How do you ask if she's single?

[PeoplesChamp]

What's the right time and way to ask if a girl you've just met or don't know all too well is single?

For some reason this is a psychological barrier for me personally because I feel like it's a transparent question? The simple answer would be who cares, but for some reason I can't seem to will myself no to. Tips? Tricks?

 

[kiz]

personally i wouldn't ask. i'd just do my thing and then if she brings it up then you know.

 

[PeoplesChamp]

Okay. But if I go through the trouble of asking for and getting her number and perhaps even go out somewhere with her and it just so happens she isn't single but doesn't mention it until after I have invested all that time and effort in her then what? I've had this exact thing happen to me at least thrice in the last 6 months and I don't want to waste that kind of time and energy on loser chick who want to use my attention to make her feel good about herself.

 

[DJohnson]

Don't ask. If she isn't attracted to you, she may say she has one regardless, and if she IS attracted, even if she has a boyfriend, even if she TELLS you she has one down the road, it will not matter. It does require a bit more finesse if they state they have a boyfriend but are still obviously attracted, but not much more lol. Bascally you dont want to be overly aggresive unless she is clearly in heat.

 

[PeoplesChamp]

I see. But where is the line drawn between being overly agressive and proactive? Obviously the point in being a DJ is to be in control so do mean just for this specific issue of expliciting asking if she has a boyfiend or are the other no-no's that are parallel to this?

 

[tmpgstx]

You don't want to come across as a 'homewrecker', nor does she want to come across as a 'cheater'. If you both like each other enough, then getting to know each other is certain. It takes more time and greater investment for her to jump ship, and for you to really know what you want also.

Don't talk about the boyfriend at all.

 

[ikkenai]

"Are you single?"

Why beat around the bush?

 

[( . )( . )]

Never ask a chick if shes single, you think guys that actually bang these b!tches ask if some other bozo is nailing her? If shes above a 5 there is always some douche in the background anyway.

Never ask and more importantly never CARE if shes single. If youve got better game than the guy thats currently boning her he will no longer exist anyway and soon will be shelved by her once she secures you.(or thinks shes secured you)

 

[latebacon]

I agree you don't ask.If she's interested, she'll be giving you signals.

 

[Zonder]

it saves time to ask first

I tend to ask the girl upfront. I don't have time to take her out for a few dates just to find out she was in a LTR the whole time.

If you ask and she is looking for someone, she'll say no. You can read the last sentence again. Even if she has a boyfriend but is interested she'll say she doesn't have one. So the only thing you'll achieve by asking is to filter out some of the ones that will waste your resourses.

As long as she considers it even slightly possible that something develops between you, she'll say no. And, if 10 minutes into the convo, she still doesn't feel the slightest attraction for you, the best thing you can do is walk away. There are TONS of girls who would love to go out with you and have a great time without even thinking of putting out. Keep in mind that asking her in the first convo will filter out only SOME of these.

There will always be chicks who go out with you for the expensive dinner, or for the free amusement park tickets, or because her friend is away for the weekend and she has nothing better to do. not to mention how much more often you'll be getting stood up because the chick didn't find a way to make it clear she's not interested.

Oh, and make sure you weave it naturally into the convo. You don't want to scare her away by putting it too bluntly, which shows poor social skills.

Don't be shy and ask her. With one question you subtly show your intentions and save time and energy. It also shows her you're the kind of guy who likes to know what game everyone is playing. You'd be surprised how many AFC's spend dozens of hours chatiing up and entertaining chicks without ever realizing they didn't stand a chance in the first place.

I always feel women respect me more after asking that question too, especially the ones that say they're unavailable and for one reason or another we have to meet periodically.

 

[PeoplesChamp]

Thanks for all the advice guys but I'd say if anything I'm more confused now than ever.

Personally, I tend not to agree with the don't ask policy though. I have limited resources in the area of time and money.

Of course the eternal optimist could interpret the mention of a significant other as a b!tch test??????!!!!!!

 

[Tazman]

This girl in one of my classes initiated playful contact with me, so I decided to "practice" on her. She would never look me in the eye or say anything to me so I figured she was shy, and I realized she was shy because she liked me. I start sitting next to her and she's loving it. Then.........she throws in the conversation something about what her "boyfriend" did. After hearing that, I got a bit annoyed that she would come after me while she was with someone else.

I cut off contact with her, and she intentionally puts a picture of her bf up as the background on her laptop and just stared at it until she knew I saw it (and just all kinds of stuff to get my attention). Quite childish I'd say, but there are girls out there who want to have guys on the side while their "real" bf's get to hit it and run. I refuse to be the fall back guy.

 

[PeoplesChamp]

Haha sounds like the story of my love life the last year. After reading one of the DJ tips threads I just read, I realized this is a well known ploy. The thread called it "Monkey Branching." Meaning you find a women interested in you that has a bf. There is no denying that attraction and interest is there, but they just want to cling to the "branch" they are familiar with...

