How Important Is Communication In A LTR?

[soulforge]

I'm asking this question, because last night the girl I am in a LTR with (5 months) went out with her friend to the cinema.

It was late in the afternoon around 7pm.. We both have an agreement in place, that we do not do bars/clubs/drinking etc.

Anyway while she was at the cinema, she sent me some video footage, so I know for a fact she was there.

But... She did not text me when she got back home. No message letting me know when she got home or even a goodnight like she usually does.

This raised my suspicion as to what she has been upto.

She will more likely message me tonight after she finishes work...

However I have no idea when/or if she got home last night.

Would this be an issue for you guys?

 

[soulforge]

The way I see it is... Anytime she goes out with her friend/freinds and drops off for the night, and I don't hear from her at all, and I accept this behaviour, she could potentially repeatedly do this, knowing very well she can get away with it.

Also I don't want to question her about it either, questioning her about why she disappeared like that will make me look insecure and will only give her ammo to try it again.

I'm seriously thinking this girl ain't the right one for an LTR

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

A LTR shouldn’t feel like a failed parent trying to maintain control of a rebellious teenager.

 

[soulforge]

A LTR shouldn’t feel like a failed parent trying to maintain control of a rebellious teenager.

This is true mate. I really don't want to have that conversation where I have to tell her to atleast get intouch, rather than disappear for the night.

I'm also going to think the worst the next time she wants to go out with friends

 

[soulforge]

Would you guys question her about what she did? or simply withdraw attention and mirror her behaviour

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

Would you guys question her about what she did? or simply withdraw attention and mirror her behaviour

If you don’t trust her then don’t date her lol

 

[soulforge]

If you don’t trust her then don’t date her lol

Well trust is something you develop between eachother right. How do I trust a chick who suddenly drops off the radar for the whole night

 

[Murk]

Well trust is something you develop between eachother right. How do I trust a chick who suddenly drops off the radar for the whole night

You can't, because that's very odd behaviour. I would call her out on it, or leave her, the only other alternative is to keep letting her go missing on her "nights out". My gf's would text me throughout their night without me having to ask and definitely let me know when they got home. I've never actually experienced this in an LTR it sounds sus.

 

[soulforge]

You can't, because that's very odd behaviour. I would call her out on it, or leave her, the only other alternative is to keep letting her go missing on her "nights out". My gf's would text me throughout their night without me having to ask and definitely let me know when they got home. I've never actually experienced this in an LTR it sounds sus.

Calling her out on it might make me look insecure?

She did text me a couple of times when in the cinema, but then dropped off for the rest of the night.

Also I won't be able to trust her going out in the future with her freind, as back of my mind I don't know if she was drop contact.

 

[Murk]

Calling her out on it might make me look insecure?

She did text me a couple of times when in the cinema, but then dropped off for the rest of the night.

Also I won't be able to trust her going out in the future with her freind, as back of my mind I don't know if she was drop contact.

I don't really subscribe to the "insecure" train of thought. I rather have control, you get control by speaking up and communicating. Otherwise, you are now being effected negatively (anxious, worrying, not trusting her) every time she goes out. I would rather NOT have negative feelings and say something, rather than suffer in silence to play silly games.

Who cares if she thinks you're insecure, if she acts on that feeling and disrespects you, check her again or move her on. Her going out and disappearing and not telling you she got home is weird, if she thinks that's normal behaviour for an LTR there's something wrong with her or she's up to no good.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

Well trust is something you develop between eachother right. How do I trust a chick who suddenly drops off the radar for the whole night

Think of it like going to the bank and asking for the loan. The bank isn't going to just take you for your word and give you a loan and send you out the door. The bank is going to check your credit and your proof employment/income. Now if your credit is good then usually, they just send you back home with low interest rate and a goodie bag. If your credit is bad then they ask for more stipulations and send you home with a high interest rate and a frownie face.

What you just told me was some emotional cope nonsense that I would hear from a Disney or feelgood Tyler Perry Movie. The world does not operate on budding trust, it operates on already established trust. Girl's nights out are a sign of bad credit AKA low trust. What you do with bad credit loans that default? Dump them lol. Now if you want to continue and be a subprime pay day lender the rest of your life, continue dating the same type of women, but if not...Start checking their credit (literally actually).

