How I made every mistake in the book.....

[Lexington]

Here's a story about how I made every mistake in the world with a girl, and found out the hard way that this DJ/PUA stuff is true. This was in the past, before I dedicated myself to this stuff. Basically, I did everything the exact opposite of what the DJ Bible said. I had read a little bit of the DJ/PUA stuff before, but I didn't really believe it because I was so very naive.

So there was a girl I saw once who I thought was "okay." I didn't think she as super hot or anything...maybe a 6. Anyway, one day she was very friendly to me and I thought there was something there. I wanted to do her. I never wanted a relationship or anything with her.

We ended up becoming friends. She would come over to my place a lot, we'd hang out a ton. But I never made a move on her because I was so scared or rejection. Any and all kino I made was the friendly kind. So we were friends for a month and a half. She seemed so sweet and friendly and she didn't seem like the kind that would put out easily.

Well I finally made my move on her.....WAY late. I kissed her (I was super nervous when I did it) and she gave me the LJBF speech. I should have left it at that. But instead, I read the fact that she still loved hanging out with me as interest (BAD MISTAKE).

One telling thing she said is: "I was very surprised when you tried to kiss me." Basically, I did nothing to act like a lover. All my behaviors were that of a friend. But it gets worse....much worse.

Since I'd invested so much in this girl at this point, I started to develop severe oneitis. All of a sudden she went from being a 6 to a 9 in my eyes. And I became a total chump. I'd always be there to help her out with ANYTHING and everything she wanted.

What was really bad is that there'd be times when she'd blow me off for a while. But I'd still be there at her beck and call. She'd make everything alright for me when after a couple weeks, she wanted to hang out again. I was in a cycle....I'd be happy when I was hanging out with this girl and pissed when she blew me off.

So anyway, the funny thing is, I heard through the grapevine that she had slept with a friend of mine one night. I thought there was no way this was true! Not her! She'd never do that!

Well, I went over to her place, and I brought up the topic of rumors about how it's funny how there's rumors about everyone. She asked me what rumors I'd heard about her. I told her about the one with my friend. She didn't deny it.

I was absolutely CRUSHED. Here I had invested so much into this girl....MONTHS. I thought about her all the time. I was so kind and considerate to her. I was there for her whenever she needed. And this guy got more action from her in one night!!!!

I then came to know that she had slept with other guys too while I was working on her.

So there it was: I had learned several lessons the hard way.

 

[Lexington]

What mistakes did I make? Basically, I violated every major rule in the DJ Bible.

1) Be sexual from the get go!
I wasn't acting like a lover to this girl, I was acting like her gay buddy. She was attracted to me but my refusal to make a move on her turned her off. One very telling thing she told me about the guy she slept with is "He was assertive enough to come after me"

Basically when a girl says she loves a man with confidence, that's about as close as she's going to get to saying "I want a guy that's not afraid to take control and try to do me."

2) All girls want sex
We're fed this crap in mainstream society that somehow men are perverted and girls don't want sex nearly as bad as guys. The truth is that they do want to be ravaged but they simply fear being labeled sluts. This is why the jerk gets laid after the party and the nice guy goes home to beat off to porn in front of his computer.

I was terrified of making a move on this girl because I almost felt like I'd be committing crime! All I wanted to do was give this girl an orgasm! Yet in my mind, being sexual with her was extremely offensive!

This girls seemed to sweet and innocent....she'd never have a one night stand! How wrong I was.


3) When a girl says "let's just be friends," it's almost certainly over
There are some rare instances when guys manage to escape the friend zone. But 9 times out of 10....it's done. Cut your losses and run at this point. I didn't....I stuck around and it led me to my next mistake

4) NEVER EVER EVER fall into the trap of oneitis
Make your move on a girl and if you get rejected...move on. The more you obsess over a girl who doesn't return your feelings, the more you will suffer. Yes, there are some rare instances when a person's oneitis situation works out for the best.

But 99% of the time, things don't work out like they do in "the Office" with Jim and Pam. Mostly, it just causes a lot of unnecessary heartache.

