How do You Guys Handle the Various Kinds of Attention You Get From Being Muscular?

[Frank2500]

I thought I'd take a chance and post this here because each time a topic on being muscular is started, most of the teens on here tend to hijack it and people start arguing unnecessarily. This post isn't to suggest that being muscular is what necessarily gets people women, but as someone who used to be very skinny before, I'm starting to conclude that perhaps it helps to a slight degree in some way, even if it doesn't always produce the desired results.


I'm not one to seek attention or to be the center of attention when I walk into a room, but recently, I purchased a muscle shirt from foot locker, which is designed to show your abs and biceps perfectly. When I wear that shirt especially, and even when I don't, I can't help but notice attention coming from all sorts of corners. Not all of the attention is the kind I welcome. Infact, some of it bothers me. Last weekend, while at the mall, a woman sitting at the food court eating with her boyfriend turned around and kept looking at me once I took the escalators and walked in. At a restaurant, a French lady with her boyfriend did the same and I felt very uncomfortable because even while with him, she kept looking at me. Minutes prior to starting this post, the same thing happened at my university's computer lab, with a girl who was sitting down talking with some guy. She turned around in full circle and watched me walk by. Personally, I don't feel comfortable getting looks from women with their boyfriends.



In all of this, there is one group in particular that I am concerned about and that I would like some of you to advice me on how best to deal with them. I will call them The Haters. The Haters could be men with their girlfriends who simply feel threatened by my presence and the mere fact that I walked by, and other men who outright frown when they see me and look at me as if they are ready to attach me physically. From the look in their eyes, I get the vibe: "So what? You lift weights now? You think you're tough? Try me. I'll beat you up." I mean...this is no joke. I live in Philly. Men like that won't hesitate to physically confront you for nothing and even pull out guns if you resist them. I don't know why some of these men feel the need to be threatened by guys who work out. I haven't done anything to them, so what is all the animosity and personal hatred for? Even at the gym, there is unnecessary competition among men. They frown at each other as if saying to themselves: "So what? You think you've gotten bigger? Well, try me. I'm bigger than you."


Well, I haven't yet been in a situation where any woman has approached me, but I can definitely tell that something has changed. How do you guys deal with the attention that makes you uncomfortable?

 

[Kwello]

Well okay, for me personally... I'm a bit uncomfortable with my attractiveness. I don't mean this in a bragging way, just trying to be totally honest here. Any women below maybe like 8.5 on the hotness scale have some inherent discomfort around me. It's the same effect as an AFC around an HB9 just gender reversed.

Anyway, lately I've been hitting the gym HARD. My whole physique has really swelled up nicely. I find it's rare for me to meet HB8.5+ women, but for women below that level I'll try to be self-deprecating. This puts them more on my level and lets them relax and also lets them know that I'm a down to earth guy who doesn't really care about his looks too much (for the most part that's true, it's my love of anatomy and fitness that drive me to the gym, not vanity or lust).

I use something like this for girls that I'm not super interested in:

HB7: Wow, you've got really nice arms
Me: Oh they're implants actually
HB7: (laughs or whatever)
Me: Yeah, I'm going in to get my boobs done once these are set. It was a package deal.

Or this one I like for kino purposes and which I use on women that I'm really into:

HB7: Wow, you've got really nice arms
Me: Pfft, they're nothing compared to your guns (then you get to feel her arms and she'll definitely return the favor if you have any level of rapport built up).

If she compliments you on your appearance it probably means she either a: feels on par with your looks or b: she's beneath your looks and is complimenting you like an AFC compliments a hot chick. You can cut the neg hits and bull**** at this point and work on her comfort level around you.

When you're on this level, being ****y will just make you seem like you're vain or an *******. So I really recommend either being humble or turning it into a compliment on her body.

Also regarding dressing more 'sexy'... I totally agree with you. I feel uncomfortable. I get the looks I want from the women I want, but that problem is that I also get the looks I DONT want from the women I DONT want.

I don't understand all these girls who dress all skimpy, the first time some old creepy guy looked at me I would just start wearing a sweater every day.

Oh and I find myself being unapproachable lately because of all this. Back when I used to be somewhat skinny, I would get the random girls walking up to me and introducing themselves... but lately I feel like I'm maybe coming off as a little too intimidating.

 

[Frank2500]

Re:

Thanks for sharing, Kwello. For me, it's a no win situation. When I was skinny, few women approached me. Now, most probably think I'm arrogant. But at least 3 women approached me during my skinny days.

 

[johnnyrem]

I can tell you are new to this.

