How grueling are divorce proceedings?

[Deep Dish]

This question is not about divorce. Rather, it's about the proceedings surrounding it.

For the past five months I've been working for the government determining welfare benefits for supposedly impoverished people. Key emphasis on the word supposedly. The only reason I got the job, I think, is that I emphasized my degree in criminal justice and certainly around the office I do have the reputation of being the guy who keeps swinging for the fences trying to bust people on fraud. One month ago, I got my first home run.

It's a family of five. Without revealing too much about the case, the "absent" parent father is married to the mother and this goes back many years. Turns out they also own some fancy vehicles and live literally across the street from a golf club.

When I called them out on their bullsh*t, I learned they are getting divorced (but they proved he's still in the home). The threshold for a third-degree felony is $250 and their overpayment is, let's just say, a few multiples of tens. Oh yeah and the guy is on probation for something.

Now, as grueling as it must be when you're under the microscope of a criminal investigation which will likely send you to prison, I have a hard time fathoming how much worse it must be with divorce proceedings. I'm guessing maybe a few multiples of ten.

So how bad is it? The lawyers? The paperwork? The splitting of assets? The internal fights between spouses? (We're assuming this is a bad divorce)

 

[SoldMySoul]

My soon to be ex and I signed our paperwork for divorce on Thursday. I initiated the divorce and she didn't try and clean me out either. It was stressful enough being a "clean" divorce. So I am quite sure if the divorce is ugly, there is going to be a lot of stress involved. I am pretty sure divorce is in the top five of stressors that a person can go through.

 

[insidious]

My divorce was ultra-amicable also, though the circumstances leading to it were anything but.

Bottom line is, the 2 parties involved in a divorce will alone dictate the nature of the divorce.

There are numerous options for couples seeking low-stress divorces. Even if it's amicable, though, there is still tons of leg-work and waiting involved.

In my case, we only went to the courthouse once, and that was to get the paperwork. We never set foot in a courtroom.

 

[KarmaSutra]

Dish, my brother, I can tel you my divorce was absolutely and completely worry free because SHE PAID FOR IT ALL! I signed over the house but that was it. She even cleaned out her 401k and cut me a tidy li'l check.

I got the 53" big screen and the furniture too. All of my credit card debt was cleaned and I was able to get pretty much debt free. All I did was sign over the deed to the house we built. Every divorce should be like this for guys.

Up for some spicy tuna?

 

[penkitten]

deep dish,
we share the same battle.
i manage a hud apartment complex and constantly have to go round and round with fraud. every single person i move in seems like they feel that they can look me in the eye and lie to me about a) the number of people in the household by which they think they can just hide their husband/bf b) their income in which they think they can hide that too.

im constantly evicting people over these sorts of things.

im constantly filling out forms for the food stamp office to tell them how many people and income are in the house and i immediately fax them in so the person doesnt white out and change things i have written on the forms.
i also depend on the forms those offices have to send to me because they basically have the same information on them.

 

[penkitten]

i forgot to say this:

people get divorced all the time so that way they can pretend to be apart and still get benifits. see it all the time, not joking.
hud, sec8, soc sec, ssi, foodstamps, 4cs, afdc, medical cards, community action etc.

 

[ElChoclo]

It's as hard as you want it to be Dish. Admittedly, if you have a kid and a nut for a wife, it can be really hard, whether you want it or not.

When you have a kid is isn't easy to finish it all up. The family goes on unfortunately, in a mutilated form with alternate weekends. If its just money involved, provided there are no intricate financials, it is a calculator exercise, if your wife is normal or basically normal.

If you have been hiding assets and your wife is unhappy well it could be nasty. Probably the worst thing is where your wife unjustly accuses you of sexually abusing your own kid. I think this is worse than anything else.

BTW if you are wanting to send someone to jail it should be the woman if she was getting the money. This type of fraud is common, but you have to remember, the concept of living with a woman is somewhat vague.

Sometimes people try to reconcile, and stay over for the night, or at least that will be their defence argument.

 

[penkitten]

BTW if you are wanting to send someone to jail it should be the woman if she was getting the money. This type of fraud is common, but you have to remember, the concept of living with a woman is somewhat vague.

Sometimes people try to reconcile, and stay over for the night, or at least that will be their defence argument.

usually the person that gets charged with the fraud is the person who went down and signed all the paperwork and was in charge of reporting all the things they were suppose to , and lied about it.
however, i clearly think that both parties knew about it and lied about it so they should both be responsible for it and for paying it back.

and yes i have heard all about the "he only stays once in a while" lines.
if they are making continuous or reoccuring visits up to 14 days within a 45 day period, than they are in violation. it seems as if they are back together and living together and again not reporting the things that they should.

these are OUR tax dollars paying for services that they are frauding.

 

[Latinoman]

My divorce is going "friendly" too. And still...there are times that are full of stress. Especially because we have joint custody of my children.

Economically speaking...because we are doing thing amicable...it is better than the other way around. But STILL an economical burden (two salaries with ONE mortgage is better than 1 salary and 1 mortgage).

I know of some vicious divorces that have cost each party 30 to 40 THOUSAND of U.S. Dollars! And we are talking about middle class people here.

 

[Bible_Belt]

It's much easier without kids. Disputes over custody and visitation get ugly very quickly.

 

[wayword]

My friend just had an "amicable" divorce but it still took 2 years and they got nickel & dimed by the lawyers. Had to sell the house to split it, too.

Basically, you can get married by default in this country through a myriad of technicalities without even lifting a finger...but getting a divorce is like parting the Red Sea.

Problem is...

Marriage is falsely portrayed in the US as a ROMANTIC, emotional event. The Matriarx does everything it can to sucker men into this delusion.

But, divorce is coldy executed as the STRICTLY FINANCIAL matter it TRULY is. All a "marriage" was was a financial merger to split your financial assets with a woman - who likely had less to contribute than you did. Now, she gets to take sole possesion of her share, which she "earned" by having you beg her (propose) to marry you.

 

[Latinoman]

My friend just had an "amicable" divorce but it still took 2 years and they got nickel & dimed by the lawyers. Had to sell the house to split it, too.

Basically, you can get married by default in this country through a myriad of technicalities without even lifting a finger...but getting a divorce is like parting the Red Sea.

Problem is...

Marriage is falsely portrayed in the US as a ROMANTIC, emotional event. The Matriarx does everything it can to sucker men into this delusion.

But, divorce is coldy executed as the STRICTLY FINANCIAL matter it TRULY is. All a "marriage" was was a financial merger to split your financial assets with a woman - who likely had less to contribute than you did. Now, she gets to take sole possesion of her share, which she "earned" by having you beg her (propose) to marry you.

hahaha...it sounds funny (and I admit I smiled as I read this)...but you are 100% correct!