How do you show you have options?

[big weezy]

I know you're suppose to do things by actions, like if you have options you won't be so available to meet up etc.

My problem is I get oneitis easily EVEN if I have other options, crazy I know and I generally act quite nervy as if I have only one... I think it's because I had a dry spell for so long I feel afraid I'm going to lose each one that I behavior is congruent with that.

If she doesn't think you have options and appear TOO available does it not matter you tell her straight out 'I'm seeing my other options, but don't want to..not yet anyway' to infer you have other options other than her but you dont want to see them, only her?

Or is this likely to backfire?

1 of the plates I'm seeing has lost interest completely so I'm off seeing other girls BUT she thinks i dont have any because on our dates I acted nervous and didn't answer her questions right. I've noticed the past week she's been barely on POF but since I sent her that message this morning she's back on it. I didn't mean for it to be a jealousy plot, just a 'look you know what I'm done, I'm going to see other girls if you're still interested let me know assuming i'm available and interested, balls in your court' is this likely just to p1ss her off hence why she's back on there?

I can't read her and she's been busy entertaining friends that I am second guessing her assuming she's lost IL (her messages back to me dont answer my questions, and she avoids offering another time when i pin her down) it annoys the hell out of me but i know it's over.

 

[big weezy]

The best way to show that you have options...is to have options.

My opinion is, you need to get out there and start connecting with your life's passions and meeting women...lots of different women.

but I have options.. that's the problem, when I'm with each one i suddenly get oneitis and act nervous afraid to lose them.

I have 2-3 other girls interested in me yet I still don't act like one who does. I think it's a psychological issue or anxiety thing I suffer from.

 

[pdx1138]

If you have a facebook account and she's on there as a friend, post pics of you with other hot women.

 

[floydb25]

This tactic is greatly exaggerated. You don't have to have options - you just have to show you're of value, have standards, and won't settle. Mentioning your options and what not will just cause them to distrust you. Players are successful because they don't TELL the other people what they're doing. They don't brag to them about it. In fact, they tell each person they're gaming that they're the only one for them.

You have to show that you're a high value person who can GET options. Not necessarily someone who has them. You aren't desperate, have no problems finding someone else, are confident in your own abilities, don't need anyone, etc. Most people can sense a high value from their aura of confidence. Bragging and mentioning just makes you look arrogant and shallow, and will probably turn them off.

As for your problem... It sounds like you are in need of people's approval. You have to ask yourself why. Realistically, you aren't going to get along with or attract everyone. Not everyone is going to like you. So? Why do you need them to like you? You don't. Don't be desperate for anyone. They don't determine your worth or happiness. Don't become insecure and uncertain... Don't care if you get rejected. People aren't special.

 

[bukowski_merit]

In general: Women can tell if you have other options based on how you interact with them. If you seem like a guy who knows women - they will just assume you have other options. I've had women who hardly knew me, tell me things such as "you seem like a ladies man" after just a few minutes of interacting.....
---

But if you're wanting a method to "hint" that you have other women in your life...

You don't want to mention you have other options, that's never a good idea.

Instead - tell stories like: "I was hanging out with my friend the other day, and she...."

Women do this kind of things all the time if you pay attention. Your ears perk up when she says, "Oh my god, listen to this story. The other day, me and this guy i know were getting ice cream and..." Your brain begins to focus less on the story in the context and more on the story in a, "is she seeing this guy? Or maybe he's just a friend?" kind of way... You may even begin to ask questions to get more hints (which is just asking her to brain fvck you for free)...Then you may even come here and post another question about if she's seeing that guy or not and what to do about it (because every question you have about life should be posted here... right?)

 

[big weezy]

In general: Women can tell if you have other options based on how you interact with them. If you seem like a guy who knows women - they will just assume you have other options. I've had women who hardly knew me, tell me things such as "you seem like a ladies man" after just a few minutes of interacting.....
---

But if you're wanting a method to "hint" that you have other women in your life...

You don't want to mention you have other options, that's never a good idea.

Instead - tell stories like: "I was hanging out with my friend the other day, and she...."