The thing is, the longer you go as a physical fitness buff who actually looks good at it (blessed by motivation and genes, we are) the more likely you are to dress down; that is, minimize your physique.

Giveaways that make you look lame:

Wearing short sleeve shirts in cold weather.

Wearing tank tops in public places, insofar as you're one of the few doing it. In fact, a good rule is, if the general public is doing it, you don't. You don't have to. Trust me, all the posers that finally can pop a tricep are anxious to show their physique as soon as possible; you should be above that if you truly, honestly are many cuts above the common or wannabe muscleboy physique.

When to show? Not once before it's practically required; i.e. tank tops at a sand volleyball game in summer are okay.

You DON'T need to advertise. People can see your shape through what you're wearing. Men may be threatened by overt display; women like to guess. You can distinguish a woman's shape through her clothes pretty damn accurately; women are no less skilled (and are probably more so) in determining what your physique is.

Thing is, you're doing the equivalent of letting your t*ts hang out when cruising around in a muscle shirt or wife beater, especially when doing so is over the top in the company you are in (trust me, we instinctively know when this is unless you're totally clueless). It says with all the subtlety of a brick, "Hey, look at my obsession with my studly appearance." Maybe you ARE obsessed with yourself, but showing it ain't the way to go in getting your point across. Knock it off, and choose a stylish look.

I'm one of those guys that looks like he could lift a bunch without much effort; sloping trapezius, delts, V's in abundance from the shape of my lats to the shape of my triceps. Big thighs, washboard abs, squatter's butt (not ridiculously huge) with a 33 inch waist (I'm 6'3"), the whole bit. Good undercuts from my pecs from a whole lot of dips. Not bragging, I work my ass off for this.

The more cut I got (sorry, but Vin Diesel's got very serious competition from me; I'm leaner and just as muscular and bulky if not more so; this is drug free too) the more stylish and covered up my look got. I get along just fine with both men and women; and women who are attracted are just as attracted. No falloff in numbers there.

The benefit? You look super good in clothing tailored for you, and women just love peeling it off of you. Or failing that, doing it mentally.

Here's the payoff: when you finally do show, in the appropriate venue, you really do attract a lot of attention, due to the scarcity principle. Women will often appear at times they know you're showing to take a look at you.

Example? Sure. At the gym I wear thin black sweat pants and a workout sweater over my tank top. Mondays are leg and bicep day; I never show at all when the gym is cooler in winter and only when I overheat doing squats. The sweater goes right back on shortly after the cooldown. Upstairs, where the leg machines and women are, I never show, even in summer, on leg day. Bench press day I wear the same type sweater/sweatpants until I get really overheated and sweaty, even in summer when the club's warmer.

Benefits: You lift better and you're stronger with less strain when you're warm. When the sweater comes off, you're a bit sweaty and women love that look when you look good (not drenched). It also means they need to get an eyeful while they can (and they sure try) and it tells the public that you're not that obsessed with your look, while at the same time your appearance is like dropping an A bomb on them when you finally do show. So, Tuesday is viewing day for a grand total of about an hour. Amazing how many women will come downstairs to "lift" some weights under the guise of working out, when ordinarily you couldn't get them to show up in a weight room if you had 100 dollar bills attached to the dumbbells.

Subtlety, grasshopper. Your appearance is a bludgeon, and you need to wield it more like a rapier. You are not yet comfortable with your body, so for some reason you need to hit people over the heads with it, and they respond either in a threatened way (men) or you get ogled overtly by the less attractive broads (the hotties look, but in a much more covert way).

Be confident that your physical attractiveness shows through your clothing, most of all. People aren't blind, you know. Don't rub their noses in it.

 

[Kwello]

Yeah exactly, I feel better about myself in my current shape... yet I was more approachable and had more faults in my skinny days... which in turn makes me feel less happy about my current shape.

I really hate the idea of being almost like a 'sex symbol' in a way. I'm not sure how old you are Frank, but I'm 22 and sort of just transitioning from my youth now. It feels too soon to go from being an awkward teenager to a suave man... so I think part of my problem lately is that I can't let go of my preconceptions and my personal self-image in order to reinvent myself.

I think that by the time I'm maybe 25 and living a thousand miles from home, I'll finally be able to just let go and be the man I want to be AND feel good about it at the same time. Right now I'm being the man I want to be, it just doesn't feel right.

Hopefully that echoes the feeling you're experiencing at the moment as well. I imagine all men have this sentiment and it just goes unexpressed to anyone... it's pretty rare to have a 'touchy-feely' conversation among guys, even among my closest friends (though when we do have them, we all secretly really enjoy it).

