How do you "re-establish" attraction???

[Ultradj]

k...

A girl i know has recently "come back" into my life...

We hooked up about 1 year ago for a short period of time and sept together quite quickly. I ended up REALLY liking her, but we ended up going our seperate ways...she wanted to patch things up with her ex.

I walked away and decided i didn't want to "settle" for a friendship...this of course bothered her, but whatever.

After a few months, i run into her and we start hanging out again as she broke up again with her BF. I keep up the c/f stuff i was doing that originally attracted her, the kino, everything that i was doing when we first hooked up...BUT...this kinda pi$$ed her off. During this "hanging out" phase which was about 6 weeks, she reveals that she never wanted MORE than what happened between us so long ago, and she realizes that she is now leading me on. She also tells me that she knows we can't be friends becasue of how i feel about her.

Okay...again i walk away. That was 2 months ago.

About 3 weeks ago, I run into her again and she asks me why i am ignoring her and not talking to her anymore when i see her...huh?

Then she buys me lunch...then 1 week later inivtes me for lunch, and then over to her place on the same day. I had no clue what the hell she was doing, so i kept my cool. We just ended up talking for 4 hours, at which point she apologizes for everything that happened. Then she asks me to stay for dinner...

No i didn't fvck her, i just kept is "as friends" because i didn't want to fall into the same pattern as before...you know, me liking her, flirting...then her telling me she doesn't like me that way and us getting into an argument.

What the hell?

She knows i won't be "friends" with her cuz i want more, so what is she doing?

I'm guessing that this is a case of "attention wh0re", or "guilty conscience"? (instincts). But hell, why does she keep coming back to me? Part of me wants to try to work things out with this girl (relationship wise), but i really don't know if it is worth it. When we were together last year we ALWAYS had a GREAT time (which is why i don't get the fact that she dissed me), but i don't want to end up looking like a chump by trying to mack her again. So how do i build up the attraction again?

I met this girl in school, and now that school is over (today), i won't see her again...

In this situation, is it best to keep my distance and let HER call the shots (let her call me, let her ask me out)? or am i being a loser by not asking her out on a date?

 

[Don Juanabbe]

You should have just kept ignoring her. Move on. As for the other girl, you didn't make your move and now you are kicking yourself wondering what could have been.

 

[Ultradj]

Actually, i had no choice...we were assigned a project together in school and we had to work on it.

belive me, if it wasn't for that, i would have never bothered talking to her again.

 

[Don Juanabbe]

Oh, I see, I though by your post there were two girls. I think you should have let business be business - I.e. work on the project with her but don't try to hit on her. Then she would've wondered why you weren't as interested as you were before.

 

[Ultradj]

I hear ya...i pretty mcuh have done just that...

I stayed at her place from about 2pm until 11:30pm and i didn't hit on her or do any flirting or anything. I've called her about 4 times in the past 2 weeks, but it was only in regards to business.

When i started talking to her again, she did the whole "play with her hair" thing while gazing at me...but i don't read to much into that kinda stuff...

I guess i want HER to start liking ME again, but i'm not sure how to without being able to spend time with her, and without my usual kino, c/f stuff...

 

[Don Juanabbe]

Edit - double post.

 

[Don Juanabbe]

Play it real cool. No touching, no flirting. That seems to be your only chance here. The problem is that she knows you're really into her. I wouldn't spend too much time on this one if I were you, you'll only drive yourself nuts.

You have the wrong frame in this situation - you should be acting like you are the catch and being a bigtime challenge. Hell, let her see you with another woman, that could be what you need. However, personally, I don't bother with girls unless they're showing me that they're buying into me.

That's where all kinds of guys get caught up - chasing something that isn't into you is a surefire way of getting oneitis and it's really AFC. Don't chase her, be nonchalant. That doesn't mean you can't kid around, but cut back on the kino and flirting because at this point all it's doing is reinforcing in her mind that you want her, especially seeing as she already knows that to be fact.

But if you waste too much time on this one you are going to get burned. If she ain't buying what you're selling then it's likely a waste of time, and it is time to NEXT her.

Find a woman that shows she wants you, it shouldn't be a chore and hard work to get a woman. That is chasing, you never want to do that. A higher IL and it's no where near the time, effort, and thought you seem to be putting into this without getting anything back in return.

 

[Alen-Delon]

dude what i can sugest is go mack on her ya know.... if she gets all ofended and frustrated then next her ass if she gives you positive response then its on dont look at her as LTR from the very beggining try to be playful... see where it takes ya...

PEACE !!

 

[Ultradj]

But should i even initiate phonecalls now?

The last time i spoke to her was earlier today. She was on the other line, but said she would call me back.

I am pretty sure i was chasing her many months ago, which is why things worked out the way they did. I don't want to fall back into that!!!!!!

If she doesn't call me back, should i give it a week? two weeks? or just wait for her to call again. If she doesn't i guess it's no real loss.

What i WANT to do is ignore her. Not call her...not email her...no communication. Just give HER the lead.

I mean so far, there is NO clear buying signals right? Sure she took me to lunch a few times, and we made dinner together, but to me that is not a DEFINITE sign of interest. I think i'll kick back on the phonecalls for now until she starts showing me something more.

That a plan?