Women do this kind of things all the time if you pay attention. Your ears perk up when she says, "Oh my god, listen to this story. The other day, me and this guy i know were getting ice cream and..." Your brain begins to focus less on the story in the context and more on the story in a, "is she seeing this guy? Or maybe he's just a friend?" kind of way... You may even begin to ask questions to get more hints (which is just asking her to brain fvck you for free)...Then you may even come here and post another question about if she's seeing that guy or not and what to do about it (because every question you have about life should be posted here... right?)

but if she thinks you're a low value guy or a guy with no options and then you tell her you do, is she still going to judge me by my actions?

like i said, i have options, BUT i behave as if i dont. I get anxious and nervous thinking im going to lose each one, it seems like once i've slept with them once i'm more relaxed cos i know what ever happens there after i'm on a winning run (provided i dont spend too much money).

She just sent me this:

''You have not done anything wrong so you should not be questioning yourself. The conclusion i draw from your messages is that you want us to hang out a bit more to see if things would change, am i right? That's fine but i do not want you to blame me for anything if everything is still the same.''

I am of the attitude that if a girl I like has similar interests and I am her type physically and we have compatible personalities then it IS my fault she doesn't feel any attraction if I act AFC, needy, clingy, desperate etc. Is it worth me pursuing her still?

I really like her BUT I feel i am at a point where I have to qualify myself to her, not the other way round.. Almost as if it's an ambush where she'll see me but just to prove to herself she was right all along. I dont know if you guys would go into a situation like this.

Don't get me wrong, I'm going to see my other plates, I ned to kill that neediness and maybe sleeping with some other girls in the mean time may actually make her more attracted to me. Am i right?

 

[big weezy]

This tactic is greatly exaggerated. You don't have to have options - you just have to show you're of value, have standards, and won't settle. Mentioning your options and what not will just cause them to distrust you. Players are successful because they don't TELL the other people what they're doing. They don't brag to them about it. In fact, they tell each person they're gaming that they're the only one for them.

You have to show that you're a high value person who can GET options. Not necessarily someone who has them. You aren't desperate, have no problems finding someone else, are confident in your own abilities, don't need anyone, etc. Most people can sense a high value from their aura of confidence. Bragging and mentioning just makes you look arrogant and shallow, and will probably turn them off.

As for your problem... It sounds like you are in need of people's approval. You have to ask yourself why. Realistically, you aren't going to get along with or attract everyone. Not everyone is going to like you. So? Why do you need them to like you? You don't. Don't be desperate for anyone. They don't determine your worth or happiness. Don't become insecure and uncertain... Don't care if you get rejected. People aren't special.

I'm not sure if it's approval but I am competitive with myself, I believe I should be able to sleep with these women esp if they show initial inerest. I have had a dry spell for a long time and maybe it's me proving it to myself but I have always been this way.

sarging is tough and dry spells last a long time it makes you anxious, rejection doesn't bother me, it's when it's rejection when i know i should have sealed the deal that bothers me. Plus I'm impatient and need to be in control so i come across as desperate whereas actually i feel i need to be certain of the result before i can move on, which is not good for women where you need to leave things open cos you never know. the uncertatinty kills me, i rather have no chance than a small 10% 1.

 

[pipe007]

what everyone else said
how do I show I value myself? because it will show by how clean i keep myself, how others treat me, how organized my house, room, car and life is.

how do I show I have options?
well first of all, you dont have options that's why you ask, and you can't fake this so right now you cannot show you have options even if you fake it. so WORK ON HAVING OPTIONS.

meet so many girls that they keep texting you and calling you anytime... and it will show.

her: whos calling you
you: ah some annoying girl, its ok.

(30 minutes later)

her: whos texting you now?
you: ughhh another annoying girl, geez!! I better turn this off.

 

[floydb25]

There was a topic similar to what you just posted about her message. Basically, she knows you like her, and you want to see if things will work out. What she says in that entire message signifies low interest. They say this kind of stuff ALL the time when they know or suspect that you like them. Just knowing that you do automatically lowers their interest - even if they lured you into it. Like saying "yeah, you already like me... who cares...don't blame me when nothing happens...." Blah blah.

Most guys will agree with her - as if assuming that she's testing to see if you are genuine... Especially when she questions their behaviors, and so forth. Making things out to be bigger than they are. What you should do is disprove this point - because she asked it in question form. Agreeing that you do indeed like her is going to lower her interest - even if she complains when she does the opposite.

It's crazy stuff. A lot of what you think is right is wrong. The more you show you like them - the less interest they have. She's acting VERY nonchalant in that message.

I must ask why she said there is nothing you did wrong. Did you ask her if there's something you do wrong, or other approval-seeking comments? If not, that's certainly the vibe you are giving off. She wouldn't be saying this otherwise. It sounds like she already has the control, and is deciding if you are good enough for her. Bad news.

