIND.
In the Christian community we call it "guarding our gateways." Just as you can take all of your thoughts and make them captive to Christ, you can take all of your insecure, chump thoughts and make them captive to confidence. As corny as it may sound, self-affirmation works and it works well. Constantly reminding yourself that the things you are doing in life, whether it be for God, a better career, a college degree, a killer set of abs, nurturing relationships with friends/family.. all of the things you are doing to work towards your goals take immense precedence over that hb8 who sent you mixed signals on the first date, that cute girl from work who takes forever to text back, and even your long term girlfriend who still insists on 'shoot' testing you. The girl doesn't matter nearly as much as your sex-craved mind tricks you into believing. If you've ever busted a load and suddenly had the epiphany "wow, I suddenly don't give a crap what she thinks"... well theres your proof.
THE FRUITS OF A NEW MINDSET
I realized for the first time how effective our inner game and a strong mindset can be just a few days ago. Some of you may have seen my thread from a couple days ago in which I explained how my girlfriend had gone on to tell me that she recently wasn't desiring me as much as she did initially. I was a little taken aback, but my overall response was "well, I don't want to be in a relationship where I have to work for my girlfriends adoration" and my demeanor was one of surprising indifference.
I could see the panic on her face after witnessing my reaction and she went on to proclaim that things were definitely back to normal and the thought of breaking up never crossed her pretty little mind. My closing sentiment was me telling her that I wouldn't hesitate to leave if this became an issue in the relationship. Checkmate. Honestly, I was shocked how I handled that situation because this was the same man who cried and begged for an ex-gf back just 9 months ago after she left. To make this feat even more impressive, I am farrrr more attracted to my current gf than I was to my ex on many levels. Yeah, maybe it wasn't a permanent fix and maybe she will make the mistake of not sticking around, but I can tell you that I don't lose a minute of sleep worrying about it and that's a victory in my book. Not because I don't care about her, but because she's a neat little part of my life but certainly not the center of it. :rock:
And this all came from my relentless effort to shift my mental paradigm. Change your thoughts, change your game!!
Feel free to add on thoughts about how these things affect picking up women, spinning plates, early relationship dynamics, etc. I mainly only covered the LTR aspects because that's what currently pertains to me.
As I've experienced many failures and many successes in perfecting my inner game over the last couple years, I can say with conviction that the way you view yourself is the single most important key in picking up and keeping women. Your mindset is king. It makes your actions irrelevant. Ralph Waldo Emerson said "every action is measured by the depth of the sentiment from which it proceeds." Basically, what you do is insignificant so long as you do it like a boss. Don't get me wrong, your actions are important but a woman can spot a beta mimicking an alpha from a mile away. Funny thing is that an alpha can get away with doing beta things from time to time because he still exudes that supreme confidence while doing them.
Think for a second. Have you ever known a guy who said or did whatever he felt like but it didn't seem to matter, he picked up women regardless? Some might attribute this to his looks, but I'd be willing to bet it goes deeper. I'd be willing to bet that he had perfected an attitude of moderate indifference to all women because he was so confident in himself and the things in life that he was after, that he gained the respect and attraction of women by default. "He's not focused on me and he's not succumbing to my every whim so he must be of inherently higher value" is likely the subconscious feeling women had towards him. The problem is that the attitude and demeanor this man had can't be faked, though many men fail to realize this so the only 'game' they ever really master is charades. And even if the façade is successful initially, it is impossible to maintain with a mind chock full of insecurities just waiting to slip out of in the form of a statement, question, text, action, or even facial expression.
One of my first questions when attempting to learn game was "how do I shift my paradigm to 'Im the prize, and she's lucky to have me.'"?
Here are a couple incredibly simple concepts that I have found to work wonders for me.
Firstly: What goes into your mind and what you allow to stay there determines what comes out in the form of speech and action.
Every morning that I wake up I make it my mission to have so much fun living life and being so busy working towards my goals that I don't have time to worry about what my girlfriend thinks of me. I remember that while she will probably not always be there, my goals and God will remain.
