How do you stop yourself from being friendzoned by a girl with a boyfriend?

[Dubsington]

This is my first post, so be gentle.

I would just like to throw out as a disclaimer that while I am admittedly crushing pretty hard for this girl, I’m about to go abroad this summer and plan on having a great time. I am in no way holding out for her.

So basically at the beginning of last semester I became friends with this girl that I work with at an organization at my college. She was previously abroad so I hadn’t met her before. I thought she was attractive but didn’t really think much about her because I was involved with someone else at the time.

Towards the end of the semester we started talking a lot, she would text me late at night sometimes when she was at parties. She would also ask me specifically if I was going to be in our club’s office doing work, etc. Then her friend drunkenly told me that this girl thought I was hot and so that basically confirmed everything. Unfortunately this messed **** up because the girl found out her friend told me and it made it very awkward between us.

Then I pulled a total desperation move right before we left for summer break. I told her I wanted to clear up any awkwardness between us and revealed how I felt about her. Then she said a lot of stuff, of which a lot may be bs. She said she wasn’t trying to flirt with me (which I don’t buy) and that she didn’t want to talk about the future though she wasn’t against something happening between us.

My head was spinning at this point and now I’m even more confused because a mutual friend of ours told me she’s dating this total goober that she has rejected in the past. I heard a story from the same mutual friend that one night both guys were trying to get with her and she literally went home with a different dude while the guy she’s dating now watched helplessly. I guess give him credit, he lost the battle but won the war.

This guy just graduated in May and works a job with crazy hours and lives over an hour from school, but she’s living at school over the summer. Regardless, I don’t see it lasting.

So my question is, how do I stop myself from being friend zoned by this girl when we get back in the fall? Like I said before, we work in the same club together so we will see a lot of each other. I’m not trying to openly break them up I’m more curious how you would approach such a situation. I want to let her know that I’m still interested.

Thanks and all of this could be irrelevant because they could easily break up or I could be with someone else. It’s just never happened to me before so I was interested in hearing the forum’s thoughts.

 

[Fruitbat]

My view: Sexual escalation. Being horny and suggestive makes you avoid the friendzone, you will either be a/ accepted or at least put on a burner and be one of her plates or b/ she will cut off contact with you. Either is a victory for you as you have qualified her, and made her chose. If she cuts it off, it is because she won't trust herself around you, or doesn't trust you to not sexually assault her in some way Even so, this doesn't mean that you might never get a chance, she may come back when it's over. Also, the moment her chump isn't loving her right, she has a dude who is gagging to bang her waiting.

You are indeed correct that telling her how you feel was a bad move - I have done the same many times. You would have been better off just trying to kiss her at the right moment. Chicks tell others how they feel, guys are all about actions dude. You may wish to just try and kiss her next time you guys get together. Funnily enough, chicks will not scream and shout and accuse you of rape, the ABSOLUTE WORST that can happen is she wriggles away from you and gives you a bad look and says "you KNOW I have a boyfriend". In this scenario, you at least have shown that you want her bad, you aren't worried about her boyfriend, you take what you want etc. You will rarely find a woman who will, after telling her you like her, say "OK, lets kiss then!" She has a BF, you HAVE to initiate that, otherwise she has a whole load of ASD going on. She can then say to her current BF and friends "It just happened". Don't be scared to make that move, thinking you may lose her forever. You may lose her friendship, but is that what you want? If you want her for the only reason men want women in their lives, then your value would have gone up a lot with her, she may not show it at the time, but she will view you as a man with balls who isn't scared to lead her and initiate with her.

Just grab her ass and go for it dude, I in no way buy the whole "don't mess with attached women". All hot women are usually attached, and you will lose GFs to guys who had balls, especially when you are young. Married + kids is a no, but I drunkenly and regretfully have attempted this before.

The other thing is, you think that friend was "accidentally" telling you that little fact? Dream on, dude, that may well have been planned, but she didn't expect you to talk to her. She may have put that out there to sh1t test you. Just kiss her and touch her up dude, and if she resists, tell her that you know she wants you, and you wont waste time with women who play games. Then, walk away, and don't call. If she truly wants you, she WILL come back.

 

[Purefilth]

Fruitbat got it.

Basically - treat her like she's a single girl.

Nothing is guaranteed though. You could already be in that place.

 

[bcolon]

Fruitbat, that was an epic post.

 

[Fruitbat]

You guys seriously go through life worrying about chicks boyfriends? If you are speaking with or interacting with a chick who would choose a nutcase BF, then you are after the wrong chicks. I never think twice about this. Saying that I am a big bloke at 6'1 and 200lb, but I am no fighter. I do however look tough, just through luck of the draw, but speaking with me for 5 mins would leave you in no doubt I am a lover not a fighter!

It's wrong to chase women with BF relentlessly, I don't often initiate, but if I get an IOI I am all over it, and to hell with the BF. You have to take a few beatings, in many different ways, if you want to get what you want.

Faint heart never won fair maid, and I back myself 100% to beat on any dude who tries, even though I am no tyson. Obviously if the dude is a gangster or a UFC fighter, I am screwed, but I wouldn't have any interest in the type of woman who would date men like that, and never have, no matter how hot they are.

