How does a man take disrespect like THIS?

[johnfjr]

my gf keeps pressing me to get married. From time to time she'll discuss "our future" and she'll mention marriage and play it like she doesn't really think about it. well, yesterday she mentions it again and I try to avoid the subject. I normally do this when she brings up this topic, but last night she mentioned it and I like usual, let her know I was not interested in thinking about that right now. She got really disappointed and starts telling me "how could you not think about it? Don't you wan't a future with me? You don't want to be tied down?" etc. That was the basic gist of what she was nagging about. Then she, out of nowhere, goes "that's ok, dont worry, I have hot guys, with nice jobs I could easily get, with BIGGER ****S than you too"...she said this deliberately to piss me off. I quickly told her I can't talk to her right now and I don't want to speak to her that night so she started crying for like a good hour, begging me to let her stay at my house. Eventually I drove her home telling her I can't talk right now (Because of what she said)...

How does a man take a comment like this? I understand she was mad because of my avoidance of "marriage" but how can she say such a thing? She apologized/cried profusely, but should I take this to heart, or let it slide? I care about her a lot, but god damn, that comment hit me bad. What do you don juans think? Forgive her for such a caustic comment or hold it against her forever?

 

[SamePendo]

A man, in my point of view, takes NO disrespect. The difference is in how you react/defend yourself.

I say you take a "break". Tell her that maybe she needs sometime to look for those guys she was talking about. But tell her in a professional way, don't get mad at her. And you take the break to make sure you want to spend your life with a woman that insults you when she doesn't get it her way.

 

[Reach]

You seemed to deal with that pretty well. Just say to her "If you can find someone better, go for it. Because I don't want to stand in your way if this isn't what you want. I'm not making you stay here. But if you like it, don't complain. I had plans before I met you that I haven't finished yet, and getting married could prevent me from achieving them. If I'm ready you'll know."

 

[ApocalypseCow2]

Dude, I was reading the first paragraph of your post, and I had to double check that this wasn't something I had written and forgotten about.

If she's talking marriage and you don't want to get married, you should end the relationship. Trust me, once marriage gets on their minds, they figure out a way to work it into EVERY conversation.

Every time you drive by a jewelry store.

Every time an ad comes on the radio about diamonds.

Every time you're watching a TV show about people getting married.

Oh, and when one of her friends gets married....fvcking forget about it.

She'll start pouting. You'll be out somewhere having a great time, then she'll get all sad because she doesn't have a sense of commitment.

Sorry to be so negative, but I was just in this situation myself. I let the relationship last way longer than it should have. I just don't want to see other guys make the same mistake.

 

[MindOverMatter]

i'll tell you right now, if you forgive her, she'll be nice n respectful for a while, but as soon as she becomes comfortable again, and something doesnt go her way, she will revert to this same insulting personality.

the key to any relationship is communication. i don't think your girl would have gotten pissed at you if you just flat out told her that you were not interested in marriage anytime soon, and that had personal goals you wanted to achieve before then. personally, i think she got mad because you kept avoiding the subject, and shutting the conversations down as soon as she brought them up.

but i mean, what she did was still unforgivable. do you want to be with someone who will insult you and disrespect you as soon as sh!t doesn't go their way? don't buy into the tears, women can make themselves cry AT WILL. be a man and don't stand for that sh!t. if somebody cares for you, care back, if somebody is good to you, be good to them. if somebody wrongs you, do whatever it takes to make sure it never happens again.

if i was you, i'd tell her you're not interested in doing anything with her, and move on with your life, and find a decent girl worth keeping.

but, the fact you're still wondering whether or not to forgive her after insulting you like this tells me that you are probably gonna go back to her like a lapdog.

if you have any pride in yourself, you wont do this. move on with your life.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

She's trying to trap you into marriage. She made a fatal mistake when she said this:

"that's ok, dont worry, I have hot guys, with nice jobs I could easily get, with BIGGER ****S than you too"

She's basically TELLING you she's looking for a "prize" (i.e. good looks, money, etc) to get "tied down" in marriage. Then she's trying to play on your guilt by making you feel insensitive ("don't you want a future with me?") and emotions by crying. Basically she's being what woman are best at: manipulative. Most of the smarter manipulative women do not make this well known, because it will blow their cover. This girl is not that smart....luckily for you. Sorry, but if you don't see this and still even toy with the idea of keeping her, you're being very stupid and wasting your time.