I love country music but I've stopped listening to the sappy love songs or any music where the main theme is essentially pedestalizing a woman. I don't watch the 'awesome proposal' videos friends post on facebook. I've stopped watching television shows in which the central plot is a man busting his balls to get a woman. And even when I do stop for a second to spectate, I just laugh and shake my head at the lies our culture and society now deem as truth. :crackup: Every time I'm with my girlfriend and she is looking particularly beautiful and those chump thoughts start to creep in saying "wow, look how great she looks, I cant believe I managed to land her, hope I can keep her arou.... STOP!!." I immediately kick those garbage thoughts out of my head because I know the more I entertain that kind of thinking, the deeper it will be engrained into my psychological pathways, and will eventually manifest themselves in my actions. I especially DO NOT ENTERTAIN ANY FUTURE THOUGHTS REGARDING WOMEN, because when I do that I am taken out of the moment and I become a chump always trying to make it to the next level and cease to be the guy who is a blast because he is content with living in the now and having fun. Hint: women are attracted to the latter.
Secondly: Results=confidence.
Even the smallest, almost unnoticeable results can cause a dramatic spike in confidence. How good does it feel when after some time of hard work you have added an inch to your biceps, you got that dollar raise at work from diligent working, you passed that calculus test after hours of grueling study, you cleaned up the car and put a fresh coat of wax on it, you finally finished that book about WWII and are feeling more intelligent already, or you got a fresh haircut and a new pair of shoes? Answer: It feel freaking fantastic. And the cool thing is, it's not always even just the accomplishments that trigger that release of dopamine and oxytocin into our blood streams, making us feel like champs. Even simply pursuing our goals, short or long term, with a vigor can make us feel like a new man because now we have purpose and we're farther along in the attainment of our goals than we were yesterday. On top of that, it takes our mind off of what the females are thinking about us because we don't need their approval or validation, we already know we're the stuff.
I can bet that the majority of the SUCCESSFUL dj's on this site have become successful because they have already been lucky enough to experience this revelation. Your confidence will start to soar, you will realize that you are the prize to be attained, and most importantly you won't give a crap whether you get/keep so&so girl because you have realized what a boss you are, once you STOP POISOINING YOUR MIND.
In the Christian community we call it "guarding our gateways." Just as you can take all of your thoughts and make them captive to Christ, you can take all of your insecure, chump thoughts and make them captive to confidence. As corny as it may sound, self-affirmation works and it works well. Constantly reminding yourself that the things you are doing in life, whether it be for God, a better career, a college degree, a killer set of abs, nurturing relationships with friends/family.. all of the things you are doing to work towards your goals take immense precedence over that hb8 who sent you mixed signals on the first date, that cute girl from work who takes forever to text back, and even your long term girlfriend who still insists on 'shoot' testing you. The girl doesn't matter nearly as much as your sex-craved mind tricks you into believing. If you've ever busted a load and suddenly had the epiphany "wow, I suddenly don't give a crap what she thinks"... well theres your proof.
THE FRUITS OF A NEW MINDSET
I realized for the first time how effective our inner game and a strong mindset can be just a few days ago. Some of you may have seen my thread from a couple days ago in which I explained how my girlfriend had gone on to tell me that she recently wasn't desiring me as much as she did initially. I was a little taken aback, but my overall response was "well, I don't want to be in a relationship where I have to work for my girlfriends adoration" and my demeanor was one of surprising indifference.
I could see the panic on her face after witnessing my reaction and she went on to proclaim that things were definitely back to normal and the thought of breaking up never crossed her pretty little mind. My closing sentiment was me telling her that I wouldn't hesitate to leave if this became an issue in the relationship. Checkmate. Honestly, I was shocked how I handled that situation because this was the same man who cried and begged for an ex-gf back just 9 months ago after she left. To make this feat even more impressive, I am farrrr more attracted to my current gf than I was to my ex on many levels. Yeah, maybe it wasn't a permanent fix and maybe she will make the mistake of not sticking around, but I can tell you that I don't lose a minute of sleep worrying about it and that's a victory in my book. Not because I don't care about her, but because she's a neat little part of my life but certainly not the center of it. :rock:
And this all came from my relentless effort to shift my mental paradigm. Change your thoughts, change your game!!
Feel free to add on thoughts about how these things affect picking up women, spinning plates, early relationship dynamics, etc. I mainly only covered the LTR aspects because that's what currently pertains to me.