This kind of behavior - regardless of why - is ineffective, so you need to stop doing it. If you're not being successful, you need to improve on things like this. It doesn't matter if you haven't dated for 50 years. Acting desperate and low value isn't going to work, so don't do it.

 

[joverby]

It's the same thing as if you have a job and get called for a job interview. You are much more confident and it shows. It just does, and if you have to ask, you don't have them. Which is fine, you can work on that.

But damn dude, you really need to work on your insecurities, sounds like it's already got the best of you. I had(hopefully won' again) had security issues myself and it never ends well.

Judging by that text you sent her you were sending an approval seeking comment as the other person said. It didn't sound good man. That type of position is not good to be in and I hate to say it but she may of already lost too much respect for you.

But the problem is the lack of respect / confidence with yourself.

 

[big weezy]

There was a topic similar to what you just posted about her message. Basically, she knows you like her, and you want to see if things will work out. What she says in that entire message signifies low interest. They say this kind of stuff ALL the time when they know or suspect that you like them. Just knowing that you do automatically lowers their interest - even if they lured you into it. Like saying "yeah, you already like me... who cares...don't blame me when nothing happens...." Blah blah.

Most guys will agree with her - as if assuming that she's testing to see if you are genuine... Especially when she questions their behaviors, and so forth. Making things out to be bigger than they are. What you should do is disprove this point - because she asked it in question form. Agreeing that you do indeed like her is going to lower her interest - even if she complains when she does the opposite.

It's crazy stuff. A lot of what you think is right is wrong. The more you show you like them - the less interest they have. She's acting VERY nonchalant in that message.

I must ask why she said there is nothing you did wrong. Did you ask her if there's something you do wrong, or other approval-seeking comments? If not, that's certainly the vibe you are giving off. She wouldn't be saying this otherwise. It sounds like she already has the control, and is deciding if you are good enough for her. Bad news.

This kind of behavior - regardless of why - is ineffective, so you need to stop doing it. If you're not being successful, you need to improve on things like this. It doesn't matter if you haven't dated for 50 years. Acting desperate and low value isn't going to work, so don't do it.

Yes you're right. Should i pursue it though?

I don't mind taking her for dinner etc she's a cool girl but I acted AFC, and needy and desperate despite having other options. I'm more calm now and not nervy about her, 1 cos i have more options and 2 we've fooled around. I know if i have sex with her it'll be plain sailing but the question is IF i do see her is she just using the next meeting as a way to justify her decision and reject me?

Am i better off cancelling on our date to keep her guessing?

I plan to be c+f and generally charming and sexual, i.e. seduce her. It might be too late and I kino too much. I think I should not kino at all as it might throw her off.

She controls the frame and has the power to decide if this is happening or not.

 

[floydb25]

It's not too late to change... If she's giving you more chances, you can turn it around. Your personality isn't the problem though... It's the neediness and insecurity. That's what you need to improve. Don't let her know that she "has" you; don't be over-eager, jumping at her beck and call, trying to win her over, and so forth. Stop caring if she likes you... Don't act this way because you want to win her over, either. Your mindset has to change.

If she complains that you're acting different, and wants you to go back to how you were - DON'T. This is another form of approval-seeking and desperation. You're only doing it because you want to win her over. THAT is the root of the problem. Whenever she says something - you oblidge. You need to go in with the mindset that she ALREADY likes you. This is where confidence comes in. If you act inferior to her - she's going to lose interest. Never act like you can't believe she would date you, or otherwise place her on a pedestal. She's not special. Dating her isn't a big deal. Etc.

Since her interest is already low, your best bet is to focus on other girls... NOT because you want to raise her interest. That's just a side effect / bonus. If she complains that you're not focusing on her - again, don't prove otherwise. Stop making it about her - at the expense of your dignity.

 

[big weezy]

It's not too late to change... If she's giving you more chances, you can turn it around. Your personality isn't the problem though... It's the neediness and insecurity. That's what you need to improve. Don't let her know that she "has" you; don't be over-eager, jumping at her beck and call, trying to win her over, and so forth. Stop caring if she likes you... Don't act this way because you want to win her over, either. Your mindset has to change.

