HOW do you stop caring what other people think of you?

[Drow]

Guys I'm plagued. I care too much about what others think of me.

I've wasted a lot of time worrying how I might be percieved by others. Is there any advice on getting the trump attitude where you just don't give a **** about what other people think about you? Or is it something you just have to develope over time..?

 

[Captain Anonymous]

It's a matter of confidence, obviously. There are a large number of posts and articles on the subject.

Basically it all boils down to accepting who you are. If you don't like who you are, then how do you expect anybody else to? That doesn't mean that you should just give up if you don't like yourself, it means you need to make yourself a better person.

To build confidene, I went and did a lot of things I was afraid of doing. It's an awesome rush to know that you accomplished something you never would have thought of doing a few months (or even weeks) ago.

At first you might find it helpful to pretend that you are confident. Trying to be confident can be the first step, and while trying to be confident, you might develop confidence

Good luck, anyway.

 

[htemorp]

You can't just all of sudden stop how others perceive you. Often the prettiest are the most concerned. It's a state of mind that you have to develop, but you can't develop it all of sudden from self-conscious to beyond that. I notice most people that have your issue have less than average ******d appearance. First thing first, comform to the mass, once you get there, you can work to rise beyond it. Once you understand what everyone thinks is acceptable by living it, you can then be able to rise above it.

 

[VIVAlasVEGASBaby]

I am from America (obviously) and i have a South African tennis instructor who has lived all over the world.

We recently had a discussion on this exact matter. In European countries, people don't compliment eachother on new clothes, new haircuts, etc. as much as Americans do, because in their society if it makes you happy, then cheers to you.

Here in the United States people are programmed to call you gay and stupid and lame and loser, the list goes on. Why? Because society today is lame. If you are different then you are lame; plain and simple.

But it comes down to this. Do you want to have the same shoes as everyone else? Do you want to wear the same clothes as everyone else? Do you want to spend you life listening to and liking what is "cool".

Your personality is yours to do what you want with it. If you want less stares from people, if you let your cares of what others believe run your life, then you need to be part of society, part of the whole, yet another clone of this unwritten idea of what "cool" and "normal" is.

Why does what another person thinks of you matter? If you want practice "not caring" i would suggest slightly embarrassing yourself every now and then in public. I'm sure you can come up with plenty of ideas.

Here's a reality check for you. That bad thought someone thinks of you lasts about 2 seconds. It is just an impulse traveling through the brain, and after 2 seconds that person finds something new to entertain himself with. Who gives a flying **** about what others think, most people are complete mindless losers anyways; you should be the one laughing at their ass.

Here is the mindset of a person who "thinks bad thoughts of you". Why do you think they do it? They do it because they are insecure, and they NEED confidence by thrashing on others. I call it getting positive affirmations for oneself by giving negative affirmations to others. It is a very insecure stature, because it desparately attempts to drags others below oneself, rather than raise oneself above others.

Anyways just screw it and live your life the way you want to live it, because in the end, it is you who will have the last laugh because everyone else spent their lives chasing after what is "cool". People will actually have respect for you and will be attracted (not sex attraction) to you if you do what you want despite what other say, think, or do.

 

[Adr3nalin]

take a drama course at a community center or highschool

drama courses teach you to just let go. It's also one of the many things psychologists perscribe to their patients.

I did it for one semester. After that...i was cured. for life.

 

[Slickster]

If you never cared about what people thought of you then where would you be?

Why not become a 400lb fatso with bad breath and a goofy haircut.

Everyone here cares about what people think about them . If they say they don't then they're lying.

If your worries are interfering with your confidence then you indeed have a problem. It won't happen overnight but one day it will just click.

You will realize that no matter how great you are not everyone will like you or be attracted to you.

When I was in highschool I switched schools between grade 10 and 11. In my old school I was a total geek. All my friends were geeks and yeah I was too.

I moved to a new town and started grade 11 fresh. Guess what in the next two years I was voted valedictorian for my grad class.
I just happened to get in with a different crowd and it changed everything. Was I any different? No. I was the same geeky guy. I just made different friends.

That was the point where I stopped caring what people thought of me so much cuz I realized it was a waste of time.

Its funny. You spend all this time worrying about what people think about you and then one day you wake up and realize that nobody really cares.

 

[Drow]

Thanks for your responses guys. They were great.


Captain Anonymous,

Good point. It is about being comfortable with myself and in my abilities.

htemorp,

I see what you are saying.. I was very insecure about my looks through out highschool, and now that my face cleared and got a lot more attractive suddenly, i'm still not used to it, and feel uncomfortable.