DUMP HER FOR GOOD

 

[Kerensky]

Here's what I would've done:

Her: **** comment
Me: aww I'm sorry I'm sorry. :: puts arm around her and starts walking towards door:: Look I didn't mean it and if we could get married now I would. I just wasn't thinking straight you know. blah blah keep talking until you get to the door

Then I get to the door and slam it in her face leaving her outside.

This chick is the low of the low man.

 

[ksoileau]

NEXT!

Drop her like a hot rock.

 

[InnocentMan]

I find some of these comments a bit too harsh. There is devotion, and do not confuse it with being a lapdog. I can agree with MindOverMatter, but I believe it can all workout just fine, be talkative and try to see in the root of a problem, not the brances of anger that it breeds. Talk with her about your plans, separate and as a pair, and everything should be settled.

as for a prize comment, here is a good website:
www.laddertheory.com

 

[johnfjr]

hm.

 

[johnfjr]

Originally posted by TillTheEndOfTime
She's trying to trap you into marriage. She made a fatal mistake when she said this:

"that's ok, dont worry, I have hot guys, with nice jobs I could easily get, with BIGGER ****S than you too"

She's basically TELLING you she's looking for a "prize" (i.e. good looks, money, etc) to get "tied down" in marriage. Then she's trying to play on your guilt by making you feel insensitive ("don't you want a future with me?") and emotions by crying. Basically she's being what woman are best at: manipulative. Most of the smarter manipulative women do not make this well known, because it will blow their cover. This girl is not that smart....luckily for you. Sorry, but if you don't see this and still even toy with the idea of keeping her, you're being very stupid and wasting your time.

DUMP HER FOR GOOD

so what you mean is that she's looking for a "prize"...but if she wants to marry me, wouldn't that make me the "prize" she wants to get "tied down" with? How can I take offense to that?

 

[Disconnect]

She's trying to manipulate you by saying that there's other people waiting in line to marry her, and if you know what's good for you, you should run after her like a little puppy and make sure things go her way from now on. Otherwise she'd leave you.

Don't listen to that bs. Let her know you don't wanna marry, and if she has trouble comprehending that, show her the door.

 

[BigFoot]

What disrespect? You know her well enough to know she's just reacting to your stated lack of interest in marriage and a future with her. I can't blame her.
Why do you stay with her if this type of thing is so stressfull for you?

 

[CraigMack]

You did the right thing. You showed no anger and only told her that you couldn't talk to her that night.


She acted like a child and you decided to take her home, even after her crying and carrying on. Good for you.

If you had of let her see the dyck comment get to you, then she would of had ammunition to use against you. Your girl is a manipulative bratt. I do hope you are not considering this immature little girl are you?

 

[penguin]

Personally I don't care if she meant it or not, that is disrespect and I would not take it.

What you do about it is up to you (and by the way I think you handled it well).

You seem like you're aware of whats going on around you in the relationship, so you could probably giver her one more chance. Maybe every time she mentions marriage you could give her a friendly reminder of this incident and ask why you'd want to marry someone who does that. Then the next time she direspects you again, goodbye.

 

[penguin]

Originally posted by Kerensky
Here's what I would've done:

Her: **** comment
Me: aww I'm sorry I'm sorry. :: puts arm around her and starts walking towards door:: Look I didn't mean it and if we could get married now I would. I just wasn't thinking straight you know. blah blah keep talking until you get to the door

Then I get to the door and slam it in her face leaving her outside.

This chick is the low of the low man.

hahaha gold

 

[penkitten]

Originally posted by johnfjr
"that's ok, dont worry, I have hot guys, with nice jobs I could easily get, with BIGGER ****S than you too"...

and you see, i would have blown a fuse and said " where the heck are all these really hot guys with and jobs and big ****s? "

then i would have said something like " if you want one so bad , why dont you go get one"???