Anyway I feel like it's just a big struggle between:

- The man you were
- The man you are
- The man you aspire to be

If you try to keep in touch with all three of these persona, you just become self conscious and unable to change. That's how I see it.

 

[Kwello]

Johnny, I don't (and assume Frank doesn't) dress like a man-slut. I usually wear jeans or khakis with a polo shirt/button up shirt.

I like clothes that are somewhat form-fitting to express a little sexuality (I'm a believer in the Gunwitch method) but by no means are my guns or anything on display at all ever. Yet I still can't help but feel self conscious.

By the way I 100% agree with everything you said and I subscribe to those same principals myself. It's simply supply and demand really... reduce the supply and the demand goes up. There's nothing better than going out for a nice date wearing a leather jacket and a button up, then getting home and watching the passion light up in her eyes as she strips you and finally gets to see what you look like under those clothes. If you had gone out in a tshirt though, there's no element of surprise left when you finally do the big reveal.

 

[KingBeef]

Wow!!! I can really relate to this.....

When i was skinny or at best average shape, i got little or no attention at all....

BUT...When i started to hit the gym REAL HARD and SPRING TIME CAME ALONG....WOW....MY STOCK TOOK OFF....Not only was i gettin muscular and big but i started to DRESS BETTER...NO more baggy clothes, they were fitted (not tight) but showed off my body. Clean shaven all the time (I used to have a beard) I smiled more often and was more confident. I couldn't tell you the attention i was gettin. If i would wear a nice ambercrombie and fitch muscle fit shirt and nice jeans....WOMEN WOULD STARE AND FLIP THERE HEADS TWICE SOMETIMES....girls at work would want to feel me up....

I'M NOT JOKING NOR AM I MAKING THIS UP....Girls would strike a conversation with me and comment about my arms being huge. When you're at this stage you could almost do nothing wrong.

What's funny about it was I would get so much hate from other guys throwing neg hits at me sayin that i was juicin, or that girls don't like it when guys get too big....IT WAS DRAMATIC, BUT I UNDERSTOOD WHY....YOU'RE HEIGHTENED MASCULINITY BECOMES A SEXUAL LURE TO WOMEN, AND A SERIOUS THREAT TO THE AVERAGE MAN.

Having some muscle on you is nothing but a bonus and i have yet to see any negatives on my part. Hope i helped.

- Kingbeef

 

[KingBeef]

As far as handling the attention...I love it.

 

[Kwello]

Meh, it's there when I want it and it's there when I don't... that's about all I can say. If you're in great shape and you dress well (read: classy, not like a man slut) then it's really not something you can turn off.

I guess some guys are less comfortable in the spot light than others. It depends on my mood. I'm in my early twenties, it's a very transitional age... it's the REAL transition between boyhood and manhood. It takes some time to adjust to. Like I said, I'm used to being thought of as a kid/youth; to become comfortable with being thought of as a sort of 'sex symbol' and a man will take a few years and probably a major change of address and lifestyle (ie: going from a university student to being a young professional).

Wow!!! I can really relate to this.....

Well in fairness you see it purely as a good thing other than guys hating on you on and then, so you're not really relating to us.

 

[insidious]

Unanticipated "reward"

Alright, in the past year, a little bit more, I've really taken lifting seriously. I've built up a good physique which I am very proud of. I am a total work-in-progress. But I still love the way I look and feel a million times more than how I was, say 2 years ago.

Sometimes I do dress like a manslut. Tight t's or shirts which show my nips when they are cold lol

And you know what....? I get no more female attention than I did before. I thought of 2 possibilities:

1) I am a truly ugly phuck. I really think I'm quite average in the looks dept.
2) I zone out too much. I don't really check out whether I'm being checked out. I can stand in a crowded train on the way home and not once look anyone in the eyes. I retreat into my own little bubble.

I have gotten approached or seriously eye'd on 3 occassions, however....by MEN!!!!

One of them went so far as to thrust his damn number on me. The other times it was staredowns and smiles after being shadowed while I was walking.

I'm glad I'm very comfortable with my heterosexuality or I might have had a meltdown. I'm getting checked out, I guess something is working. Gay men are way more aggressive than straight chicks, mother nature at work. All I know is that in the year before I began lifting, as an example, I had 5 separate occassions where chicks went out of their ways to make moves on me or let it be known they were there for my taking. And I was a thin, non-descript guy at the time.

Chicks I know sometimes comment on my physique, but they are smart-asses and sarcastic about it, designed to bring me down. Telling me they dreamed I was taking steriods (or was it a dream?)..they ask. Chicks seem to generally not wanna be too amazed, or show it, and in fact, they like to bring you down (neg hits). I just play along with it and laugh. Better to be noticed...