If she complains that you're acting different, and wants you to go back to how you were - DON'T. This is another form of approval-seeking and desperation. You're only doing it because you want to win her over. THAT is the root of the problem. Whenever she says something - you oblidge. You need to go in with the mindset that she ALREADY likes you. This is where confidence comes in. If you act inferior to her - she's going to lose interest. Never act like you can't believe she would date you, or otherwise place her on a pedestal. She's not special. Dating her isn't a big deal. Etc.

Since her interest is already low, your best bet is to focus on other girls... NOT because you want to raise her interest. That's just a side effect / bonus. If she complains that you're not focusing on her - again, don't prove otherwise. Stop making it about her - at the expense of your dignity.

yes i feel quite confident now cos i have other options so i'll go in quite c0cky and confident making jokes. she said i talk too much and she just switches off so i do need to show i can listen and i've changed from the needy guy.

i guess qualifying questions would be good to throw in at dinner with her? like 'i think you're too much of a good girl for me..' and 'so what else do you have going for you besides your looks etc' i got to be careful with the last 1 as it can be quite offensive. and disqualifying myself.. problem is she may just agree if i say something like 'i'm too much of a challenge for you now..' can you think of any others?

cos im gona go in with a mindset of being a prize. saying less. making her uncomfortable cos she's used to me running the convo. revell in the silence with her and just smile and flirt with my eyes.

unfortunately it seems like i'll be seeing her before i get a chance to see my other plates.. which would help sincerely especially if i get some the day before i meet her. that confidence you exude after having sex is hard to recreate.

p.s. what should i reply to that message with? I have something written but it may backfire.

 

[Jeffst1980]

She is not interested, and you aren't going to turn this around. Even if you start acting ****y, etc. on your next date with her, she will interpret it as you "trying" to act that way to win her approval. The frame for this one has been cemented; you need her more than she needs you. Move on.

The best way to show that you have options is simply to ration the attention you give her. That means ignoring her messages at times, acting slightly flaky when making plans, and basically not giving a s#it if she approves of you. You know, the way you'd probably treat a girl that was really into you but wasn't exactly your cup of tea. You want to show enough interest so that she knows you find her physically appealing, but not so much that you'd drop everything you were doing to hang out with her.

The catch is, this only works when she's putting in the minimum effort. This girl is NOT. The message she sent you was a clear statement that she is not interested- which means that she doesn't CARE if you have other "options" or not.

Don't waste your energy trying to prove that you have other options when meeting girls, because it really doesn't matter all that much. You can meet a girl during a six month-long drought and it won't make a difference if she digs your vibe. This girl is NOT compatible with you, so you do not have to prove yourself to her. It's her loss.

 

[Jeffst1980]

Also, if you've made plans with her already, cancel then and don't give her a reason.

 

[Trump]

My problem is I get oneitis easily EVEN if I have other options, crazy I know and I generally act quite nervy as if I have only one... I think it's because I had a dry spell for so long I feel afraid I'm going to lose each one that I behavior is congruent with that.

If she doesn't think you have options and appear TOO available does it not matter you tell her straight out 'I'm seeing my other options, but don't want to..not yet anyway' to infer you have other options other than her but you dont want to see them, only her?

Or is this likely to backfire?

1 of the plates I'm seeing has lost interest completely so I'm off seeing other girls BUT she thinks i dont have any because on our dates I acted nervous and didn't answer her questions right. I've noticed the past week she's been barely on POF but since I sent her that message this morning she's back on it. I didn't mean for it to be a jealousy plot, just a 'look you know what I'm done, I'm going to see other girls if you're still interested let me know assuming i'm available and interested, balls in your court' is this likely just to p1ss her off hence why she's back on there?

I can't read her and she's been busy entertaining friends that I am second guessing her assuming she's lost IL (her messages back to me dont answer my questions, and she avoids offering another time when i pin her down) it annoys the hell out of me but i know it's over.

She's right to think you have no options if you've acted nervous on your dates with her. You wouldn't be so nervous with one girl if you had other options.

Doesn't matter what you tell her, she has to feel you have other girls, even if you have to bluff. The most important thing is she has to feel it.

Be a Leader and lead girls. Be curious and do something worthwhile, then ask the girl to join you.

 

[dutchmaster]

I'm not sure how but having options shows you have options.. My guess it it's the vibe you give off subconsciously because you know if you fail with her you have plenty to fall back on.