 

[soulforge]

Think of it like going to the bank and asking for the loan. The bank isn't going to just take you for your word and give you a loan and send you out the door. The bank is going to check your credit and your proof employment/income. Now if your credit is good then usually, they just send you back home with low interest rate and a goodie bag. If your credit is bad then they ask for more stipulations and send you home with a high interest rate and a frownie face.

What you just told me was some emotional cope nonsense that I would hear from a Disney or feelgood Tyler Perry Movie. The world does not operate on budding trust, it operates on already established trust. Girl's nights out are a sign of bad credit AKA low trust. What you do with bad credit loans that default? Dump them lol. Now if you want to continue and be a subprime pay day lender the rest of your life, continue dating the same type of women, but if not...Start checking their credit (literally actually).

I hear what you are saying and it does make sense what you say. However it wasn't a night out she went on, it was to the cinema, but it's possible her freind encouraged her to get upto some shady crap or filled her head with nonsense.

 

[soulforge]

I don't really subscribe to the "insecure" train of thought. I rather have control, you get control by speaking up and communicating. Otherwise, you are now being effected negatively (anxious, worrying, not trusting her) every time she goes out. I would rather NOT have negative feelings and say something, rather than suffer in silence to play silly games.

Who cares if she thinks you're insecure, if she acts on that feeling and disrespects you, check her again or move her on. Her going out and disappearing and not telling you she got home is weird, if she thinks that's normal behaviour for an LTR there's something wrong with her or she's up to no good.

I kinda agree with you. Not saying anything from fear of looking insecure, can eat you up inside.

The fact is, I don't want to be in a situation with a girl, that when she goes out for a meal or cinema with her friend, I never hear from her all night again. I don't want that kind of stress.

I don't want to be texting her all night either trying to find out what she is doing and why she hasn't been in touch

 

[EyeBRollin]

Problem. This girl is not LTR worthy.

Women who are worth it don’t even want to go out without their men. Or.. they have a group of girlfriends that are all in committed relationships. Is there a reason she went with her “friend” to the cinema instead of with you?

 

[soulforge]

Problem. This girl is not LTR worthy.

Women who are worth it don’t even want to go out without their men. Or.. they have a group of girlfriends that are all in committed relationships. Is there a reason she went with her “friend” to the cinema instead of with you?

I had spent the entire weekend with her, she was about to leave home for Sunday. However about 15 minutes before she left her, single mother freind sent her a message, telling her that she has 2 tickets for a movie, do you fancy coming?

At first she told me that she feels tired so not sure if she wants to go, later that night when I messaged her, to see if she got home ok, it turns out she decided to go.

She sent me a text from the cinema, then not heard from her all night after that.

I didn't want to be texting her to find out what is going on, as I was expecting and hoping she would do the right thing and let me know she is Home.

I doubt I could trust her again if she went out with a friend

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

I had spent the entire weekend with her, she was about to leave home for Sunday. However about 15 minutes before she left her, single mother freind sent her a message, telling her that she has 2 tickets for a movie, do you fancy coming?

crappy friends that are a bad influence are a bad sign too

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Would you guys question her about what she did? or simply withdraw attention and mirror her behaviour

Unless you say something, this is going to bug you and you'll start to imagine things and get angry at her for those imaginary things.

State your boundaries and let her decide, in or out.

"Hey, you didn't text me when you got home like you usually do. For me, when I'm in a LTR I like to just hear that you're safely home. This is kind of important to me. If it's not important to you, then let maybe me know and I guess we're not really compatible after all."

Something to this effect. Just be sure to practice what you preach.

 

[soulforge]

crappy friends that are a bad influence are a bad sign too

Absolutely this.. she normally doesn't do this.. she meets this single mom girl and her behaviour has changed

 

[Bingo-Player]

First off 5 months isn't anywhere near long enough to qualify an "LTR" , it amazes me guys get in so deep so quickly given everything we know about female psychology

For the first YEAR you should be feeling her out , setting boundaries and establishing connection that is it

Let HER develop the feels for you , you give her a little of what she wants to hear but ultimately ensure she knows actions speak louder than words

You are over invested and over analysing everything she does this tells me she controls the frame and she is aware of it ......she could very well have an hidden agenda but how would you know you've already given her GF status, the keys to your emotions and everything that comes with it

If she doesn't message you so what , you don't message her pull back chill out

Women like being submissive

 

[EyeBRollin]

Absolutely this.. she normally doesn't do this.. she meets this single mom girl and her behaviour has changed

Did you vet this “friend” before agreeing to be in LTR?