If SHE initiates with ME, as the chick has to the OP, then I would tell the BF straight up if he got in touch. Often the AW type girls moan about their BFs, and again, I would tell the dude everything.

Personally I wouldn't want to kick the ass of a dude tapping up my chick, I would dump the chick. If she just AW'd the dude then it wouldn't bother me, but the only time I would beat on a dude for this is if he forced it on or bothered her. If she was asking for the attention (99.999999% of the time) it's HER fault, not the dude, and beating on him just demonstrates your lack of self worth. There are 4BN men out there she can do this with, you can't beat them all up.

Any women who was into these dudes wouldn't be after me either.

 

[PlayHer Man]

Fruitbat is 100% spot on.

The bold move wins. This is true in dating and true in LIFE. No one admires the polite patient person. It takes no balls to follow rules put in place by others.

Bottom line --> If you want something, go after it.

Men who succeed most with women are men who go after women they want no matter what the situation. The dating world is completely devoid of morals and social rules. This is why most find it so frustrating. Its based on lust, attraction and emotions.

 

[VladPatton]

This girl sounds a bit loose. She wants a lot of cake and to eat it too, so take caution to what you're going after. You may already by in the FZ, but yes I agree with the others that you need to make some moves and not just emit random acts of emotions in hopes to win her over. Also make it clear that as long as she has a boyfriend, you're out of the picture. I also get a feeling this girl will eventually cheat on YOU as well.

PS: The thought of overlooking a girl's possibly insane boyfriend is absurd. Are broken body parts or bullet holes in you worth the girl? You're insane if you even remotely agree to such a thing.

 

[Fruitbat]

This girl sounds a bit loose. She wants a lot of cake and to eat it too, so take caution to what you're going after. You may already by in the FZ, but yes I agree with the others that you need to make some moves and not just emit random acts of emotions in hopes to win her over. Also make it clear that as long as she has a boyfriend, you're out of the picture. I also get a feeling this girl will eventually cheat on YOU as well.

PS: The thought of overlooking a girl's possibly insane boyfriend is absurd. Are broken body parts or bullet holes in you worth the girl? You're insane if you even remotely agree to such a thing.

I don't move in circles where insane people exist (now). I also live in a country where it's extremely difficult to get guns....but according to the US that actually makes me more vulnerable. God I wish we all had a gun here so I could shoot back, far safer....

Literally, no one has guns here, so that isn't an issue. Bats and knives hurt pretty bad though. If I suspected she was rough enough to date a guy like that, I would be off. The most recent HB I hit on I had prior knowledge the dude was a "loser" according to her friends. if he checks her phone or facebook he will find easily enough to want to kill me, but honestly, I don't care in the slightest. Loser could mean anything though.

if the dude checks her messages though, he would also see that I was led on through the whole thing (the chick is an AW who feigned interest and wouldn't meet). I didn't get the girl but by god I had a good go.

Still figuring out how I stop turning off women by telegraphing interest, but also grab my balls and go for it. I think the latter is the better option.

Seriously, if you are going for women who go for UFC fighters or nutcases, then you are chasing the wrong women. If the dude is a normalish guy who wants to kill me, bring it on.

The reality is most dudes wont bat you to death for hitting on their woman, most men in this world are AFC and are probably thinking you must be the nutcase if you have the balls to go after their woman. I would actually welcome this dude having a go at present, I want this chick bad, don't fear him (from what I have heard, he is no tough guy) and can't lose if he initiates a fight and I kick his ass. I win respect and he is the aggressor.

Of course, you need to keep an eye on who the guy is to a certain extent, but 90% of guys out there are nothing to worry about, and the pvssy is worth the occasional bit of trouble for me.

I've had several serious (hospital, teeth out, broken ribs, scars) beatings growing up so don't really fear them anymore. As they said in Goodfellas, "Everyone takes a beating sometimes"

IMO, that is being alpha, not a weak ass pvssy.

 

[Fatal Jay]

My view: Sexual escalation. Being horny and suggestive makes you avoid the friendzone, you will either be a/ accepted or at least put on a burner and be one of her plates or b/ she will cut off contact with you. Either is a victory for you as you have qualified her, and made her chose. If she cuts it off, it is because she won't trust herself around you, or doesn't trust you to not sexually assault her in some way Even so, this doesn't mean that you might never get a chance, she may come back when it's over. Also, the moment her chump isn't loving her right, she has a dude who is gagging to bang her waiting.

You are indeed correct that telling her how you feel was a bad move - I have done the same many times. You would have been better off just trying to kiss her at the right moment. Chicks tell others how they feel, guys are all about actions dude. You may wish to just try and kiss her next time you guys get together. Funnily enough, chicks will not scream and shout and accuse you of rape, the ABSOLUTE WORST that can happen is she wriggles away from you and gives you a bad look and says "you KNOW I have a boyfriend". In this scenario, you at least have shown that you want her bad, you aren't worried about her boyfriend, you take what you want etc. You will rarely find a woman who will, after telling her you like her, say "OK, lets kiss then!" She has a BF, you HAVE to initiate that, otherwise she has a whole load of ASD going on. She can then say to her current BF and friends "It just happened". Don't be scared to make that move, thinking you may lose her forever. You may lose her friendship, but is that what you want? If you want her for the only reason men want women in their lives, then your value would have gone up a lot with her, she may not show it at the time, but she will view you as a man with balls who isn't scared to lead her and initiate with her.