VIVAlasVEGASBaby,

Wow, what a great way of looking at things, and so true. That's interesting about the European countries and such.. It makes sense though. America is such a 'material' place, that everyone looks to fashion and money as what defines 'cool'. I'm sure its funny when you look at it retrospectively.

"Who gives a flying **** about what others think, most people are complete mindless losers anyways; you should be the one laughing at their ass."

Your right.. most people are just boring drones, and arn't worth my time.. and especially not worth worrying how they perceive me. Let other peoples opinions be damned.

Adr3nalin,

That's not a bad idea. I thought about taking that for awhile. I am actually getting into speech (its required) this fall semester and maybe i'm sure having to give speech's in front of people will help. What kind of stuff do you do in the drama class?? Plays, and such..?

Slickster,

Yea good point.. Everyone cares about what what other people think to some extent. And your right.. no one really cares what you do or how you act--only you do.

 

[MDgood]

It boils down to being proud of who you are.

Like last night I was at theis 4th of July party, drunk off my ass, and a real cutie who I was playing catch & release with (neg hits, etc., just practicing my skills) said to me in front of all these people who I never met before, "You were so ****y and arrogant to me in the kitchen!"

And I said back loudly and proudly, "I was not ****y and arrogant to you. I'm ****y and arrogant to everybody!"

You can't get everybody to like you, so don't even bother trying!

 

[BobbDobbs]

There was a study in the news recently. It said that even people who say they don't care what other people think about them, do care.

In point of fact, why are we here on this forum? Trying to find out how people (girls) think about us and how to change that thinking if necessary.

 

[htemorp]

Originally posted by MDgood
It boils down to being proud of who you are.

Like last night I was at theis 4th of July party, drunk off my ass, and a real cutie who I was playing catch & release with (neg hits, etc., just practicing my skills) said to me in front of all these people who I never met before, "You were so ****y and arrogant to me in the kitchen!"

And I said back loudly and proudly, "I was not ****y and arrogant to you. I'm ****y and arrogant to everybody!"

You can't get everybody to like you, so don't even bother trying!

When you're influenced by alcohol, it does not count.

 

[VIVAlasVEGASBaby]

Of course everyone cares, but why let that run your life?

Cares and worries are all a part of life. That is true, you can't even argue against that, but when someone says, "I don't care what people think of me" it doesn't LITERALLY mean that. It means that that anxiety of worry and care about how others percieve us does not stop us from acting how we want, dressing like we want, etc. Taking the literal meaning makes the statement untrue, but taking the actual meaning of what that sentance means in our society today proves a very stable and happy life.

And by doing my tip of embarrasing yourself every now and then, your natural "care" becomes smaller and smaller.

If you never cared about what people thought of you then where would you be?

Why not become a 400lb fatso with bad breath and a goofy haircut.

Everyone here cares about what people think about them . If they say they don't then they're lying.

Hell if you want to weigh 400 pounds then do it. If you decide to be fit and in shape, then it should be because YOU WANT TO BE, not because it is what is socially accepted in society. If you stay in shape because you like the feeling of being in shape is one thing, but staying in shape to get women is kind of a waste.

You'll get women, sure, (at least most likely), but what happens when you get married? You bloat and turn into that beer belly fat ass (no offense to anyone out there). So in the long run the person who had the more reliable and better reason for staying in shape (desire to feel good) will BE in shape most of his life so long as he keeps that personal desire to stay in shape, while the person who stayed in shape because "he cares what people think of him" only loses his fitness as his care diminishes.

Doing things for youself is the only way to do it. We all care, no doubt, but to let that run your life will get you into one hell of a hole.

 

[MetalFortress]

Some food for thought:

Who would you consider the ultimate alpha-male? I mean, the greatest alpha-male who ever lived?

Think about Jesus Christ for a moment. Whether he really is God the Son or not, I'm not going to preach upon you guys, although I believe he is, but even if you are not Christian, you have to give Him credit for being the ultimate alpha-male. He was very, very confident. He would say to someone "Follow me." and that person would get up from whatever they were doing, follow him, and leave their past life behind. He was not afraid of pissing people off either. What He was teaching pissed off the pharisees, sadducees, teachers of the law, the Romans, and the Jews, and more groups that I am probably forgetting. He was tortured and crucified for what is right, for His mission in life, for His beliefs. He is caring and compassionate, but is definitely not a "nice guy". He talked, and people listened, and today He is the most worshipped God/man in the world, and the book based off of His life and death is the best selling book ever.

