How do you work out whats that missing link in your life?

[Leaf]

I found this site 4 years ago and began my self improvement journey then and there. I've had my highs and lows. I've snagged girls then ended up in epic dry spells.

Yet one things always remained. I've never lived up to my expectations let alone those goals I chose 4 years ago.

Today I hit my lowest point. Playing a relatively high level of sports, I rocked up late, got sent off and all the while in front of my work colleagues and a top plate. Instead of going to post game celebrations, I've been lying flat for the last 3hrs with a seized back contemplating everything up to my life this moment.

I know one shouldn't compare themselves to others but I look at those successful individuals and wonder what is that x-factor thats needed. I then look at the other aspect of things and yearn for that stable social group and being good with women.

So what is the missing link? Should I see a psych again? Last I hit a low, my psych said it was because I've never had any role models to look up to and hence innately self sabotage myself once I get going. I've had enough of coming off second best.

 

[Thorninmyside]

The role model thing might have been true in the past but for now it's a cop out. Your new role model is YOU 6 months from now. What does that guy look like? What has that guy accomplished? How would it feel to be that guy? I think you need to look at where you want to be in the next 6 to 12 months, then reverse engineer the steps between where you are now and where you want to be. Forget expectations because an expectation is something you believe will or should happen. That's different to an actionable plan. There are no shoulds. There is only what is and what isn't.

It sounds like you've tried to goal set in the past, but maybe you suffer from perfectionism, and a tendency to catastrophize when something doesn't work out, rather than looking at each failure as a step closer to the next success. If you don't learn the lessons that life is throwing at you it's going to keep kicking you in the ass until you do.

See a counselor if you feel like something in your psychological makeup is not quite right, but you just sound like you are in a bit of a slump to me.

If you are into reading, I recommend a book called 25 principles of success, how to get from where you are to where you want to be, by Jack Canfield.

 

[QuadDeuces]

Success is all an appearance.
All people go through all kinds of struggles, but they won't tell you that or show it on facebook.
Some guy might have a great running business or successful carreer, but his mum is dying from cancer.
Other guy might have an endless supply of gorgeous women, but he is bored of them eating up all his time and he might have a serious debt.
Another guy seems to drive the hottest car around but he might be impotent, or he loans money to show off.

I think it comes back to cliche's of the law of attraction and Taoist philosophies, be grateful for the things you have and more will come in your life.
If you stay focussed on the misfortunes and keep a negative charge on life more hardships come into your life.

 

[bigneil]

Success is making a living doing something you love. That usually takes at least 4 years of training. You need to become an expert at something - this is whether you like it or not. Otherwise you'll be in a position of being broke and desperate. Then you have to take crappy jobs just to survive.

Your purpose is something you are naturally good at, but these days you really have to find something that makes money. Sadly, we don't have apprenticeships anymore. It used to be you'd go work for free at a saw mill or butcher or barber and learn from a master who you would be a true role model.

 

[sazc]

never, never, NEVER contemplate life and how you are a failure when you are ill, in pain, etc. You are taking the feelings from that external situation and transforming them into something they are not. It's called transference.

You know how, when people go thru medical issues that are on going and they dont know the date they will end, these same people start to feel that life is not worth living. If they were not in the throws of an issue they would never think this way.

In a month or so, you will be thinking differently. the reason you are all up in contemplation about this right now is most likely because you are in serious pain.

All I am saying is be VERY careful when you start to contemplate and self assess 'you' when you are in a 'down' state because of a life situation, or in pain.

Directly regarding your back issue - consider getting a lumbar belt. I've only had my back go out once and the belt, recommended by my chiropractor, was a god send.

 

[bigneil]

You work out.

 

[RangerMIke]

You having back problems.... try yoga. I was wounded in a roadside bomb attack in Afghanistan... jacked up back, neck, knee, and shoulder. The doctors had me strung out on drugs... had to go through withdrawals and out of desperation tried yoga based on advice from a friend.... best advice I ever received... I know it's not for everyone, but yoga has been very good to me.

No drugs... no pain.... and I'm in very good shape for a 50 year old.