 

[johnny_chase]

My god, can no one see? This girl dosent want some other buy with a bigger ****, fact is, most girls prefer a "normal" sized ****, because big ones just hurt too much, at least that's what i've heard from a selection of females.

Now, what would cause a girl to say something like this? Well, if she had someone better, and found someone that had a good 6 inches on you, guess what, she wouldnt threaten you with it, she'd just go be with this uber-better guy.

Now, fact of the matter is, she said this to aggravate you, to spur you to see things her way. I like to call this one of thsoe extreme illogical emotional outburst, when a girl just dosent know what to do, so she goes to the extreme (insulting your penis size, your salary, your possessions, your physique, wtv, anything that she knows you value). She dosent mean it, it was merely an extreme attempt to get you to see things the way she does. In her mind, she's probably feeling rejected because you dont want to marry her, she dosent understand why you dont want to blow 1500 bucks on a ring and make it official. Just make her feel special, if she keeps pushing marriage, tell her your not ready and if that's what she wants she should move on.

She's not trash as others would suggest, she's simply a normal, confused, female. This does not excuse her behaviour. It was a childish way of doing things and you reacted perfectly. Dont let her comments get to you, they were not meant to be serious, just a cheap shot in a moment of emotion. Get used to it, that's how chicks are (some more than others, mind you)

I think a lot of guys have a negative view/image of women on this site, sort of like women are evil and they're all manipulating *****es. But the fact of the matter is, you have to buck up and mature a little, so you can see over their sh!t and maintain composure.

JohnFjr, you managed to do this, and you get some respect. No need to yell over it, she knows she did wrong, let her stew in it, and let her gain you back, you dont have to do anything.

 

[NismoAwan]

if she would have said that to me, i would have been like "ok, fine. go enjoy your huge ****ed guys. you just lost the best thing that ever happened to you."

but since you didnt say that, i would drop that ***** right NOW.

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by johnfjr
my gf keeps pressing me to get married. From time to time she'll discuss "our future" and she'll mention marriage and play it like she doesn't really think about it. well, yesterday she mentions it again and I try to avoid the subject. I normally do this when she brings up this topic, but last night she mentioned it and I like usual, let her know I was not interested in thinking about that right now. She got really disappointed and starts telling me "how could you not think about it? Don't you wan't a future with me? You don't want to be tied down?" etc. That was the basic gist of what she was nagging about. Then she, out of nowhere, goes "that's ok, dont worry, I have hot guys, with nice jobs I could easily get, with BIGGER ****S than you too"...she said this deliberately to piss me off. I quickly told her I can't talk to her right now and I don't want to speak to her that night so she started crying for like a good hour, begging me to let her stay at my house. Eventually I drove her home telling her I can't talk right now (Because of what she said)...

How does a man take a comment like this? I understand she was mad because of my avoidance of "marriage" but how can she say such a thing? She apologized/cried profusely, but should I take this to heart, or let it slide? I care about her a lot, but god damn, that comment hit me bad. What do you don juans think? Forgive her for such a caustic comment or hold it against her forever?

Always forgive. But NEVER forget.

When she starts playing that, "Well I could get OTHER men any time I want" trying to pressure you into marriage, FLIP the game on her!

Tell her, "Then go on! Go get 'em, tiger! Go on...get out! Seriously, if I'm THAT replaceable in your mind, then you must not be serious about marriage at ALL. Go on, get your 'big d**ks'. Have fun. Bye."

What you did was just as good, though...you flat-out refused to talk to her and drove her ass home. The WORST thing you could've done is gotten all insecure and been like, "well wait...uhm...maybe we could..." Fortunately, you played well, she realized she had thrown a low-blow, and she did exactly what you want her to do...break down in tears and apologize.

Do NOT tell her, "It's OK". Because it is NOT OK. Just let her sweat for a little while, then call her up like it never happened and get together with her. If she brings up the incident again to apologize or whatever, just say, "it's over and done, I don't want to talk about it any more"

Then f**k her brains out.