 

[Frank2500]

Re:

I appreciate your respective feedback, folks. To Kwello, I am 29. When I do wear muscle T-shirts, I don't wear the extremely tight ones that would make you look ridiculous and I don't dress slutty. The shirts fit my body just fine. And just like women do all the time, I think we also have the right to show the muscles off once in a while, just like women who think they have big butts and breasts tend to do. I have worked hard and consistently on this now for almost two and a half years and I guess dressing that way once in a while is just a form of appreciation that my skinny days are over. I don't care what outide people on the street, in malls or even at my school think...I will do what I please. If wearing muscle shirts gives some people the wrong impression that I may be slutty, that's their problem. I have to admit that it is interesting though, to see how simply being muscular can hypnotize some women once you walk into a room. Regardless of age, they can't help but look around and act confused in your presence. One thing I like to do is not pay any of the women who think they are "hot" any attention, and many times they seem surprised. They are used to getting attention and in being in supposed positions of power where they can reject guys at will, etc.


As one poster on this forum replied to me a while ago when I wrote a different thing abut this topic of being muscular: "When even random strangers begin to hate on you, you must be doing something right." Perhaps that might be the case. I don't know why, but even at my gym, despite being friendly toward most people, there are a few hater types among many guys who work out there and who keep staring at me with this unfriendly, hostile looks. Even some of the personal trainers act that way toward me, the ones who I am more muscular and taller than. What can one do?

 

[skeeloo]

I can tell you are new to this.

The thing is, the longer you go as a physical fitness buff who actually looks good at it (blessed by motivation and genes, we are) the more likely you are to dress down; that is, minimize your physique.

Giveaways that make you look lame:

Wearing short sleeve shirts in cold weather.

Wearing tank tops in public places, insofar as you're one of the few doing it. In fact, a good rule is, if the general public is doing it, you don't. You don't have to. Trust me, all the posers that finally can pop a tricep are anxious to show their physique as soon as possible; you should be above that if you truly, honestly are many cuts above the common or wannabe muscleboy physique.

When to show? Not once before it's practically required; i.e. tank tops at a sand volleyball game in summer are okay.

You DON'T need to advertise. People can see your shape through what you're wearing. Men may be threatened by overt display; women like to guess. You can distinguish a woman's shape through her clothes pretty damn accurately; women are no less skilled (and are probably more so) in determining what your physique is.

Thing is, you're doing the equivalent of letting your t*ts hang out when cruising around in a muscle shirt or wife beater, especially when doing so is over the top in the company you are in (trust me, we instinctively know when this is unless you're totally clueless). It says with all the subtlety of a brick, "Hey, look at my obsession with my studly appearance." Maybe you ARE obsessed with yourself, but showing it ain't the way to go in getting your point across. Knock it off, and choose a stylish look.

I'm one of those guys that looks like he could lift a bunch without much effort; sloping trapezius, delts, V's in abundance from the shape of my lats to the shape of my triceps. Big thighs, washboard abs, squatter's butt (not ridiculously huge) with a 33 inch waist (I'm 6'3"), the whole bit. Good undercuts from my pecs from a whole lot of dips. Not bragging, I work my ass off for this.

The more cut I got (sorry, but Vin Diesel's got very serious competition from me; I'm leaner and just as muscular and bulky if not more so; this is drug free too) the more stylish and covered up my look got. I get along just fine with both men and women; and women who are attracted are just as attracted. No falloff in numbers there.

The benefit? You look super good in clothing tailored for you, and women just love peeling it off of you. Or failing that, doing it mentally.

Here's the payoff: when you finally do show, in the appropriate venue, you really do attract a lot of attention, due to the scarcity principle. Women will often appear at times they know you're showing to take a look at you.

Example? Sure. At the gym I wear thin black sweat pants and a workout sweater over my tank top. Mondays are leg and bicep day; I never show at all when the gym is cooler in winter and only when I overheat doing squats. The sweater goes right back on shortly after the cooldown. Upstairs, where the leg machines and women are, I never show, even in summer, on leg day. Bench press day I wear the same type sweater/sweatpants until I get really overheated and sweaty, even in summer when the club's warmer.

Benefits: You lift better and you're stronger with less strain when you're warm. When the sweater comes off, you're a bit sweaty and women love that look when you look good (not drenched). It also means they need to get an eyeful while they can (and they sure try) and it tells the public that you're not that obsessed with your look, while at the same time your appearance is like dropping an A bomb on them when you finally do show. So, Tuesday is viewing day for a grand total of about an hour. Amazing how many women will come downstairs to "lift" some weights under the guise of working out, when ordinarily you couldn't get them to show up in a weight room if you had 100 dollar bills attached to the dumbbells.