 

[PapiChulo]

I'm not sure how but having options shows you have options.. My guess it it's the vibe you give off subconsciously because you know if you fail with her you have plenty to fall back on.

in essence that is confidence by itself. I also disagree on that part about liking someone. Women aren't completly stupid, the fact that you talk to them or look at their tits is already a dead give-away. The point is that you show interest anyway, yet let her second- guess it, and you never ever show higher IL than hers. If she is obviously acting disinterested, then you mirror that. Disinterest from a woman is already enough for me to start losing my own interest. In my opinion, most of the problems occur because her interest is way down here and his is way up through the roof, while the guy is completely clueless about where it is at or was just a few days ago. Sending mixed messages of IL like Jeff pointed out above is probably the best way to go about it.

 

[big weezy]

Yeah i'm starting to realize that my interest is way too high, hers is too low.

I sent her a reply 'Date yes, hang out no. Friends hang out. We'll touch base this weekend, you have friends to entertain and i have business to take care of. x'

She'll obviously expect me to contact her this weekend to meet for dinner, the problem is I know I shouldn't.. but her friend who has been staying a week is leaving so she'll have a free apartment. I know that she'll meet me, but maybe just to confirm her thoughts and feelings she was right. But then the next day her other friends arrive to stay for 2 weeks, then another for 1 week. There's maybe like 3 days in that entire period she'll be by herself.

If i meet her when her friends are staying over I have no chance, I know she wnat it to work in her mind, but her feelings have taken over her decision.

Even if i was to seduce her and used my best techniques possible, is that really going to make little difference?

I can't really afford to let her meet someone else in that time period who will make her feel those feelings, cos soon as she does i'll be completely out of the picture. Right now I have the luxury that her friends are staying over and she needs to spend time with them everyday so she has no time for other dates, yet.

I feel like I need to capitalize on this weekend, but at same time I see that meeting her i'll be just confirming her suspcions I have no options and too available. Even if I do have options she won't care, her interest is too low. I see it's pretty much over. Unless I manage to have an amazing dinner with her, sleep with her, give her the best sex she's ever had even then it might be too late. I can envisage we'll go to dinner and she'll try to pay her half cos she knows in her head she's ending it.

It could end awkwardly. I keep using rational logic to explain to her how me and her would work well but as we all know, using logic on women is futile, however she does seem to believe the stuff I say and in her head she agrees, maybe it's reason why she's willing to keep seeing me rather than just ignore me. I think at best she'll be branch swinging.

I'm really undecided what to do, I know that i shouldn't contact her this weekend, but I've already sunken to a low in her mind it makes no difference really. she'll just think i'm playing games if i dont contact her nor will it peak her interest. That also lets in any other guys.

This is the prob, if you back off, you let in other guys who have a fresh chance to stimulate her feelings and you're forgotten. Or you go in and have a failed date in waiting unless some miracle happens. I think if i get to sleep with her once it'll be a success and just walk away.

 

[big weezy]

She is not interested, and you aren't going to turn this around. Even if you start acting ****y, etc. on your next date with her, she will interpret it as you "trying" to act that way to win her approval. The frame for this one has been cemented; you need her more than she needs you. Move on.

The best way to show that you have options is simply to ration the attention you give her. That means ignoring her messages at times, acting slightly flaky when making plans, and basically not giving a s#it if she approves of you. You know, the way you'd probably treat a girl that was really into you but wasn't exactly your cup of tea. You want to show enough interest so that she knows you find her physically appealing, but not so much that you'd drop everything you were doing to hang out with her.

The catch is, this only works when she's putting in the minimum effort. This girl is NOT. The message she sent you was a clear statement that she is not interested- which means that she doesn't CARE if you have other "options" or not.

Don't waste your energy trying to prove that you have other options when meeting girls, because it really doesn't matter all that much. You can meet a girl during a six month-long drought and it won't make a difference if she digs your vibe. This girl is NOT compatible with you, so you do not have to prove yourself to her. It's her loss.

Can I even try to sleep with her just once?

The way our past 2 dates go is, we go out somewhere and then we go back to hers and 'hang out'.. I tried the 1st time i went back to initate sex but her initial invite was 'do you want to come up for coffee or tea and i mean coffee or tea only' then when i tried to make a move she was adamant it's only tea and kept me at an arms length.

last time she took me to bed but wouldn't sleep with me coz she has a smear test for cancer coming up and isn't allowed to have any sexual activity for 5 days, i dont know how much BS that is but it's a really good excuse.

So inevitably she'll go to dinner with me, then we'll probably go back to hers to talk. Unless she's trying her best to avoid having sex with me.