"Many women are like monkeys swinging from branch to branch in a relationship: they can’t let go of their current BF until they have a secure hold on their next BF. Thus, they resemble monkeys that don’t let go of their current branch until they have a firm hold of their next branch. Some women will even remain in a boring relationship, where she is not getting her adequate dose of emotions from her BF, until she finds a better replacement."

 

[Dust 2 Dust]

I used to ask girls if they were single, but don't anymore. In "The System" Doc Love says to keep closing and if she has a boyfriend she'll bring him up if she's at all inclined to do so.

The "swinging monkey theory" is correct. In the grand scheme of things boyfriends are just an obstacle, all you have to do is proposition her with a better deal. Even if she has a boyfriend, but sees you as the better deal she'll chase you.

 

[ScrewIt]

Originally posted by Dust 2 Dust

The "swinging monkey theory" is correct. In the grand scheme of things boyfriends are just an obstacle, all you have to do is proposition her with a better deal. Even if she has a boyfriend, but sees you as the better deal she'll chase you.

I agree, i dont believe anyone is tied down to a particular partner until marriage which is official. but even then...people still have affairs & mistresses regardless of the certificate.

If a girl told me she had a bf, i would respect her for it. Why chase a girl who would dump her bf for you, and how would you not expect that from her in the future? Honestly it's not worth it to pursue a girl unless she's single or broke up with her bf.

But regardless, a lot of girls are good at lying about having a bf.
I remember one time this girl i havent spoken to in almost a yr calls me up and out of nowhere brings up that she's with her bf....yea right. a few months later i call her up and she comes out for drinks unhesitantly...hah.

I follow the "dont ask policy" if im just seeing someone. If i wanted to be an exclusive couple only would it matter.

 

[brenbaus]

DO NOT ASK HER IF SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND, if she does, and she is happy with him, she will tell you, or if you try and get her number, or ask her for a date, either just play it off like you didn't hear it or say something about how you aernt jelous and you'll take her out anyway

 

[Dust 2 Dust]

Originally posted by PeoplesChamp
I see. But where is the line drawn between being overly agressive and proactive? Obviously the point in being a DJ is to be in control so do mean just for this specific issue of expliciting asking if she has a boyfiend or are the other no-no's that are parallel to this?

I will give you my own personal experiences since you've asked about what to do when a girl brings up the "BF bomb."

I've hooked up with several girls who had boyfriends and I even once had the opportunity to bang a married woman, but I turned her down because she wasn't up to my standards in the looks department.

Remember my eariler post about propositioning her with the better deal. no woman wants a BF when she thinks she can have someone better. Mark my words IF SHE SEES YOU AS THE BETTER DEAL SHE WILL NOT LET YOU SLIP AWAY FROM HER.

Just remember, all you have to do is proposition her with a better deal. If you're the better deal she'll come on to you. How do you become the better man? Easy, be an alpha male and be a challenge. All I did was make my interest known and then walked away showing her that I could live without her and that I wasn't going to wait for her.

The last thing you want to do in this situation is become like one of those AFC and try to develop a friendship with her. You all know what I'm talking about. Chicks with BF's will have guys out the azz waiting and hoping that she'll someday leave her BF. Show her you're the best man by walking away.

You and her both know she has a boyfriend so she needs time to evaluate you over him. It is during this time you will need to pull all your DJ tricks out of your hat. Eventually she'll get pushed to her breaking point and will try to initiate a hook up or she'll try to immediately replace her BF with you, but remember she must initiate it.

 

[Cheat_LBJ]

I agree. Don't ask.

99% of women who are happy in their current relationship will find a way to let you know they have a boyfriend during conversation anyway. They slip it in at all different places:

"Oh, you're studying psychology? My boyfriend is thinking about doing that..."

"Yeah, I went there once with my boyfriend..."

"So, you think that the communist state was doomed to fall due to lack of proper motivation and an untenable system of advancement for ordinary workers? Wow, my boyfriend said the same thing last night..."

It's not rocket science on this one.

 

[DJohnson]

Alot of what Deangelo says I think is armchair BS, but one thing is money,

Attraction is not a choice therefore you need not be concerned with her so-called boyfriend, and just like what was said before, all decent looking women have some guy they could call a boyfriend if they were hard pressed to come up with an answer.


And if you keep this mndset of going out on lots of dates, YOU might be the guy she thinks of as a boyfriend when other chumps hit on her(no offense) EVEN though she has no plans on having sex with you.

See what I mean?

 

[Freeman]

Originally posted by PeoplesChamp
What's the right time and way to ask if a girl you've just met or don't know all too well is single?

For some reason this is a psychological barrier for me personally because I feel like it's a transparent question? The simple answer would be who cares, but for some reason I can't seem to will myself no to. Tips? Tricks?

Ummmm....just ask her if she's single? ding! ding! ding!



Listen its not a big deal-ask her if she's involved with someone thats all..