Subtlety, grasshopper. Your appearance is a bludgeon, and you need to wield it more like a rapier. You are not yet comfortable with your body, so for some reason you need to hit people over the heads with it, and they respond either in a threatened way (men) or you get ogled overtly by the less attractive broads (the hotties look, but in a much more covert way).

Be confident that your physical attractiveness shows through your clothing, most of all. People aren't blind, you know. Don't rub their noses in it.

id kiss you if i could see you, because what you said was spot on.

 

[blinkwatt]

hb -'Wow you have a nice body'
bw - 'Yeah it looks even better when the clothes are off in your bed.'

Most of the time I just turn it on them,

hb- 'Your getting bigger'
bw - 'Thanks,but you know your still twice as muscular as me,I'm still trying to catch up to you.'

I don't care if it's a 90lb. women or 200lb. obese women,I haven't gotten a bad vibe from it yet.

 

[6-heads lewis]

hilarious comments by insidiuous. Ive gained 50+ muscular-looking lbs and it hasnt made the slightest difference in my female relations. My genetics just suck for BBing I guess - great back/traps, legs, and hips growth rates, mediocre arms, shoulders and chest growth.

I too am checked out by gay guys more than females, one bald guy in his late 30s went as far as to stare and smile sheepishly at me as we passed in the mall. The skinny metro guys with pink or lime green shirts and tight stylish jeans really appreciate the time I spent in the gym. It got to the point where I would purposely sport a full scowl in public to discourage eye contact.

Conversly, when I act angry and disinterested to scare off guys, women seem to pay (slightly) more attention to me. Talk about killing 2 birds with one stone.

 

[PeterNorthisawesome]

Damn I do that too, when I don't want creepy guys and women to leave me alone, I would put on the "Dont' F*ck with me or I'll break you neck look" just like Gregory Pec and everyone seems to get out of my way. I kinda like being on the big side though since most girls will be too intimidated to approach, so you get to approach and decide which HB to go after. Another good thing is ulgy and fat girls will hate you, so they'll always leave you alone since they KNOW they DON'T HAVE A CHANCE.

I also noticed that guys will respect your opinion more, if your bigger. Well I don't really talk a lot cuz I hate ppl who talk about nothing. Still interesting thread.

 

[Kev07]

My prom date from last year is scared to talk to me now, she won't even make eye contact. (i've been working out for roughly 4 months.

it's not too bad, she's fat, and my two biggest turn offs are fat girls and stupid girls.

though i agree that i wouldn't go around "sporting" my muscles, unless appropriate (think beach). i usually wear a wifebeater and t shirt at the gym and i only take off the t shirt while i'm squatting, deadlifting, or benching when it gets freaking hot.

id kiss you if i could see you, because what you said was spot on.

very spot on

 

[cuzza]

Sorry for this short and (somewhat) unrelated post but I have to ask...

What kind of top shows off your abs?

 

[Kwello]

It would have to be the most slutty top ever I'd imagine. If you've got a good set of abs then you should have a well built pectoral region as well... that means any non-slut shirt isn't going to show them since it drapes off the pectorals and will hang above your stomach because of that.

Women can read your body very well through even pretty bulky clothing. Let their imagination go and dress like a MAN, not some chippendale dancer. They'll know what you look like under there.

Also if you did wear a shirt to reveal your abs, you'd probably be flexing all day long to make sure they look proper. See, the MAIN difference between men with great bodies and women with great bodies... is that women have NO clue what the male body is supposed to look like when it's not flexed. They see the cover of Men's Fitness etc and see how the men there look and honestly, 1 in 20 women understand that these men have their stomachs fully flexed and they were probably pumping heavy iron 1 minute before that shot was taken. The rest of the female populace thinks that's how a fit man's stomach looks all the time.

That having been said, I always try to maintain good posture when sitting, walking, running, whatever... this usually involves tightening my stomach a little as well. After so many years of doing this I now pretty much automatically flex my gut while doing anything - even when I'm alone at home.

 

[spesmilitis]

Sorry for this short and (somewhat) unrelated post but I have to ask...

What kind of top shows off your abs?

Its they one where they take a picture of your abs and print it on the shirt.

 

[Drum&Bass]

If you ever happen to see the latest (May 2007) issue of Iron Man Magazine, read this article,

A BODYBUILDER IS BORN 22