This girl was nothing special, but I blew her up to be something amazing. My first thought when I saw her is that she was "okay." But when I was in the clutches of oneitis, this girl was a super babe and a Goddess. And no other girl would do.

5) Do not be her errand boy!
I was there to do anything and everything for her. Whenever she needed me, I'd be there in a heartbeat. I was ready to obey her every command. I figured if I did enough nice things for her, she'd eventually jump my bone.

6) There's a big difference between a girl "liking you" and wanting to sleep with you
Generally speaking, a girl will know pretty quickly if she wants to sleep with you. No matter how nice you are to her, how many nice favors you do for her, no matter how much she enjoys spending time with you....it doesn't mean she'd want to do you.

That's why you have to turn the sexuality on quickly.

 

[Lexington]

The biggest irony of the situation is that because of my fear of rejection, I suffered the most painful of rejections.

I was afraid to make my move on this girl, so instead I ended up investing months into her. I literally wasted DAYS of my life thinking about this broad. I only found out from someone else that she was doing other people, right under my nose. OUCH!

If I had just made my move early on and got blown out, I could have at least just shrugged my shoulders and moved on. Instead, I was so crushed I almost started hyperventilating when I finally found out the truth.

It was a very cruel lesson for me. But it was a lesson I needed to learn. I learned it the hard way....so I will NEVER forget.

I doubted most of the DJ Bible stuff. I never will again. I learned first hand the perils of going against its advice. How incredibly naive I was!!!

But at least I emerged stronger as a result of all of it. I have committed myself to this DJ stuff. And because I suffered the most crushing of rejections.....I'll never again be afraid to make my move on a girl.

So, I leave you with a message for all you new DJs:
Some of the stuff in these forums might seem to run contrary to what you're taught.

So much of it is the opposite of what we're taught in romantic comedies, from our mothers and from mainstream society in general. But it's true.

Have faith in it and learn from my mistake. If you truly commit yourself to the teachings of the DJ Bible, and you put in the effort necessary.....you WILL exponentially boost your sex life.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Relax. Other people on here have experienced this.

I have experienced it. Maxtro has experienced it.

This only occurred back in 2006. What I did was turn it into some art-form.
I went on AFF on a November to look for a casual-hook-up. That month was selected to represent a sting I felt out of it in analogy to a scorpion.
I almost succeeded in doing so, but was blocked by my dad at the last minute to re-check my values about sexuality as being immoral.

In a sence, stuff like this can put you on an opposite extreme, like dbot's style of just asking women for sex straight-up as openers. You can check dbot's threads for that. When you are in war-mode that is what you end up doing and don't care.

After the end of that November I was back to normal. My nitche appeared to be black women (unfortunately not mixed/Indian types which I tended to like) and I had some limited experience with them which I picked up from online sites afterwards.

At the end of the day it's all about just finding out about your 'nitche' (type of girls that are attracted to you) and dealing with them.

 

[Igetit!]

The biggest irony of the situation is that because of my fear of rejection, I suffered the most painful of rejections.

BINGO!!! This is the key right here. Dude,this is sooo ironic. Guys have a fear of rejection,so they'll do everything in their power to avoid it,pass by it,to get the girl without going through it....and the CRAZY THING is that the very thing that most guys try to avoid is the EXACT SAME THING THEY NEED to be sucessful. The thing they're terrified to death of is the very thing that would give them the success they so badly desire. You CANNOT get a girl without the risk of rejection. As long as you try to avoid rejection,you'll inavertantly be avoiding attraction (on the girl's part) as well.

I was afraid to make my move on this girl, so instead I ended up investing months into her. I literally wasted DAYS of my life thinking about this broad. I only found out from someone else that she was doing other people, right under my nose. OUCH!

Ah yes. This brings back memories....painful memories. Been there,done that Lexington. The only difference is,is that I made this mistake over,and over,AND OVER,AND OVER AGAIN. I don't care who you are,NO ONE was a bigger afc than I was. I was so afc,that even when I did something right and created attraction in a girl,I didn't even realize it. I remember times when I actually did things right....BY ACCIDENT,but because I was so naive,I didn't know it. One time,I spent 6 months after a girl,only to get the "you can be my friend" speech.