Just grab her ass and go for it dude, I in no way buy the whole "don't mess with attached women". All hot women are usually attached, and you will lose GFs to guys who had balls, especially when you are young. Married + kids is a no, but I drunkenly and regretfully have attempted this before.

The other thing is, you think that friend was "accidentally" telling you that little fact? Dream on, dude, that may well have been planned, but she didn't expect you to talk to her. She may have put that out there to sh1t test you. Just kiss her and touch her up dude, and if she resists, tell her that you know she wants you, and you wont waste time with women who play games. Then, walk away, and don't call. If she truly wants you, she WILL come back.

This dude advice is true about taking action, when you tell them how you feel your wasting your time.

I remember not being sure about this girl I liked (who at the time had a boyfriend) so at the end of the date, I straight up kissed her. She didn't say a single word, she turned around and walked to her car and drove off. This is not the movies she is not going to slap you, even if she has the slightest ounce of affection/attraction for you.

 

[Dubsington]

The iron is almost never as hot as when a woman's friend tells you the girl is interested in you. They've talked about you before and determined that you would be suitable for a hookup at the very least. Things would not have been awkward if you had escalated secksually as fruitbat suggested. But you didn't, therefore things got awkward. She has taken it as a rejection most likely. Then, when you verbalized that you in fact did like her, a couple things happened:

1.) The opportunity arose for her to get revenge and reject you back...which she did.
2.) You lost any semblance of alpha aura by overtly communicating interest. Women no likey this behavior.

As for your question, I'm not too sure there is much you can do. I certainly wouldn't try and sabotage her relationship. Just remain aloof and distant until it becomes clear that the iron is once again hot. AND THEN STRIKE.

Interesting, I never really thought of it from that perspective. I guess I was just trying to tread carefully because of all of the work we have to do together, but I was too careful and blew it.

As for Fruitbat's advice, damn that's bold. I'm not saying I won't consider it but that would take some serious balls to pull off. Thanks for the help bros, I'll let you know what happens next semester. Since we won't be seeing each other for another two months I thinks it's best that I just not really talk to her until then. We'll have to email occasionally for our club, but otherwise very limited contact.

 

[zinc4]

This is my first post, so be gentle.

I would just like to throw out as a disclaimer that while I am admittedly crushing pretty hard for this girl, I’m about to go abroad this summer and plan on having a great time. I am in no way holding out for her.

So basically at the beginning of last semester I became friends with this girl that I work with at an organization at my college. She was previously abroad so I hadn’t met her before. I thought she was attractive but didn’t really think much about her because I was involved with someone else at the time.

Towards the end of the semester we started talking a lot, she would text me late at night sometimes when she was at parties. She would also ask me specifically if I was going to be in our club’s office doing work, etc. Then her friend drunkenly told me that this girl thought I was hot and so that basically confirmed everything. Unfortunately this messed **** up because the girl found out her friend told me and it made it very awkward between us.

Then I pulled a total desperation move right before we left for summer break. I told her I wanted to clear up any awkwardness between us and revealed how I felt about her. Then she said a lot of stuff, of which a lot may be bs. She said she wasn’t trying to flirt with me (which I don’t buy) and that she didn’t want to talk about the future though she wasn’t against something happening between us.

My head was spinning at this point and now I’m even more confused because a mutual friend of ours told me she’s dating this total goober that she has rejected in the past. I heard a story from the same mutual friend that one night both guys were trying to get with her and she literally went home with a different dude while the guy she’s dating now watched helplessly. I guess give him credit, he lost the battle but won the war.

This guy just graduated in May and works a job with crazy hours and lives over an hour from school, but she’s living at school over the summer. Regardless, I don’t see it lasting.

So my question is, how do I stop myself from being friend zoned by this girl when we get back in the fall? Like I said before, we work in the same club together so we will see a lot of each other. I’m not trying to openly break them up I’m more curious how you would approach such a situation. I want to let her know that I’m still interested.

Thanks and all of this could be irrelevant because they could easily break up or I could be with someone else. It’s just never happened to me before so I was interested in hearing the forum’s thoughts.

Here is what you do...take her out for a drink near a park area...get the drink and chat...and then lead her out to the park saying you would like to stroll around and get some fresh air while talking...a little innocent kino like your hand lightly against her mid back as walking ...and boom out of no where sweep her off her feet into your arms and kiss her when you are holding her...if she rejects at first out of guilt..keep going...you know that physically she is into you and this move will make her very horny...you have to pull the trigger...she obviously doesn't respect her BF and longs for something else...

This one is easy man trust me...she will kiss you if you go for it and are persistent....she may turn away out of guilt at first but just ignore it and keep kissing her cheek and then back to her lips until she responds......it really all boils down to if you have a set of balls or not...take what you want by the horns.