That is alpha for ya. Think of others who were not bothered by what people thought of them. - Theodore Roosevelt. Franklin Roosevelt. Rickey Henderson. Babe Ruth. Even George W. Bush. Like him or not, he is an alpha male who takes no crap from anyone, and does not let himself and his country get walked on.

Now think of who got where they were by worrying what other people thought of them - ... Can you think of anyone? Me neither.

Point is, those who care are followers. Those who do not are leaders. I know this isn't exactly real advice, but if it inspires you and makes you think a bit, then just as well. As for what to do, try new stuff. Learn how to have fun by yourself, and to strike up conversations with complete strangers. It's great fun, and improves confidence.

 

[Drow]

MDgood,

Haha, nice one and I agree. You can't get everyone to like you. You have to develope the kind of personality and character that you want and let that stand for itself. Screw what others think.

VIVAlasVEGASBaby,

Right on.. Man that actually inspired me. Im going to the coast for 5 days on Monday and I really like the idea of just doing some stupid embarrasing (yet funny) sh*t.. Im just not going to give a flip and have a good time.

And absolutely.. we care what others think of us indirectly, but I think the problem arises is when you let others opinions of you affect you directly. When you actually limit what you would do because of what others might think is when your in trouble.

DJ IronGirevik,

So your saying...be like Jesus! Haha, no that is really a very good example. Jesus was (and is) the ultimate warrior and man..

"Point is, those who care are followers. Those who do not are leaders. I know this isn't exactly real advice, but if it inspires you and makes you think a bit, then just as well."

Inspired me man, thanks.

 

[jbbrain]

Bob dobbs,

excellent point, my thoughts exactly. If we honestly did NOT care, there would be no reason to be on this board.

EVERYBODY CARES. EVERYBODY SHOULD CARE.

If we did not, as someone maybe mentioned beforehand, we would turn into hateful hermits...but alas, man is a social animal, and in the social arena, we ARE influenced by others perceptions of us. How else could we grow and succeed if we honestly did not give any bearing whatsoever on what ppl think of us???

But like somebody else said (geez, I feel this post is completely recycled) what is criticial is to what extent do we care?

Too much or too little are both unhealthy..find the perfect medium..

Read the AUTHENTIC CONFIDENCE post for details.

 

[trajhenkhet]

Learn to not fear death and this problem goes away

 

[DjDreamer]

Drow...the mentally ill and nurses will be the only women available for you to seduce if you run naked through the streets while making barnyard noises for the sake of building confidence.

Realize...

The world is not going to come to an end if the girl at the checkout stand doesn't like your slecton of groceries so stop putting so much importance on other people's opinions.

The amazing thing about the opinion of others is that it's not all the same. Some people like what you do and others do not. You simply choose which opinion gets more of your attention.

 

[Ronin I]

It takes time.

 

[Jay26]

QUOTE]HOW do you stop caring what other people think of you?[/QUOTE]

Er... What makes you think they're thinking about you???

They're not.

Now THAT is what you gotta realize. Nobody cares!!! Forget all the rest of the advice, they're not thinking about you in the first place!!!

 

[Mystic_Teuton]

I once had a discussion with someone about this. He doesn't care what people say or think about him beacause he has realised something.

People insult you when they themselves are insecure. Insulting is a result of insecurity. If you realise this, then you have nothing to fear from peoples bad words.

If someone critises your hair, its beacause they are insecure about their own appearance. They feel that they have to insult everyone else to put them off balance and bring them down to their own level.

It may take a while to realise this, I still work on it, but you can see the power in it. When people insult you, its ridiculous. I still need to work on not insulting people - as I am not quite secure yet but if you are completly comfortable with yourself, then you will not insult other people, why would you. The most rude, critising people are deep down very insecure. If they insult you, just laugh to yourself. When you think about it, you should pity them.

What i find helps me as a bit extra when I've had a bit of a hard time is a just take a deep breath and slowly breath out and I have this crazy visualisation of me being a rock or a pillar or something and their insults just washing round me and being deflected round and wooshing by me with the breath out. Then just confirm it with some statement to yourself.

Still it can be hard, especially if a lot of people insult you. It pays to, at least when you start out, not to be too weird or different. Then later you can try that.

Thanks for reading my crazy post.

 

[trajhenkhet]

Mystic_Teuton is on the money. To emphasize this point next time someone makes fun of you take it to the hilt. I ran into an old school buddy at a restraunte and he mentioned I drank a glass of water fast and I said you should see how fast I can drink a pitcher of water. The fastest drinker in the west. Other times if the situation warrants it I just give a "thats not how it is and this is why" message.