Looking back on that,I can't blame the girl. Attraction isn't a choice. She didn't choose not to be attracted to me,she just wasn't.

If I had just made my move early on and got blown out, I could have at least just shrugged my shoulders and moved on. Instead, I was so crushed I almost started hyperventilating when I finally found out the truth.

Well,I don't know about the "hyperventilating",but it was painful nonetheless.

So much of it is the opposite of what we're taught in romantic comedies, from our mothers and from mainstream society in general. But it's true.

Yeah,this is true. I don't think that women intentionally try to mislead guy when they ask for advice,but they still do it though. The only time I'd listen to a woman is if she says something that would be embarassing,or something she'd hate to admit about her gender.

 

[Maxtro]

Sounds remarkably similar to what I went through. Except I never even tried to kiss the girls I was around. Sorry Igetit! but I'm pretty sure I've been a bigger AFC than you. Of course there isn't much glory in being the biggest loser...

I've told my story on here so many times I'm sick of it. She may have liked me, now she hates me. It's done and over, all I can do is make sure not to make the same mistake with the next chick.

Unfortunately these are experiences that some of us most go through.

Most important thing I learned

1) Be sexual from the get go!
I wasn't acting like a lover to this girl, I was acting like her gay buddy. She was attracted to me but my refusal to make a move on her turned her off. One very telling thing she told me about the guy she slept with is "He was assertive enough to come after me"

Basically when a girl says she loves a man with confidence, that's about as close as she's going to get to saying "I want a guy that's not afraid to take control and try to do me."

Doing that does two things.

1: It may actually increase your chances of sleeping with her.
2: If she has no interest in you, you will find out right away. Getting a quick rejection can save you months of time and tons of emotional pain.

The having to face rejection part is also very important.

 

[Giacobe.KB]

BINGO!!! This is the key right here. Dude,this is sooo ironic. Guys have a fear of rejection,so they'll do everything in their power to avoid it,pass by it,to get the girl without going through it....and the CRAZY THING is that the very thing that most guys try to avoid is the EXACT SAME THING THEY NEED to be sucessful. The thing they're terrified to death of is the very thing that would give them the success they so badly desire. You CANNOT get a girl without the risk of rejection. As long as you try to avoid rejection,you'll inavertantly be avoiding attraction (on the girl's part) as well.

I think this is HUGE key to oneitis and I just made a thread about it. The thing is I am scared it will fail but I will still always have to see her at my Catholic school... What do I do?

 

[Alle_Gory]

Relax. Other people on here have experienced this.

I have experienced it. Maxtro has experienced it.

This only occurred back in 2006. What I did was turn it into some art-form.
I went on AFF on a November to look for a casual-hook-up. That month was selected to represent a sting I felt out of it in analogy to a scorpion.
I almost succeeded in doing so, but was blocked by my dad at the last minute to re-check my values about sexuality as being immoral.

In a sence, stuff like this can put you on an opposite extreme, like dbot's style of just asking women for sex straight-up as openers. You can check dbot's threads for that. When you are in war-mode that is what you end up doing and don't care.

After the end of that November I was back to normal. My nitche appeared to be black women (unfortunately not mixed/Indian types which I tended to like) and I had some limited experience with them which I picked up from online sites afterwards.

At the end of the day it's all about just finding out about your 'nitche' (type of girls that are attracted to you) and dealing with them.

^ Dude's a ~35yo virgin momma's boy living in his mommy's basement with some low paying dead end job. Aspires to be nothing, yet constantly gives advice about everything and anything. Especially about religion and morality but he doesn't have any if you look through his posts.


There you go Luke. Now another member knows. Try your BS on someone new.

 

[djinhell]

Lexington...THANKYOU for posting that experience in such detail. It was virtually identical to my oneitis I used to have.

1) Be sexual from the get go!
I wasn't acting like a lover to this girl, I was acting like her gay buddy. She was attracted to me but my refusal to make a move on her turned her off. One very telling thing she told me about the guy she slept with is "He was assertive enough to come after me"

Basically when a girl says she loves a man with confidence, that's about as close as she's going to get to saying "I want a guy that's not afraid to take control and try to do me."

That point really is so crucial. It is not a good thing to act like some kind of asexual eunuch around a girl you want to fvck! We have to be men!!!!!

Strangely, my ex-oneitis I recently found out is going out with a guy younger than her (and younger than me), and its a guy who she always used to tell me about in disgust, she said he was a creep (she works with him) who always sent her dirty msgs etc...and now hes fvcking her..MADNESS!

Dj In Hell

 

[Lexington]

Well,I don't know about the "hyperventilating",but it was painful nonetheless.

Sometimes when I revisit those memories, it's still painful. My God, it was an AWFUL feeling. When she first confirmed the rumor it felt as though someone had socked me right in the gut when I wasn't expecting it. I was sick to my stomach.

I felt hurt, jealous, humiliated, frustrated, hopeless and shocked all at once. Suddenly, my naivete with women was so dramatically illustrated to me.

Here's another kicker to story. That guy who she slept with is my friend. I remember we used to make fun of his getting shot down by girls all the time. The guy struck out a lot. He was often extremely obnoxious. But I guess he was laughing last!

Then, most of my friends knew about what had happened but I didn't find out until months later. I was still pursuing this girl, thinking she was an angel etc.

It was a bad day. I couldn't sleep well that night. But it really made me wake up and smell the coffee. And it set me on the right path.

Though it hurt like hell, I tried my best to not lose sight of the lessons I had learned. Sometimes, your worst times really can teach you some very valuable lessons.

Sometimes you have to go through Hell before you can get to Heaven.

 

[Lexington]

Yeah,this is true. I don't think that women intentionally try to mislead guy when they ask for advice,but they still do it though. The only time I'd listen to a woman is if she says something that would be embarassing,or something she'd hate to admit about her gender.

I got some great insight into this from the book "Way of the Superior Man" by David Deida:

"Keeping your word" is a masculine trait, in men or women. A person with a feminine essence may not keep her word, yet it is not exactly "lying." In the feminine reality, words and facts take a second place to emotions and the shifting moods of relationship. When she says, "I hate you," or "I'll never move to Texas," or "I don't want to go to the movies," it is often more a reflection of a transient feeling-wave than a well considered stance with respect to events and experience. On the other hand, the masculine means what it says. A man's word is his honor. The feminine says what
it feels. A woman's word is her true expression in the moment."

"When you listen to your woman, listen to her as you would the ocean, or the wind in the leaves. The sounds you hear from her are sounds of the motion of her feeling-energy. Of course, there are times when she speaks in the masculine style of meaning exactly what she says, but more often, and almost always in emotional moments, what she says is the sound of her feelings. Her feminine speech is far more like poetry than like a clear cut agenda for action. In an emotional moment, what she says she is going to do is actually an expression of what she feels like doing in the moment. Her feelings, and therefore what she is actually going to do, could change in five minutes. It could change every five minutes."

Also, you have to consider the fact that society frowns upon women being freank about wanting sex. If they are honest about that fact, they are often labeled as sluts. Most women try very hard to avoid that label.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

^ Dude's a ~35yo virgin momma's boy living in his mommy's basement with some low paying dead end job. Aspires to be nothing, yet constantly gives advice about everything and anything. Especially about religion and morality but he doesn't have any if you look through his posts.


There you go Luke. Now another member knows. Try your BS on someone new.

What BS are you talking about? I'm stating franky what I have experienced 3 years ago what the OP experienced and how I successfully got connection with other girls. There is no mis-statements on that as I have past threads going back 3 years ago that discuss exactly that. I got french kisses and romantic interest from Black girls. This supports what I said about nitches.

The question is, what do you have constructive to contribute to this thread? Or, do you have nothing better to do than to just reply your toxic stuff on threads that I'm replying to?

The reason is, you have nothing constructive to offer any thread or this board. What are your experiences that you can relate to the OP?